Courtney Love To Whitney Houston: Crack Is Whack, Time to Dump the Hack and Get On Track

Wayward songstress Whitney Houston appears to be finally coming out of her drug-induced coma, and may even be on the comeback trail. And who better to help you clean up your act than repeat-rehabber Courtney Love, who has had more comebacks than a flight attendant. 

According to Us Weekly, long-time Houston mentor, music mogul Clive Davis, and former Hole leader Love have teamed up to help refurbish the troubled pop-diva's groove. At Love's suggestion, addiction coach Warren Boyd — credited with slapping the Love back into shape — was called into smooth the transition from crack-head to soulful songstress once more.

Clearly this strategy is yielding fruit, as Whitney not only entered rehab, but has also made an equally huge step to recovery by dumping her deadbeat, ghetto-ass, ho-humping, wanksta husband – the once cool Bobby Brown.

Brown, who hasn't had a hit since '92 with "Humpin Around," can now only be credited for crackin' up America's first and foremost popstar, wasting her best years under a fog of dirty coke and jacked-up living.

For now, the couple are only "legally separated" and haven't formally discussed dividing up their joint property. Despite the hit potential and previous success, the couple's estimated assets have dwindled considerably, and splitting their — oh, let's guess — last remaining $523.73, three crack pipes, dirty sofa-with-burn holes, busted rusted Caddy, and their daughter, 13 year-old Bobbi Kristina, shouldn't be all that difficult.

I don't think they actually plan to divide the girl anatomically, just her custody, which is currently with mom, Whitney, in Laguna Hills, California, with Bobby having visitation rights.

While Whitney hasn't issued any public statements, Us cites sources close her as saying, "Getting sober has given her the clarity to move on from him."

"After all these years, she cleaned up and got smart. She didn’t need him and realized it."
Brown's official response to People magazine about his separation from Houston was, "I'm really saddened by the situation."

To which the collective world says, "You should be saddened, bitch, you done gutted out a Rolls." Or something like that.

Houston, certainly the more famous and talented of the two, was born with a promising career ahead of her: it would have been difficult not to with Cissy Houston as your mother, Dionne Warwick as your first cousin, and Aretha Franklin as your godmother. Not only did Whitney have a world-beating singing career, she was also stunningly beautiful, a burgeoning movie star, and had a more or less unsullied reputation. Houston helped define the word "diva" with one of the most gifted voices of our time.

Equally significant, she was a hit-making machine, charting over 35 #1 hits on various Billboard charts, ranging from Pop, to Adult Contemporary, R&B and Dance. Beginning in 1985, she scored hard and often with such huge hits such as "You Give Good Love," "How Will I Know," "Saving All My Love," "The Greatest Love of All," "So Emotional," "I Wanna Dance With Somebody," "Didn't We Almost Have It All," and her classic remake of Dolly Parton's amazing song "I Will Always Love You."

Mother of Pearl! that's some serious hit-action. Sadly, despite all of her chart success, she didn't not secure commensurate financial success. Unlike many of her peers — Madonna and Mariah to name two — Whitney has virtually no song credits to her name and hasn't toured in years. Without song royalties and touring capital, it was only a matter of time before Whitney's money pond would dry up – not even taking into account her biggest money vacuum of all, husband Bobby and his vulturous family leeching off of the mini-fortune Whitney had brought to the marriage table.

Bobby, and the Browns in general, are a pack of ne'er-do-wells, taking full advantage of the Whitney's reportedly generous nature. Among the sins, sister-in-law Tina Brown sold Whitney out to tabloids for a quick $200,000.

Now that's just low-rent.

Bobby "My Prerogative" Brown had a little je ne sais quoi back in the day, but chose instead to blow it on, well, blow and cheap whores.

As if losing one's meal ticket isn't bad enough, Bobby may need to invest in some serious body armor, as it seems a certain elusive, but internationally known terrorist has a big crush on his lovely estranged wife.

Hey, now that she's single, maybe Osama would like to hit that. Preferably not with a 737. Ba-dum-bump.

It's not inconceivable that Whitney could stage a major comeback; rumor has it she is perusing song material under Davis' guidance at this time, but she has a long road back.

Beside overcoming drug addiction, getting her vocal chops back in shape, she must also convince those in the music industry that she is once again a professional and can be trusted to show up for scheduled gigs.

With her legion of fans, legendary supporters and impeccable pedigree, there is no one who could stage a more successful comeback than Whitney, but first she needs to drop about 195 pounds of Bobby Brown.

But the good news is, Courtney Love's got her back, whatever that's worth.