Dateline: Costa Rica, Tuesday, I think, April… maybe May… maybe February, but who's counting?
It's been a fowl week, even down here in sunny Costa Rica where scantily clad women bring you fruit drinks laced with some toxin that causes you to turn into a Marshmallow Fluff snowman and give them all your money. It's a good thing your intrepid reporter is on an expense account, that's all I can say. And it's a helluva lot better than North Korea. I should just do a story on my escape from North Korea — now that's hard news, the kind of hard news Dan Rather covered in Texas so many years ago, confronting a hurricane head-on to emerge victorious and then overthrow Uncle Walter Cronkite, who deserved better, but who's counting?
Hmm… North Korea or the news you wish you read but aren't stupid enough to bother with? Okay, we'll go with the news.
Which Clinton is hammering on her fellow Dems to stick it to Bush on Iraq? Well, it kind of answers its own question when you throw the stupid "her" in there. That's why French is a better language. The article gives you no clue as to the sex of anyone. But that's another story. Hillary has been urging Democrats to urge the Busher to accept their "cut and run" plan rather than veto it. She also played the Potomac two-step when asked about some Democrats who want to cut off funding for the whole war.
Said Hillary, "I'm looking at that. I don't know anything about it."
"I don't know anything about that?" Where has she been? And urging Democrats to urge Bush to accept their lame-brain proposal? Wow, does this chick have courage, gravitas even, or what? Of course we've got to get out of Iraq — it's stupid, we're losing, and we're going to continue to lose. The Iraqis don't want us there, the Americans don't want to be there. Only Al-Qaeda (in Bush speak) wants us there, which is a good enough reason to get out. But, God help us, it's a presidential, not a Congressional decision. And our president is too busy cutting away the brush about to take over his Texas farm. Hey, priorities are priorities.
The sad thing is the Democrats, once again, are doing everything they can to throw the election to the elephants in '08 — something your enterprising reporter thought impossible just minutes ago.
The Busher bashes the brainless. Wow, George Bush, president of these United (sometimes) States just issued a statement calling the Democrats "fat ass liberals too lard loaded to get off the two-seater outhouse and come play in the real world." Well… he didn't really say that, but wouldn't it have been very cool if he had? No, the Busher relied on that word of power that turns strong men green, "irresponsible." Yes, just minutes ago, he denounced "irresponsible" Democrats on Tuesday for "going on spring break without approving money for the military with no strings." And he's still pissed that Nancy (shit, I could be president) Pelosi is heading off to Syria to do what? Who knows?
"Spring break?" Georgie, time to grow up. Spring break is for college kids. Congress gets an early Spring break, a mid-Spring break, and a late Spring break. You gotta be more pacific in your use of language. And he wants money with "no strings?" Shit, so do I. Somebody got to tell that boy that he be the president, not the Lord God Our One and Only. But as much as I hate to do it, I gotta agree that Pelosi going to Syria makes as much sense as Bush running for president, i.e. none. Nancy, give us all a break and stay home.
Is Halle Berry black or white? At least she's now a star. Your dyspeptic reporter has to admit to a certain lack of knowledge about modern celebrity stuff. I know I've heard the name Halle Berry, but for some reason, I thought she was black. Hey, here's the picture, you figure it out.
She has an Emmy, a Golden Globe and an Oscar. Now she has a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. A teary-eyed Berry received the 2,333rd Walk of Fame star in a ceremony Tuesday in front of the Kodak Theatre. "I am so emotional … as soon as I saw the crowds of people and friends here, I started to cry," she said.
Oy, I'm so emotional, I just had to give my fans another look at my bodacious boobs. Hey, gimme a break, whoever you are. Can you imagine a football team marching down Main Street yelling, "We're number 2,333?" Does anyone really care, or am I just being insensitive? She is cute, though. Needs a shorter skirt, work on the hair a bit. Maybe I'll give her a call.
Sure, laugh. It's just one more indication of the end of civilization as we've come to know and hate it. People are M-O-R-O-N-S. Like the other chick who died after sleeping with half the world, leaving her dead husband's fortune to a little baby… I don't care, I don't want to know, and I hope all the guys lining up for DNA tests get herpes, AIDS, and mononucleosis from the needles. And let's be honest, Halle Berry sounds like Hail Barry, which is scary for a DC guy.
Well, that got a little more "ranty" than I'd intended, but, in the words of the immortal Belushi, "It's not my fault." Now that I'm back close to civilization, I'll be able to bring you more timely news like this so you don't have to bother.
In Jameson Veritas