21. Everyone has done something they would be desperately embarrassed for anyone else to know about.
22. Never joke with a man about his sexual performance, and never joke with a woman about her appearance. No matter how much they make fun of these things in themselves, never, never do it for them. They may laugh along with you, but you've just driven a tiny needle into their brain.
23. Most women get married because they want to have a wedding, most men get married because they are ready to settle down with a woman for the rest of their lives. Women, statistically speaking, are more likely to suffer clinical depression if married, and initiate upwards of 80% of all divorces citing irreconcilable differences. People expect a significant other to change their lives and make them happy, without any conception of how this change will take place. It's sort of like assuming a college degree is going to guarantee you security in life without ever thinking of how this can be practically possible. I call this the "If you build it, they will come" approach to romance, and one out of every two times it ends in divorce.
24. Most people are worried they're not having as much fun as they should be. This usually makes men cheat and women nag.
25. When you insult or offend someone, always admit it and apologize promptly, even if it wasn't your intention or you had no idea. It is always better to be a penitent villain than to appear so socially inept as to not recognize when you've hurt the people around you. An evil genius is someone to bring to your side, a blundering fool is someone to keep as far away from you as possible.
Article comments
1 - Diana Hartman
Excellent, excellent article. Poignant, unsentimental, and quite meaningful. Here's hoping it is widely read, and widely practiced.
2 - Jordan Richardson
Indeed. Helluva piece, thanks for sharing it!
I especially need to work on practicing #25.
3 - roger nowosielski
Each is a sound advice, Jasmine, no doubt about it. It's still a cookbook approach to fixing your personality. It makes a person into a little mindless robot, or Ms Manners, if behavior doesn't proceed from within.
You're not to be blamed, of course. We've had that trend in the '60s - a whole bunch of how-to books; and that trend is resurfacing, if only because of the internet and social networking, the sign of the times. And the idea is to make us into socially acceptable persons, perfect in every way. Still, it's only behavior or at best, manners.
Why don't you focus on one of your points - #25, for instance, that Jordan's having problem with - and do an in-depth analysis.
I, for one, would be interested to hear why is it important "to forgive and forget," or "not to hold grudges," or "to resolve real or perceived differences." Is it just a matter of being socially acceptable or perhaps something much more important is at work? And if you were to do that, I can assure you that Jordan, and many like him, would have far less problem living up to that maxim.
Of course, you can say that each and every point on your list is self-evident and immediately apparent. Maybe so. But in that case, why is it that we have such a hard time getting along, or carry on a polite conversation with those we disagree, and a whole bunch of things which plague human relations. Is it because we don't have the list handy or are simply forgetful?
I think the reasons go deeper.
4 - Jasmine Anderson
@Roger: These aren't really meant to be anything more than observations about other people. Like 25, what I mean is that, from what I've seen, people are far more willing to forgive a slight if you simply cop to it, than if you play dumb. Who wants to be around a social idiot? Keep them away. Having said that. If you would read in depth analysis of any of these, I would gladly write them. I don't agree to the cookbook method of personality either. So, point taken, my friend.
5 - roger nowosielski
I understand that, Jasmine. I suppose I overreacted to the idea of a list.
I just thought I'd comment rather than not - and I meant it in a general kind of way rather than to you, personally - about the pitfalls inherent in the cookbook approach.
It's so prevalent these days that I decided to speak against it.
6 - roger nowosielski
In fact, Jasmine, let me refer you a piece on BC, Sci/Tech section, To Fellow Bloggiers, where I criticize pop culture.
It'll give you a better feel for the context which precipitated my remark.
7 - Matthew T. Sussman
All these tenets, if rendered true, makes the Internet exponentially less fun.
8 - Clavos
Some remarkable insights, Jasmine.
Well done.
9 - Jasmine Anderson
Thank you.
10 - Natalia
Thank You. Good article.
11 - Anna
Lovely article, thanks for sharing :)
Some good advice in number 22!
Slightly off topic, but about those "25 things about me" articles - they are quite dangerous actually - you're putting personal info into the public domain - and scammers could make use of it in the future to socially engineer their way into your personal accounts!
12 - Mr. Dock Ellis
Just found this and in service to no. 14
Here's a list reply
1. OK
2. Interesting
3. Nothing like a hand up
4. Nice
5. "It's only Rock n' Roll"
6. yeah, yeah
7. too cynical
8. Bravo!!
9. No matter how beautiful a woman is there's some guy, somewhere who's sick of her sh_t
10. Perhaps, but I still like no.8 the best
11. Sometimes
12. Dad might appreciate a call too.
13. This is a gem.
14. These jottings are in service to this one.
15. Maybe in the U.S. but in the world?
16. The product of the worthless U.S. school system
17. All you need is love. Love thy neighbor . . .
18. Paging Global Warming
19. Swap kind and compassionate with manipulations and lies and it works plus you get Obama
20. Another Gem Wahoo!!
21. Number one reason why the Internet is to be feared.
22. Works both ways
23. Yet another Gem!!
24. Jonesing to keep up with the Jones.
25. Drat! You found me out.
For further research into life consult: "NO Spitting: a concise guide to life." By Hal Rubenstein and Jim Mullen
Enjoy
13 - Jaideep Dave
[i]20. Life often works in reverse. People treat strangers more politely than their family or friends. People will ask their best girlfriend to come over and cut their hair without a thought to payment, but would never dream of calling a mechanic they found in the phonebook and asking them to donate their time and labor to fix a broken-down car. [/i]
This was spot-on. Priceless stuff!
Makes me want to go home and say, 'thanks ...mom.' :)