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Carnival of the Vanities This one goes to Eleven

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I don’t know what Bigwig was thinking when he handed hosting duties for Carnival of the Vanities #11 to me, but here it is. It’s a good mix this week with everything from peace, love and understanding to drunken bloggers to hardcore Santa. No, not hardcore like that.

I had a lot of fun doing this, I highly recommend it to everyone. I read a lot, I learned a lot and I laughed a lot. I cried, too – you’ll figure that one out soon enough. If I forgot anyone’s entry – missed an email or anything – please feel free to send me a reminder and kick my ass.

Now, go read them all. I mean all of them. The posts are excerpted; click on the title to visit the author’s site and read the whole thing. There will be a pop quiz later on, so read for comprehension! Don’t skim! Bonus question will be: Who is hosting the Carnival next week? Answer at the end. Pencils ready, and….go!

Northwest Notes: The Meat Market

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Whole Fryers $1.99/lb.
Spiral Cut Ham
GIFT CERTIFICATES AVAILIABLE

The last one appeared in two locations. The extra ?i? had been added to each as a squeezed-in afterthought, instantly giving the word a new syllable. If only an old sign painter would come out of retirement and paint the signs the way they?re supposed to look, and the owner could throw away his collection of markers?.

M. Finely: Anton’s Syndrome

quill.gifIf you stop right now, and take a piece of paper, and write down the three moments in your life that most defined you — that delimited your aspirations — you will likely have three short stories, a tryptich that tells much more about you than a comparable set of three happy scenes, the birth of a child, a favorite vacation, the moment you first fell in love.

Fragments From Floyd: UFO In Floyd County!ufo.gif

Monday morning began bright and brisk, with a low silver sun, calm, peaceful as ever. Sitting at the computer waiting for the muse to visit and move my fingers on the keys, I became aware that I was hearing sounds unnatural out my window. I got up from my chair and stood at the open front door in my robe and slippers. Whatever it was, it was circling back and forth between our valley and the neighbors.

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Chuck Simmons: One Step Forward

I see people devote hours each week to other volunteer jobs, Scouting, childrens’ sports, candystripers. That’s super. God bless you all. But, don’t you ever feel the urge to stand between your loved ones and evil? One day, out of the blue, evil comes to call. Some folks run forward, towards the danger. Others don’t.

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Everything Must Go: They Made Me a Criminal

Driving to work this past Sunday evening, I was pulled over by a cop for failing to stop at a stop sign. I’ll say upfront I’m guilty as charged, but I didn’t admit it to the officer. I plan to fight the ticket. It’s a libertarian thing. I’ve thought about it for several days, and the more I think about it, the more I realize I was entrapped, and the police had no business spying on me and wasting my time, in order to raise funds for the city.

Greeblie Blog: Adopt a Blogger!baby.gif

It’s time to introduce you to my adopted BlogChildren (AKA the Axis of Greeblie). I took in some people to my domain because I was in the giving mood, the people I took in had terrible Blogger service and I had a little extra space and bandwidth on my web server account. Hopefully I can do my part to make sure they have a great experience here.

liquors.gifSolonor’s Ink Well: Feel The Power

ME: Ooh, this looks like a rowdy bunch.
THEM: *nervous laughter* Who is this creep?
ME: Um, I guess that’s what I get for not putting a picture on my blog.
THEM: Oh, THAT creep!

Heretical Ideas: They’re Getting More Antsy All The Time

peace.gifLooking at Islam specifically, it’s impossible to claim, like Robertson and others, that it is a religion that openly advocates violence against unbelievers. If that were true, than a great majority of Muslims would be, well, employing violence against unbelievers. But that is obviously not the case. What is the case, however, is that the Islamic sect of Wahabbism does openly advocate violence. But it’s important to remember that Wahabbism is still, by far, a minority sect, despite the best efforts of the Saudis.

Pop Culture Gadabout: WebLibs

mlib.gifIn these days of robot-generated text, Mad Libs seem a bit archaic. But just because a concept’s outlived its entertainment value doesn’t mean we won’t use it here at the Gadabout. Without further ado, we offer our first poli-blog Web Libs:

THE YAMMERINGS OF (plural noun): More proof (as if further was needed!) that being a good (noun) doesn’t necessarily make you a(n) (adjective) pundit. Today, (full name) appeared before the press to (verb) our president’s (adjective) campaign against the (pejorative noun) of the Middle East, Saddam Hussein.

Mad Kane: The Rantings of Trent Lottsinging.gif

Sounding off in DC
From his Senate stoop,
In his right-wing meetings,
Lott leads a scary group.

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I’m Not A Cowboy: Why I Can’t Talk To You About My Thanksgiving Vacation

When you ask me about my Thanksgiving vacation I’ll probably say it was OK, shrug and quickly change the subject. It was actually the worst week in my life that I can remember. Here’s why I can’t talk to you about my Thanksgiving vacation.

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Amish Tech Support: Holiday Blogging Public Service Announcement

Yes, it’s very interesting to hear about how you got the blowjob in the copier room at the office Christmas Party. Too bad your wife wasn’t able to make it there, but thank goodness she reads your blog, right?

*ed note: Not only did I steal the icon-for-every-post idea from Lair, I also stole his Santa icon that he used on this post.

IMAO: In My World: Dead Man Jeffords Slams Bush’s Environmental Record

death.gif“The Bush administration has continued its pattern of sacrificing our environment to the demands of special interests,” said Sen. James Jeffords in the Democrats’ weekly radio response as he tried to ignore the grim specter of death that floated above him.

Where Worlds Collide: Who’s The Enemy

soundoff.gifDid you know that the most senior Muslim clerics in Nigeria have actually condemned the so-called fatwa on the Nigerian journalist who’s article sparked off the riots there? How many Islamic blogs or news sources do you ever read?

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AMGCLTD: Hellride

1:15 PM Learn to appreciate a whole new definition of “irony” as we cruise at a brisk walking pace underneath a “SLOW: TRAFFIC CONGESTION AHEAD. REDUCE SPEED TO 45 MPH” sign.

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Bleeding Brain: More Fearsome Than Warriors

Today’s American soldier is different. He is as likely to be torn to shreds as he is to be struck by lightening. It would be a very rare and quaint experience to meet a soldier who seriously believed he was going to meet his demise on the battlefield.

WTF Is It Now?: Decline of Civilization (archives aren’t working, so the whole post is right here)

boobs_sm_01.jpgHave you seen the commercials for Fox’s new program “Joe Millionnaire”? From what I can tell it’s another reality show, where pouty-lipped, vapid, braindead walking breasts parade in bizarre, uncomfortable lingerie, large hair, and a whorucopia of make-up for what seems from the back to be some kind of romance-novel-cover Eurostud. That he seems to be in great danger of having his testicles crushed by his own stallion may in fact save time later on when he finally does get ‘engaged’ to one of those grasping, taloned bimbos.

Not that I’m jealous or anything.

Cal Pundit: Abraham Lincoln’s Thanksgiving

icon-lincoln-memorial.gif….On October 3rd, 1863, after decades of neglect, Abraham Lincoln re-established the last Thursday in November as a “day of thanksgiving and praise.” My great-grandfather, Eli Drum, a private in the Union army, spent most of that year in Ambrose Burnside’s Army of the Ohio, where he was part of the now virtually forgotten Eastern Tennessee campaign. In late November Eli and his comrades were driven into Knoxville, where they were besieged by Confederate forces. Here is what he recorded in his diary on Thanksgiving day:

tv.gifRavenwood’s Universe: Most Unrealistic Sitcoms

Dukes of Hazzard – How many of you actually grew up thinking that the police had to stop chasing you at the county line? Besides, in real life each time they were caught, Bo and Luke would have been pistol whipped so bad their own Uncle Jessie wouldn’t have recognized them. Also those pretty boys would make good girlfriends for Hazzard’s local yokels while in the pokie.


The Kitchen Cabinet: Things We Don’t Talk About in Polite Converstion

quiet.gifI was always told that it was rude to talk about religion or politics. (In my family, it hardly needed to be said that sex was a conversational no-no — which brings up a question I’ll pose to Nick: Who wants in-laws who are eager to talk about sex?) But there was this corollary: it’s only rude when you don’t know where the other person stands, or when you know they disagree with you. If neither applies, fire away!

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Bloviating Inanities: Senate Passes “Sorrow Resolution”

“[Senator Mark] Dayton and three other Democratic senators gathered on the Senate floor to eulogize Wellstone and approve a resolution expressing the Senate’s ‘profound sorrow and deep regret’ on the deaths of Wellstone, his wife and daughter, three staff members and two pilots in the crash.”

Nikita Demosthenes: What Would Jesus Drive?

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There were fewer environmentalists in the age of the quadruped. This was not because there was less environment-offending conduct by humans – I grew up on a dairy farm, so don’t get me started. There were less environmentalists then because there was less leisure.

Metrocake: Slap on the Ass and a Bang on the Ear

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So: last night. Post-class, on the train home, the 10:00-ish train out of Penn Station. Man talking on his cell phone. Really loudly. I was four rows back from him and could hear every word, crisp and clear. I was getting annoyed; others around me were, too.

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The Eleven Day Empire: This Will Come As No Surprise

But that day is long past; because the networks face fierce competition from cable-TV and satellite, and VCR and DVD and the internet, etc. news can’t be allowed to lose money or even break even; it must contribute to the bottom line.

Silflay Hraka: Twas the Night Before Christmas

santausa.gifTwas the night before Christmas, and all through Iraq
Not a weapon was firing, not even ack-ack;
The white flags were hung by the chimney with care,
In hopes that Uncle Sam’s men soon would be there

bonus answer: Amish Tech Support will be hosting #12. Start bugging him now.

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  • Eric Olsen

    Ooh, cool logos and stuff. It just keeps getting better. Hey, the UFO moves!!

  • http://users2.ev1.net/~file13/blog/ Laurence Simon

    I’ve been slowly working on my campaign to animate every one of my 350 icons, and I figure I will increase the load time of my archive pages five-fold with such a move.

    MWAHAHAHAHAHAH!