Men and women have different styles of communication. Women typically speak both their style and the male style because we live in a culture that mostly speaks the man-style. Men typically don’t speak both because women are willing to speak both styles. This can be a problem because when women aren’t heard or it isn’t clear what they want or what they are saying, the women aren’t super happy and neither are the guys.
It is very important that there is good communication between the sexes. In fact sex is a subset of communication. Communication is the Holy Grail of not just relationship and friendship and love, but of romance and turn-on. It’s the two different characters in the romance play, the feminine character and the masculine character, being related and having intimacy and contact with each other. When that contact is absent, then the chemical charge, the hormones, that electrical charge that happens between the two polar opposites doesn’t happen.
There are two instances in particular in which it really helps to have a deeper perception than we men sometimes have. These are when a woman is being aggressive or when she is being withdrawn. What does that mean? What could be going on that men might ordinarily misinterpret?
In short, a fight-or-flight response is occurring. Being aggressive or withdrawn is often interpreted by men, and women too, as simply being bitchy or negative. Sometimes that is the case: all of us can sometimes get into a contracted or a non-open state. But that is not usually all that is going on, and sometimes that has nothing to do with it.
There are two reasons that a fight-or-flight response may be happening. One thing that is often going on, and that is usually not seen, is that she is actually turned on. Because of some suppression, either within herself or coming from outside, the turn-on comes out more as tension and aggression. Or, because there’s some fear associated with that turn-on, she is more repressed or withheld. When a woman is being aggressive or withdrawn, often she is actually turned on. And often men miss this cue and the potential for huge fun, and make it into something negative. Most of the time, releasing that stored sexual energy will release the tension, and will be very pleasurable for both people involved.