You all remember Chris Rix, right? You should. Even though it's been two years since he left Florida State and the stranglehold on mediocrity that he helped establish, it certainly felt like he was a Nole for eight or nine.
After Rix graduated and subsequently went undrafted, I still believed that when college football opened in the fall, I'd see his big blockhead under center. But wouldn't ya know it – the day arrived and there were no stories by Brent Musberger and his gang of incompetents on Rix's life struggles; no comments about him being one of the most polarizing players in the history of college football; no more "Rix Happens" t-shirts in the crowd.
It was surreal. He was gone.
The guy was obnoxiously mediocre for so long that I never thought a time would exist when he wasn't in my life. I tell you, it was a sobering moment.
So, as you can imagine, it was a time of great celebration when I stumbled across this: The Chris Rix Champion Training Academy. Oh yes, it's real!
At Champion, Rix will teach the budding Heisman hopeful in your life how to "Aim for Greatness" with personalized weight and cardio training, as well as a disciplined nutrition and diet program.
Though Rix never qualified for braintrust duty, he is (and I imagine, remains) a superior physical specimen. So it's reasonable to assume that he has something to offer in the way of helping young athletes get the most out of their bodies. But rather than stop where his expertise ends, Rix has the audacity to offer tips on, of all things, being a "Championship QB."
Rules 1-3 and 5-7 make total sense. Bravo Chris. But let's take a look at rules 4 and 8-10.
Rule 4: "AIM" FOR GREATNESS… Help your receiver with an accurate and catchable pass.
Rule 8: USE YOUR EYES TO LOOKOFF… Make sure not to stare-down or lock-on your target until it is time to make the throw.
Rule 9: I.H.O. IS HE OPEN?!… Don’t risk throwing an interception, turnovers will hurt you and your team.
Antrel Rolle: "He can be rattled. He has a tendency to lose his focus and just throw the ball anywhere — not looking for a target, but just throwing the ball."
Then there's Rule 10: SERVE YOU TEAMMATES (sic)… Show you (sic) teammates a selfless/unselfish player who puts them first.
Amazingly, the website omits rules a few rules:
Rule 11: "Don't sleep through your exams and get suspended for the Sugar Bowl."
Rule 12: "Even when in a hurry, don't use unauthorized tags to park in a handicap spot when regular spaces are available."
Rule 12a: "Avoid using the 'outpatients only' spot at your university's geriatric clinic."
Rix has about as much right teaching kids about THESE fundamentals as I do going to an elementary school to give a lecture on how to avoid becoming mad with drink. If Rix wants to run a camp, fine. He is/was an exceptionally talented quarterback who clearly didn't become the player he was supposed to be; I'm sure he has a lot of knowledge to impart to the youngins.
But when you spend a career disregarding four of your own rules for being a champion quarterback, you forfeit the right to impart said "wisdom" on children who think you're putting them on the fast track to the next level.
Chris Rix is a guy who couldn't hit the ocean if he stood on a beach, but if he can convince idiot parents to fork over their hard-earned dollars under the illusion that he can make their kids winners, more power to him.
As the saying goes, "there's a sucker born every minute" and I'm sure Chris Rix will be laughing all the way to the bank.Powered by Sidelines