My creative juices were on their A-game that night, for I came up with the brilliant idea of using “sexual advice” clips from a Cosmo magazine and attaching them to the cars somehow. Now I know what you’re thinking and no, I wasn’t taping these sexual suggestions to a guy’s car because I wanted to tell him what position was best. I was merely being an immature teenager, stuck in a town where they actually have a mound with a fence around it with “flowers” on top. So we took a roll of scotch tape, some scissors, the Cosmo magazine, and more shoe polish, and set off.
We had six clips from Cosmo to choose from, each describing a different sexual position with a picture to go along with it. We decided which clip to use on which car by choosing a position that seemed to fit the guy best…or worst. Then we taped the article to a window or windshield, finishing up the act with shoe-polished words of wisdom. This act of car vandalism went over really well, as we got several angry phone calls, but Alyssa and I couldn’t help but giggle at our mastery of this art. Our greatest act, however, was yet to come.
Alyssa and I had become quite the team over the years, known for the artwork we so graciously left on the cars of those who had wronged us. One night we were taking a break from the vandalizing by baking cookies and watching Zoolander with our friend Megan when there was a knock on Alyssa’s door. We all got up to answer it, but Alyssa opened the door. There was a chaotic rush of movements and yelling, and the next thing I knew, Alyssa was picked up, slung over the shoulder of her ex-boyfriend David, and carried away among the laughs of his friends.
Megan and I just watched, but the boys didn’t get too far. David ended up dropping Alyssa on the ground and then he tripped over her and fell on top of her. After this awkward exchange, there was silence until David’s best friend Brad said, “Well. Now that David’s sexually harassed Alyssa, I guess we can leave.” And as quick as they came they were gone.
“WHAT THE HELL?” Alyssa said. Megan and I were laughing hysterically. “Why didn’t you guys do anything? Who knows where they could have taken me!”
“Oh yeah, cause David and Brad are at the top of the Flower Mound Sex Offender List. Please,” I said. She was being quite ridiculous. “They weren’t going to take you anywhere, and if they were…we would have stepped in.” Megan nodded during spurts of laughter.
Article comments
1 - Matthew T. Sussman
Has MySpace finally become overcrowded with banal, cookie-cutter stories of small town shenanigans? Is that why this article is here?
2 - Sarah Gray
I don't use MySpace, but thank you for your thoughts.
3 - Joanne Huspek
You two are dangerous. The sheer creativity displayed is frightening (i.e. I wish I'd have thought about it when I was your age.) I hope you don't have hopes of running for President. With Alyssa as Secretary of State, you'd be a force to contend with.
(P.S. Matthew, you didn't see any humor in this?)