I am a 30-year-old woman going through many life transitions. I truly believe all of the things I am experiencing are going to make me a better person. I just can't help but wonder why it seems like everything hits at once.
I am a good friend, mother, co-worker etc. — but it seems as if I always get the short end of the stick. I try to be supportive and listen to others and their problems, but I'm at the point where I want to be totally selfish and forget about everyone.
I'm not sure if this is what my life is supposed to be because I really like the thought that I can help others when they ask and I feel guilty not doing so. It seems like I've reached a point where nothing seems to be going the way I anticipated and my friends don't seem to take my problems seriously.
What am I doing wrong?
Being As Philosophical As Possible
I don’t think you are doing anything wrong and I think it’s exactly as you say it is. You are literally coming apart like a puzzle breaking up. But this time, when the puzzle comes together, it will be an entirely different scene and better than you could have ever imagined or designed for yourself.
Here’s the astrology: your chart is challenging to begin with. It’s very complex. You’re a 500 piece puzzle rather than your neighbor, who has a mere 200 pieces to contend with. And then along comes a series of transits and you feel like going crazy. And there is no way to stop the process, or alter it in any way. You can’t speed it up, I mean. And there is no cure outside what you’re doing. But it may help if I define it for you, so I will.
And for the record, anyone with planets at mid-degrees of the Fixed signs (Leo, Aquarius, Scorpio, Taurus) are going through some version of this. That is, they are having a Saturn and Neptune transit their chart simultaneously which creates very challenging scenarios.
Neptune asks that you have faith. It dissolves boundaries and asks you to be compassionate and serve. It often feels like a victim, ie. hanging from a cross, and consequently wants to escape, generally via addiction of one sort or another.
In contrast, Saturn begs you grow up! It insists you face reality, take responsibility, and learn something. Saturn defines things… creates boundaries, so you can see the conflict when both planets hit a chart simultaneously!
And if you read what you wrote up there, these energies are illustrated in living color. You are struggling (Saturn) to put boundaries in place. You are trying to “do the right thing” (Saturn) while simultaneously feeling victimized. And I am telling you, there is no short-term quick fix.
The best you can do is work (Saturn) not to manifest the negative expressions of these signs which are escapism in the case of Neptune and being paralyzed by fear, around Saturn.
Here are two possibilities: “I am so afraid of screwing up, or this is so hard, I guess I’ll take this pill/powder/drink and deal with it tomorrow”.
Or, “I'm going to take this small step, having faith that the universe will guide me and provide me the support I require."