I am dedicating this Carnival to Thurl Ravenscroft, without whom Kellogg’s Frosted Flakes would be merely “Good!’ or “Moderately decent!” or just plain “Not bad!”
You’ve been waiting for this all week, and now it’s finally here. It’s the list of links you love, and especially love because you came up with them out of your own great content yourselves… it’s the Carnival of the Vanities, Episode 12!
Sure, Michele demanded that I include icons with these entries. Fine. I’m including icons, but I’m not going out of my way to find any that are animated. I mean, there’s only so crazy I can go before I can’t come back from the brink, right? Also, the load times will go from absurd do downright ludicrous.
And we start with a subject that near and dear to me… YEEEEEEEEEEEHAWWWWWWW!
World Wide Rant – TO HELL WITH YOU: For those that would bash the new coach of Texas A&M, all you have to do is aim the cannon at Kyle Field at the Aggies Bench and load it with live ammunition. Of course, the Aggies haven’t scored a touchdown at home in ages, so you may just want to fill the Gatorade jug with sharks.
Dissecting Leftism – A History Political Policy: Guess who promoted and promulgated the policy that John Ray cites. My guess was completely wrong (I thought that it was King Friday XIII of Mister Rogers’ Neighborhood).
TELEMARKETING CALL TO ARMS
nikita demosthenes – Introduction to the world of telemarketing – Update: I remember listening to this sales pitch about selling knives door to door, myself. I ended up cutting the guy’s cell phone in half with his own knife.
On The Third Hard – Blogwatch: The Bellicose Women come up with a 24/7 showcase of blog highlights in an answer to the weekly Carnival. It is how the cable news model came about? What’s next… entries by pager and e-mail?
HABITAT FOR INHUMANITY:
Overtaken By Events – Noblesse Obliged to Speak Drivel ala Jimmy: Giving Jimmy Carter absolutely no peace over his retarded speech delivered upon receiving the Nobel Peace Prize. Perhaps they can shove him down a fjord or something.
Utter Wonder – other things trent lott may or may not regret saying: Some classic almost-quotes from everybody’s favorite Dauphin of the Senate. If Trent Lott were reincarnated as a centipede, he’d have 100 feet in his mouth by now.
The Road to Surfdom – Rightwing self-interest and the war on terror: A call for the Right to actually start fighting the war on terrorism instead of using it as an opportunity to tighten their hold on the reins of power. (Note to Department of VWRC Command: Watch this one closely. Put a wiretap on his dog.)
THE HILLS ARE ALIVE
Where Worlds Collide – Hooray For Prog-Rock!: Yes, hooray for progressive rock and how much greater it is than progressive scissors, but as we all know it’s beaten by progressive paper. The Nation, anyone?
Kitchen Cabinet – Eddie Kooshi Kashi Kanna Tosenary Tosenohka Sammy Kammy Wacky Brown: Imagine trying to put that on a Gold Record platter.
THE WATER WAR ON TERROR:
Everything Must Go – Investing in Teror: I wonder if we’ll he hearing about a over-inflated Water Market equivalent to Enron collapsing from bankruptcy and bogus trades, bribing the White House, and its CEO trading letters with George Bush? Will George call him “Water Boy” ?
A Small Victory – CNN: Brand name gifts are all the rage: A mother and daughter moment shared over the Christmas list and performing a heavy reality check upon it with a red marker. Well, at least Red is a festive color.
Jamie McDonald – To the person who made the banner add on Ether Zone: When it comes to bltchslapping pop-up ads, we have a winner here!
PETS OR FOOD:
Skippy the Bush Kangaroo – because the current pet scandals started under the socks administration: Under the Simon Administration, my four cats (or how many of those four survive until then) will take positions of great prominence in the artwork in the White House. In fact, that which they don’t claw, I suspect they will chew on or even knock down for spite’s sake.
BAWK BAWK BAWK
Ravenwood’s Universe – Americans for Chicken Safety: I hurt my eyebrow on this one from raising it so quickly. I may just have to sue for damages, but this is the reason why the Carnival is so important. The subsite is just… well… go and see.
HOOEY FOR HOLLYOOD:
Norwegian Blogger – Lord of the Rings is Racist: You can tell which Ringwraith is based on Michael Jackson because in the second and third movies it looks more and more like a white Diana Ross.
AMCGLTD – A Difference in Philosophy: An oldie but goodie. Of course, when you’re an Islamic terrorist shopping for a car you want to know how well it fragments into shrapnel when it becomes a car bomb.
THE SEXY VWRC FEMBOT OF DEATH
World Wide Rant – Ann Coulter Can’t Count: Apparently, Ann thinks that Americans in batches of twelve in a court room are infallible, but when they’re in batches of 100 in Hollywood they’re idiots? Apparently, she can’t quite swallow DNA evidence for the purposes of exoneration… so she spits it out.
Bigwig at Silflay Hraka – Does Kristoff Care? – Click a button, worm a South American child. Maybe the New York Times are too busy drawing straws to see who streetpizzas themselves next like Myerson did.
Eleven Day Empire – If You Have To Ask, You’ll Never Know: Amazing how a liberated woman can use a free press to coddle those that would enslave her and wrap her in yards of stifling cloth. Well, that is if they don’t rape and kill her as an infidel first.
OpinionsGalore – Some Questions For Journalists: This is why I think the regional Emmy Awards and Pulitzers are often a bunch of hooey. Many years, nobody’s done anything intellectually or journalistically honest and comprehensive enough to merit a trophy representing truth, courage, and honor.
Overtaken By Events – Russ Kevin Childers – Idiot: Apparently, foreigners hate us so much they don’t buy up our television shows and blue jeans and hamburgers… oh, wait… they do? I guess they don’t hate us in the ways that matter then.
Eleven Day Empire – First Amendment…uh…Campaign Finance Reform: Ah, a favorite subject of mine. Amazing how around primary and election time, television and radio conglomerates choke on the revenues that come in
And last, but not least…
BRING OUT YOUR DEAD!
Amish Tech Support – Dead Pool: Twenty to twenty-five posts a day, slamming the keyboard like Hulk Hogan making Rowdy Roddy Piper his kilted man-bitch, and I’m trying my damndest to get you folks to pick 9 names and try to win free money in what I hope will be the oddest and strangest collaborative project in the Blogosphere. But it wouldn’t be a Carnival without a few games on the Midway, right?
That’s it for the Carnival this week. As usual, it’s been a blast.
Carnival of the Vanities is a regular weekly feature that appears both on Silflay Hraka and Blogcritics, but it currently on tour. For more information on the origins of the Carnival and how to participate (hint: send the URL of one of your permalinks to the person running it that week), feel free to read the institution’s history.
The next stop for the Carnival of the Vanities will be at the fine establishment of Heretical Ideas. Mark your calendars now, update your Palms, and set the alarm for next Tuesday evening to get your entries in to… THE HERETIC!