Home / Courting Craig Ferguson: The Late Late Show Diaries 11-9-05

Courting Craig Ferguson: The Late Late Show Diaries 11-9-05

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Dear Craig,

They say there’s no rest for the wicked. I guess that means I’m not as naughty as I used to be. I try, but there’s only so much one can do when one cannot bend one’s neck. Sigh. The little bit of extra sleep is much appreciated, but I’d rather be watching you.

Monologue: L.A. had rain all day. Rain makes everyone go crazy. Some of the audience members were from L.A. and braved the rain to attend the show. Whoa! That’s a rare and beautiful thing, Craiggles.

There’s a reality TV crew is following you around and it makes you feel dirty. As long as we get to see, we don’t care. Not really. We do care. And that’s why there are so many people jumping on the reality show bandwagon.

Reality shows are over. When you start comparing them to bathrooms, it’s time to move on to something new. You talked briefly about Billy Connolly’s rap on washroom attendants. Given the prevalance of multiple people entering bathroom stalls for drugs, sex, whatever, the one washroom attendant was said to utter, “When someone comes in to take a crap, it’s like a breath of fresh air.”

Why do people agree to be on reality TV shows? According to Dr. Drew, it all comes down to narcissism. You’re not a narcissist, though. You’re on a 12:30am on CBS.

CSI: Vatican City – a maverick pope who refuses to play by the rules. Cute. Very cute. Especially the accent.

Email: Mark, Bellville, MI – “have you ever been featured in a porno movie?” “Parts of me. Parts of me have been in a porno movie.”” Kelly, Atlantic City, NJ – “My brother is a very heavy sleeper and I want to wake him up in a very funny way.” “Let him sleep, unless he’s driving.” Jessica, Collins, NY – “I was wondering what I should get my boyfriend for Christmas.” “A vacuum cleaner.”

Craig Ferguson

Sketch: Prince Charles and Camilla just returned to England. The Rather Late Programme with Prince Charles – oh, the humanity! The costume. Even you cracked up over the whole thing. The teeth. The hair. The ears. Even funnier was Parchment. Where do you come up with this stuff? How is it possible to be fresh and funny night after night after night? I guess it shouldn’t matter. I should just be grateful for the great entertainment.

First guest: Emmy award-winner, John Leguizamo (currently starring on ER). He came out on crutches because he tore his Achilles’ tendon while on the set of ER. I loved last week’s episode with him and the chimpanzee. He’s a great addition to the show.

Since joining the cast, Leguizamo’s learned a little about the medical field. Not enough to help with his tendon, but enough to understand some of the terminology.

He confessed to regifting at Christmas, but only whispering to you. When you said it aloud, he started limping off the stage. You saved the day by saying “you didn’t even say that! I just made that up.” Okay, I always thought he was a little quicker than that. What’s up with that? I can only hope that it was something you’d planned out in advance.

Second guest: Kara Cooney – Egytoplogist and curator of the King Tut Exhibit at LACMA. Due to popular demand, the last couple of days that the exhibit is in Los Angeles, the museum will be open 24 hours a day. Amazing. Sounds like something I should talk my guest from out-of-town into seeing while we’re up in L.A. next week.

Cooney talked about the incredible experience she had discovering a hand in a tomb. She realized, while holding the hand in hers, that someday, someone could very well be doing the same with her hand in a couple thousand years.

There was the conversation about why Tut is so fascinating. As you pointed out, he wasn’t a terribly important king, he was more the WB [network] of Egyptian kings. Now that was funny!

As the discussion wore on, you spoke about Ahkenaten (Amenhotep) and how it’s commonly believed that he is the father of Tut. This is one of those areas that I find particularly intriguing. So much of archeology is based on assumptions we’ve made regarding the relics and bodies we find. Since we can only guess at the finer details of heritage and events at this point, it’s interesting that certain working theories seem to develop into “fact”.

I like Egypt and the idea of pharaohs, but I tend to lean more toward the ancient Aztecs. They have just as many mysteries as the pharaohs, and they’re closer. Not that distance is an issue or anything. You know what’s even more incredible? The Anasazi. They just suddenly disappeared into thin air. Fabulous cliff dwellings and incredible cave paintings. And then, Poof! Gone. But, that’s my personal opinion. Check it out. You’ll see what I mean.

Anyhow, Cooney was as delightful this time as she was when she was last on. I love that you brought her back on. This was one of those guests that made you pay attention. Bring her back!

Musical Guest: My Morning Jacket. I have no idea what song they played. My eyes closed for a few minutes against my will. It happens. I didn’t feel too bad about it, though. The little bit that I did see was enough to convince me that they’re not exactly my cup of tea. At least, not right now.

The Cow of Time struck again and, all too soon, it was over. Excellent job tonight, Craigsy!

Until tomorrow!

Your cheeky wee monkey and saucy little minx,


Bedtime’s fun when you spend it with Craig. Check out The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson on CBS, Monday-Friday, 12:30 AM, Pacific, and see for yourself. If you can’t stay up that late and/or refuse to record the show, you can always catch up on the monologues and skits on the LLS website.

About the author: Joan’s fascination and adoration of Craig Ferguson is little more than silly fantasy, with a dash of lust, the likes of which are common amongst single 39 year-old women. She lives many miles safely south of Los Angeles and CBS Studios. Erik Estrada is on her last nerve. He’s on EVERY commercial for land sales that you can possibly imagine. He should have stuck with “Grease” with Charo. Additionally, Joan wants a new vacuum cleaner.

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  • Victoria

    Hi Joanie,

    I love reading your blog. Even though I watch Craig every night as you do, I like reading your recap of the night’s events.

    I think Kara Cooney is fantastic. I especially loved her comment about the fact that Craig knows more about Egyptology than he lets on. I can believe that. From what I have seen on his show and interviews I have read, Craig is VERY intelligent. Certainly someone who would be a stimulating conversationalist. And stimulating other ways I’m sure 😉

  • Thank you, Victoria. I’m glad you’re enjoying the commentary.

    I think Craig’s brilliantly well-read and that’s one of the many qualities that makes his such a great host.