Flower Mound, Texas is a town of about 60,000 people and if you’re one of the lucky teenagers living in it, your weekends consist of one (if not more) of several things: hanging out with friends and looking for something to do, getting drunk, driving to other towns that offer more exciting choices, or figuring out the many ways to add your own personal touch to someone’s car.
My best friend Alyssa and I were experts in the field of car vandalism. But we like to think of it more as “decorating” than vandalism, because there was never actual malice involved. It was always out of pure love and artistic expression.
Our life in the world of car vandalism started with the basic stuff: shoe polish on windows and Saran Wrap around the length of the car. It didn’t take us long to figure out that those were for amateurs. If we wanted to send someone a message by means of their car then we had amp up our skills.
We took baby steps. First, we figured out that when Saran Wrapping, we could cause double the damage by going not only around the length of the car but over and under it as well. This one small change has great effects. The victim has to unravel Saran Wrap upon Saran Wrap while trying to figure out where it starts and ends.
Alyssa and I chose Evan’s car to try this technique out. He had just broken up with Alyssa’s friend Sara, so in the name of sisterhood Alyssa and I just had to do something. We began that night like every night of car vandalism by stopping at our friendly neighborhood Kroger. This grocery store always had what we needed.
“So how much Saran Wrap are we getting?” I asked.
“A lot,” Alyssa said as we scanned the aisles. “Remember, we need to put it around Evan’s car, but also over and under. I’m thinking about five things of Saran Wrap…?”
“Hmm. How long had Evan and Sara been going out?” I asked.
“Over a year.”
“Let’s get seven rolls then.”
“Right.”
We grabbed the seven rolls of Saran Wrap, went through the self check-out in order to avoid suspicious glances from the bored Kroger employees, and got in my car. It was early still, only around 9 PM, and I voiced my concerns to Alyssa.
“I’m just saying. It’s only 9 PM. People are still going to be out and about. We don’t want to get caught.”
“We won’t. We never get caught. Just park your car a little ways down the street from Evan’s and we’ll run if anything happens,” Alyssa said.
Article comments
1 - Matthew T. Sussman
Has MySpace finally become overcrowded with banal, cookie-cutter stories of small town shenanigans? Is that why this article is here?
2 - Sarah Gray
I don't use MySpace, but thank you for your thoughts.
3 - Joanne Huspek
You two are dangerous. The sheer creativity displayed is frightening (i.e. I wish I'd have thought about it when I was your age.) I hope you don't have hopes of running for President. With Alyssa as Secretary of State, you'd be a force to contend with.
(P.S. Matthew, you didn't see any humor in this?)