Warning: This is an irreverent satire written by a feminist pagan.
All new material.
The genesis of my Catholicism vs. Witchcraft articles were some teenagers who came onto an online pagan forum and asked if they as Catholics could practice witchcraft. Although paganism is very trendy right now, I was forced to tell them that my understanding was that they could not practice witchcraft and remain Catholics in good standing. Anticipating their dilemma, I made up a list comparing witchcraft to Catholicism.
Advantages of witchcraft–
1) As seen on T.V.!
2) Always wanted to have own dagger
3) Three words: Samhain Samhain Samhain
4) I’m not a nerd; I’m a wizard
5) Snotty cheerleaders at school be turning into bugs
6) No burning people alive! *
7) Wanna wear Goth wardrobe
8) Need to justify compulsive spending on candles
9) What other religion mixes swords and teenagers?
10) Original sin? What’s so original?
11) Somehow need to incorporate self-mutilation into
12) 1 million disturbed teenagers can’t be wrong
13) No need to save those pagan babies after all
14) Still traumatized by “rap session” with seventies
youth pastor in tie-dyed cassock
15) Makes the crops grow
16) Saints vs. Pagan Gods–K-POW!
17) Give Jesus a rest
18) Religious induction begins after child’s ability
19) No more looking at creepy bleeding dead guy on
20) They said our love wouldn’t last
. . . .until we went and got handfast
21) Power, unlimited power
22) No one really believes that shit in the bible
23) They call him the Love God, and he’s 100% pagan
24) No purgatory–straight to Valhalla!
25) Lots o’ scary vegan baked goods **
26) Wicca: you’ll come for the worship; you’ll
stay for the potluck.
27) In pagan heaven, each person gets 100,000 puppies
28) There is no other way to get mead
29) No shirt, No shoes, No problem
30) Nothing says lovin’ like something from the coven
*except druids, yeah, o.k.
**o.k. score one for Catholicism
***o.k. I made that up, but they started it!
The books chosen to accompany this article are by Starhawk and Margot Adler, both credible and brave pagan authors.Powered by Sidelines