I spent a lot of years in this pattern of shouting, “He’s the one! This one!” and shacking up real fast. Then after a year or two, I’d break up and head out like a vapor trail. Call those my young adult years, from 17-23.
Then I spent some time wondering if I’d grown an extra head in the night, because I couldn’t find anyone that I liked. Attracted to, certainly, but nobody I liked. Call that 24-29.
Then I had a completely awful relationship that made me run scared of commitment, and then years of dating guys that I liked, but wasn’t attracted to — if I could even be convinced to go for coffee. I was completely down on relationships, commitment, even sex. I was going to invest my emotional energy in a beloved pet and to heck with this relationship thing.
Now I’m in love. Wildly in love. And that’s not so bad; he’s in love with me too. It’s exhilarating, wonderful, and at times even uncanny. But I’m haunted by the fast, passionate attachments that were the theme of my youngest romantic life, and doubtful that I even have it in me to mate as the other humans do — with an eye on the long term. I’ve never been married. Not because I don’t believe in it, but because I take the promise to live together for the rest of our lives too seriously to actually bring myself to make a promise like that. What if I picked the wrong person?
He asked me to marry him. I said yes.
I don’t want to screw this up. Is there anything important I should know about myself that will help?
Great question, and congratulations on your engagement. Here is my wedding present: some advice.
It’s great you’re in love, but the main thing to remember is that you are still you. And who are you? Well you love freedom, don’t you? With Uranus conjunct your Sun, you can’t tolerate being tied down or restricted. And falling in love is not going to change this, not even one iota.
That does not mean you cannot commit. But you need to commit to more than just being married. You need to commit to maintaining yourself as an individual. If you lose this…well, I don’t have to tell you, the relationship will fail shortly thereafter.
Just because you have not done this before does not mean it cannot be done or that you cannot do it. It surely can, just get this straight. Your marriage cannot be “normal.” It cannot be “traditional.” It cannot be the way other people do it or the way it’s supposed to be done, etc., etc.
Because guess what? Your man is an Aquarius rising with four planets in Sadge and he can’t tolerate being tied down either! So don’t trick each other. Don’t try to be people you aren’t. Get married, but leave the door open, both front and back. Make your own rules and be willing to reinvent your relationship when it starts to get stale on you. Do this and you’ll be fine. Actually, you’ll be better than fine. You’ll be happy as hell.