I would appreciate your advice about my relationship problems. I'm so depressed and lonely, I'm starting to have panic attacks and cry at the drop of a hat. I seem to attract difficult relationships and I tend to stay in them longer than I should, trying to make them work. The last man was angry, jealous, and emotionally controlling but, also passionate and charismatic. He eventually ended the relationship when I started to be less of an "angel" and began to fight back.
When I met my current boyfriend two years ago, he seemed like a breath of fresh air in comparison. We spent lots of time together, talked all the time, and there was lots of passionate sex. Now I experience him as cold and austere. He says he's too busy to see me very often. He rarely phones anymore. There's no affection and he hasn't wanted to have sex for three months now.
He refuses to talk about our problems except to say he doesn't have any desire to have sex and he's not sure why. I seemed to have such clear insight into this man before, but it's like he deliberately blocked me out and now I can't read him at all.
The relationship started to turn sour when I realized he had a tendency to mislead me rather than risk confrontation. This type of covert behavior scares me far more than the previous man's overt anger and I've repeatedly challenged him to have the courage of his convictions! Actually, I've often suggested he should have more balls! I guess this is why he has blocked me out. He doesn't want to be challenged. Whenever I've asked him if he wants to end the relationship he says no, but he also adds that he doesn't know what he wants.
I feel I'm being manipulated yet again, but my current boyfriend's tactics are far more effective than the previous man's. I am an emotional wreck and my confidence and light have gone. I imagine my current transits of Saturn and Pluto are challenging me to look at my relationships and patterns of relating, but I'm finding it difficult to see me at all, let alone objectively.
Depressed and Lonely
I am sorry you’re feeling like crap! I would like to be able to say something sweet to you, but I don’t think it will help, so instead I will be candid.
Let’s just say I’m your man and you decide you don’t like my method. You don’t like the way I operate, so you decide to stand on a chair and scold me.
When I don’t respond to that, when I refuse to fight with your ignorant ass, you call me a dickless wonder and then you wonder why I quit screwing you.
Hmm. Let’s think about this. All is good with your man until you figure out he does not like to be challenged. So what do you do? You challenge him, and you insist he take the challenge. Why? Because you said so! Are you getting the picture here?
This is the astrology:
You have Venus in Virgo. That’s your angel side and that’s your love, but Venus in Virgo finds flaws and wants to fix the lover. When that happens your Mars kicks in. Mars is how you fight. Your Mars (your gun) is in Sagittarius square (cocked and pointed) right at your Venus, and you see the result. You fire your gun at your love and guess what? They die!
Now one more thing. Go back and read your post. In the first relationship, you claim the man was “angry, jealous and emotionally controlling but, also, passionate and charismatic.” That sounds a lot like you in the second relationship. Getting this?
The whole conflict is inside of you. If you detect there is something your lover prefers to avoid, must you shove this very thing down their throat? If so, you can expect a high degree of animosity in all of your relationships.
On the other hand, if you are willing to alter your behavior and fire your gun at something besides your lover’s head, well if you did that, you’d be getting laid right now, you know?