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Carnival of the Vanities #12

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I am dedicating this Carnival to Thurl Ravenscroft, without whom Kellogg’s Frosted Flakes would be merely “Good!’ or “Moderately decent!” or just plain “Not bad!”

You’ve been waiting for this all week, and now it’s finally here. It’s the list of links you love, and especially love because you came up with them out of your own great content yourselves… it’s the Carnival of the Vanities, Episode 12!

Sure, Michele demanded that I include icons with these entries. Fine. I’m including icons, but I’m not going out of my way to find any that are animated. I mean, there’s only so crazy I can go before I can’t come back from the brink, right? Also, the load times will go from absurd do downright ludicrous.

And we start with a subject that near and dear to me… YEEEEEEEEEEEHAWWWWWWW!

Everything GreyDon’t Mess With Texas: Somebody quick! Get this guy a digital camera now!

World Wide RantTO HELL WITH YOU: For those that would bash the new coach of Texas A&M, all you have to do is aim the cannon at Kyle Field at the Aggies Bench and load it with live ammunition. Of course, the Aggies haven’t scored a touchdown at home in ages, so you may just want to fill the Gatorade jug with sharks.

Dissecting LeftismA History Political Policy: Guess who promoted and promulgated the policy that John Ray cites. My guess was completely wrong (I thought that it was King Friday XIII of Mister Rogers’ Neighborhood).

nikita demosthenesIntroduction to the world of telemarketing – Update: I remember listening to this sales pitch about selling knives door to door, myself. I ended up cutting the guy’s cell phone in half with his own knife.

On The Third HardBlogwatch: The Bellicose Women come up with a 24/7 showcase of blog highlights in an answer to the weekly Carnival. It is how the cable news model came about? What’s next… entries by pager and e-mail?

Overtaken By EventsNoblesse Obliged to Speak Drivel ala Jimmy: Giving Jimmy Carter absolutely no peace over his retarded speech delivered upon receiving the Nobel Peace Prize. Perhaps they can shove him down a fjord or something.

Wind Rider of Silent RunningWhat exactly did Trent Lott say?: It’s amazing what people will do to avoid saying the word “nigger” even if it is in context.

Ipse DixitNot A Lott To Say: Dodd doesn’t have a lot to say about Trent Lott’s recent gaffe,but it’s well worth reading.

Mad KaneBushFoolery Alert 1 (Chartreuse): A new feature-franchise from Mad Kane, the Blogmistress of Comedy!

Chuck SimminsPearl Harbor: A timeless classic.

Utter Wonderother things trent lott may or may not regret saying: Some classic almost-quotes from everybody’s favorite Dauphin of the Senate. If Trent Lott were reincarnated as a centipede, he’d have 100 feet in his mouth by now.

The Road to SurfdomRightwing self-interest and the war on terror: A call for the Right to actually start fighting the war on terrorism instead of using it as an opportunity to tighten their hold on the reins of power. (Note to Department of VWRC Command: Watch this one closely. Put a wiretap on his dog.)

Sneakeasy’s JointA Cop On The Take: There’s only so much a man can take.

Plum CrazyOn Drugs And Crime: Drink your milk. Don’t do drugs. Stay in school. Watch Mister T.

Where Worlds CollideHooray For Prog-Rock!: Yes, hooray for progressive rock and how much greater it is than progressive scissors, but as we all know it’s beaten by progressive paper. The Nation, anyone?

Kitchen CabinetEddie Kooshi Kashi Kanna Tosenary Tosenohka Sammy Kammy Wacky Brown: Imagine trying to put that on a Gold Record platter.

Heretical IdeasA Gay Cowboy Comic?: Calling George Hamilton! Calling George Hamilton!

Eleven Day EmpireMorons On Parade: You! You! Canada! Out of the gene pool! Now!

Susskins Central DispatchA Prairie Home Colonoscopy: Fisking Garrison Keillor.

Everything Must GoInvesting in Teror: I wonder if we’ll he hearing about a over-inflated Water Market equivalent to Enron collapsing from bankruptcy and bogus trades, bribing the White House, and its CEO trading letters with George Bush? Will George call him “Water Boy” ?

A Small VictoryCNN: Brand name gifts are all the rage: A mother and daughter moment shared over the Christmas list and performing a heavy reality check upon it with a red marker. Well, at least Red is a festive color.

Jamie McDonaldTo the person who made the banner add on Ether Zone: When it comes to bltchslapping pop-up ads, we have a winner here!

Mad KanePolitical Dot Comedy Awards: Get out there and stuff the ballot boxes with crab meat and ballots!

Skippy the Bush Kangaroobecause the current pet scandals started under the socks administration: Under the Simon Administration, my four cats (or how many of those four survive until then) will take positions of great prominence in the artwork in the White House. In fact, that which they don’t claw, I suspect they will chew on or even knock down for spite’s sake.

World Wide RantCheese Toast ala Andy: A classic recipe for the whole family. Download this so that you can practice it in your kitchen!

Ravenwood’s UniverseAmericans for Chicken Safety: I hurt my eyebrow on this one from raising it so quickly. I may just have to sue for damages, but this is the reason why the Carnival is so important. The subsite is just… well… go and see.

Norwegian BloggerLord of the Rings is Racist: You can tell which Ringwraith is based on Michael Jackson because in the second and third movies it looks more and more like a white Diana Ross.

AMCGLTDA Difference in Philosophy: An oldie but goodie. Of course, when you’re an Islamic terrorist shopping for a car you want to know how well it fragments into shrapnel when it becomes a car bomb.

World Wide RantAnn Coulter Can’t Count: Apparently, Ann thinks that Americans in batches of twelve in a court room are infallible, but when they’re in batches of 100 in Hollywood they’re idiots? Apparently, she can’t quite swallow DNA evidence for the purposes of exoneration… so she spits it out.

Eleven Day EmpireLet the Whining Commence:Slamming the articles on the opinion page of the New York Times like baseballs in a batting cage.

Bigwig at Silflay HrakaDoes Kristoff Care? – Click a button, worm a South American child. Maybe the New York Times are too busy drawing straws to see who streetpizzas themselves next like Myerson did.

Sneakeasy’s JointAmerica Deep In Thought: What Would Jesus Drive is yet another symptom of our media-drive shallow-as-a-rainpuddle attention span as a countr- OOOOOH! FRIED EGGS! YUMMY!

Eleven Day EmpireIf You Have To Ask, You’ll Never Know: Amazing how a liberated woman can use a free press to coddle those that would enslave her and wrap her in yards of stifling cloth. Well, that is if they don’t rape and kill her as an infidel first.

OpinionsGaloreSome Questions For Journalists: This is why I think the regional Emmy Awards and Pulitzers are often a bunch of hooey. Many years, nobody’s done anything intellectually or journalistically honest and comprehensive enough to merit a trophy representing truth, courage, and honor.

Overtaken By EventsRuss Kevin Childers – Idiot: Apparently, foreigners hate us so much they don’t buy up our television shows and blue jeans and hamburgers… oh, wait… they do? I guess they don’t hate us in the ways that matter then.

Eleven Day EmpireFirst Amendment…uh…Campaign Finance Reform: Ah, a favorite subject of mine. Amazing how around primary and election time, television and radio conglomerates choke on the revenues that come in

Jamie McDonaldBlue Yonder: Enviroweenies get their due.

Eleven Day EmpireAngry Boy: Washington… Post… my eyes glazed over at this point, and I started to mutter something about vomiting robots and eggplant.

And last, but not least…

Amish Tech SupportDead Pool: Twenty to twenty-five posts a day, slamming the keyboard like Hulk Hogan making Rowdy Roddy Piper his kilted man-bitch, and I’m trying my damndest to get you folks to pick 9 names and try to win free money in what I hope will be the oddest and strangest collaborative project in the Blogosphere. But it wouldn’t be a Carnival without a few games on the Midway, right?

That’s it for the Carnival this week. As usual, it’s been a blast.

Carnival of the Vanities is a regular weekly feature that appears both on Silflay Hraka and Blogcritics, but it currently on tour. For more information on the origins of the Carnival and how to participate (hint: send the URL of one of your permalinks to the person running it that week), feel free to read the institution’s history.

The next stop for the Carnival of the Vanities will be at the fine establishment of Heretical Ideas. Mark your calendars now, update your Palms, and set the alarm for next Tuesday evening to get your entries in to… THE HERETIC!

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About Laurence Simon