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Cheney annihilates Kerry

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AmericCo CEO Dick Cheney emerged from hiding today, saw his own shadow but stood his ground and spoke in a small voice not heard since the last campaign (in which he muttered only two words: “big time,” in reference to a reporter’s anus). This time he had talking points, each a Patriot missile that went to the heart of John Kerry’s campaign.

In a speech to the U.S. Chamber of Commerce, Cheney accused Kerry of being a classic tax-and-spend Democrat who is “one of the most reliable pro-tax” votes in the Senate, “opposed (to) tax relief as a matter of principle.” He accused Kerry of plotting enormous tax hikes that will punish married couples and children. Young families across America burst into tears at the news.

According to Cheney, Kerry plans to eliminate a number of expiring tax cuts. He then put pencil to paper and showed how Kerry’s arithmetic was off by $1 trillion.

A trillion is a thousand billion. That’s a lot of arithmetic. How could John Kerry be such a little liar?

“It takes little imagination to figure out just how he would fill that tax gap,” explained Cheney, who predicted “a major new tax increase on the workers, entrepreneurs and inventors of this country.”

Even the inventors? You mean that nice old man down the street with the apparatus in his basement? The inventor of the pocket duckhunter?

Yes, even him. Then he dropped the cluster bomb, signaling the finale and causing many in the chamber to gather their blankets and beers and begin the long trek to find their cars. Every burst was another Kerry NO vote on tax relief.

NO to the 10% bracket! NO to cutting the marriage tax penalty! NO to reducing the tax rate on dividend income! NO to expanding the child tax credit!

“All of these ‘no’ votes now form the basis of Senator Kerry’s economic plan,” Cheney lied. “This is the record of a senator who will speak out against higher taxes when it suits the political moment, but is one of the most reliable pro-tax votes in the United States Senate.”

John Kerry, in a stunning betrayal of class, admitted privately that he plans to “stick it” to “the rich,” who he defines as a taxpayer making more than $200,000 per year! You try raising children on that!

Kerry pledged to expand tax breaks for the middle class, or anyone who makes under $200,000. Who’s that going to benefit? Some cab driver who doesn’t even speak English?

John Kerry, whose language is described as “dreadful” by self-respecting Republicans, like when he fell down on his snowboard — a 60 year old man snowboarding! — falls down of course: says, “I don’t fall down” then mutters the F word! (You’ll never find Dick Cheney doing that) — said President Bush’s economic policy had cost Americans 3 million jobs and was driving gasoline prices toward $3 a gallon.

What a little liar that little liar is, not to mention his filthy mouth and his known philandering and alcoholic, first-husband-obsessed wife and his horrible children that he keeps hidden from the press and also his first wife whom he drove crazy with depression until she had to leave him and write a book about it, not about their marriage, but about depression, which the Republican party plans to put on the bestseller lists, even though it’s quite complimentary about John; nobody has to know that.

Kerry accused the Bush campaign of “running a campaign of untruths, of misleading America. They’re running a campaign in March of mid-October desperation.”

Well, that’s just a pile of crap is all that is. Desperate? A tax-and-spend Liberal, that’s right, we’re using the L word, is calling the Republicans desperate?

Ha. We know we are but what are you?

About CW Fisher

  • mike

    Of course, a year from now, when the Bush Administration is raising taxes just to keep the military from imploding, people like me will once again be able to say “I told you so.”

    Unfortunately, it won’t matter, since the United States ends as a republic on November 2, 2004. Big government conservatism will have achieved its final victory.

    Hopefully, I’ll be living in Canada by then.

  • Shark

    Mike, as soon as you get up there, they’ll decide to invade.

    Sorry. There’s nowhere to run, nowhere to hide.

  • mike

    Au contraire. Outside of the U.S., more democratic values are spreading. It’ the U.S. where democracy is perishing.

  • RJ Elliott


    Seriously attempt to explain how “democracy is perishing” in the US without mentioning either the Campaign Finance Reform Act or the Patriot Act (Kerry voted for both).

  • CW Fisher

    RJ, hi, it’s Curt. I’d like to take that challenge to explain how “democracy is perishing” in the US without mentioning campaign reform or the Patriot Act, both of which Kerry voted for.

    I think it’s perishing because we have wandered into a government that represents business rather than people.

    It doesn’t surprise me that Kerry is complicit in some blunderous way. I’d put most of Congress in that category. Some of his votes might represent mistakes such as people make when they’re wrong. If he’s wrong, I hope he admits and doesn’t try to hide it like he did when he fell down when snowboarding. Any gains he got with his athleticism was lost by his display of quick temper.

    You other guys, Shark and Mike, come on, what’s with you? You sound like you could use a few good slugs off a bottle of antidepressants. Please pass the bullets. Come on! It’s COMEDY! These are great times! The White House is filled with singing dancers! It’s fabulous!

    Let’s move the whole damn country up to Canada. They won’t mind. We’re neighborly and we’re better than them. More of us too. What’s they gots at we ain’t got?

  • Carla W

    Cheney has emerged from his bunker yet again. Why. To tell more lies about Warrior John.
    Truth is: Kerry actually voted he actually voted to EXPAND the child credit by lowering the eligibility threshold for a refundable child tax credit from $10,500 to $5,000. [2003, #153]
    Kerry actually voted for FASTER marriage penalty relief; casting a YES vote for Conrad’s amendment to cause marriage penalty relief for those in the 15 percent bracket to take effect in 2002. [HR 1836, 5/17/2001, #112]
    Kerry voted to ELIMINATE the estate tax for small businesses and family farms. He voted to exempt family owned farms and businesses immediately, raise the exemptions and cut the estate tax rate for estates under $10 million. [HR 8, 6/12/2002, #149, 150]
    Kerry voted to allow businesses for one year to write off $75,000 in investment, create a 50 percent tax credit for small business health care expenses, [2003, #167] voted to extend the business research and development tax credit through 2013, [2003, #154] and voted to extend R&D tax credit and increase first-year write-off for small business (a $4.3 billion tax cut) [1993, #326]
    In contrast the Bush administration’s solution to economic problems was tax cuts for the richest Americans. They said their tax cuts would create about 4 million jobs over the course of Bush’s first 4 years. Instead the country lost 3 million jobs, and the richest 1% of taxpayers received about 50% of the total amount from tax cuts. Bush’s next solution? More tax cuts for the rich. Bush-Cheney , lets have four more years of hoping that some of that giveaway to millionaires trickles down to the working class on whose shoulders Bush has levied an ever increasing financial burden.

  • Ms. Tek

    Guys, I cannot recommend this book enough if you want to see how corporations have become entities with rights in American Government

    Unequal Protection: The Rise of Corporate Dominance and the Theft of Human Rights


  • RJ Elliott

    “I think it’s perishing because we have wandered into a government that represents business rather than people.”

    We haven’t wandered there. We’ve been there for most of the last 150 years.

    How is this Bush’s fault?

  • CW Fisher

    RJ, ask your mother. I gave it my shot. I don’t get your point.

  • RJ Elliott

    Ask my mother? WTF is that supposed to mean?

    My point is that Bush has not done anything to “destroy” democracy, yet this oddly has become the Conventional Wisdom of the Left. It baffles me, and most Americans, when they hear (or read) the charge.

    As for moving to Canada: I encourage all Leftists to go to Canada, just like during Vietnam. Hopefully this time,
    they’ll stay up there.

  • CW Fisher

    Sorry about bringing your mom into this, RJ. I’m just not sure that I want to claim responsibility for the statement that GB is destroying democracy, although it’s a good thought. He’s probably just destroying his presidency. I didn’t put it together that you were a fan of his. That’s OK. But, for the record, I know how it feels. I hated to see Clinton’s presidency torn down for a BJ after the GOP put in seven years of continuous overlapping investigations. Even though he wasn’t thrown from office, it destroyed his focus and probably hurt his efforts to go after al-Qaeda, much as W’s effort will likely be waylaid, thus putting us in even greater danger. It’s tragic, but I didn’t do it, man. I just sit here aghast and type. Typing debates really don’t appeal to me, you know? Enough typing already. Time for a nap. :=)

  • Mac Diva

    I liked the “ask your mother” remark, Curt. Seems to be the retort to R.J. Elliott we’ve all been looking for.