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Clinton to Dems: Push Bush on Iraq – Bush to Dems: Chickens – Halle Berry’s Chickens

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Dateline: Costa Rica, Tuesday, I think, April… maybe May… maybe February, but who's counting?

It's been a fowl week, even down here in sunny Costa Rica where scantily clad women bring you fruit drinks laced with some toxin that causes you to turn into a Marshmallow Fluff snowman and give them all your money. It's a good thing your intrepid reporter is on an expense account, that's all I can say. And it's a helluva lot better than North Korea. I should just do a story on my escape from North Korea — now that's hard news, the kind of hard news Dan Rather covered in Texas so many years ago, confronting a hurricane head-on to emerge victorious and then overthrow Uncle Walter Cronkite, who deserved better, but who's counting?

Hmm… North Korea or the news you wish you read but aren't stupid enough to bother with? Okay, we'll go with the news.

Which Clinton is hammering on her fellow Dems to stick it to Bush on Iraq?  Well, it kind of answers its own question when you throw the stupid "her" in there. That's why French is a better language. The article gives you no clue as to the sex of anyone. But that's another story. Hillary has been urging Democrats to urge the Busher to accept their "cut and run" plan rather than veto it. She also played the Potomac two-step when asked about some Democrats who want to cut off funding for the whole war.

Said Hillary, "I'm looking at that. I don't know anything about it."

"I don't know anything about that?" Where has she been? And urging Democrats to urge Bush to accept their lame-brain proposal? Wow, does this chick have courage, gravitas even, or what? Of course we've got to get out of Iraq — it's stupid, we're losing, and we're going to continue to lose. The Iraqis don't want us there, the Americans don't want to be there. Only Al-Qaeda (in Bush speak) wants us there, which is a good enough reason to get out. But, God help us, it's a presidential, not a Congressional decision. And our president is too busy cutting away the brush about to take over his Texas farm. Hey, priorities are priorities.

The sad thing is the Democrats, once again, are doing everything they can to throw the election to the elephants in '08 — something your enterprising reporter thought impossible just minutes ago.

The Busher bashes the brainless. Wow, George Bush, president of these United (sometimes) States just issued a statement calling the Democrats "fat ass liberals too lard loaded to get off the two-seater outhouse and come play in the real world." Well… he didn't really say that, but wouldn't it have been very cool if he had? No, the Busher relied on that word of power that turns strong men green, "irresponsible." Yes, just minutes ago, he denounced "irresponsible" Democrats on Tuesday for "going on spring break without approving money for the military with no strings." And he's still pissed that Nancy (shit, I could be president) Pelosi is heading off to Syria to do what? Who knows?

"Spring break?" Georgie, time to grow up. Spring break is for college kids. Congress gets an early Spring break, a mid-Spring break, and a late Spring break. You gotta be more pacific in your use of language. And he wants money with "no strings?" Shit, so do I. Somebody got to tell that boy that he be the president, not the Lord God Our One and Only. But as much as I hate to do it, I gotta agree that Pelosi going to Syria makes as much sense as Bush running for president, i.e. none. Nancy, give us all a break and stay home.

Is Halle Berry black or white? At least she's now a star. Your dyspeptic reporter has to admit to a certain lack of knowledge about modern celebrity stuff. I know I've heard the name Halle Berry, but for some reason, I thought she was black. Hey, here's the picture, you figure it out.

She has an Emmy, a Golden Globe and an Oscar. Now she has a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. A teary-eyed Berry received the 2,333rd Walk of Fame star in a ceremony Tuesday in front of the Kodak Theatre. "I am so emotional … as soon as I saw the crowds of people and friends here, I started to cry," she said.

 Oy, I'm so emotional, I just had to give my fans another look at my bodacious boobs. Hey, gimme a break, whoever you are. Can you imagine a football team marching down Main Street yelling, "We're number 2,333?" Does anyone really care, or am I just being insensitive? She is cute, though. Needs a shorter skirt, work on the hair a bit. Maybe I'll give her a call. 

Sure, laugh. It's just one more indication of the end of civilization as we've come to know and hate it. People are M-O-R-O-N-S. Like the other chick who died after sleeping with half the world, leaving her dead husband's fortune to a little baby… I don't care, I don't want to know, and I hope all the guys lining up for DNA tests get herpes, AIDS, and mononucleosis from the needles. And let's be honest, Halle Berry sounds like Hail Barry, which is scary for a DC guy.

Well, that got a little more "ranty" than I'd intended, but, in the words of the immortal Belushi, "It's not my fault." Now that I'm back close to civilization, I'll be able to bring you more timely news like this so you don't have to bother. 

And remember,

In Jameson Veritas

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About Mark Schannon

Retired crisis & risk manager/communications expert; extensive public relations experience in most areas over 30 years. Still available for extraordinary opportunities of mind-numbing complexity. Life-long liberal agnostic...or is that agnostic liberal.
  • Clavos

    Once again, Mark; you are sane (??) voice in an insane world…

  • http://parodieslost.typepad.com Mark Schannon

    Oh yeah, Clavos. You take that back or I’ll have Christopher the mad comments editor erase it as an unconscionable slur.

    Or…just wait, more to come. I think the kid may be almost back. Damn, only a year & a half left in Busher’s term. So much to say, so little time.

    In Jameson Veritas

  • Arch Conservative

    “Well…he didn’t really say that, but wouldn’t it have been very cool if he had?”

    I think it would have been cooler if he had said “My sainted grandmother, granny Bush, has more scrotum in bits between her teeth than the entire Democratic party from Senator swimmer up there in Massachusetts to the speaker of the house in California. Fool me once….um.. you can’t get fooled again.”

    Mark…. if Bush is using semantics to cast unwarranted aspersions on his political opponents I hope people won’t protest too much as the Dems invented this tactic what with their “nuance” and “culture of curruption” just to name a few.

  • http://parodieslost.typepad.com Mark Schannon

    Arch, yuk. Sorry, but my hands instinctively cover my private parts when I read what you’d like him to say. Other than, your Bushism is fine.

    I can’t defend the Democrats…I’d like to, but, well, stupid is as stupid does…but are you really happy with the Busher? See my latest post…when they post it…even that brain-fogged fascist Robert Novak has given up on George.

    Actually, it’s kind of sad…but so’s death, destruction, and demolition derbies.

    If someone said to me, “pick a president, any president,” I wouldn’t have a clue what to do…sigh. (Fred Thompson’s a good actor though.)

    In Jameson Veritas

  • Sisyphus

    “Is Halle Berry Black or White?”

    Black father, White mother. Why does it matter? It seems that more than a few folks have serious hang-ups about people of mixed race. Witness all the fuss over Obama. Is he Black enough? The very notion of someone not fitting into a preconceived racial-stereotypical-ideal, why it discombobulates the mind, doesn’t it?

  • http://parodieslost.typepad.com Mark Schannon

    Doesn’t matter to me. I’m not very current with actors & celebrities, and I was just wondering & being a little provocative. Why, some of my best friends………..

    In Jameson Veritas

  • Sisyphus

    “I’m not very current with actors & celebrities…”

    Me neither, really. I recognize hardly any faces on the magazine covers displayed at supermarket checkouts. By the way, I did enjoy your article — it gave me a much-needed, afternoon chuckle.

  • Arch Conservative

    “…but are you really happy with the Busher?”

    Of course not but I would have been even more miserable with comrade Kerry.

    “If someone said to me, “pick a president, any president,” I wouldn’t have a clue what to do…sigh.”

    I do Mark. Romney is my man in 2008.

    I hope he knocks the friggin pant suit right off Hillary in the general ala Ronald Reagan spanking Walter Mondale like a little bitch in 1984.

  • http://parodieslost.typepad.com Mark Schannon

    Arch, be careful with those nasty little sado-masochistic comments. Your conservative friends in Washington might mistake you for “one of them” –whoever the fuck them are.

    And comeon, Romney. Goodness gracious, the guy should be working at the Intl House of Pancakes the he’s flopping around like a fish out of water. He’s running so hard to the right, he’s gonna wind up a liberal again if he doesn’t slow down. I am truly surprised you picked him.

    Then again, you’re pickings are as pitiful as mine on the D side. Sigh. Wouldn’t it be cool if both the Dems & Reps actually had someone we could all be proud of… even if we didn’t necessarily agree with him.

    It too me a long time, but when I finally read some of Goldwater’s stuff, I was impressed. I disagree with most of his ideas, but I respect the man and his integrity.

    There ain’t anybody running on either ticket I can say the same about.

    Sigh…but remember,

    In Jameson Veritas

  • NM

    funny and interesting. This piece got a homerun. Are these politicians smarter than we assume? Perhaps not. Anyway, there is a larger picture about this changing world where America is taking steps backforward. A powerful new book addresses this new global trend: China and the new world order: how entrepreneurship, globalization, and borderless business are reshaping China and the world, by a Chinese reporter named george zhibin gu, which is full of insights on things behind global political and economic trends.

  • Clavos

    Mark writes:

    It too me a long time, but when I finally read some of Goldwater’s stuff, I was impressed. I disagree with most of his ideas, but I respect the man and his integrity.

    My very first vote was for Goldwater. Iwas in the Army, in Basic Training at Ft. Gordon, GA at the time. I had to have my Florida absentee ballot countersigned by a commissioned officer, so i took it the Lt. who was the CO of my training company.

    He looked at who I was voting for (the rascal!) and said, “What, are you crazy?? If you vote for Goldwater, he’s going to get us into war, and you’re gonna wind up in Vietnam!!

    I went ahead and voted for Goldwater, anyway.

    I should have listened to the Lt. He was right. A year later, I was in Nam.

  • http://www.elitebloggers.com Dave Nalle

    There’s something bizarrely ironic about Arch Conservative supporting a candidate who’s a member of a pagan cult, pro-choice, pro civil-unions and in favor of gun control. Did someone put LSD in his wheaties?

    Dave

  • Arch Conservative

    First of all Dave Mormonism is no more a cult than Christianity is. Second, I am pro civil union myself. Third I believe Romney was pro-life all along and just lied to the people of Massachusetts to get elected there and I’m OK with that. You can shit all over Massachusetts and the people that live there all day long and you’d still be OK in my book.

    And last when have you ever seen me passionately discuss the gun control issue? It’s not really a big concern of mine either way.

  • http://parodieslost.typepad.com Mark Schannon

    Arch, be careful, you can’t call yourself and “arch” conservative with those points of view. We may have to start calling you “Moderate Conservative.”

    I do agree with you to some extent about Mormons, having worked with them quite a bit in my career. It’s a weird religion, but they’re not cult-like in the traditional sense. Very powerful mind control perhaps.

    Clavos–you can’t win for losing, right? I wonder if Goldwater would have continued the Vietnam War. Johnson hated it from the beginning but couldn’t figure a way out. Now that’d be an interesting thought experiment about Goldie & Vietnam.

    NM, thanks for the kind words & I agree with you about America’s role in the world–to which too few are paying attention.

    But, you can always be safe if you remember,

    In Jameson Veritas

  • http://www.elitebloggers.com Dave Nalle

    First of all Dave Mormonism is no more a cult than Christianity is.

    A lot of Christian churches are definitely cult like.

    Second, I am pro civil union myself.

    Color me shocked and amazed.

    Third I believe Romney was pro-life all along and just lied to the people of Massachusetts to get elected there and I’m OK with that.

    So you like your politicians to lie to you? And why couldn’t it be that he’s always been pro-choice and is lying now about being pro-life? We’ve established he’s a liar, so he could be lying either way.

    You can shit all over Massachusetts and the people that live there all day long and you’d still be OK in my book.

    How about his track record then? If he lied to get in office once and took a ‘shit all over massachusets’ – as many think he did – why should we not expect him to do the same to the nation if elected?

    Dave

    And last when have you ever seen me passionately discuss the gun control issue? It’s not really a big concern of mine either way.

  • Arch Conservative

    Dave, the most important issue to me in choosing who I will vote for in 2008 for president is if they genuinely possess conservative fiscal and social values and views.

    I believe Romney fits this bill more closely than anyone currently running who has a legitimate shot at winning.

    You make such a protest about Romney’s abortion views changing but I can take Clinton, Guiliani, Mccain, Gore, Obama etc… and show you instances where they’ve changed their minds so to speak and call it lying.

    Romney may have used Massachusetts as a stepping stone to the oval office but I don’t think he was bad for the state. He brought as much fiscal sensibility that any Republican possibly could to that blue state shithole and he tried from the start to have accountability on the Big Dig only to be cockblocked by the unions and the turnpike authority.

  • Arch Conservative

    Dave, the most important issue to me in choosing who I will vote for in 2008 for president is if they genuinely possess conservative fiscal and social values and views.

    I believe Romney fits this bill more closely than anyone currently running who has a legitimate shot at winning.

    You make such a protest about Romney’s abortion views changing but I can take Clinton, Guiliani, Mccain, Gore, Obama etc… and show you instances where they’ve changed their minds so to speak and call it lying.

    Romney may have used Massachusetts as a stepping stone to the oval office but I don’t think he was bad for the state. He brought as much fiscal sensibility that any Republican possibly could to that blue state shithole and he tried from the start to have accountability on the Big Dig only to be cockblocked by the unions and the turnpike authority.

  • http://www.roblogpolitics.blogspot.com RJ

    “The Iraqis don’t want us there”

    From here: “Even as they express discontent with U.S. forces, Iraqis are equivocal about their departure,” ABC said.

    The poll found that just 35 percent of Iraqis favor an immediate U.S. withdrawal, while about four in 10 – Sunni and Shiite alike – say U.S. forces should remain until security is restored.

    Said ABC, “‘Leave now’ sentiment is up, but not vastly, from 2005,” (26 percent then, versus 35 percent now).

  • http://www.roblogpolitics.blogspot.com RJ

    It’s just one more indication of the end of civilization as we’ve come to know and hate it. People are M-O-R-O-N-S. Like the other chick who died after sleeping with half the world, leaving her dead husband’s fortune to a little baby… I don’t care, I don’t want to know, and I hope all the guys lining up for DNA tests get herpes, AIDS, and mononucleosis from the needles. And let’s be honest, Halle Berry sounds like Hail Barry, which is scary for a DC guy.

    THIS, I can agree with. 😉

  • http://www.roblogpolitics.blogspot.com RJ

    “I believe Romney was pro-life all along and just lied to the people of Massachusetts to get elected there and I’m OK with that. You can shit all over Massachusetts and the people that live there all day long and you’d still be OK in my book.”

    AMEN!!!

  • http://parodieslost.typepad.com Mark Schannon

    RJ,

    See, your problem is that you’re letting facts interfere with your point of view. No self-respecting pundit can do that. That’s why Nalle’s not a pundit. That boy can dig up facts faster than hot butter on a knife…or butter on a hot knife…never mind.

    More important, imagine the difficulty of conducting a poll in Iraq. Hey, there, Mr. Sunni or Shiite terrorist, can I have a few minutes of your time before you drive that truck filled with explosives into the elementary school? So we start with a lot of unanswered questions.

    But, my friend, you drove me to look for the facts, so I went to that site, and you left out a few interesting points:

    –There were two polls. One showed a somewhat optimistic Iraqi public, particularly after their daily dose of opium; the other showed a bunch of pessiments–probably got bad opium.

    More than half said security will improve after coalition forces withdraw.
    –Six in ten Iraqis said their lives are going badly, and only a third expected things to improve in the next year, USA Today reported in its analysis of the poll results. It said the findings are based on in-person interviews with 2, 212 Iraqis.

    Yes it is true that there are lots of Iraqis who for some reason think we’re helping…but I wouldn’t trust any poll coming out of a war zone.

    I do however, trust that

    In Jameson Veritas

  • http://www.elitebloggers.com Dave Nalle

    More important, imagine the difficulty of conducting a poll in Iraq. Hey, there, Mr. Sunni or Shiite terrorist, can I have a few minutes of your time before you drive that truck filled with explosives into the elementary school? So we start with a lot of unanswered questions.

    Mark, 7 million Iraqis have CELL PHONES and 2 million have internet access ferchrissakes. You think those people can’t be contacted safely? You think other Iraqis can’t call people up randomly (2/3 of the country have land line phones)?

    The problem with all this talk of how dangerous is it in Iraq is that all the violence we hear about is NOT interfering all that much with daily life. People are going to work, they’re shopping, they’re having parties and while they may worry a bit ad take some precautions, most Iraqis have a basically normal life.

    –More than half said security will improve after coalition forces withdraw.

    But is that because coalition forces leaving will improve their lives or because they don’t think the forces will leave until the situation there is stable?

    –Six in ten Iraqis said their lives are going badly, and only a third expected things to improve in the next year,

    You’d get the same thing in a poll of Americans and all they’re suffering from is having 500 cable channels instead of 1000.

    Yes it is true that there are lots of Iraqis who for some reason think we’re helping…but I wouldn’t trust any poll coming out of a war zone.

    Such as the Lancet study of civilian casualties which was done using what are essentially polling methods.

    Dave

  • Clavos

    Such as the Lancet study of civilian casualties which was done using what are essentially polling methods.

    Bingo!

  • http://absent-mind.blogspot.com/ Jet in Columbus

    Dave, Dave, Dave. The tint on your new truck’s windows is just toooooo dark. Roll down the windows and look sometime outside instead of taking Rush Limbaugh’s word for it!

    Shame on you

  • Sisyphus

    Dave: “..all the violence we hear about is NOT interfering all that much with daily life.”

    An interesting account of everyday life in Baghdad may be found HERE.

  • Dave Nalle

    Jet, my comment was based on reading the writings of Iraqi bloggers, actually.

    And Sissy, I didn’t say Iraq was a paradise, but read between the lines of the article you referenced. The author is going to work. He’s going shopping. In his neighborhood there’s a problem with extremist religious gangs. Get that under control and live would be completely normal. Frankly, it sounds a bit like life in Detroit.

    For comparison I’d suggest you browse some of these articles.

    Dave

  • MCH

    “…Get that under control and live would be completely normal…”
    – Dave (Vox Populi) Nalle

    Yadda, yadda, yadda. Same boring, repetitive shit you’ve been spewing now for three years, Populi/Nalle.

    Isn’t it time you came up with something new?

  • http://www.elitebloggers.com Dave Nalle

    You first, emmy. At least my repeated message is positive.

    Dave

  • http://absent-mind.blogspot.com/ Jet in Columbus

    It seems to me I remember someone else recently quoting a trustworthy source of info in the form or Iraqi blogs.

    …oh yeah that’s right, King George did!

  • Sisyphus

    “Frankly, it sounds a bit like life in Detroit.”

    Fantastic! If things are so good, we may as well bring everyone home and stop wasting billions of dollars policing the streets of Baghdad. Why not spend this money to make life safer in our own cities such as Detroit and Washington?

    Seriously, you and I both know that our current and planned troop levels in Iraq cannot be sustained for long. The “bad guys” have all the time in the world, but we do not. Bush is marking time until the next administration must deal with the problem. In the meanwhile, let’s just hope we don’t need our military to respond to a crisis elsewhere, which is an incredible risk to our national security that Bush has created.

  • http://www.roblogpolitics.blogspot.com RJ

    “Frankly, it sounds a bit like life in Detroit.”

    Fantastic! If things are so good

    Clearly, you are not familiar with Detroit… ;-P

  • http://www.elitebloggers.com Dave Nalle

    Sadly I’m all too familiar with Detroit. Redeploying the troops from Baghdad to Detroit is an interesting idea though.

    Actually, I haven’t been in Detroit in several years and I have heard claims it’s gotten better. But statistics still show it with a horrendous violent crime rate.

    Oh, Sissy – the reason that we don’t redeploy the troops to our own cities is that it’s illegal.

    Dave

  • Sisyphus

    “Oh, Sissy – the reason that we don’t redeploy the troops to our own cities is that it’s illegal.”

    Yes, I was only making a point, But the fact that something is illegal would surely not impede our current administration.

  • troll

    habeas corpus and posse comatatus legally can be set aside when the US is in the middle of a declared was can’t they – ?

  • troll

    (‘war’ that is)

  • Sisyphus

    According to the Constitution, habeas corpus “shall not be suspended, unless in cases of rebellion or invasion the public safety may require it.” Nothing written there about war, declared or not. The Civil War was certainly a rebellion. And it might be argued that 9-11 was a sort of invasion, I suppose.

    Nothing about war with respect to posse comatatus, either, which is an act of Congress. Only Congress could repeal the act, but I suspect there would be constitutional hurdles to jump, as well.

  • troll

    thanks for the clarification Siss

  • http://parodieslost.typepad.com Mark Schannon

    Dave N wrote: “Mark, 7 million Iraqis have CELL PHONES and 2 million have internet access ferchrissakes. You think those people can’t be contacted safely?”

    Uh, yeah, I think if I were an Iraqi and someone called saying, “Hi, I’m conducting an independent poll…”, I’d burn my phone and run for the hills. Hell, even in the U.S., half the polls are really marketing tools. Also in the U.S. pollsters are complaining that it’s harder and harder to get people to agree to be questioned.

    Me:–Six in ten Iraqis said their lives are going badly, and only a third expected things to improve in the next year,

    Dave: You’d get the same thing in a poll of Americans and all they’re suffering from is having 500 cable channels instead of 1000.

    Sorry, old boy, but thess objections are not up to your usual stuff. Human reactions to stress are conditional and relative–I can feel bad that i don’t have 1000 cable channels (actually I feel bad because we have a TV–I hate the buggers) but to suggest that the emotional & intellectual content of that feeling is comparable to living in a war zone is (trumpet fanfare) WRONG.

    What’s right is that,

    In Jameson Veritas

  • http://www.roblogpolitics.blogspot.com RJ

    “Six in ten [people] said their lives are going badly, and only a third expected things to improve in the next year”

    You could get a similar result from polling the American people, and not just the Iraqi people, which I believe was Dave’s point…

    “Generally speaking, would you say things in this country are heading in the right direction, or are they off on the wrong track?”

    DATE Right Wrong Unsure
    4/2-4/07 27% 70% 3%
    3/5-7/07 29% 68% 3%
    2/5-7/07 28% 68% 4%
    1/16-18/07 29% 66% 5%
    1/8-10/07 28% 67% 5%
    12/4-6/06 28% 68% 4%