In this day, and in these times, roles of men and women have changed from the days of our parents and grandparents. I am going to take what is going to be an unpopular stand in this little piece, and say, for once and for all what I think about the subject.
No matter what the changing economic picture in the modern world where two incomes are often necessary to maintain either the bare necessities or a certain life style, roles of men and women are blurred or obscured. They really shouldn’t be, for they are the bedrock of the family and the farther we move away from them, the less cohesive the family becomes.
When girls were taught by mothers and grandmother’s that the man is the king of his castle, they weren’t wrong (excuse the cliche!). The differences in the psyche of the man and the woman demand that the man feel this way. That is not to say that the wife/woman is the slave submissive to some liege. But a man has to know that he is loved, nurtured, cared for, catered to and reigns supreme in his home….because in the world, for the most part he can’t, so it is important that in that little piece of reality, he does.
Don’t get me wrong, I do not suggest here that a woman be a doormat, or not have an equal say in all aspects of the union. (Did you think I ever WOULD suggest that?). But it is so easy to let a man know he is special. And too many women don’t do that. Empirical evidence, the divorce rate in the United States.
We all see ourselves in the reflection of the eyes of others, most importantly, the one with whom we have partnered. How important is it that the reflection a husband or partner see in his woman’s eyes is one of excitement, honor, respect, trust, and caring? We don’t take the time because we, too, have had a hard day. But it is a matter of priorities. To keep a relationship healthy and infused with life, men need certain things. (Don’t worry, so do women which I’m going to talk about in a minute).
Men like the extra mile. It makes them feel special. They ARE special and the extra mile isn’t hard to give. Giving something which costs nothing, and reaps huge rewards is a good thing.
Through the ages, men were hunters, protectors, fire-builders, and kingdom creators. Women were nurturers, playmates, tended the fires that men built, and decorated the kingdom. We have kept some of those but we have lost more.
I will fully admit that there are men for whom nothing is enough, who have some basic character flaw that requires something new and different. But there are many more who just do not see the reflection in the eyes of their partner which they once saw. So they look for that mirror somewhere else.
Now on the the obverse side of the coin, women, too have suffered in the changing roles of modern society. Most work so they have that responsibility, together with the responsibilities of a home. What women often forget, and sometimes push to the back burner, is that the home is created by the two people who started it. It isn’t the stone and brick, it isn’t the mastercard bill, it isn’t the children. Those are the offshoots of the home. The home is the two people who started it, and hopefully will with die with it.
People respond to actions. Men respond to those things that make them feel special that we sometimes forget in the hubub of life. They need to be welcomed, appreciated for their hard work, they want to “feel” that they are the most important thing around which this modern family revolves. It is completely necessary for their sense of well being. When they get that, they, in turn, are more appreciative, more helpful, and more committed to the union.
A special dinner just for him while the children are cozy at grandmother’s house, a night of sexy lingerie and his favorite wine, does not only benefit the King. It benefits the Queen as well. Going outside the box is always a good thing. Sameness becomes humdrum, but it is a woman’s job to keep things fresh. If she does, she will reap the the most glorious benefits.
Yes, women contribute to the home with money, time, effort and many other things. But her first priority is to keep the King of the Castle invigorated, happy, and feeling loved and special. Without that, all the other trappings are just extraneous. And reciprocity usually follows.
Women, no matter how much they protest, love to be protected and feel that they can be “rescued” from life’s annoyances. She finds that in her man if she has done her job.
Women can do anything. They can excel in business, in the arts, in the academic world. Why do so many fail at interpersonal relationships? Because they forget, in all that excelling, what their partner needs.
Now I will have to hide from the National Organization for Women, but fully expect to be protected by a knight on a white horse.