10:30 - Wake up for my 10 o'clock shift.
10:55 - I want to sneak in so no one notices but I can't because of my muffler. When I get enough saved for my Camaro I'll be able to come in whenever I want.
11:00 - I step up to the register and my manager, Maria, is givin' me the evil eye and shaking her head. And after I skipped showering again just so I wouldn't be all that late. Hey, I made the effort.
11:45 - Some idiot has a bill for $8.18 and he gives me $20.25. I know about these scam artist that try to confuse you. And while I was figuring out what to do, this guy about 10 places back in line is lookin' at me like "What the Hell is taking you so long?" That's the way they operate, in pairs, one guy tries to confuse you and another tries to distract you. But I got 'em. I punched in $20 even then just added the quarter he gave back in with his change. Left the guy stunned. He thought he had me.
12:53 - Maria must be havin' PMS or something. I asked her come over to correct something and she, like, elbows me out of the way and says something in Mexican. It's not my fault these people don't know how to order off the Combo menu.
1:27 - The store is empty and I'm on break sitting with some of my friends from school including this one guy who, like, thinks he can get some good weed and stuff. So this, like, businessman walks in a waits at the counter for someone to take his order. So after about five minutes of waiting he turns to me and says, "Are you closed or something?" What a total dumbass! Like the door would be unlocked if we were closed. Jerk.
1:37 - Guy pulls up to the drive-thru and orders two burritos, one without onions. So I hand him the bag and he says to me, "No onions on one of these, right?" Duh, like we're stupid or something. But just to make sure I ask Iggy, who's working the line, and he says "Yeah, no onions." So I tell the guy "yeah" and he drives off. A couple minutes later the guy comes barrelin' in all pissed off and says, "There's no onions on these burritos. I wanted onions on one." Fine, whatever. So I take 'em back to Iggy and say, "You forgot the onions," he says the f-word loud enough for the guy to hear, which is bad, but I don't say nothing cuz Iggy's a cool guy and we like the same bands. So I put the fixed burritos in a bag and hand 'em to the guy and he takes off again, no "Thanks" or nothing. A couple minutes later he's back and this time he's cursin' and swearin' at the top of his lungs about there being onions on both of 'em. I'm like, "Hey, man, that's bulls--" but before I can finish Maria appears and talks to the guy then goes back and remakes him a whole new order herself. But it all worked out OK in the end cuz after the guy left, me and Iggy each had one of his old burritos for lunch.
Article comments
1 - Ray
Don't tell me, let me guess...yer the business man.
2 - ClubhouseCancer
Is this Gray Davis' blog?
3 - Eric Olsen
run for the border
4 - BRICKLAYER
Snobbery. Tired. Obvious. And unfunny, to boot.
5 - Mac Diva
That was a cold analysis, Brick.
6 - Nyx
No, he's Iggy.
7 - BRICKLAYER
Bravo, Nyx, bravo!
8 - queenkv
If you thought this ditty on Taco Bell was funny....check out this
SF resident's blog on working at the Golden Arches...
" 'Welcome to McDonald's; may I please take your order?'
'I'll have the bacon McGriddle. Can you put pickles on it?'
(entering McGriddle)
'Perhaps, maam. We are shifting from breakfast to lunch, so
there's a chance that right at this very moment we can do that.'"
9 - BRICKLAYER
Message to Johnny Consumer:
You want to stuff your already engorged cheeks with 2 burritos, an oil drum of soda, and a hard taco all for $2.00? That’s your business, and your body. You want to patronize “food” establishments that shamefully exploit the aged, and disabled, in the name of equal opportunity employment, and diversity? Those are your morals, pal. But just in case you didn’t know, here’s a little tip, so as you can avoid those danged roustabout teen zombies on your next lunch break:
1.Go to grocery store
2.Buy yourself some Healthy Choice turkey breast (if you’re a vegan, I recommend anything by Boca or Morningstar for great meat substitutes)
3.Also pick up a loaf of whole grain bread, a nice juicy tomato, and the lettuce variety of choice
4.Go home
5.Make yourself a sandwich for lunch tomorrow by using the above items. Not enough to feed a real man like yourself, tubby? Add some carrot sticks. Throw in an apple too (I recommend Red Rome, Wine Sap, or Gala, but Red Delicious is a can’t miss choice this time of year also)
6.Put the implements of nutrition in a bag, and place the bag in your fridge.
7.Proceed to the couch in time to catch Scarborough Country, Judge Judy, and tonight’s re-run of Golden Girls
8.Wake up in morning, remove lunch bag from fridge and take it to work with you.
9.Arrive at work, place lunch bag in fridge at work
10.When your stomach starts to grumble, remove lunch bag from fridge, remove food from bag, and nosh away.
11.At the end of your difficult work week, use money you saved to go to the used CD store after work, and purchase a copy of Hatebreed’s “Satisfaction is the Death of Desire”
12.Bang Head
13.Enjoy better health, and a clearer complexion
14.Feel good about sticking it to the man, and snubbing your nose at the military industrial food complex while simultaneously feeling horrible about the evil exploitation and harm done by the heinous meat packing industry-If the guilt of the turkey breast is too much for your psyche, may I recommend a falafel, or PB&J? They are yummy, and quite animal friendly!
15. Pass on your new found wisdom to friends, co-workers, and loved ones.
10 - Craig Lyndall
I do like the part about making change. Very funny. Various clerks look at me funny all the time when I do stuff like this. Who wouldn't rather carry a dollar bill, a nickel and two pennies rather than a pocket full of change?
11 - Tom Johnson
2.Buy yourself some Healthy Choice turkey breast (if youÂ’re a vegan, I recommend anything by Boca or Morningstar for great meat substitutes)
Morningstar Farm's Chik Nuggets and Chik Patties are better than the "real" chicken deals from most fast-food restaurants, except for the almighty Chick-fil-a, whose chicken items are the glory of God in food-form. "Eat these nuggets, for they are my body; drink this soda, for it is my blood."
12 - Dew
HEY!! #29 WATCH THE GOLDEN GIRLS SARCASM PLEASE!!! They are fun and fiesty with something of a Grandmother-ish charm. Unless of course you were encouraging the unique assets the Golden Girls offer, in which case, continue!
Tom may I say we share the same taste (literally) when it comes to thou Chik-eth Fil-a-eth.
I do think Bricklayer has a point though about eating healthier and actually preparing food yourself, although, especially with people my age, their is a need for instant gratification. Unfortunately that rules out the good ole turkey-wich. If I am already out and down the street from the border its much easier to run for it (hehe).
13 - Eric Olsen
Bricky, only a fool would argue with your sensible prescription for a healthier and more economically efficient existence, but your scenario leaves out one enormous factor that often trumps all others: food is always better when you don't have to make it yourself.
14 - Craig Lyndall
Yeah, just ask Uncle Jemimah, or Mr. Butterworth, Aunt Ben or Mrs. Boyardee. They will tell you.
15 - Nyx
5.Make yourself a sandwich for lunch tomorrow by using the above items. Not enough to feed a real man like yourself, tubby? Add some carrot sticks. Throw in an apple too (I recommend Red Rome, Wine Sap, or Gala, but Red Delicious is a canÂ’t miss choice this time of year also)
So, so, wrong. Fuji apples are the best. Gala is just a pale imitation.
I also like the tartness of a Granny Smith, but most people think they are too sour.
16 - BRICKLAYER
Nyx, my friend, you may have me there on the Fuji. Mrs. Bricklayer also prefers the Granny Smith, but she is admittedly no real apple fan, and therefore, not qualified to chime in uninvitedly, before she goes back to watching Touched by an Angel, munching soy nuts and spilling them between the couch cushions. Still, I prefer the Rome. But to each their own apple.
17 - Joe
Not to muddy the waters, but whether your apples are from Pennsylvania or Washington state can make a big difference.
18 - Chris Arabia
Yeah, just ask Uncle Jemimah, or Mr. Butterworth, Aunt Ben or Mrs. Boyardee. They will tell you.
I laughed at this. Well done, CL.
I had never really thought of it this way, although I used to have a riff somewhere about Uncle Ben and Mrs. Butterworth.
Mr. Fields must be a fat bastard by now.