Home / Condi Explains To Bush: “You Don’t Nominate Popes”

Condi Explains To Bush: “You Don’t Nominate Popes”

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WASHINGTON D.C. (PoopyCaca.com) – Walking on the White House lawn with Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice this morning, President Bush made a brief statement to the media, expressing his concerns about the Pope’s health and the challenge of nominating a replacement.

“Laura and I both prayed for the Pope this morning, he’s a good man, and I’m going to have a hard time nominating anyone who can fill his shoes,” President Bush said, “I’m hoping he’ll pull through and I won’t have to.”

Secretary Rice stopped in her tracks stating, “You don’t nominate Popes.” The President then waved and the two walked briskly back into the White House, without further comment.

White House Press Secretary Scott McClellan held an unannounced press conference so that he could explain any appearance of confusion on the part of the president. “President Bush was saddened to hear of the Pope’s condition, as are all Americans, and his comments this morning were taken out of context.”

When asked how Bush’s comments were taken out of context, McClellan said, “I believe the President thought you folks were talking about Justice Rehnquist,” at which point the entire White House press corps began yelling questions.

McClellan called on oddly familiar looking rookie reporter George W. Gannon, who asked “How many Democrats have any ideas about Social Security?”

McClellan declined to answer, citing his desire to avoid any partisanship and closed the press briefing with his usual, “McClellan out.”

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  • Illumaniti4fun

    I was going to add “it’s not like it was Diana or anything” but I let Mark intimidate me! I hate it when that happens. Ya see what a dead body does to you. Mock the living, revere the dead corpse.

    “And if the president doesn’t nominate the Pope, who does, the chief justice of the surpeme court? ”
    ???Is Mark Serious???

    (Loved his bit about Bush not being expected to remember…

    -No offence but don’t hold your breath on a Pope from Mexican. (Not politically viable.)

  • Here’s a prophecy for you. If the next Pope is the Cardinal from Mexico, I guarantee the Bush Administration will be sending a hell of a lot of faith-based initiatives the Pope’s way.

  • Fortunately we’re not all deficient in the humor gene, either…

    Top marks to the original post, and Mark Schannon’s comment thereunder. Laughed all the way to the funeral…

  • Illuminati4fun

    Let me let you in on a little secret, MARK SCHANNON, we’re not all Catholic.
    He’s not MY Pope! I don’t have a Pope.
    And what I said wasn’t a slam against the Pope.

    I don’t seriously think even a third grader thinks the American President puts a Pope in office. You know, Pope = ROME -? hello

    By the way, I am truely sorry you lost your Pope

  • Sorry, Gonzo, the devil made me do it.


  • gonzo marx


    hoist by my own petard on the Hook of Satire…

    serves me right i guess…heh



  • Personally, I’m shocked and saddened that you’d chose this time of deep national mourning over the imminent death of our Pope to make such a jest. Given the partisanship in Congress, how are we going to replace our Pope when he dies.

    And if the president doesn’t nominate the Pope, who does, the chief justice of the surpeme court?

    It’s not Bush’s fault he didn’t know. Heck, the U.S. Pope’s been in office longer than Bush has been sober, so how could he remember.

    And Gonzo, I’m also saddened that you would condone this behavior by bestowing the coveted Golden Gonzo award to someone of this person’s ilk.

    A little respect for a dying, great American please.

  • Illuminati4fun

    I’ll bet the nit DID say it! I Actually read a thing that said Dubbie’s “i’m so dumb” was an ACT so he’d fit in with all us little idiots (after he didn’t win an election in his younger days *coughcocainecough* because he was too intelligent and lost to a dumb down home dude. So W said what the heck’s goin on? I’m turning stupid for the next election!)
    Bush plays with Legos (assisted, naturally).

    Bill Hicks Forever. It’s just a ride.

    Bush probably has his lizard boys flipping pages to see if he can be the next Pope inbetween shape shifting, that is.

  • Awww… I thought it was funny, PC.

  • gonzo marx

    OMG..quoting Bill Hicks..

    you just earned a Golden Gonzo award…

    now..step right up, this will only hurt for a few minutes…


  • To paraphrase Bill Hicks:

    I guess any offended Christians will have to do what good Christians do, forgive me.

    I’d also highly suggest sterring clear of news satire and seeking out “comedian” Carrot Top – he’s very, very funny and never offends, not even a little bit.

  • gonzo marx

    sez right on the label “file under Culture/Tech:Humor and Satire”

    let ’em flame ya PC..i’ll lend ya my asbestos longjohns

    well…i thought it was funny in a sly smile kinda way…

    your mileage may vary


  • Laura and I both prayed for the Pope this morning, he’s a good man…

    You can’t expect to say something like that and not get flames incoming, PC…

  • Which part?

  • Graceann

    This is in very bad taste, even for trash like you.