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Change Is Not a Four-Letter Word

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Change is not a four-letter word.

SAME is.

Why do certain people resist change in relationships?

In shaky or stale relationships, people who do not like change become defensive, making statements like, "You've changed. I'm still the same person you met (and married)." The usual intent of this statement is to claim, in a judgmental way, two things: that stalemating yourself is a good thing, and that the person who has changed is the culprit in making the relationship stumble — upsetting the old balance and setting new expectations for relationship growth.

Ironically, stable and healthy relationships are that way because of changes that are made to meet the emerging needs and development of couple intimacy.

Change is inevitable. The simple reality is that you either grow together or grow apart. Mutual positive growth strengthens the bond. Partners feel closer and more connected. Each partner learns from the other. The process of solving problems in a relationship requires that changes be made.

Change is not always positive, yet simply keeping everything the same as it was in the beginning stunts the growth of intimacy. You gotta mix it up – a little. Being dependable and having your partner's back are great, but being predictable may not be.

Successful long-term couples work both together and individually to recognize weaknesses in their relationship. Both respond to the need to change to establish and maintain a strong connection.

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