So it seems what was once “old” is new again: The Cleveland Browns are reinvented, rebuilt, and rejuvenated in the AFC North – like a shadow of their former selves once known (formerly and fondly) as “The Kardiac Kids” from the 1980’s.
And not since Grace Jones squeezed Roger Moore between her thighs in A View To A Kill have I been more intrigued, quite frankly. Regardless, just like “Zorin” (Christopher Walken) cheering from the sidelines: I like to watch.
Hey, let’s give these hip-hop Cleveland Brownies their kudos: They now have some major “street cred” once again in the NFL (thanks mostly to their high-flying offense – and a guy named Joshua Cribbs). But just like Harmony Smurf warning the proverbial village about the dangers of wizards not named “Harry Potter” – or contracting STD‘s from Strawberry Shortcake (that tart): Browns’ fans still need to proceed with caution.
So take down that “Brady on Board” sign from the back of your K-car, okay? Derek Anderson is the man with the plan now – along with “Bodacious” Braylon Edwards (I called it!), Kellen Winslow Jr. and Joe Jurevicius (with Jamal Lewis running strong out in front of the brown and orange herd).
Much like a box of Gallo fine wine, I guess, Brady Quinn just needs time to chill.
Still, reminiscent of a ColecoVision left under the tree on Christmas morning, the defense of the Browns leaves something to be desired, no doubt (My old Stretch Armstrong doll – action figure, I meant action figure! – has been pulled thinner than the Browns‘ somewhat-struggling backfield at times, to be sure).
That being said, it’s not all “doom and gloom” here in C-Town either.
Cleveland has beat some good (but not great) teams in the meantime – but (“Hey now, hey now, don’t dream it’s over”) there is still a lot of work left to be done by Romeo Crennel’s not-so-crowded defensive house. No mystery here, Angela Lansbury (So hey, mainstream media, put away those orthopedic sleuthing shoes of yours, you meddling old busybodies, and get a Clue: It‘s Mr. Cribbs …with the punt return …in the end zone!).
These Cleveland Browns of 2007 are “for real” to say the least. Are they the fabled “Kardiac Kids” of 1980? Nope. Are these Brownies the same team led by Bernie Kosar and Marty Schottenheimer (whatever happened to him?) of the same decade? Certainly not. Are these Cleveland Browns along the lines of Bill Belichick’s frustrating frat pack when he was in-training here at “Hogwarts” from the early ‘90’s? Hush your Pop Rock’s chewing-mouth, child!
No, I’m not suffering from “Pac-Man Fever” people: These Brownies are unique and their own team-in-the-making as they continue to mystify the masses here in “new Cleveland." And like many rabid, bone-waving, fans on the shores of the rock ‘n roll city – we are simply “Hungry Like The Wolf.”
These current crop of Browns are the “Cardio Kickboxing Kids” – and we (here in Cleveland) are loving every minute of it! So take those Silver Spoons out of your collective mouth (you national media snobs), hop on board Ricky Schroeder’s toy locomotive, and enjoy the moment. We can always “grow up” tomorrow…
So what have we learned today from this ABC Afterschool Special, folks? Well, it appears indeed what was once old is new again in Browns Town: Cleveland has a football team it can be proud of, Dennis Kucinich is still holding on to the bottom rung of infamy (but who isn‘t?) and local-hero turned broadcaster, Bernie Kosar (as well as the rest of us, I guess) is still partying like it’s 1989! Who knew?