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Courting Craig Ferguson: The Late Late Show Diaries 02-01-06

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Dear Craig,

Welcome back, you cheeky wee monkey! That day off did wonders for you after Monday night’s show. Fine form, yes indeed. And you got a standing ovation when you came out for the monologue.

So, there I was, all covered in scented oils, shaved strategically, and waiting for the next “great day in America” topic. I was ready.

The great day? Oscar nominations. You summed it up best when you said, “I don’t give a rat’s ass.” Your theory behind the nomination of George Clooney was based on facial hair. According to you, the only way to get the nom if you’re a man is to get a beard. Apparently, that should qualify Tom Cruise each and every year, but well, you set that joke up so much better than I ever could. That’s why you get paid the big bucks.

Right after the Oscar nominations are announced, the Razzies announce their nominees. Fair enough. Dukes of Hazzard and Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo were both nominated as the worst movies of 2005. I didn’t even have to see either movie to have predicted that. Halle Berry won a Razzie last year for Catwoman, you noted, but she turned up with her Oscar to accept the golden fruit. Now that’s classy!

Sketch: Sean Connery’s This Day in History – In 1973, Sean Connery was climbing Mt. Fuji and got his arm stuck in a crevasse. There was only one thing he could do – cut it off. [Said arm is holding a drink.] It grew back.

Sketch 2: Following the State of the Union Address (during which the President said we, as a nation, are addicted to oil), the Democrats rebutted via Rep. Howell Thurston, who guzzled the black gold; Texas tea; oil, that is, like it was going out of style. Disgusting and funny all at once. Remind me not to use balsamic dressing anymore. That’s all I could think of when I saw that.

First guest: James Woods (E.R., 2-2-06) came out and was the goofiest I’ve ever seen him. I rather enjoyed it. Playful, loose, and yes, even a bit cheeky. It was perfect, until the time he said you were a bit stupid. He said it with love, but still…

One of my favorite James Woods’ movies is The Ghosts of Mississippi, which was absolutely fantastic! Another was 1989’s True Believer. That may have been the last scary movie I ever willingly watched. My younger sister and I stayed up late to watch it while our parents were out of town. We both got so freaked out that we ended up huddled together on the sofa, wide-eyed, and looking for anything else on TV that might distract us from the heebie-jeebies.

Back to the show. Slightly manic, Woods rambled and gestured his way through the interview. I don’t ever recall him being quite so animated, not even when he was on Rolie Polie Olie as Gloomius Maximus. Oh, shush. It’s a sweet show and I have kids. I’m allowed.

And not only that, I can also go to his online poker site and enjoy that! I can even multi-task and watch him as Gloomius while I’m playing poker. I’m good that way.

Sketch: Steve Jones’ Diary – fuzzy pink slippers and a little yellow rubber ducky named Trevor. I don’t know how you talked this man into doing these spots, but BRAVO!

Next up: Piper Perabo, currently of Imagine Me & You and Cheaper By the Dozen 2. She seemed a little uncomfortable with the interview format at first, but was obviously succumbing to your charm, you naughty little pony. Who could blame her, though? Your audience does that every night. Anyway, I think it was your reference to the Blue Hole that made her smile most. I’m just saying!

Musical guest: Keaton Simons. He’s a little Jack Johnson-y, but with a bit of a David Krumholtz look, and his bassists was somewhat Ben Affleck-ish. I liked. Not the Ben Affleck part, but all the rest. As I’ve been working my way through musical genres of late, I’ve been delighted to discover new artists via your show. Craig, you inspire me to look beyond my normal boundaries. That’s a good thing. Most of the time.

Anyhow, the show was the perfect return to the regular no-tie format for you. Your heart was lighter and you were freer to joke around. When you acknowledged the response of your fans, you were genuine and so very humbled by their condolences. You had to know we’d feel for you, Craiggles! You are adored by millions.

That about wraps it up for the evening. I’m looking forward to the next show.

Until next time!

Your cheeky wee monkey and saucy little minx,

Joanie

Check out The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson on CBS, Monday-Friday, 12:30 AM, Pacific. If you can’t stay up that late and/or refuse to record the show, you can always catch up on the monologues and skits on the LLS website.

About the author: Joan Hunt adores Craig Ferguson. However, she is not a stalker, despite what the restraining order says. She lives many miles safely south of Los Angeles and CBS Studios. She spends her days watching Miami Ink and sketching Craig’s face over and over again until she gets the perfect design for Ami James to tattoo on her ample rear end. Yes, we are well-aware that this is likely too much information for the general public, but this is why she is beloved by tens of people.

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About Joan Hunt

  • Kirby Truhawk Trew-poetry

    Craig, my wife and I went to your show this last monday It was terrific!
    My wife gave you a couple of poems then, last night you talked about poetry hope you like one of mine, kirby truhawk,
    [Personal contact info deleted]

  • Beth Christie

    All I wanted to do was get a message to Craig that I have finished reading his novel for the third time and still howl with laughter and cry real tears. I absolutely love the writing and the man.

  • Kathy Custren

    …Amazing play-by-play, Joan! (–And here I thought I was the only one awake enough in the wee hours to be diligently taking notes on Craig’s show(s). Yours are so much more detailed than mine–plus they’re actually typed, while mine are hastily scrawled (but readable, mind you). I have to admit, I slacked off the note taking after almost a year…but if something interesting is said, I still write it down. Some habits, especially where Craig’s humor is concerned, are SOOOO hard to break–which is why I have an alarm set every night to catch the show. Thanks for the stroll down memory lane!

  • Beth Carpenter

    I am also reading Craig Ferguson’s novel. It is one of the best novels i have ever read!!! I’m slowing down reading it though, as i get closer to the end. The reason is because it is such a rollar coaster ride i am worried that the ending cannot live up to the rest of the book. I’m sorry i feel this way, but you know how expectations are. And how they can lead to disappointment. The human mind is so amazing and Craig’s is so brillant that i should just trust him that the end of the book will not disappoint. Besides, as soon as i finish, the sooner i can start the ride all over again!

    Beth,
    Hamilton, Canada