Okay, We're not going to sugar coat it. Last week was pretty terrible. We all expect more from you. But we're not here to judge. We only want to to get better. We want you to graduate to the playoffs. It may seem like a long way off now, but soon enough it will sneak up on you and then you'll say, "hey, I wish I played better back in May." So what we're going to do is go game by game this week and tell you what you did well and what you can improve upon. Sound good?
Game 33 vs. Pit., L 4-8:
What you did well: Albert went daisy for the 13th time this year. The bullpen pitched very well allowing only two hits and no walks or runs in 3 2/3 innings.
Where you can improve: After showing progress in his last start, Colonel Wellemeyer had a setback by allowing nine hits and seven earned runs in only 4 1/3 inning. No one beyond His Lordship hit well in this game. Ludwick decided to use his hamstring as a slingshot. He's out for 15.
Game 34 vs. Pit., L 2-5:
What you did well: Pineiro pitched as well as a reasonable person can ask Jo-El Pineiro to pitch. Allowing five runs in six innings was somehow an improvement over the previous night's pitching. Schumaker hit .500 with a homer in the fourth inning. His Lordship hit his daily RBI right before breaking his daily bread. The umpires used 20th century technology to overturn a ground rule double that was originally called a home run.
Where you can improve: Listen, you have nine whole innings to score runs. You can't just do a little bit at mid-terms and expect to pull out a good grade by the ninth innings. Sure, we noticed that you had the tying run to the plate in the ninth, but it didn't work out for you, did it? You gotta work on producing all game long. Maybe set aside 30 minutes every night before you go to bed to practice pitch recognition.
Game 35 vs. Pit., W 5-1:
What you did well: Young Rasmus hit a 2-run "Colby Jack" into the Allegheny River and recent callup Sugar Shane Robinson got an RBI of his own. Mitchell Boggs pitched one hit baseball and the bullpen pitched very well again. Dennys Reyes improved clubhouse morale by doing the Truffle Shuffle.
Where you can improve: Even though Boggs allowed only one run, he threw 83 pitches in only 4 1/3 innings. These short outings will tax a bullpen, no matter how good it is. Due to future games against Pittsburgh, Cincinnati, and D.C., you need to learn to play in front of empty seats, a few carpoolers, and hobos.
Game 36 vs. Mil., L 1-0:
What you did well: Waino figured out what he was doing wrong previously and pitched excellently. He allowed only two hits in 8 innings. Unfortunately, one of those hits was a homerun, but that shouldn't have mattered. Three bullpen members closed out the ninth. That's called teamwork, boyos.
Where you can improve: HIT! IT'S JEFF FREAKIN' SUPPAN.
Game 37 vs. Mil., L 2-8:
What you did well: Rookie Rasmus and Sort of Rookie Nick Stavinoha each pushed runs across home plate and made the game kind of close. Brendan Ryan made some deep pop fly catches out of his second base position that pissed off some teammates and the manager. This is in the good column because haterz just gotta hate, that's why.
Where you can improve: The Colonel was terrible. The box score says 5 2/3 innings, four earned runs, seven walks, but we saw that it was worse than that. No pitch was where it was supposed to be. It looked like he was just throwing linguine on the wall to see which strands would stick. Blaine Boyer let a protein deficient Prince Fielder (he's a vegetarian, you see) hit a three-run dinger.
So you see, while your grades aren't so high right now, there are signs of hope and you can build on what you are doing well and learn from your mistakes. Have a good day and send in whomever is next. *checks papers* The Nationals . . . great.
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