NEW YORK CITY: The CNN Weather Map was arrested today for trying to buy LSD from an undercover police officer. This is the latest in a series of incidents concerning the flamboyant visual aids.
In an unusual move, the Map’s former drug dealer came forward to give this reporter an interview. “I told him I was cutting him off.” said the man known only as Izzy G. “I knew he was tripping at work. I mean, who wears tie-dyed tornadoes? Why is the water brown and the land blue?” Mr. G. went on to say that it was probably his refusal to sell to the Map that led to his fateful encounter with an undercover policeman. Mr. G said that he supported recreational drug use in moderation, but that the Map pushed it until there was psychedelia coming out of every inch of his screen. “I mean, even my other customers couldn’t watch CNN.”
A NYPD spokesman confirmed the basic facts of the arrest. He downplayed rumors of special treatment, saying, “We treat celebrities like anyone else.” The CNN Weather Map was unavailable for comment.