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Chris Rix Takes Irony to the Next Level

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You all remember Chris Rix, right? You should. Even though it's been two years since he left Florida State and the stranglehold on mediocrity that he helped establish, it certainly felt like he was a Nole for eight or nine.

After Rix graduated and subsequently went undrafted, I still believed that when college football opened in the fall, I'd see his big blockhead under center. But wouldn't ya know it – the day arrived and there were no stories by Brent Musberger and his gang of incompetents on Rix's life struggles; no comments about him being one of the most polarizing players in the history of college football; no more "Rix Happens" t-shirts in the crowd.

It was surreal. He was gone. 

The guy was obnoxiously mediocre for so long that I never thought a time would exist when he wasn't in my life. I tell you, it was a sobering moment.

So, as you can imagine, it was a time of great celebration when I stumbled across this: The Chris Rix Champion Training Academy. Oh yes, it's real!

At Champion, Rix will teach the budding Heisman hopeful in your life how to "Aim for Greatness" with personalized weight and cardio training, as well as a disciplined nutrition and diet program.

Though Rix never qualified for braintrust duty, he is (and I imagine, remains) a superior physical specimen. So it's reasonable to assume that he has something to offer in the way of helping young athletes get the most out of their bodies. But rather than stop where his expertise ends, Rix has the audacity to offer tips on, of all things, being a "Championship QB."

Take a moment to laugh. I know I did.

Rules 1-3 and 5-7 make total sense. Bravo Chris. But let's take a look at rules 4 and 8-10.

Rule 4: "AIM" FOR GREATNESS… Help your receiver with an accurate and catchable pass.

Rule 8: USE YOUR EYES TO LOOKOFF… Make sure not to stare-down or lock-on your target until it is time to make the throw.

Rule 9: I.H.O. IS HE OPEN?!… Don’t risk throwing an interception, turnovers will hurt you and your team.

Antrel Rolle: "He can be rattled. He has a tendency to lose his focus and just throw the ball anywhere — not looking for a target, but just throwing the ball."

Then there's Rule 10: SERVE YOU TEAMMATES (sic)… Show you (sic) teammates a selfless/unselfish player who puts them first.

Amazingly, the website omits rules a few rules:

Rule 11: "Don't sleep through your exams and get suspended for the Sugar Bowl."

Rule 12: "Even when in a hurry, don't use unauthorized tags to park in a handicap spot when regular spaces are available."

Rule 12a: "Avoid using the 'outpatients only' spot at your university's geriatric clinic."

Rix has about as much right teaching kids about THESE fundamentals as I do going to an elementary school to give a lecture on how to avoid becoming mad with drink. If Rix wants to run a camp, fine. He is/was an exceptionally talented quarterback who clearly didn't become the player he was supposed to be; I'm sure he has a lot of knowledge to impart to the youngins.

But when you spend a career disregarding four of your own rules for being a champion quarterback, you forfeit the right to impart said "wisdom" on children who think you're putting them on the fast track to the next level.

Chris Rix is a guy who couldn't hit the ocean if he stood on a beach, but if he can convince idiot parents to fork over their hard-earned dollars under the illusion that he can make their kids winners, more power to him.

As the saying goes, "there's a sucker born every minute" and I'm sure Chris Rix will be laughing all the way to the bank.

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  • http://justthesports.blogspot.com David Barbour

    Has there ever been an athlete who was helped less by pointing heavenward? Jesus really doesn’t like when you use unauthorized handicapped tags.

  • http://www.futonreport.net/ Matthew T. Sussman

    In related news, Ryan Leaf is a quarterbacks coach for a Division-II college.

    Seriously.

  • LINDA

    I THINK RIX WAS A PRETTY GOOD COLLEGE QUARTERBACK(LOOD AT HIS STATS AND COMPARE TO DAVID GREEN(UGA),CLAUSSEN(UTENN), MANNING(OLE MISS)AND OTHERS AND HIS SIZE UP PRETTY WELL).
    DID I MISS SOMETHING, OR IS EVERYONE MISTAKE FREE EXCEPT RIX ? THE PARKING STUNT AND THE OVERSLEEPING ARE CONSTANTLY THROWN OUT AS INDICATIONS OF RIX’S LACK OF INTELLIGENCE. IN FACT, HE IS QUIET INTELLIGENT AND VERY ARTICULATE. NO, HE DIDN’T MAKE IT TO THE PROS-JUST LIKE 90+ PER CENT OF COLLEGE SENIORS.
    I HAVE NEVER HEARD OR READ OF RIX BOASTING OR TRASH TALKING AT ALL. NEVER.
    GET OFF HIS BACK AND WORRY ABOUT YOUR OWN SMALL UNIMPORTANT LIFE. AS FOR RIX COACHING OR PASSING ON KNOWLEGE- MOST GREAT (AND AVERAGE)COACHES NEVER TOTALLY SUCCEEDED AS PLAYERS. AND DON’T FORGET. RIX LEARNED WHAT HE CAN PASS ON TO OTHERS FROM ONE OF THE BEST COACHES OF ALL TIME.

  • Ryan

    This is the dumbest piece of trash I have ever read. To make fun of a man’s religion is unheard of. I actually fell dumber after reading this. Hopefully this is the last article you ever write.

  • Andy Phillips

    Get over yourself, Ryan. At no point in the post or the comments did anyone mention religion. The only hint of it is in Rix’s OWN graphic! The post is not only funny but it’s pretty accurate of Rix’s limitations during his career. He may mean well in trying to teach kids but I don’t won’t send my kids to a camp where the guy running it couldn’t follow his own directives when he was a player. If he had, he’d be in the NFL, not running an “academy.”

  • http://www.futonreport.net/ Matthew T. Sussman

    Christianity Rix?

  • http://home.earthlink.net/~clbyrne Charles Byrne

    I can say that I don’t have any objections to anyone trying to make money, but if Chris Rix actually followed his own advice he espoused on his website he would have been a good quarterback.
    I normally don’t criticize college players, but his antics are renowned in Tallahassee. I have seen plenty of FSU starting QB’s Since 1983 and he was one of the worst.

    His stats are misleading. Before Weinke most of our QB’s were 2 year QBs. Rix had 4 years to compile the stats he did. All you really need to look at are Win/Loss, 1st down passing yardage, 3rd down conversions, turnovers. He couldn’t sustain a drive. He was a Chuck and Duck quarterback who we had to DUMB DOWN the plays to accomodate his skils. There were also times when we had Greg Jones WIDE open in the flats 5 to 6 yards upfield and he would just run with the ball then manage to turn it over or for a paltry gain.

    He caused a schism with the players. He missed so many open players it was ridiculous. He telegraphed his throws. He parked in Handicapped spot, he missed the Sugar Bowl because he overslept for exams (that’s really a great way to “BE A LEADER”).

    Chris Rix was a self-imposed 4 year probation for FSU and it has affected us ever since. He wasn’t the whole problem for the current fall of FSU, but
    he was the most evident.

    I would recommend that he change his address to
    http://www.AimForTheDefender.com

  • jake

    rix was a terrible qb, and whoever thinks otherwise probably is a believer in brock berlin as well!

  • TAlly ho

    [Edited] I went to school in tally with rix and the guy is worse than he was portrayed. people have been easy on him. the kid is all about self. part of me thinks he didnt complete more passes because he would rather have all the attention in a loss than give it to another player with a win. he did what he set out to do. be the center of attention, good or bad. he is a horrible person.

  • TAlly ho

    oh and i played football also. so don’t try to argue with bullshit.

  • Jeremy – Winston Salem,NC

    OKay… I am a FSU Fan and have been for years (since the late 80’s) Rix wasn’t that bad… But he wasn’t that good… There are never bad players, but bad coaches. Jeff Bowden, the offensive coordinator and quaterbacks coach couldn’t teach a kid to aim for wall to pee on. He is the reason the past 6 years FSU has gone down the drain… Rix probably could’ve been a better player had he been developed better by a better COACH! Yes he (Rix) sucked at times and could’nt beat Miami in 6 tries, but he holds a better record at starting QB then what FSU has now – who is 4-4 and last in the ACC. I was glad to see him gone because he was immature and thought he was the shit off the field, which caused problems for the team on the field. Missing the Sugar Bowl pissed me off and when Anqwan Boldin had to be QB, all that seasons work for nothing… Rix was selfish and at that moment I realized he was a total douche. Keep in mind, Boldin was a wide reciever. The back up behind Rix, you guessed it, sucked too! So whose to blame? I blame both the coaches at FSU for his lack of training and development and Rix for not being mature enough to handle himself off the field. His school on how to be a champion is a joke. He could’nt beat Miami for 5 years (6 tries), what makes people think he can teach kids to win? Unless I am missing something here, Rix couldn’t lead a high school team to a state title. So Rix – sorry bud, you pissed me off for 5 years and botched a lot of games with your piss poor performance and bad decisions. You shoulda did what Adrian McPherson did, left FSU to get trained better somewhere else. Maybe you would be in the pros by now – like McPherson.

  • socal

    He couldn’t lead a high school team to a championship, and he didn’t. Not ALL in part because he GOT KICKED OUT FOR CHEATING from his “alma mater”, but because of his same attitudes about being a selfish ball hog also, yes even then. I went to high school with the guy. He let us down also and couldn’t even complete his big senior year because he was given the boot.This is LEGIT.

  • The U

    He never beat Miami..

  • Rareity Clause

    I do understand alot of the points you guys raise about Chris but in my mind
    As long as Chris learns from his mistakes and uses himself as an example as to where he came short to these kids, I think it’s beneficial. Old classmate from middle school.

  • SINSIN

    AT FSU RIX WAS THE WORST THERE WAS, AND THE WORST THERE EVER WILL BE…..For all those who went to FSU, you know what I’m talking about, he is legendary for the RIX HAPPENS carved all over bathrooms at FSU, HE SINGLE HANDEDLY spoiled my college football experience at Florida State

  • Rareity Clause

    you guys are harsh!

  • FSU

    Rix was not great in college, but it dealt more with the coaching staff. At the time, I hated Rix, but after watching the following years get worse and worse, I think it showed it was the coaching, not the players. Rix would have succeeded somewhere else. He was the first in a wave of bad years and he took too much of the blame.

  • Rareity Clause

    FSU I’ve heard those comments from other people, it’s unfortunate how much of the blame could be placed on just one individual but I agree with your statement and Rix’s haughtiness definitely exacerbated peoples reaction.

  • http://davidhouk.com Dave Houk

    I agree with FSU that the coaches were at fault – they were not qualified for the position, if Rix were coached by a Jimbo Fisher he would have been a lot better in my opinion.

  • Jesse M

    FSU & Dave Houk, I totally agree with you guys. I have had the pleasure of meeting Chris these past years and I do not see the man that everyone is speaking of. I am glad that God does not look at my past mistakes, most of the that are writing about Chris not only have a past problem but a current one that is still unchecked. My son is a QB, and I am glad Chris is a man that has taken responsibility for his past mistakes-but brings warning to this current and next generations (this is valuable experience). “God does not call the qualified but qualifies the called”, on a side note-the FSU coaches have a part in this as well. So much is required from a player especially the QB’s, coaches have a responsibility as well. Lastly it is not how you start the race of life, but how you finish!!!-“bitter people look inward and allow GOD to work on those areas that are still unchecked in your life.