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Corporate Travel Under $50 a Day!

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[Humor] For all our readers who work for companies undergoing travel cost controls, we found this at an undisclosed employee forum. Hey, you might even want to consider sharing it with your senior management as a “Shared Best Practice”! — ZZB

CHANGES TO THE CORPORATE TRAVEL POLICY

Due to the current financial situation, changes will be made to the Business Travel Standards and Procedures Manual. Effective June 1st, the following revised procedures apply:

LODGING
All employees are encouraged to stay with relatives and friends while on business travel. If weather permits, public areas such as parks should be used as temporary lodging sites. Bus terminals, train stations, and office lobbies may provide shelter in periods of inclement weather.

TRANSPORTATION
Hitchhiking is the preferred mode of travel in lieu of commercial transport. Luminescent safety vests will be issued to all employees prior to their departure on business trips. Bus transportation will be used only when work schedules require such travel. Airline tickets will be authorized in extreme circumstances and the lowest fares will be used. For example, if a meeting is scheduled in Seattle but the lower fare can be obtained by traveling to Detroit, then travel to Detroit will be substituted for travel to Seattle.

MEALS
Expenditures for meals will be limited to an absolute minimum. It should be noted that certain grocery and specialty chains, such as Hickory Farms, General Nutrition Centers, and Price Club, Costco, Sam’s Clubs, etc., often provide free samples of promotional items. Entire meals can be obtained in this manner. Travelers should also be familiar with indigenous roots, berries and other food sources available at their destinations. If restaurants must be utilized, travelers should use “all you can eat” salad bars. This is especially effective for employees traveling together as one plate can be used to feed the entire group. Employees are also encouraged to bring their own food on business travel. Cans of tuna fish, Spam and Beefaroni can be consumed at your leisure without the unnecessary bother of heating or costly preparation.

MISCELLANEOUS
All employees are encouraged to devise innovative techniques in an effort to save company dollars. One enterprising individual has already suggested that money could be raised during airport layover periods which could be used to defray travel expenses. In support of this idea, red caps will be issued to all employees prior to their departure so that they may earn tips by helping others with their luggage. Small plastic roses and ball point pens, and other items previously purchased as campus giveaways will also be available to employees so that sales may be made as time permits.

Have a nice trip! – Your Managment !

Ahh — the joys of the corporate travel experiance. If you can come up with any other great cost cutting suggestions which we can pass along to this Fortune 500 company… just drop us a comment !! – zzb
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ZZ Bachman / ZardozZ News & Satire Portal
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