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Can’t Get Pregnant? You Are Not Alone

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If you are a woman who has spent your life imagining what it would be like to have a child, then you know how exciting it is when you finally decide that you are ready to make that leap. You are finally prepared to put yourself second. You are willing to make a child the number one priority in life. You are ready to get pregnant.

If you are a woman who has tried and tried and who has been unable to conceive, then you also know the veritable barrage of emotions that you encounter — grief, embarrassment, uselessness.

As a 27 year-old woman I have been married for almost three years and have been with the same man since I was a junior in high school. I can hardly remember a time when I didn’t want to have children with him. I cannot remember a time at all, for that matter, when I didn’t daydream about being a mother. I feel very strongly that we are all on this planet for a very specific reason and I have always thought that my reason was being a mother.

Every woman in my family is like a fertility machine. They get pregnant the first time they try. They get pregnant every time they try. Imagine my surprise when after a year of trying I still wasn’t pregnant.

You might not think about it often, but it’s a relative shot in the dark. It is amazing how many people get pregnant unexpectedly, actually. It has to happen one of three or four specific days which are often hard to pinpoint for many women.

Frustration sets in. Why me? Why can so many people get pregnant the one time they have unprotected sex while I’m doing everything ever suggested by doctors, old wives tales, myths, and the woman down the street who has eight kids?

When you spend a year trying to conceive and are unable, it is often considered an early sign of infertility. You (and your partner) are then subjected to every test under the sun, most of which involve full or partial nudity in front of one or more people, often with legs spread in a very compromising position.

For many, these tests reveal very little. Some slight hormonal imbalances, a “barely” low count here or there. These things all result in orders to eat better, lose weight, and are more likely than not accompanied by some sort of medication that will throw your body into complete turmoil — in my case, starvation tempered by the fact that the sight of food makes me sick. Exhausted but unable to sleep. Oh, and did I mention the hot flashes?

Another year goes by. I start to feel guilty. My husband and I have always planned to have children. The doctors believe it is likely something in my body causing the problem. As a woman, if I am not able to conceive, what is my purpose? I can say with absolute certainty that my husband does not hold even an ounce of contempt or blame for me. That does not hold off the guilt and feelings of uselessness. They rear their ugly heads on a daily basis.

With the guilt comes the worst feeling of all. When you want so desperately to have a child and cannot, you begin to begrudge the people around you the same happiness you want for yourself.

One of my best friends becomes pregnant. I am simultaneously happy for her and extremely bitter. Her baby shower is torture because not only do I feel angry that things are so good for her, I feel like a heinous person for even having these thoughts in the first place. I am angry at everyone, including myself.

The kicker of all of this? Stress, they say, makes it harder to conceive. Right. No problem.

So here we are, almost three years into the process (because that’s exactly what it’s become – a process) with no results. I am on the cusp of having exploratory surgery to see if there is something being missed. Fertility treatments are not an option for us. Adoption would be wonderful… five years down the road after we can save up the $25,000+ that it would take.

It would be nice for this to have a happy ending like me writing in all bold letters “I’m pregnant!” I’m not. But, I can say that taking the time to explore the virtual tidal wave of emotions that I’ve gone through, and am still experiencing, has made them much easier to weather.

That’s the key, really — acknowledging that you are angry or sad or depressed. Once you do, you validate the feelings and they are no longer so desperate. I urge every woman or couple out there to do the same. Talk to each other. Talk to someone else. Write a blog. Whatever you do, know you are not the only one, even if it feels just that way.

For more, see Can’t Get Pregnant? Update from the Author

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About Kate C. Harding

  • http://www.onlinemediacultist.com Eric Berlin

    Very interesting and compelling story Kate — really hope that pregnancy is in your near future !

  • http://eastnetgallery.wordpress.com High Heels

    You won’t find this much consolation, I expect, but I’ll say it anyway. I’m one of those women who could/can get pregnant “just like that”. I also used to get extremely broody, and I understand that overwhelming drive to be pregnant; but I don’t know a single other mother who doesn’t agree with me when I say that when you have a child it is NOTHING like what you expect/imagine it to be.

    There is a lot to be said for parenthood, but there is also a lot to be said for life in general, and for having freedom.

    Having said that, I congratulate you on 2 things: one, for attending that baby shower at all – I’m not alone in having lost lovely friends temporarily due to unacknowledged bitterness of the type you describe. And two, for acknowledging and sharing your feelings. You ahve a lot of good qualities to share with others.

    I wish you the very best of luck… but don’t forget, you’re absolutely NO LESS of a woman or a person, and have NO LESS of a life just because you have’t been pregnant.

  • Dennis

    Do you not realize that the planet you live on is currently way overpopulated, with no sign of slowing down? Why are you trying to get pregnant in the first place? That’s such a selfish concept.

    Why don’t you adopt a baby?

  • John

    My wife and I have been married for almost 10 years, we don’t use protection during sex and we have yet to get pregnant.

    But we are of the mindset, if it happens it happens, if not who cares, there are plenty of other people having 3+ kids to make up for us not having any.

    Besides, financially we are much more stable, we have a ton of freedom to enjoy our own lives and as we are both approaching 40 we tend to not want kids now since we’re set in our ways.

    Don’t fret it, enjoy your lives. You weren’t put here to “have babies”, in reality there is no reason for life, we just are.

  • Kate C. Harding

    Thanks for all the feedback, guys. I’d like to address a couple of things directly.

    Dennis – Yes, I very much do realized that. The fact that the planet is overpopulated does not make wanting to have a baby a selfish concept. However, I did mention specifically in my article that we were considering adoption but that it would take us several years to save the $25,000+ that it costs. We are currently in the process of saving.

    More generally, I’ve been hearing that people think it is “crazy” to be “obsessed” with wanting to have a baby. I would not consider myself obsessed. I do think though, that it is always something I’ve wanted, whether I have a baby biologically or through adoption.

    And last but not least, if I may continue to vent,the feelings of being useless or less of a woman were abundant for a brief time but were, I’m glad to slay, fleeting. I think if you speak to men who have been declared sterile many of them will say the same thing. You don’t always feel that way. But I think for many of us, it’s just important to acknowledge it.

    Phew. There, said my peace.

    Oh, and thanks Eric!

    • Nicole

      I totally understand where your comming from. I have been trying to have a child for two years now ! Nothing has worked out for me I get depressed a lot wondering why can’t I have a baby! People don’t understand what it’s like when you want a child really bad nothing like having your own child!!! My sister is working on her third child she is 4 weeks pregnant I don’t know how will I be a able to handle baby shower holding the baby I take blame of myself and the worst feeling ever is someone asking you why haven’t you had any kids yet !!!

  • Jeff

    Kate – I feel for you. Even as a *man*, I have those guilty tinges about other people’s fertility. Recently a newly married friend and profession colleague mentioned that she had stopped taking birth simply because she didn’t like to take them and because her husband wanted kids even though she could live without them.

    My twinge to her comment was due both to fact that I know she’s underestimating the impact on her career and her life, and because the idea and probable ease of getting pregnant was so trivial to her. This in deep contrast to our 2 AI and 4 IVF – which all ultimately failed. Obviously it’s her right to have children and to decide when, but no one who has gone through fertility problems will ever be free from feeling some hurt in these situations.

    John – if you haven’t gotten pregnant in 10 years without protection, you already have a serious fertility issue. My wife and I had the same situation. Early on it simply seemed conveniently lucky when we were not yet really wanting children . Despite having a strong biology background and having a sister who is a PhD in biology, we were without clue about this, despite growing up when *real* sex ed was still in public schools. The rule of thumb our fertility doctor gave was: if you haven’t gotten pregnant within *6 months* of unprotected sex and are not avoiding fertile days in any way – alarm bells should be going off. Sadly it’s already too late. Adoption was ok with me but my wife refuses.

    I don’t disagree with John’s philosophy abstractly, however, evolution has created a hard-wired emotional need to procreate regardless of the rational logic of it in any given situation. For that reason people’s very mental health can be affected by this subject.

  • Meme

    Hi there. You say you’ve tried everything under the sun. I used this mini microscope that looks somewhat like a tube of lipstick. I got it from Target for about $25.

    I actually bought it as a form of birth control because I wasn’t a good candidate for the pill…it did nasty things to me. Anyway, to use it, you just unscrew the eyepiece, put a dab of saliva on the back of the lens, let it dry, put the lens back on and look through the eyepiece. Simple.

    If you are ovulating or near ovulating, the saliva crystalizes in a “fern” like pattern.
    I discovered that I ovulate not once, but twice a month because of this thing. Who could have guessed?

    You need to use it every day for about 30 days so that you have a clearer picture of your body’s timing. I think it actually took me two months because of the weird extra ovulation that was throwing off my results.

    Don’t listen to all of the nay sayers here. I could be wrong, but I think that if just the idiots of the world have kids and the smart people have none it is Darwin’s theory in reverse. Not good.

    Keep in mind though, enjoy your time without kids (though from the sound of it, you already do). Once you have them, they are just yours…no one else’s. You will be them mom, and you will not get a day off. Your life will never, ever be the same.

    It’s really wonderful, and my two are the most delightful people I’ve ever met, but to be honest, it is beyond exhausting. Getting pregnant is but 1/1000th of the journey.

  • Faith

    Am a 25 year old and bitterly married. My husband is very loving. Am bitter because like Kate we were together since 15. I know that pretty young. But it was love at first glance. We got married in 2006. My feelings for this man never changed.

    Before marriage we were trying to have a baby but our efforts were futile. During and after marraige we tried and continue to try. I even had surgey which cost me $15,000.00, birth control pills, metformin, clomid 50mg, unitl i grew tired. Nothing seem to work.

    I feel really hurt because my husband too is depress and talks about us having children and them (children) watching their daddy play football. I really hurts. I urge myself one day to purchse baby clothes (three vests and a socks) just to give me encouragement. Dat didn’t go to well – I cried everytime i hold them.Sometimes I wish I was never born or married to him so that he could have chosen someone else who would be able to produce a child.

    Depression has taken control of me that I stop talk to most of my friends. I think sometimes that I am going crazy.

    I truly wish that something can be done. I am afarid to go to another doctor just to hear the same sad story. I dont want to be told that there is no way possible that I can have children.

    I will never be happy if I dont have my kids. I am happy with my husband but every wife wants kids.

    Kate am praying for us and everyone else who’s going through the same problem.

  • http://www.vassargroup.com Rick Vassar

    My wife and I had trouble having kids. Four years. two surgeries, three miscarriages and a lot of heartbreak.

    After the third miscarriage, we were devastated. About six months later, we went back to the doctor and they told us to stop. My wife could get pregnant but she couldn’t sustain it, they said. Don’t put yourself through it

    We said okay, but let’s try it one more time, and let us call the shots. The doctor said no, but a midwife in his practice went to bat for us. We told them the course of action we wanted to take, and on the first try, she got pregnant, and that baby they told us we would never have- she turns 13 next month.

    And… we wanted to have another child but were unable to get pregnant again. So we were led to China to adopt our youngest daughter, who just turned nine. If we had had a bunch of kids out of the chute, we would never have had our younger daughter.

    So keep the faith, ladies

  • Katie H

    I have been trying to get pregnant for a year and it hasn’t happened yet. I am so scared that I can’t have kids. I want to be a mother so bad. Every time I hear of someone getting pregnant it makes me really upset. I feel like I must not deserve a baby because I am not getting pregnant. I am always depressed about it.

  • http://www.myspace.com/musicfreakkate Kate C. Harding

    I think that it’s good for people to express their feelings, but it certainly makes me sad to know how depressed some of you who have read this article seem to be. I know that I was on the edge of that feeling, but I also think that the biggest thing that has been important for me was to decide that there is a reason that I have yet to get pregnant.

    Either I am not ready to be a mother. Or maybe a higher power (whichever one to which you subscribe) wants to nudge me towards adoption. Who knows? But…I do know that however it works out in the end, is how it was meant to be.

    Positive thinking is the most important step.

  • Crystal Greve

    I have been trying to get pregnant for two years, I know how frustrating it can be and how depressed you are right now. I went and saw a gynecologist in September and had to go every month. He prescribed me chlomid 50,100, and then 150mg finally. I also had to go everymonth and do a blood test to see if I ovulated, that was my problem I could not ovulate. Every month it came back that I did not ovulate. Eventually he told me I had to go to a specialist, so they made me an appointment for May 24,2007. I went and the specialist did a physical exam, and it hurt so bad. I started crying and told my husband I don’t want to go through all of this every month. The doctor came back in the room and said my uterus was really big and he wanted to do an ultra sound, Come to find out I was pregnant. I was actually 15 weeks pregnant. It was the most unbelievable moment in my life. The reason I’m telling you this is for you not to give up, It will happen, and when it does you won’t be able to believe it, like me. My due date is November 21,2007. I thank the lord every night. That was my wish to get pregnant for over 2 years and finally it happened. I wish you all the luck in the world and don’t give up!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • mirana

    I am also in the trying but not expecting group, it is truly devastating to be asked everyday by strangers about why you have not yet chosen to have a baby and why your waiting so long, meanwhile you try to smile and act as though it is not your waking thought and deepest wish every moment of every day.

    I am thinking of the rest of you and hope that someday soon we will all get our wish.

  • http://ellieelle Ellie

    Hi Kate,

    I came across this article while googling some fertility topics and I can TOTALLY relate to you.

    I am 26 years old and suffered a miscarriage over a year ago and have been trying since with no luck. My doctor has sent me for ultrasounds and tells me everything is fine… but its stressful! I too feel almost resentment towards my friends that are pregnant, which in turn makes me feel terrible! My husband is always telling me not to stress out over it, but its sooo hard.

    Anyhoo very open and honest article and it is comforting to read that other people are going through the same challenges.

    Thanks,

    Ellie

  • Karli

    I am so sorry to hear that. *big hugs* I just recently got married myself and I am 21 years old and trying to get pregnant.

    My husband and I have been trying to get pregnant for the last 6 months and nothing has happened. I definitely feel a quenge of pain and frustration. There is a friend of mine who just recently got married herself and now she’s pregnant. My cousin who is unfortunately a slut, now has two kids. (Who just recently got married after her second.)

    I’ve been wanting to be a Mom forever. Dreamed of being a mother. Now my time is here. I’m worried my hypo thyroidism might be causing me problems. Hope not, but hey?!

    Frantically going crazy this month I went by the local GNC store in our mall. . . seeing if they might have some fertility pills/vitamins for promoting pregnancy. They did! And I obviously bought them. Hehe.

    I’ve heard A LOT of positive things coming from this blend of vitamins and a 35-50% chance of pregnancy. It’s good for you and won’t hurt to use it. It’s worth a try right? I’m hoping that I have some positive results from it. Obviously. *smiles*

    So, for every woman who is having problems getting pregnant. Check out this product online and see what you think. It’s called, “Fertility Blend for women.” They also have the same blend for men. Please check it out.

    It would be such a pleasure knowing I helped out a couple to get pregnant. I know I hope I do. *fingers crossed* I’ll be praying for you to get pregnant!

    Lots of love to you and all the people who are trying to get pregnant!

    *Karli*

  • Karli

    To make it easier for people. I found the link for the, Fertility Blend for women. Please humor me by checking it out.

    Help it helps you guys! I bought mine from the GNC for 39.99. There is a 90 day supply and you take three pills a day.

    Lots of love and goodluck!

  • Robin Kavanagh

    Hi Kate,

    Just like many who’ve responded,I too have had fertility issues.

    I’m 28 and became pregnant very easily when I was 19 and with my first husband. I had the baby, but I almost lost her in the first trimester because I wasn’t producing enough progesterone. No one thought to tell me there might be a problem with my ovaries! So, the pregnancy was hell, but my daughter was born healthy.

    Fast forward six years and I’m re-married and trying to conceive. My periods for the first time ever are all wonky and I’m going months between them. My ob/gyn thinks I have Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome, where my ovaries are full of cysts and not producing the right hormones for anything. I go to a reproductive endochrinologist who confirms it and begins treating me, only to find that my husband has a low sperm count, low motility and very few that are shaped correctly. It looked like we would not get pregnant on our own.

    So, we stopped trying because we didn’t want to go through all of the fertility stuff (IVF, AI, etc). And then like a year later, you guessed it, I was pregnant. It totally threw me for a loop and flung a wrench in our plans, but things like this happen all the time. My parents didn’t plan me.

    I guess the moral of this little story is that you need to keep pushing to find out if something is physically wrong with you, not so much for getting pregnant, but for your own health. My PCOS caused me to gain weight, affected my liver function and cholestorol and insulin production. Had I not sought treatment, I could have done a lot of damage to my body. But on the other hand, it took 7 years for someone to say I might have a physical problem.

    The other moral is that sometimes things happen unexpectedly. Last year, having a baby was the LAST thing on my mind. But now I have a 6-month-old baby girl who’s great and it really is a blessing (although I don’t believe in that stuff) because we won’t be able to have any more kids. My hubby was diagnosed with cancer soon after I found out I was pregnant and with the chemo and radiation, we don’t want to take the chance that the treatments damaged his sperm.

    One last thing to consider, how about foster care? My mother-in-law took care of foster babies for 28 years, and believe me had her share of chances to adopt. It may be something to look into.

    Best of luck!

  • http://DeVita Lisa De Vita

    I’m recently married and ttc for about 2 years. Meanwhile, it seems like eternity! I love kids and am a 4th grade teacher. I’m trying to stay positive, but age is a factor. We married later in life (I’m 37). Don’t get me wrong-a very young and energetic one! However, the reality is-I’m going to be an older mom. Eveytime I get my cycle, I want to cry. Just recently tried the ovulation kit (this will be the 3rd month trying with it). Being hopeful and trying not to stress. I have no one to get my emotions out!

  • Mari

    I hope you will become a mother soon.You are not selfish in wanting this. After all, no-one tells people who had children easily that they were selfish for having them and are guilty of overpopulating the world, or that they should have adopted instead.

  • Carissa

    I understand just how you feel. When I was sitting here reading this I said to myself that is how I feel. My husband and I have been trying for over a year. I have been on clomid off and on for three months. I start 100 mg on friday. I really hope it works this time. I will be praying for you and me both. Good Luck!

  • http://www.myspace.com Kate C. Harding

    Wow, I’m so thrilled at the amount of people who have commented on this article. I wasn’t sure about writing it, but most certainly feel validated now.

    For those of you who care, a bit of an update. I, too, have done the Clomid and HATED taking it. Hot flashes, nausea, loss of appetite, etc. Anyway, the highest dose had no effect for me, so now they are trying me on something new and I’ve started seeing a specialist.

    But, I’m staying super posisitive. I’ve decided that it will happen when it happens!

    Best to all of you.

  • Karli

    Try fertility blend for women. (www.fertilityblend.com) It helps to regulate your cycles, to ovulate, and to successfully help women to get pregnant.

    It’s proven that the Doctors either say, you are infertile and there is nothing for them to do, or they put you on prescriptions that do nothing, and/or you pay thousands to have countless exams! The product is cheap and easy to use. It’s a vitamin formula.

    Please check it out! I’m know trying it and have been using it for one month already. I have felt a difference with my moods and my cycles.

    -Karli

  • Irena

    Dear all,

    it’s so comforting to know that we’re not alone in this endless and heartbreaking battle of trying to have a baby on our own. And Kate, thanks for your honesty and effort to stay as positive as possible in such situation.
    I am 29, my hubby is 35. We have been ttc for two years without any success (I have high prolactin levels and am on Parloder 2,5mg for already 7 months, which have regulated my cycle, but I was also told that I “might” be having PCOS;imagine the blow when we found out a year ago that my hubby has a very low sperm count, low motility and 91% abnormal sperm). I think I am over every possible phase of grievance, anger, depression, alienation, I decided to pull myself together, to let go and let God. I’ve got a gorgeous hubby and a loving marriage, and we are waiting for our first consultation for IVF/ICSI in September. I don’t expect any miracle to happen until then, and I hope that if they admit us for IVF/ICSI everything will go ok. But even if it doesn’t, as you said, I believe that this hell will eventually have its resolution and closure.

    I pray for you all, don’t give up, just let go and let God!
    Love you all!

  • http://Lisa Lisa

    I am in the exact situation as no.10. I thought i was the only one untill i found this website.I am too embarrased to go to my doctor about this because like everyone else i hear about everyone else getting pregnant 1st time .Its not a nice thing to go through alone. my husband works away from home quite often and we have just been married 1 month ago , i am 19 years old and everyone thinks i am too young to have a baby! but when you know the time is right its time to follow your heart not your head!!!

  • Susan

    I am actually 44 today, and another negative test. I am so depressed over this birthday, I know my age keeps ganging up on me. Kate, I am in the same boat as you, we cannot even try IVF, my husband has been working temp jobs, life just seems over, I feel like god has totally abandoned me and I am starting to wonder if he is even there. We have been through so much with just three years of marriage. I miscarried about three months after we got married. I don’t know why life is so unfair to me. I have considered adoption but husband does not seem to interested and then the money situation is there. Besides, I want to feel a life inside me. I don’t know why I can’t get pregnant, they cannot do too many tests because our insurance does not cover anything? I have gotten around it a little with my own insurance I pay for, not much about $500 only. The only thing I find out is that my 3 day number is really good for someone my age, I apparently do ovulate, I see so many signs but still nothing. It is not only the baby thing, I cannot get a teaching job, I am stuck in a call center job, my husband keeps being black balled. I am in so much despair, I might even consider suicide, but I am too much of a coward. I am so depressed, I cannot live my life. I even thought maybe that is what god wanted for me to live my life first, but I keep trying that too but I am getting no where! I am starting to think there is a curse or black magic being used against me. I don’t know why god has abandonned me and why my birthday has to be so miserable!

  • Susan

    Since no one has even bothered to comment yet. I don’t know maybe I am not worthy of that either. I just wanted to add that what makes it even harder is that I have been on natural progesterone for about three months now, I have been tracking ovulation and scheduling intercourse around it, I have tried Fertility Blend. I have tried everything I can afford. I just don’t get it. I just get older and older. if I cannot get pregnant, then I don’t want to go on living. I just can’t believe god can be that cruel, I keep thinking that I just have to have faith, but now at 44 my faith is going again, I have said the rosary everyday, I have prayed and prayed, I keep getting all kinds of signals, even horoscopes that I don’t even look to find, they come to me, my husband loves to read them. They all say you will get what you have thought was impossible. I did not have the money for the initial progesterone, but somehow it came to me. I don’t understand why these signs keep coming, but then negative all the time. I am alive and happy as long as I think I am pregnant, but once my cycle rolls around I cannot even breathe. The other thing is being on this prosterone, although it does seem to increase my luteal phase, it is causing me not to get periods, and makes me really sick to my stomach, and crampy, and makes me boobs larger and sensitive, man, how much can a person take??? They say god never gives you more than you can handle, I really cannot handle this…. Please need your thoughts today!

  • http://www.robot-of-the-week.com Christopher Rose

    Susan, I wish you well on your birthday and in your quest to conceive. I can’t really offer any profound words of wisdom but I’d put more faith in your doctors than your god or horoscopes.

  • Kate C. Harding

    Well, I’m still thrilled to see so many readers and comments to this article. Most certainly makes it worth writing…

    I’m sorry to hear so many of you out there are having the same troubles.

    As an update, we are now seeing a specialist at UNC, which has been a good thing, and am on new meds, new plans, and still nothing.

    I still believe the most important thing is staying positive.

    Susan, have you and your husband considered fostering. If you are unable to adopt because of cost, perhaps fostering a needy child might be an option. You can also often foster to adopt. I highly recommend checking out a few websites for these programs in your state.

  • Susan

    Kate,Unfortunately my husband is dead set against either fostering or adopting. And I hope you aren’t suggesting that because of my age. My mom had children later in life, so I would think I could . I just wish there were more financial help out there for those of us that cannot afford treatment. I wish you the best and hope somehow someway we both can have children.

  • Nelly623

    Hi Kate Thanx for posting this article,it’s feels good that Im not the only one. Im 20 years old. Im not married, but I do have a boyfriend. As far as I can remember my periods have always been abnormal. I first got my period in 97’I was a very young teen. Im the only girl in my family. I’m not trying to conceive at the moment, because Im still doing things to better my future. It’s just Im so scared that I might not be able to have children. As a little girl, us women dream of one day having a husband and having a family. My periods are very strange. I remember not having my period for about a year once. And then had my period twice a year after that. An in that same year my period was almost a month long. Im bein honest I never saw a gyno. because I didnt want to get checked because I was a virgin and didnt want the “doctor” to use some sort of equipment. My question is have you ladies ever experience something like this?

  • LuLu716

    I just want to say how confused I am at some of these post…my goodness, most of you are sooooo young. To say your in your 20’s & can’t get pregnant is amazing. We went through 8 years of infertility & after several failed IVF attempts, we got pregnant & I deliverd my 1st baby at 38 years of age. I’m now 41 & just finished another
    failed IVF cycle & my husband said we are finished. I pray for another miracle but know in my heart we’re finished trying. So, for those
    of you so young, be patient, God has a plan & there is so much technology out there. Don’t give up hope. I wish so bad that I could have another, but I’m 41…I wish insurance did cover IVF…I would do it again tomorrow. I hurt so bad knowing I can’t have another baby…it is tearing
    me up inside. I don’t know “anyone” that has gone through so much pain. I do feel blessed having my son, but want so much to have a brother or sister for him…however, I guess it’s just not in God’s plan for us. After a few miscarriages, failed IVF attempts, failed adoptions etc., I guess I need to smile & thank God I have at least 1 healthy little boy. I just PRAY so hard for another miracle.

  • Nate B

    My wife and I have only been married for a year, and we’ve been trying since the wedding night. Still no luck. She gets very upset when any of our relatives or friends get pregnant, especially the ones who got pregnant on accident, which a large amount of them are. Her cousin in particular works with several people who are pregnant, and tells her all the time. She is a mother of 2 the youngest of which was born in June. I’m glad to see that she’s not the only one who gets upset about it.

    Good luck to you Kate and to everyone else who is having trouble conceiving.

  • Giselle

    Good luck to everyone! I have been trying to concieve for 8 eight months. no luck. It is depressing but I am (STAYING)positive. I finally called the doctor today and have an appointment this coming Friday.

  • Maria

    I know what its like to want a baby. I am very lucky in the respect that i have a good career, a nice home, a wonderfull fiance – we are getting married next year.
    But i feel as though my life is on hold while we are trying for a baby!
    Me and my partner have been trying for a baby for 2 years…
    I have a huge amount of guilt hanging over me constantly, because when i was 17 i had a pregnancy terminated.
    I ask myself the question over & over again.. how could i of been so stupid. And how can i now claim to want a child so much, when i had the chance to be a mum already.
    I blame myself for not getting pregnant, i dont deserve it.
    Since having an abortion my periods became irregular. Today i have a period every 10-11 weeks.
    I went to the doctors about this, and i was told im too youg to have a baby and was sent on my way.
    Friends & Family dont understand my guilt and my need to have my own family..
    I wish there was a magic cure.

  • Ashley

    Hi everyone!

    My husband and I have been trying to conceive since we got married in April of last year. It has been hard for me to deal with the infertility. We haven’t really started any treatments or anything, because I do believe that God is the only one that can make the miracle of life happen. I have been to the gyno several times, he says that everything looks fine and I finally agreed to start taking progesterone…I think that is how you spell it anyway. :) I know that I could do more to up my chances of getting pregnant, like taking fertility drugs or stronger hormones. I want to have a baby but I feel like I would be rushing God to take the next step in fertility treatments. I am not saying that it is wrong, I just feel that it is not right for me. Anyway, reading all the comments I feel bad because there are so many people that have problems, I pray that you all have a baby soon or find one to adopt. I know adoption is expensive, but if you can find someone that wants to give their child up for adoption that hasn’t went to an adoption agency yet you might be able to work something out there. One of my friends did that and I don’t know all the specifics but I think they only paid the biological mom $1000 and they paid for the lawyer and the court fee or something. I’ll have to ask her and I will try to post the details here later, if anyone is interested. Anyway, I know that it hurts to go through seeing other people have babies and trust me I still have problems with dealing with it everyday. I’m not going to say all the normal stuff that we hear “Just relax” “When God wants you to have a baby you will have one.” That one is the worst one’s that I ever heard…mainly because I was stupid enough to believe it for a while and all that did was make me angry with God. I will say that I wish you all the best, keep trying (and try to enjoy it even after it becomes a chore), try to stay positive I know that is a struggle in itself. Do get checked out by the doctor if you haven’t already, there could be something really wrong that has nothing to do with baby making but is hindering that ability as well. Take care of yourself, seek counseling if you need to (I am), talk to your family (even the ones that can get pregnant at the drop of a hat) tell someone how you feel even if it someone on the internet who has went through a similar experience. There is nothing to be ashamed of! I hope nobody takes me as being bossy, I really want to help not hinder. I do wish everyone the best and I hope that we are all Mommys or/and Daddys soon! (Even if it does have to be to a slightly fuzzy baby that needs a collar…they are kids too after all!)

    Good Luck!

  • Charm

    Hi Kate!

    Just wanted to encourage you and your husband to hang in there. My best friend and her husband circumstances are very similar to yours. I was googling the internet for advice on how to tell someone your pregnant when that same someone has been trying for years, and a link to your blog came up.

    Please ignore the ignorant comments claiming you’re selfish or that you’re obsessed. Obsession is an unhealthy pursuit of something or someone. There’s NOTHING unhealthy or selfish at all about pursuing YOUR hard-wired desire to reproduce.

    Another one of our purposes here is to be available to help others…such as, helping them get on their feet, get out of a temporary hole, etc.

    KEEP AT IT GIRL and don’t get discouraged!

  • Charm

    Hey ASHLEY (Post #35 — September 29, 2007 @ 13:50PM):

    I’m also a Christ-follower and wanted to encourage you too. Don’t feel like you’re rushing God. Have you considered that it’s a blessing that you’re ABLE to partake in fertility programs. They are very costly and not a lot of people can afford them.

    Also, be prepared for a backlash from your post, because when you mention the name of God…all the demons start to scream!!!!

    Be Blessed!

  • http://Maria Maria

    Hello,
    I am so glad I found this Web site. My husband and I have tried to have a baby for about three years now. I am seeing a fertility doctor. After months of tests, I had surgery this year to remove a wall in my uterus to increase my chances of conceiving. Still no luck and it is really getting me down. ( am 37.) Everyone around me is getting pregnant at the drop of a hat. A friend at work just told me she is pregnant (it didn’t take long) and I feel so resentful. How do I let her talk to me about being pregnant without feeling bitter? Any suggestions?

  • chloe

    you just made me feel sad and made me more aware (not that i needed to feel any worse about my self than i do) that a family of my own blood might not happen for me. thankyou for your insight but i have been trying for three and a half years with no joy. i was looking for advice. i have had enough reality checks over the years without you telling me that its proably not going to happen for me. I SUGGEST THIS SITE IS DELETED AND VOID. YOU ARE NOT HELPING

  • http://c.sheppard chloe

    Thankyou for your time. but, you just made me feel sad and made me more aware (not that i needed to feel any worse about my self than i do) that a family of my own blood might not happen for me. thankyou for your insight but i have been trying for three and a half years with no joy. i was looking for advice. i have had enough reality checks over the years without you telling me that its proably not going to happen for me. i suggest hat yhis site is deleted and void. u are not helping

  • Kate C. Harding

    Wow…I’m very pleased to see this article still getting so many responses. I think the title very accurately said it…that none of us who continue to try are alone.

    I won’t address you all individually as that would take forever and would probably be superfluous. However, I’d love to give an update.

    My husband and I like our new fertility specialist quite a lot. Because we had no success with Clomid, he suggested trying another drug. I’m ashamed to say I don’t remember the name of it, but if you want to ask your own physician about it, it is typically used as a non-fertility drug for women who have had breast cancer. We personally had no luck with that drug, but I wasn’t expecting much.

    We have another appointment next week to begin discussing the ins and outs of IVF and figure out exactly what it will all entail and (yikes) cost.

    I still have my cruddy days, but for the most part I continue to remind myself that what will be will be and that if it all doesn’t work out, adoption is most certainly always a wonderful option. Expensive yes, but also a great chance to make a difference.

    I would like to personally address Chloe. Like you, I am 3.5 years into trying to conceive and have gotten back over 35 negative pregnancy tests. I am very sorry that my article made you sad. However, I would like to point out that the title of the article was “You are Not Alone,” and not anything promising suggestions or help. The whole point of this article was to remind people that they are not the only ones out there having this problem. I chose to write it because I, myself, was feeling very alone. The sheer number of comments left here has been welcomed and affirming.

    Also, I feel it important to say that I truely do not believe that my article in any way suggests that “it is probably not going to happen” for you. I would never dain to say such a thing, or even assume it. Everyone’s body is different and there are so very many success stories out there. I sincerely hope you will be one of them.

    Thank you again to all for your comments, concerns, and most importantly – support.

  • lisa

    hi i am 26 been trying dor 10 years or longer its always been dream of mine to have babues and family. i have not went to speacail doctors cause no insurance or alot of money ,my family doctor says nothing wrong. i am a diabitc . my boyfriend or husband what ever u want call him has been hurt before , but might have a 19 year old not sure no dna prove it. but he kept from me he was hurt there till after we married . they said he may or maynot be able to have kids, and that hurts me alot . i feel i will never have chance find out cause with him and no one else , i don’t know weather him or me . his brother has had 2 since we been together his neices that don’t take care of theirs and my cousins had some it hurts alot i feel like alot of you guys. i have not alot money either .

  • Ashley

    Lisa #42
    I work at a hospital and I know that we have a lot of patients that come in that visit our local health departments for their gynecologist check ups, they may have a program that assists in fertility. Also, try for medicaid as well. That is ran by the state, I know that they offer maternity care for people that are pregnant but certain states may offer fertility programs. I’m not sure. But at least try for medicaid if nothing else but for your general health. At least you will be able to see doctors when you need to with no cost to you if you are eligible. Good luck!

    Also CHARM #37…
    Thank you for the encouragement…I know that I am blessed to be able to take part in fertility programs, I thank God everyday that I have that option. Also, nobody has screamed too loud…I hope that God blesses the one’s that do. :o)

  • Andrea

    Hello, first of all I wish you luck. My husband and I have been trying only for a few months and at first I was discouraged after the first two months because like you the women in my family are baby making machines. I know I haven’t been trying as long as you, but I found a way of making the situation better for myself mentally and physically. It’s sort of a silly philosophy, but instead of focussing on getting pregnant I’ve been focussing on doing positive things for other people. Charity work here and there, helping elderly… and so on. I’m a big believer in Karma, so who knows, maybe if I do enough good, good will come back. Not only does the Karma factor take place, but doing good for others makes you feel good, which relieves stress, which thus helps with getting pregnant. Not saying you don’t do good for others already or that you’re stressed. I was just putting that out on the table because it seems to be helping me with my health as well as relieving some of the pressure off my husband. Also feeling good about yourself really helps with the sex life. I know. Crazy advise, but there it is. :)Good luck on your quest!

  • sheena

    i kno somewhat of what your going through. Me and my boyfriend have been trying to concieve for about a year and yet no luck. What hurts the most is i know it is all me cause he already has a beautiful baby boy. I feel the depression and hatered towards my friends who just magically get pregnant and are like wow i didn’t even want this. Hello thanks for bring that up i do and then i feel bad. I have always wanted that feeling of having this little baby who is a part of me that i can teach things to and love and they love me unconditionally. I know what your thinking but you have your boy friends baby well yes i love him dearly but its different its not mine i did not experience carrying him in my belly. I don’t want to be a mother to him he has one im his loving STEp mother and that is all i will ever be. I just feel like a dissappointment to the female race and to myself. Each month mhy lovely friend comes along and shatters my dreams. Now i have to start my process. I have to go this weekend to book an appointment to see a fertility specialists. the journey now begins for me now :(

  • Austin

    I am 20 years old and my husband and I have been trying to conceive since we first started dating (little over 3 years ago). And like many women… with no luck. The women in my family are baby making machines so it is hard for me at times not to ask “WHY ME?”. When my sister became pregnant with her second child that she didn’t really want it angered me so much. Here I am trying so hard to become pregnant, and she is and doesn’t even want it. My family tells me all the time “It will happen, when it happens.” And I know that, I mean I am not stupid. And one of the things that is hardest on me, is we as people were born to breed that is just how it works and since for some reason my body doesn’t want to partake in that is just aggravating. I have always wanted children, when I went to school and they asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up I said I wanted to be a mom. I have been on so many cycles of clomid and it did nothing, except make me sick. I have had tons of tests and “nothing” is wrong with me. And my poor husband just sits there on the couch waiting for me to come out of the bathroom with the good news. And when I don’t I feel like I have let him down. I mean if I can’t have his children am I still a good wife, or will he still love me, will he regret marring me. All of that on top of my own stress and people constantly asking so are you pregnant yet, is enough to drive anyone crazy or make them feel that it will never happen. Maybe one day I will become pregnant, and all that I went through will be well worth it, that’s the finish line I can’t wait to cross. To all women and couples hang in there, don’t through in the towel cause the round aint over yet. Wow it feels good to vent!!!

  • Kimberly

    I have been trying to get pregnant for the past 6 years and no luck yet. Been to the doctors and they say I am perfectly fine and so is my husband. I have been taking clomid for awhile and its not working either. I really want kids and nothing is working for me. I feel like it will never happen and it keeps me drepessed.

  • Quyen

    Wow I am so amazed at the gamut of feelings that people have. My husband and I have been trying for over a year now. I was diagnosed with PCOS earlier this year and am going for my third round of Clomid hoping that I’ll actually ovulate. Like many of you I’ve gone through the range of emotions, and all the stages of grief month after month. Most days I can’t say that I’m happy. But I think that’s okay, I think God understands that and I think he can handle me being mad at Him for a while. We’ve also started looking at other options, painful as it is to think about not being able to feel life grow inside my own body. And I’m sorry for everyone that has to go through this, but just know that God is good, even when he doesn’t seem to do what we think he should.

  • Irishgirl

    I found this page not because I’m having trouble getting pregnant, but because my sister is. She’s 3.5 years younger than me and has been trying for nearly 3 years with no success. She’s been on several meds that have caused a plethora of physical and emotional disruptions to her life. Today she emailed me and asked for advice. Another of her friends is pregnant. She is angry…and feels guilty. What do I tell her? How do I comfort her?

    Furthermore, my husband and I have started to discuss having children. Although I was one of those, got pregnant the first time no precautions were used, I was much too young and gave my child up to a lovely couple who couldn’t conceive. Now that I’m older (early 30’s), due to another medical issue, the doc’s say I may have difficulty conceiving. I’m torn. I don’t want to wait too much longer to start trying in case I have trouble conceiving, but I want to be sensitive to my sister. What to I say to her…what do I do to help her cope.

    Any suggestions to those of us on the other side of the fence?

  • claire

    I got married in 2000 at the age of 26…..i got pregnant 2 years after after 3 months of trying…….my daughter now is 5 nearly 6 and ive been trying to get pregnany once again for a brother or sister for my daughter and its not happening and its been enarly 2 years im 33 now.I understand how you all feel the frustration,guilt,and the constent hope each month…..but its better to live life with the attitude of “if its meant to be it will happen”Things happen for a reason and i think thats so true

    Good luckxxxx

  • Jeanina

    Hello everyone, I am 32 and my husband and I had difficulty trying to get me pregant for over 2 years now. I only finally became pregnant after taking Vitex capsules. This is the best list of vitamin and supplements to take to normalize your hormonal imbalance and get pregnant, it also eliminates or reduces acne which I also had until I started taking these supplements. I use Nature’s Way Vitex capsules and take 1 pill twice a day. I am on liquid False unicorn root at 28 drops in water 3 times a day. I take 1 cayenne capsule 3 times a day with each meal. I take one B-Complex caplet which also contains 400 mcg a day. I also take 1 organic flax seed oil mix capsule twice a day. In addition to that I take 1 500 mcg vitamin C capsule too including 1 kelp capsule only once a day too. You can take fish oil pills instead of flax oil but that is your choice in gaining the necessary omega 3 nutrients. You need omega 3 for proper and advanced brain development. Please note that Vitex should be taken until you become pregnant and should be taken until the second trimester, meaning 6 months of pregnancy. Vitex keeps your estrogen and progesterone levels balanced but must be stopped at 6 months of pregnancy otherwise it could reduce your lactation ability. False unicorn root in meant to tone the uterus and prevent miscarriage as well but should be stopped at 3 months of pregnancy give or take. So in other words take Vitex until you finally become pregnant and stop at approximately 6 months of pregnancy. Take False unicorn root daily until you finally get pregnant and stop at approximately 3 months pregnant. You can take the one B-complex, one vitamin C, one Kelp to stabilize thyroid hormone function, cayenne capsules, and omega 3 capsule safely during the entire pregnancy. The B-complex is in line with a prenatal, so you can substitute the prenatal for a B complex pill if you like, but I prefer the B-Complex. I specifically take Costco’s Kirkland brand B-50 caplets. In the last month of pregnancy you should start drinking red raspberry leaf tea or taking it in capsule form this helps with ease of delivery. There is a supplement available on the market to prevent or ease miscarriage as it is happening called Dr.Christopher’s False Unicorn Root and Lobelia capsules. Some bleeding is normal during miscarriage as I have been through one. I am not a doctor or licensed herbalist. I study about herbs and internal health on my own behalf. Regular doctors trained in Western Medicine will not tell you of other options. They will only put you on birth control pills or Clomid to regulate your hormones. I have been through that too. Read and do your own research. Learn how to use search words properly. I have listed tons of information here already for free that took me many months and dollars to acquire. I am a college graduate and waited to get married and attempt to have children. That is what I recommend. What you do to youself and your potential offspring is your choice, but the more educated you are, the better you can provide for your children’s future. There are alternatives out there. They are inexpensive and the fertility and medical industry don’t profit from telling you about any of them. Read from doctors like Julian Whitaker, Gary Null, Dr. John Robert Christopher, Dr. Mark Stengler, and Dr. David G.Williams just to name a few. For example there are many used books on sale from Amazon.com and ebay with those doctors names in the title as authors. Read and learn about how to care for your body and don’t just accept the status quo. As for you extremely young adults at 16, 18, and so on posting here who can barely type or use proper English grammar: what is wrong with you? Get some education and learn how to help yourself. I am writing this much information to help the few who are literate enough to read and understand what I am talking about. Don’t breed more ignorant, McDonald’s happy meal addicted and high fructose corn syrup soda sucking diabetes babies for the future. The planet just can’t take any more ignorant people overpopulating it and destroying its water, forests, and few remaining natural resources. Good luck and best wishes to you all.

  • amber alone

    wow i feel not alone. I lived the whole fairy tale scenario. Meet my handsome husband in highschool after 10yrs we married bought the house new car.I had the luxery of staying home.We talked children all the time and after 12yrs of trying to conceive together we finally had a beautiful daughter.only for us to fall apart 6months later i left him anyways i think i finally found my soul mate. I was on birthcontrol for the last 6yrs and have stopped everythign in my cycle is right on track. We have been trying of the last 6months and i have been very saddened when af comes becasue i think its unfair.

  • bj

    I have a question. I am 41 and I was wondering what my chances are of conceiving. I had two healty, beautiful daughters when I was 20 and 22, of course, both unplanned. Unfortunatly, I also had a jerk for a husband that finally ended after 10 years of misery. Now I have a wonderful husband that has been an amazing father to my daughters, and after 8 years of marriage, we still feel we have alot of love to give. I have started checking my bbt and leutinizing hormone indicators, but according to them, I only had about a 9 hour window before ovulation. My period is regular, and I have no prior history of infertility. Our method of birth control was vasectomy (now been reversed). So I haven’t used birth control since my teens. Any related stories or advice are much appreciated.

    BJ

  • Sally

    All the while I thought that I am alone. I have been married for 4 years and trying for baby but no luck. I have a cyst and my gyne suspect it is a PCOS, other gyne suspect it is a endometreosis. So no gyne can tell me what are they. Some gyne suggest me to operate and remove it but some gyne say dont bother to remove it because it will come back.

    I have gone thru all the medical check, western or traditional even fung shui and it really hurt to know that all the effort you did and yet still fail to conceive. I took all the advice, take supplement, go for accupunture or reflexology treatment, go for clomid, blood test and hsg. The only thing i didnt do is IVF which is too expensive and i heard is very painful.

    I really feel like giving up but every time hear someone around u get pregnant you will feel very very sad. Even more angry when seeing ppl go for abortion or dump the baby in the dustbin. Why God give the baby to those who dont want it and dont give it to those who really want it?

    I am 30 this year. If I still cant conceived till 35, i have to give up :(
    My only wish is to have 1 healthy baby. That’s all I ask.

  • Kym

    I have sat here for the past hour reading all of this. Katie you are a brave woman. I wish the best of luck for you and everyoone else. My husband and i have been trying also for the past three years. We have tryed everything you can think of. Spent thousands of dollars and still no luck. I will keep trying until i cant do it no longer. Its a good thing that my husband and i love being together, it makes it easier. SO TO SAY. Bless all of you

  • Jenny

    Kate –

    I hope you’re pregnant. I really enjoyed reading your article. I feel exactly the same. I am so utterly frustrated. It just doesn’t make any sense … I’m 29 and totally healthy. And every month brings new hope and then devastating disappointment. I’ve never failed at anything and this one thing — that it seems just about everyone else can do without effort — I cannot do. It makes me angry and sad and … disappointed. I don’t know how you stay positive about this.

    Thanks for your article.

    Jenny

  • Louise

    I am like # 49– I have 3 beautiful children and never had any problems getting pregnant. I am truly sorry to all of you who have. One of my dear friends who is 29, well educated, has a wonderful loving husband all of the support systems wanted or needed can not get pregnant. She has been trying for a year and is very frustrated and experiencing all of the feelings that have been so beautifully expressed on this blog. I just do not know what to say to her to help her. I so badly do not what to say something wrong that will hurt her more than she is already hurting. What are some of the things that have been said to you that have actually helped you? Is there anything that I can do as a friend to help her not get so discouraged? Please send back constructive comments!

  • Bex

    Kate

    Firstly, thankyou, for managing to explain the way i am feeling, today, everyday, every month, everytime my monthly comes around.

    about 18 months ago, my best friend had a termination. She says it was the right thing to do for the feotus, she was living with her mom, her partner had just left her, she was depressed. I was there for her during termination, i even joined her at the clinic knowing that she was killing the one thing i craved the most.

    Present day. She is now 7 months pregnant. I have been torn between anger, sympathy, guilt and depression. But i still love her dearly, and her little boy will be my godson.
    I have always had problems with my periods. I have been with my partner 1 year, and nothing.
    Maybe its god’s way of saying this isnt the right time for me, but oh my god i hurt!

    So, in short kate, keep your chin up, Maybe this was meant to be, We are not alone, no matter how lonely you feel.

    and Dennis, who post’s at the top – no 3 – i wish to god i never meet you. what a callous and insenstive thing to say.

    Bex x – Banbury, UK

  • Bex

    Kate

    Firstly, thankyou, for managing to explain the way i am feeling, today, everyday, every month, everytime my monthly comes around.

    about 18 months ago, my best friend had a termination. She says it was the right thing to do for the feotus, she was living with her mom, her partner had just left her, she was depressed. I was there for her during termination, i even joined her at the clinic knowing that she was killing the one thing i craved the most.

    Present day. She is now 7 months pregnant. I have been torn between anger, sympathy, guilt and depression. But i still love her dearly, and her little boy will be my godson.
    I have always had problems with my periods. I have been with my partner 1 year, and nothing.
    Maybe its god’s way of saying this isnt the right time for me, but oh my god i hurt!

    So, in short kate, keep your chin up, Maybe this was meant to be, We are not alone, no matter how lonely you feel.

    and Dennis, who post’s at the top – no 3 – i wish to god i never meet you. what a callous and insenstive thing to say.

    Bex x – Banbury, UK

  • Caz, UK

    Hi everyone

    I am 27 and have been trying to conceive for over two years, and have been together for 3 and half years. Over the past year I have been attending a fertility clinic for over a year but have not been given any fertility drugs as yet as we have to be trying for 3 years first and that won’t be until May 2008 then I will be given Clomid. The Doctor has put our problem down to “Unexplained Fertility” as all tests I have had are normal and so are my partners. I feel really frustrated and anxious – if there’s nothing wrong then why isn’t it happening? I have started taking Vitex capsules and my partner has started taking zinc as I have heard they help (hope they do!)
    Each month, each cycle I cry and get really depressed. It’s like a vicious circle – if I fail to conceive I get depressed and stressed and if I am depressed and stressed it can affect my chances.
    My sister-in-law is pregnant also and I find it really hard seeing her. To add to the situation she was a lesbian last year, not that there’s nothing wrong with that but I just find it’s hard to accept that someone who was gay is now pregnant, just find it really frustrating (and don’t get me wrong I am jealous – wish it was me!!) Don’t know how I’ll feel when the baby is born – hope I’m ok; it’s going to be hard!!

    I try to do things to keep my mind off things but something always comes back to pregnancy. I’m glad to know I’m not the only one feeling like this. Thanks everyone for your comments I find it helps to read this page when your feeling down to realise other people are going through what you are. And GOOD LUCK TO YOU ALL xxx

  • Stephanie

    I have read all of the comments on this article and it makes me feel relieved that I am not the only one who feels this way. I have never had a regular cycle, I didn’t get my first period until I was 17, my boyfriend (who is now my husband) and I were having sex before I had my first period. I was well developed in all areas, my mother thought I had started because I was too embarrassed to tell her otherwise.
    After I started my period, I decided to go to the local Planned Parenthood (I didn’t want my parents to find out that I was having sex) to get put on Ortho TriCyclen. I was on birth control for over 2 years and my periods were still never regular. I had annual pap smears that came back okay, so I just assumed that it was normal for me to have irregular periods.
    In 2003, I decided to quit taking birth control and if I were to get pregnant, then it must have been meant to be. Then, all of my friends started getting married, having babies, and I started to get the itch as well, but I knew that it was going to be difficult once we really started ttc. Once I stopped taking the birth control, I didn’t have a period until 2 months after we got married. This was basically 3 years. I did go to my ObGyn and again all of my tests came back normal. I just dont ovulate like I should. We were married in July 2006 and have really started wanting a child. We have 2 cats and a dog, which are like children (but not the same of course). My first period in 3 years happened in September.
    Here it is December 2007, and still no child. I have an appointment with a fertility specialist on January 18th. I am keeping my fingers crossed. This is the story that leads me up to this story.

    In July, my family found out that my sister in law was now pregnant. Now, this is not a person who should even entertain the idea. She divorced her husband because she “fell in love with an 18 year old” (she is 31). He has no job, he lives with his mother in government housing, and to make matters worse, she was in jail last year for 4 months for stealing from Walmart where she worked. She has stolen from my husband and me. She cannot work anywhere that has access to money, and of course, she is a kleptomaniac. We have determined that she has a split personality because she doesn’t remember when she steals, lies, etc. or so she says. Anyway, my lithium injesting sister in law has told us all that she is pregnant, due February 13 (my birthday)
    Okay, at first, I was excited. Another niece or nephew! I can’t wait! If you need a baby sitter, I’m your gal!
    Now, here it is December, and the girl doesn’t look any different than she did in July.
    She brought a cd with the 3D ultrasounds to my house to show me “jacob Lane’s” first baby pictures. To my suprise, they didn’t look like any ultrasounds I had seen before. I thought they always put dates, the mothers name, etc on the top of the pictures. These looked like they had been cropped on photoshop.
    I was talking to a coworker who is also pregnant about this situation and she seemed kind of concerned. Because my sister in law was also using the same ObGyn as my coworker. My coworker had just had ultrasounds and she had the black and white polaroid-like pictures. Come to find out, that hospital doesn’t have access to 3d ultrasounds, so there’s a lie right there. Now here we are, just 2 months to go during her “pregnancy”, and now, she has gotten food stamps, Wic and a month government check.
    Last week she mentioned to me that she was going to try to find a place that conducted 3rd trimentser abortions because now that her and her boufriend weren’t together, she didnm’t want the baby. I immediately felt as if someone had punched me in the stomach.
    Here I am wanting a baby so bad, and here’s someone who is probably lying about being pregnant, and also wanting to abort an almost full term baby.

    Does anyone have any psychological reasoning for why she is pretending to be pregnant? I just don’t understand it.

  • Caz, UK

    Hi Stephanie

    As mentioned previously my sister-in-law is pregnant and she to will be a single mum, she was contemplating a termination, we all had a chat to her about it as I had an abortion when I was 19 the same age as her as I was in the same situation, on my own and would have been a single mum still at home with my parents, don’t get me wrong in some ways I do regret it now. Anyway when my sis-in-law was asked why she would want a termination she said because she was young and on her own and still hadn’t really “lived her life” (like going on hols with girls, etc) quite sensible really then when asked why she didn’t want one she just replied “cos I don’t” and gave a little giggle. Some people are still immature when they get pregnant and she is one of these – she’ll tell you she just wants the attention and the fuss that’s why she’s having a baby. Pretty frustrating really – and maybe that’s what your sis-in-law wants.Her friend has just found out she’s pregnant and she doesn’t like it one bit – she said she did it on purpose (well people normally do don’t they)- it’s because she won’t have all the attention.

    I’m like you though – now I’m 27 and in a good relationship and looking forward to getting married in 2009 and I can’t wait to start my own family. Maybe one day it’ll happen.

    Caz (UK)xx

  • Linn

    Hi all!

    I am as many of you in the same situation. Relatives and friends easily get pregnant and here I am 2.5 years later with nothing but a deep hole in my heart. Thank you for your article kate. It gave me some hope that perhaps me too will figure this bitterness out one day.
    Keep us updated! xx

    Linn

  • Tami

    Thank you for your article, Kate. You have the perfect mix of eloquence and personality in your writing style.

    I’m 29, healthy and married to a wonderful man in his late 30’s. We’ve been married for five years and trying to conceive for 14 months with small and painful results. I am surrounded by friends and family who are either currently pregnant, just had their baby, or “finally” done having kids.

    My husband and I just had a good chat this morning about my sense of anger and my difficulty just “getting over it”. He tells me, “There is no ‘getting over it’ and it’s okay to feel angry – it’s better than feeling depressed. At least when you’re angry, you’re still fighting.”

    My greatest difficulty is masking the anger when in the company of others in order to extend social grace. What a wrestling match this whole thing is!

    To address Irishgirl (#49) and Louise (#57) in their quest to say the right thing: There is no right thing to say. We’re all just women being pushed around by hormones trying to make the right choices in how we respond to Life. “Right” is a matter of your subject’s perspective.

    I’m facing a younger sister who has three beautiful kids and is pregnant with the fourth – her husband chuckled when we informed them we were “trying” to get pregnant. He said, “Who has to _try_?” It was such a ridiculous concept to him and it made me laugh back then, too. But it replays in my mind – and 14 months of replay is a little too much. Soon I will have to smile and congratulate them on their new pregnancy. I want to be happy for them like nothing else. But the sense of happiness is not within me to share. I only have the choice of _saying_ I’m happy for them. There’s a big difference there that I’m not proud of, but am very aware of.

    That difference may be something you want to address (depends on the hurting person) – it can help “clear the air” and allow the pregnant party to feel more relaxed about the situation. They can’t put the happiness back into their friend’s heart, but they can provide comfort by not taking the lack of happiness personally.

    Try to work in a positive angle to your conversations that shows your sister/friend that you’re pulling for them – you’re on their side.

    Here are some Do’s:

    – If you two are women of faith, confirm the fact that you’re praying for your sister/friend and don’t just leave it by saying it once – confirm it when you run into them next week, too. People of faith are encouraged by other people of faith.
    – One positive phrase a week (don’t barrage them with a book of goodness in one sitting). “I came across an article the other day about how to decorate a nursery. I’m looking forward to the day you ask me to help you with yours.” Even offering to bring the article over to look at together is encouraging – just make sure you actually found a good article before you use that line.
    – Use words like “hope, looking forward, wish, celebrate”.
    – Let them know you have the cigars stashed away for that glorious birthday in the near future, or that you’re planning a bit of a surprise for their baby’s arrival.
    – Ask what colors they like for boys/girls? What names do they like? – Let them dream a little with you. Evoking laughter helps like nothing else.
    – Be specific to their situation and their personality.
    – Send little gifts or tokens of your thoughts towards them. Flowers are always welcome and they brighten the person’s living space.
    – When you invite them to the baby shower, acknowledge the fact that you’re aware it will be difficult for them. And give them the option to get back to you on whether or not they’ll attend. (if it’s a mailed invitation, that option is obvious)

    Here are some Don’ts:

    – Words or comments that are generic such as, “maybe we’ll have another family member next year to celebrate” are wounding – especially when there are plenty of other, fertile females in the family with which to compare yourself.
    – Continually asking if they’re pregnant evokes the desire to slap somebody.
    – When you invite them to the baby shower, don’t ask bluntly, expecting an immediate answer and then give the look of pity that says, “Oh, you’ve got to feel like the goo on the bottom of my shoe right about now.”

    The positive ideas you present will not necessarily be easy to take at the time of verbal delivery, but they will echo in your friend’s mind and later become the emotional reinforcement needed to relax and support. Soon you’ll notice that they see you as one of their most respected supporters/friends. It’s just a gradual thing that is very personal and very awkward at the onset. I wish you both the best as you engage your friendship and family. I certainly respect the grace you wish to share with them.

    Thanks again, Kate. You’ve presented an excellent forum here. My husband and I will consult with our Gynecologist next week. I don’t know what to hope for except that he mistakes my arrival for my first prenatal visit as my blood test comes back positive…..

    -too scared to hope; too hopeful to keep from dreaming

  • http://www.unique-baby-gear-ideas.com/ Jan Bay

    I completely agree that anger beats depression any time. I like some of the suggestions on the list of do’s and don’t’s. I think that they would help to isolate the anger at the situation from a person trying to conceive might feel about people.

    Jan

  • Lo

    I totally understand where you are coming from. I have been trying for about a year now, and still no pregnancy. Its like everyone around me is getting pregnant, and Im sitting here congrating everyone who is. It kills me on the inside, its tearing me apart. To be a mom is the one thing I have always wanted to be. I know I will be the best mother. I just wish the time would be now. At least I am not alone in this situation, there are others out there. I pray to God that everyone who is trying to have a child, has one. I know how hard it is to try and try and nothing in return. May God be with you.

  • Sarah H

    My bf and I have also been trying to get pregnant for 6 yrs now and nothing. Went to the doctors and he said I wastn ovulating. I have taken clomid and metformin and femara which they said would help me to ovulate and still nothing! I also have abnormal periods. Also, when I was taking clomid it made me bleed heavily. Has this ever happened to anyone else? I dont know what else to do.

  • wondering girl

    my mate had sex but she hasn’t started her period yet like ever but can she get preganant?

  • Alessandra

    I am constantly depressed over the fact that I am struggling to conceive. My best friend just had a baby and I fight with my emotions everyday over it, but smile and buy presents for the baby to disguise my pain.
    I have been with my husband for seven and a half happy years, we have been trying for a baby for nearly a year and a half. Considering my family like yours, are baby making machines, they often look at me like I am defected. Not to mention my mother-in-law that lets me feel nothing but shame that I cannot concieve.
    Of all the careless teenagers that have unprotected sex and fall pregnant, I can’t understand why I may never be blessed.
    Good luck and may that pregnancy arrive swiftly to you. If you have any joy, please keep us posted!
    Alessandra x

  • Louise

    Dear Tami response # 64,

    Thank you so much for your response for those of us who are trying to support our friends or family who are having issues conceiving. I would never have thought that talking like it is going to happen would be appropriate, but in retrospect– of course it is. Thank you

    Louise

  • Louise

    I am very depressed I can’t believe this is happening. I fell pregnant twice in the same year when I was 23 i was in no position to bring up children had both pregnancies terminated. I am now married and 34. I have a child – a 3 year old son and had no problems conceiving – it happened after the second attempt. So naturally I think I am extremely fertile and take my dear old time with baby number two. It has been a year and nothing. I now know what it feels like for all those women who try for years. It is at times, hell.

  • Sarah H

    I recently went to a new doctor and found out I have PCOS! Polycystic ovarian syndrome. Has anyone ever heard of it?? Apparently, thats whats causing me not to ovulate.

  • Lori

    I have been trying to conceive for over 5 years. I have PCOS. SO this hinders things. I have been on Provera to stimulate my cycle, followed by metformin and 6+ rounds of Clomid all the way up to 250mg. I then went to injectable fertility meds called Bravelle. None worked. I am still childless. Needless to say I feel the EXACT same way Kate does. Its killing me more and inside each day….I feel like a sorry excuse for a female.

    And why does adoption have to cost so much when there are so many children in need of homes?

  • anne

    I have been with my husband for nearly 8 years, married for nearly 4 of those. He is 38 and I’m 30. I feel our clocks are ticking and, although we’re both young in mind, our fertility clocks aren’t quite so young!
    I get angry when I see and hear about young girls getting pregnant by accident, or people who don’t want to be pregnant getting caught, and even people who clearly cannot afford to have children and give them the life they deserve having several children and living off benefits.
    I have PCOS and blame myself entirely. My husband loves me and never blames me, he blames himself! But the empty feeling inside eats away at you. Along with the feelings of guilt at not providing a man who would be a superb father with the child he wants.
    We discussed adoption. And we selfishly have decided against, because it wouldn’t be “ours”.
    We have a couple who are our close friends who also cannot conceive. They were offered IVF but she decided against it as it would not be natural, though they did go through the adoption route. Only to be accepted and have chosen the THREE kids they liked and spend time with them, fall in love and then be told by the final review panel it would not go ahead as the woman needed to lose weight. She has been on steroid treatment for an unrelated condition, and cannot lose weight! Therefore much heartbreak has followed for them and the three children who thought they had found mummy and daddy.
    Whatever happens in the future, I know my husband and I will live each other always, and we don’t need a baby to complete our unit. But the tears and hollowness continue, and possibly always will.
    Kate, I feel for you, and every other person who ever feels this way. I also see the point people make when they say the world is overpopulated etc etc.. But why shouldn’t we be able to experience the love and pure joy, and no doubt heartache and worry, that parenthood brings?

  • Tanya

    I read your story as if I was reading my own. Tears began to flow down my face. My story is pretty much the same with some changes. My story starts off wow I hate to say it but 8 years ago. My husband who was my boyfriend at the time began dating, and guess what- We got two lines on that stick. What the heck… I’m on birth control we just started dating and not knowing where my future was leading at that time we made a very difficult decision not to have the baby. It was hard but in my heart I felt I wasn’t ready. Well who would have guessed 8 years later we are still together and have been married for three years. October of 2006 I decided I was ready… I was ready to be a mom. Thanksgiving came and I thought for sure- I’m pregnant. Well guess what no…. In February I found a lump in my breast and the doctor said to stop “trying” so we did- By May we found out everything was ok. At the doctors I explained to them I was trying and they said everything looks fine, JUST RELAX!! So I tried everything going back to work, the gym eating healthy and when October of 2007 came.. Still No baby!! I found myself hating every baby shower, birthday party, even my sister law who wasn’t even 21 had a baby. Again I love my sister in law and I love my niece but to see her makes me so angry…. Why Why isn’t this happening for us? We did what we were supposed to- Got married bought the house the whole nine!!! But each month that passes which trust me I have never gone through a whole year so fast. Those 4-5 days come so quickly each month. But as time has gone by I’m trying not to lose hope but I feel as though it is NEVER going to happen… and all I want to do is scream at the top of my lungs WHY WHY WHY… Is it because I decided not to have that baby when I was 21, was it because I smoked was it because I’m stressed… Well life is stressful, but I seemed to have gotten pregnant before… So why not now.. Was that my only chance? Was that my only hope. I can only say I’m sorry for what was done, but I can’t beat myself up for it. As we are now in February and no baby… I promised myself this year I wasn’t going to stress over it anymore but some way or another I can’t seem to let it go. I can’t tell you how many pregnancy test I have bought, how many ovulation tests I have bought or read on the internet. So as I read your story I do believe that we are not alone. Some people maybe just aren’t meant to be parents. I hope that isn’t the case but it seems to be my case. I only wish hope and pray that soon my time will come. After going to my ob and he said we need to run an hsg test. Guess what I got a great letter in the mail from my insurance…Guess what they don’t cover…. INFERTALITY—- So adoption may be my only hope… But again who has 25,000 to drop.. Not me. I guess I might be the lady with 10 cats 2 dogs and 5 fish. To all you other ladies who are trying to have a baby I wish you all the luck, and only hope to hear stories like mine and everybody else and a great update that you saw those two lines… If anything at least it is off of my chest and out in the world…

  • Irishgirl

    Tami – Response #64,

    THANK YOU from the bottom of my heart for your Do’s and Don’ts. I’ve really been struggling with this. My sister, thankfully, feels that she can talk to me about her frustrations. Recently she found out another of her friends is pregnant, and she was just crying to me on the phone saying, “I want to be happy for her, but all I feel is angry.”

    I told her it was ok to feel angry, but didn’t know what else to say. Now I know the little things that I can be more conscious of saying when we’re talking, to keep her hope up.

    You’re suggestions are so appreciated! I wish the best for you and everyone who’s posted their stories.

    Irishgirl

  • Debbie

    Hello, My name is Debbie and I am 50 years old. I have four children. Two by birth, one adopted and one a step child. All four are blessings from God. My youngest daughter is 27 and has been with her mate for 5 years, married for the last 2. They decided to start trying to get pregnant last September 2007. It has been very emotional for her as each month for the last 6 months she continues to have her monthly period time. She was on birth control pills for 12 years. She had a very hard time with periods as a teenager and we started her on BC to try to regulate them. She thought she was pregnant just this last month and then the day after she told me she might be she had her period start. She is still taking it pretty well, but I can tell it is starting to get to her. About 2 years ago she had bleed for about two months and went in to the doctor and found that she had a pallip (?spelling) they did a flush and it came out and everything was fine. She is menstrating monthly but only for 3 to 4 days and not very strong. I have been doing some checking on the internet and found a lot of information about it but I don’t really want to talk to her about it yet as this is her private struggle still and I don’t think she is comfortable talking about it yet. I know that she is fearful but she doesn’t want me to think that she may be having trouble.Because I don’t think she wants to voice her concern yet. I can’t imagine what it must be like to not know if you can have a child or not. My oldest sister, (I’m the youngest of seven) was unable to have any children and watching her go through her life I know that it hurt her. She has gotton through it and made the best of her life and ended up fostering and then adopting which was helpful. The cost was next to nothing because she ended up adopting one of the boys from the fostering program. He is now 36. So that was many years ago. I really just want to say to many of you, please don’t give up go ahead and keep trying. But if you can…try to stop looking for answers to why. Because it makes you start to blame yourself and you are not at fault. In life things happen. Good or bad many times it has nothing to do with anything we do or have done. Sometimes things just happen. Make the very best you can of your life. And don’t give up hope keep trying, but if you can accept that things just happen, then you might be able to relax and in the end have a better day to day life. Okay enough advice now just one more thing. Peoples bodies are all different. If you have not tried this approach then I would just like to offer you a fun way to see if it might work. I have heard that not all eggs travel done the same time path. Many hang on here and there and just take thier own sweet time. SOOOO, try this for 1 month. Have sex every other day for 30 days. That way sperm is always on the job. So if your egg is traveling later then it should be you still have a chance of conception because you continuously keep injecting sperm to basically chase the egg. Well, hope you don’t mind my sugguestion. Keep in mind we are all blessed and can all effect our own lives just by making a choice every day when you wake up that you are going to have a great day and that you enjoy life and make the best you can out of each day. Then I pray that one of those great days you’ll end up with a positive pregnancy test that will make that day a better day then you could have even hoped for. God bless you and remember, we are all special.

  • Kelly

    Am actually havin the same situation i have been trying or approximately 7mths and its not happening,iknow my boyfriend loves me but i get up some day and wonder if he is going to get sick of the situation and move on,am feeling lost i cry daily and it hurts me deeply to know that this might never happens.I dream about it and i would be the happiest woman in the world if i woke up tomarrow and am pregnant,All the ladies out there keep the faith tell yourself its goin to happen peace out…..

  • Karla

    Kate,
    Hello. My husband and I tried to have a baby for 4 years. I was told I am that small percentage of unexplained infertilty. We looked into adoption also-and yes, its VERY expensive. By the grace of god we heard about Foster-adoption through our local Social Services. Have you checked into that?
    I’m not saying it’s easy but well worth it. Our Social Services paid for pretty much EVERYTHING. We were out around $150.00 for fingerprints. We now have a 19 month old daughter (adopted). We got her when she was 1 week old.
    Yes, the children through Social Services have gone through something horrible in their life. In our case our daughters “bio” mom was a meth addict. she had already had 3 other children removed from her custody. Our daughter was born 4 weeks early, weighing 4lb, 7oz. She had trouble feeding but other than that was pretty healthy. She loves food now and is a very active, smart, cute, adorable 19 month old. Without us being a foster-adopt home, we wouldn’t be parents now. We are waiting on child #2, to come into our home.
    It is hard, the not knowing, but maybe you can check your local SS out? Good luck!

  • Stephanie

    Hi my name is Stephanie. My boyfriend and I have been together for 12 years and we have a 11 year old son. Recently we have been talking about having another child but we have been having a lot of trouble getting pregnant. In 04′ I had a surgery cause my periods were so bad that I was unable to even move. So I went to my doctor and he suggested a surgery where he would shoot hot water into my uteris. Oh my gosh was this painful. At that time my boyfriend and I was not wanting to ever have anymore children, but my doctor told me that because of my age he would not make it to where I couldn’t have anymore children, that is why he suggested this specific surgery. Well now I am not being able to have any children and I don’t know what to do. I’ve tried looking it up on the internet and asking others about it but everyone tells me that this surgery would not of prevented me from getting pregnant again.

    If there is anyone out there that reads this knows of something that we could try please reply to this.

    Sad,
    Stephanie

  • christine

    Wow!! Did this article ever hit home. While I have yet to start fertility treatments (my doc refuses to refer me to an OBGYN or fertility specialist because in HIS opinion my infertility is more likely related to my weight than it is to the fact that I have EVERY SINGLE SYMPTOM of PCOS and had surgery for pre-cancerous cervical cysts six months before we had the go-ahead to concieve). But believe me, after two years of trying, I DEFINITELY relate to your feeling in this article. I actually broke down and had a temper-tantrum like a little kid when I found out that my b.i.l’s 19 y.o. girlfriend was pregnant. (the only person who witnessed that was my husband thank goodness)… it’s refreshing to see someone admit to others those feelings of worthlessness and anger. I feel it tenfold I think, since I HAVE a child from a previous relationship. She wasn’t planned, her father and I split when she was almost 1yr. It happened just like that… no temp. taking, no stupid little LH testing strips… just bam… wake up pregnant… and then five short years later, and you actually WANT a child, and your husband wants a child…. and… nothing… you try, and try, and try… and EVERYONE asks you… so… uh… when are you guys planning to have kids??? and you don’t even know what to say anymore… the generic “we’re working on it” doesn’t work so well these days since it’s hard NOT to say it with that sarcastic, bitter edge to it. And you can’t exactly say, “I’ve been trying for TWO BLOODY YEARS!!!! GET OFF MY BACK YOU MORON!!!” Of course, at this point, the in-laws, and all close friends are well invested in your plight… and they try to “help” you… I have NEVER heard so much bullcrap in my LIFE!!! Some just ridiculous, others disturbing. (my f.i.l. asked my husband if he sweat alot during our attempts… told him if he didn’t he wasn’t trying hard enough… gave him a “you need to sweat more!!” pep-talk)

    Either way…. the point of all this rambling is this: I just wanted to say a heartfelt thank-you for having the bravery and compassion to share your plight. It’s appreciated more than you know.

    ~christine~

  • alexis

    everything u said is so true.. I am 27 and going through the same thing,, same guy for seven years and it’s so painful seeing friends and people around u get pregnant and u can’t .. I am so depress,, it hurts.. and the pressure from his family cause his sister and two brothers who has kids allready ,,

  • Rose

    Hello Kate,
    I fully understand how you are feeling. I have been married for 3 years now and so far I have not been able to get pregnant. It is very frustrating at times. Every day I keep dreaming of having my own little bundle of joy. As you said, it is really painful when I see others pregnant. I keep thinking, “Why can’t I be like that?” I have tried many doctors and lots of treatments, but no success. But I haven’t given up yet. I keep praying that one day I will get the good news I am waiting to hear.

  • kerra

    hey it was five years for me untill I took a cold/sinus walmart brand and a sleeping pill boom I got pregnant and every time I take the two combined

  • Teri

    Ladies let me tell you a story that happen long ago. I was but 22 years and I had two beautiful daughters and really wanted that beautifully little boy to complete my family. But I got some horrible news my ovaries were beginning to die. I know all of you are wondering why is this woman writing this in this coloum when she has had two children well I am going to tell you I wanted my son so badly that I too went to the fertility specilist and mind you this was 25 years ago. And do you know how far behind they were then. What I am trying to say Ladies is don’t give up I didn’t and boy were they way behind back then and yes I cried alot and wished I had never done it but in the end I got this BEAUTIFUL BABY BOY. Who by the way is about to bless me with a grand child. So please don’t give up there is a ray of sun lite out there somewhere for everyone.

  • EJ

    #81 christine – to the busybodies who think your sex life is their personal business, yes, you can tell them to “—- off” and mind their own business. My boss CONSTANTLY asks me when I’m going to have kids and asks me if there’s some kind of problem and I tell him “I’m barren as Siberia. It breaks my heart. Aren’t you glad you asked?” I have no problem saying this to people. Even though I have no idea if I’m really barren. Maybe I am. Maybe my timing is off. Time will tell (but waiting is unbearable, isn’t it?)

    I’ve been married for 4.5 years. Been off (and on – don’t ask) the Pill since mid 2006. Aggressively trying to get pregnant for a few months now, but no luck. Plus, I ask myself why it hasn’t inadvertently happened in the meantime. Every time another of my friends/relatives gets pregnant “oops, lol I wasn’t even trying!” or “oh, do I really even want this?” I want to scream. I hate everyone. But mostly myself for being infertile and envious.

    I’ll probably adopt if it comes down to it. But I too want the experience of pregnancy and childbirth. I’m 29. Hubby’s 34. Time might be slightly on our side at the moment, but I’m aware that it’s running out.

    It’s a hard road, ladies. But it’s nice to know we’re not alone.

    And don’t forget to tell clumsy, insensitive, hurtful, nosy people to mind their own —-ing business.

    Love,
    EJ

  • nauan

    Hi
    very sad: You are not alone!, but Tha Fact.

    trying 9 years! and… nothing
    every minute, maybe every second thinking about it. It’s so so so so so so painfull.

    God bless us “not alones”

  • Nichole

    I understand where you are coming from. I had my first IUI two weeks ago and found out today that once again I’m not pregnant and I’ve been feeling sorry for myself all day. Finally I feel a little better but I know that this process starts all over in the morning.I’m suppose to talk to my DR and discuss a plan more that likely the same plan that we’ve been on. Good luck for the both of us and its in God’s hands

  • Ann

    I am in the same boat. My husband and I have been wanting a child despite it not being “the right time” and we have been unsuccessfull for the past year and a half. During this time two of my college friends (single party girls) got knocked up and had a shotgun marriage, one of my college friends got knocked up and had an abortion, my married college friend had a baby, and my sister in law had a baby. Needless to say, I am quite bitter about it all especially since I had to hear my other sister in law whine about not being able to have ANOTHER baby and here I am Infirtle Myrtle, as barren as the desert throwing countless baby showers and wearing fake smiles. I have always wanted to be a mom and I feel like all I’m missing is the baby to mother. It really gets under my skin how easy it is for some women and how unfair it is that these kids that are not even old enough to vote get to be mommies and I did everything right, college, marriage, financial stability first. I read an article the other day that said that if you want to have kids and a career you should do the kids first because there’s a timeline on fertility but you could be a successful business person at any age. At the age of 28 your fertility takes a drastic plunge into oblivion and you can almost kiss motherhood goodby. I hope this is not true because I am fast approaching that fateful age and I’m still not pregnant.

  • Tara

    I was feeling somewhat better reading this, and all the comments. I am the only woman I personally know that cannot get pregnant, everyone else just ‘gets pregnant’ by accident.
    I feel guilty that I didn’t start trying earlier, I just turned 30 and have only actually been trying since October of 2007. Month after month if my period is a day late I get so excited, only to become tearful and depressed when I find out that yet another month has gone by.

    If anyone tells me to ‘just adopt’ I will seriously punch them. That is not a solution, and I have actually tried to adopt. It is actually more difficult to attain than having my own child! They say there are so many unwanted children in the world, well why is it so hard to adopt them? Unless I have a LOT of money, more than it would take for IVF and am a ‘perfect example’ person it probably won’t happen.

    Now my husband says he doesn’t know if he wants children now. We’d spent so long trying, I guess it’s his way of coping with the fact that we just can’t have children, not without drastic medical intervention. I always thought IVF was foolish, now it’s my light of hope.

    Now I see so many women having twins and triplets, I know they must have had medical ‘help’ because normally having twins is rather rare.

    If anyone wants to talk to me, I would appreciate it. I don’t have anyone to talk to about this, since everyone I know has ‘accidents’ and can’t relate to me.

    [Personal contact info deleted]

  • Amy J

    Wow! I just googled “I can’t get pregnant” and came across this blog that was started like a year ago. Amazing. I just want to share my story now too.

    I am 29 years old and am having difficulty getting pregnant. I was on the pill for 10 years and almost exactly 1 year ago I stopped taking it. My husband and I have been married for just about two years now and decided we were ready to “let God take the reigns” and have the attitude that “if it happens, it happens and if it doesn’t, it doesn’t.” Yeah right! Easy to say, but not very easy to believe. Especially now that we have been trying for so long with no luck. And, just to pour salt on the wound, almost every female I know within 10 years of my age has been pregnant, some mutiple times already! And I have trouble being happy for any of them. I actually get really bummed when I hear that someone else I know is pregnant. They dont’ know it though, I would never put my problems on someone else. It’s not like they are getting pregnant just to spite me! :)
    Now, I just try to keep up hope. I just recently went to my OBGYN and had my yearly and we talked a little about my possible infertility. He told me that my cervix looks like the picture in the text book, and to try a few more months and if nothing happens to make an appointment with him for a consultation. So, it’s been a few more months and I have made that appointment and will go from there. He did tell me the first thing we would do is to have my husband’s sperm checked. I am looking forward to starting all of this because if there is a problem I just want to know instead of trying blindly every month with no results.
    I have somewhat irregular periods too. I remember having quite long and heavy periods as a teen and I didn’t count but I am pretty sure I had one every month. On the pill my period was like clockwork every month. After getting off the pill I started counting days to try and figure out my cycle and for the first two months it came on day 30. Since then it has ranged from 28 days to 39 days…it’s never the same every month. I tried charting my BBT but because my cycles are so irregular, that only confused me, so this past month I tried an OPK which I liked a lot! If it didn’t happen for me this month, which I would bet it didn’t, I will continue trying the OPK’s to help figure out when to best have intercourse. Of course, that put a downer on our sex life. My husband hates having to plan intercourse and it actually puts so much pressure on him that sometimes he can’t “finish”. Don’t get me wrong, this isn’t a frequent thing, most of the time he does, it’s just sometimes when he just feels too much pressure and feels like I just want to do it for his sperm, which is sometimes true! :) But I try to spice it up and make it more spontaneous, but it’s still difficult and I am so tired of all the trying and no luck! And I am so tired of everyone telling me to stop stressing. Honestly, I don’t feel like I am stressing that much. I probably have been more lately, but during the other months I feel like I didn’t get upset until my period would arrive because I would feel a huge let down. My hormones can really make me an unpleasant person sometimes. Thank goodness it only lasts a day or two! I still have the hope that this will all happen naturally and I am still young enough to keep trying, but if I could make it happen now, I would. Honestly, I am just so emotionally drained and tired I almost hope the doctors do find something so they can fix it and we can have our baby!
    If they do find something wrong, and God forbid it can’t be fixed, I hope I can just get on with my life and be happy without children. I think my husband would be okay. I do feel the guilt though wondering if he will change his mind about it one day and leave me for a woman who can conceive. Unless it’s his fault we can’t conceive. I know adoption is an option, and so is IVF, but all that cost money that I don’t have and right now I am not emotionally ready to really think about that seriously. What I want is to have a product of my husband and myself, with our genes, and I want to experience being pregnant. Maybe it’s just not our time, but I will just keep up the hope that it will happen someday soon and will keep learning about infertility and other options until I either have a baby or am told that we can’t have kids naturally and give up altogether.

  • Sydney

    It’s so unreal to try for so long to prevent pregnancy only to wish nothing more than to be pregnant at this exact moment.

    I am 27 years old and a cancer survivor. My husband and I have tried for over 1 1/2 years. He had his sperm checked, and there are definite problems with no definite solutions. I always thought I would be the reason my partner and I didn’t have children.

    I can’t explain to my friends and family–or even to my husband for that matter–how much it hurts. While I know he hurts, too, he is not the one waiting each month for a period to come –or more importantly not to come. The worst, however, are those phantom pregnancy symptoms that build up the unstoppable hope that maybe this month is the ONE. And then, AF visits and all hope is lost for another week or two.

    Like some coincidence right out of a horror story, we learned a few months back that all three of his siblings (he only has three) are pregnant at the same time. Two were not even trying and had “accidents.” Bitter. Oh, I know that feeling. People I work with, family, friends, heck, even movie stars like Angelina Jolie are replenishing the world at a rapid pace.

    But the situation is what it is, and Nature does not play favorites. And so I will wait for it to be my turn, and it WILL be my turn in some form. I won’t lie, though. The waiting…and wanting…and longing are…there.

  • Dereka

    Thankyou for this… You are not alone.

  • http://womb4improvement.blogspot.com Womb4Improvement

    Wow Kate, your article really hit home, a year on and people are still commenting.

    I too have been trying to get pregnant with the boy (now man) that I met when I was 18 and we had all the time in the world to get there. Now pushing 32 and over a year and a half with no joy its getting harder and harder to believe those two lines on the pregnancy stick will ever appear.

    I’ve started a blog about my experiences and invite any/ all of you to share and support each other.

  • Jane

    Hello All,

    I have just ‘stumbled’ across this site & am outraged at the awful comments telling you how selfish you are! Wanting a child is not selfish, it is the best job in the World. Especially when you have so much love & nurturing to give and we see so many children hurt or abused in this World. Yes it is unfair & we don’t always understand it but there are answers out there. If you don’t get the answers you want from your doctor then find one who will listen, they are not always right & they don’t always know everything. We tend to put them on pedestals & think their word is law. Well I for one believe we need to trust our instincts, pay attention to our bodies & believe that we can change things.

    You are very brave to put your feelings out there so honestly and no one has the right to dismiss how you feel or tell you what to do with your life. By more of us opening up and speaking about the pain & sorrow (And the feeling of inadequacy that goes with it) we may change the stigma that is attached to not having children.

    I have recently been diagnosed with Polycystic Ovary Syndrome (I’m 38) (To add to my Crohn’s disease) which came as quite a shock as I have no other symptoms whatsoever!!! I’m not overweight, no abnormal hair, no acne, regular peiods, all blood tests were normal, it even looked like I was ovulating as all the signs were there. Imagine my shock when I had an internal scan & there they were….no ovulation, just empty sacs. Boy am I relieved!! The reason, after 3 miscarriages & 4 years of trying I know I’m close to getting answers. I have been asking doctors for years if there was any connection to my Autoimmune illness (Crohn’s – which is stable) & miscarriages/pregnancy & they have all replied No, absolutely no connection whatsoever. Well my instinct told me otherwise so I kept researching. There is a fantastic book by Dr Alan E. Beer ‘is your body Baby friendly’ who answers all the questions that I had. It investigates how having an autoimmune illnes (Crohn’s, Thyroid, Rheumatiod Arthritis – to name a few) can have a detrimental affect not only carrying a baby to term but how it affects implantation. So if it has been even slighty suggested to you that you have an autoimmune illness or are not getting the answers you deserve, find a doctor that will listen. Not overly easy but I found mine the day I read the book! Apparently a lot of doctors dismiss Dr Beers findings but if it helps us have a baby then I have no time for ‘scientific studies’. Check out

    I think I’ve gone on long enough for one day LOL but I do hope you all find the answers you are looking for & have all the babies that we deserve.

    By the way, there are TONS of complementary therapies out there to help you along. Acupuncture & Reflexology are amazing at helping your body heal itself.

    Sending you all Baby dust & love

  • http://bikevomit.blogspot.com deb

    Thank you for writing this. My sister (34 years old) has been trying for three years. They actually have tried fertility treatments- to no avail.

    She has these same feelings of guilt, anger, and humiliation. She definitely feels alone. It is hard for me to help, because I do not have and do not really want children.

    What can I do to help her cope? She is my sister, and I want to help her through what is rapidly becoming a full-on depression. Any advice is greatly appreciated.

  • Lisa

    Thank you for your article. I have also been trying for three years now to get pregnant (just turned 30) – and was diagnosed last year with high fsh, which apparently is very uncommon in women my age. Anyway, it is stories like yours that helps me to feel not so alone with this. Infertility seems to be one of those taboo topics that you can’t really discuss with anyone except very close friends and maybe family, which is a very small circle when you think about how many times a week people ask the ‘so when are you going to have a baby?? ‘.

    In response to Deb #96 above re your sister – the best thing to do is just to be there to listen to your sister when she wants to talk about it. Because infertility can create a sense of isolation, it is nice to be able to connect with people who care about what you are going through. THat is the best gift and support anyone can give.

    Thanks again for the article. It gives strength to know that there are others who have the same feelings at showers, and who struggle with the same questions. What a process indeed!

  • Lynn

    My story is a little bit different and yet the same. Before I married my husband two years ago, he informed me a doctor had told him it was highly unlikely that he would be able to have children. I love him and he is my other half, so of course I married him anyway. My sisters and sister-in-laws and friends are all getting pregnant around me and it can be really hard knowing I’ll never experience that. I know God has a plan for my marriage and I stay happy knowing He must have something else really special planned for my life whether adoption or something else. Best wishes to all of you ttc. Just remember that there is beauty in this world and try to seek it out. God bless!

  • NISHA

    Like most of you it seems as though I can not have a baby to save my life, But you know what I have been blessed by God with two beautiful God kids whom I love as my own. A boy and a girl. Me and my boyfiend has wanted to try and have a child for about 2 years now and well we havent had the chance to say were about to be parents, but God knows what hes doing. Hey you never know you might try your last try and end up twins. Good luck to all and stop stressing live and let God!!!

  • Kristina

    Wow Kate! I must say, over a year on the message board and your blog is still getting frequent hits, its absolutely amazing.
    I must thank you for having the courage to put a voice on the pain of not being able to get pregnant. It’s a comfort to find someone (in this case many someones) that I can relate to on such a specific and personal level.
    I like all those who have blogged before me have found myself trying to concieve without any positive result. I am 27 married for 2 years, my husband, a flight attendant travels a lot – so we get to the baby making as often as possible when he is home! LOL! I am the youngest in my family (of almost all girls) and to boot I am my mother’s only daughter! I am the ONLY girl in my family to not have children yet. My sitting service and child rearing skills have been tweeked to perfection in the last 14 years! So, My husband and I decided that we were ready to “try” to get pregnant…. fastforward, and I have been off the pill for about 16 months and almost immediately went back to irregular periods. I was diagnosed with PCOS when I was 16 and almost instantly suffered from the weight gain… as I have aged I have have noticed more and more of the side effects from this condition. I keep active, work all the time and am as far as you can get from being a couch potato.
    I have a relativley new gyno, whom I don’t love and I am currently looking for another. She was made aware of my PCOS and prescribed Provera – which made no sense since I took that already when I was younger. She too told me that my weight and my stress levels from work would interfere with my pregnancy results! Like I needed to be stressed out more! She told me to make an appointment to come back (should be sometime soon)to discuss fertility drugs. So, out of frustration – I have tried to educate myself on all the methods of natural conception as well as to know about what is available from the medical field. There is much, and the process of trying to figure out which is best for me is painstaking to say the least.
    I keep toying with my own inner self and I find that I am litterally on a sew-saw of emotions. My longing to have a child is so strong, yet when faced with the cost and extra expense of infertility treatments – I question where my head is? I am the bread winner, and the money person in our relationship. We are just shy of paying off our wedding and about a year or so away from satisfying our credit debt. We rent, and for now it works for us, However- a home and a family are ultimately what I want. Question is, how long am I willing to wait to make it happen?
    I thank you and all those who have been positive and upbeat about this painful process as it has provided me the opportunity to reflect on the matter and vent some pent up frustrations. It has helped me to find a new direction.
    ~Kristina

  • stacy

    I’ve been married for 3 years, and still not pregnant. I am 34, and my husband 36. I’ve had 2 iui, and i have one more chance before doctor puts me on more medications. the 2 iui didn’t do anything for me. It gave me false hope that i might be pregnant, but i am not. I know exactly where all you ladies are coming from: everywhere i look, pregnant ladies everywhere, and it saddens me, sometimes i look fondly upon babies at the markets and at the mall. I wonder when will it happen to me. What if it never happens to me. I know that only God can give and take a life,so i’m waiting for His time, then i get encouraged, but it doesn’t last long, i go back to feeling sorry for myself, and sometimes feel that i should leave my husband so that he can have a chance to have a family. I”m so sadden by my lack of faith in God. His grace is sufficient for me.

  • brandi

    I am 29 and ive been tryin to get pregnant for six years.I dont have good enough insurance so i havent had any test done. I ve always felt like i was born to be a mom since i was a little girl.I DO ALOT OF PRAYING AND I TRY TO HAVE FAITH!!!!!I have a very loving husband and very understanding.If we were able to adopt i would in a heart beat,no matter age or race, i just want to be a great mom and share all this love i have to give.so i just pray and have faith it will happen.

  • stephanie

    hi im 26 and have been trying to
    iv already had a wee boy who turns 9 soon but i keep miscarrying my last was only a week and a half ago and im totally gutted i new i was pregnant cause i had all the signs but something inside me kept saying don’t take the test so i never did and my period came, just by chance i had a check up at the hospital and turned out i had miscarried just a few days before even thought i never new i was pregnant im just gutted i just cant seem to get past 6 weeks they’v referd me to the hospital but still wont bring back all those baby’s iv lost

  • http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JqfGqOx2iDQ Traneis

    Ok, I just read your blog and the tears began to flow. For people who are not going through this, they will never understand. Like that one individual who called us selfish for wanting children because the world is overpopulated. Well the world is also heavily polluted but that doesn’t stop people from wanting new cars. But because it is a baby, people don’t understand it. I know that you said that you are not obsessed but I am. I get up every morning and track this and chart that thinking that this maybe the month. I hold onto hope even on the first day I see a little flow. I tell myself, “Oh, that could be implantation bleeding.” For those of you who are not TTC, let me ask you this. Imagine wanting something so bad for so long and getting an answer, not 1nce a year, but EVERY MONTH! BIG FAT NO! Nobody says “Oh, your crazy for wanting a new house or a new car. But because we desire to be mothers, we are considered selfish and obsessed. WHat a crackhead or an unmarried woman can get without trying, we have to be analyzed by a group of people to determine whether or not we are worthy (referring to adoption process). People say that parenthood is not all it is cracked up to be. Okay, maybe so, but why can’t I experience that for myself? That is just your opinion. Maybe we won’t feel that way. This has been a very long process for me as well. I have been TTC for 3 years and 1 month with. 36 “no’s” and one “yes”, only for that yes to turn around on me and become a no 2 weeks later (miscarriage on Christmas day). I know the pain that comes along with wanting, so please fellow bloggers, if you are not experiencing this grief, do not be judgemental. If you have never been an alcoholic, you can’t tell me what it is like to be an alcoholic. So it is the same with this situation. You have never been infertile so don’t presume to tell me what you think about it if you are not going through it. Have a heart and show compassion. Sometimes it is a lonely road….The URL is one for inspiration. If you are TTC, you should watch it..

    PS Grab your kleenex box….

  • Shelly

    Wow Tranies…
    Very touching!
    I am experiencing the very same thing. Been trying for almost 2 years now, and still no baby. People just don’t understand what it feels like until they go through this themselves.. I just found out today that one of my friends got pregnant on the very first try, Instead of me being happy for her, I came home and cryed like a baby out of jelousy, envy, all them kind of emotions that go through a woman that knows theres somthing missing in her life… and you just can’t shake that empty feeling. I feel like I’m being robbed of motherhood! its just heartbreaking. All I can say, is I wish every woman who wants to be a mother out there all the luck in the world!! Please be strong! ( I should take my own advice!) Please keep posting… its good to know that I’m not alone here…

  • nova

    I am also 27 year old, have been married for six years and until now I have not conceived. We adopted a girl last May and I tried to forget about conceiving but after hearing another negative comment from my neighbor regarding my daughter that she could not believe that she’s my daughter because I am barren this led me again to crave to get pregnant but afte reading all your comments, I don’t care anymore if I would get pregnant or not…Let us enjoy life and be happy!

  • Marie

    Kate,
    I hope you are pregnant by now if not I am sorry to hear that. I have unknown to my parents and everyone been trying to get pregnant since I was 17 and I am now 27! I have always wanted to be a mom. I was married for 4 years and divorced. My husbands we can’t adopt was what finished it. I went to doctors, had irregular periods, etc. Was even told that I could have kids but I let two cysts on my ovaries burst and I that could keep me from having kids. Never used protection and that was playing with fire. I’m 14 weeks pregnant. The father isn’t around but I know how it is. The funny thing is everyone told me to stop thinking about having a kid but the want was so great I didn’t think I’d ever get over it. I finally decided in April that I couldn’t make a relationship work and that maybe it wasn’t meant to be and I had to find my life. I was with someone that I thought this isn’t going to work but let’s have fun and oops I went to the doctor and your pregnant! Daddy left and for the first time in 10 years I moved back in with my parents but I don’t understand why now but I still consider it a blessing. I hope that you will get yours and I hope you stop thinking about it so you can have your miracle and if not you can always adopt. It’s not the same but I was going to if I didn’t I hope you do and I will keep you and your husband in my prayers. I am very understanding in how bad you want a kid.

  • Jennifer

    Hi Kate,
    I am 25 and like you my husband and I have also been trying to get pregnant for over a year now. I know exactly how you feel. My brother and his wife just had my third niece and even though I love my nieces to death the whole process of her being pregnant and showing me the ultrasound pictures made me have a feeling of resentment and jealousy inside. My husband tells me not to worry about it all the time but I really don’t think he understands how I feel cause he has two boys from previous relationship. I love his boys like there mine but they don’t fill the void I have in my heart of wanting to have a child with your features that you can bond with from day one and that will call you mommy. I hope the best for you and I will pray that God will bless us both!

  • http://www.myspace.com/luisanadiaz Luisana

    Hi Kate

    i really would love to hear an update! I found this article tonight while searching for an answer, Ive been maried for 3 years but ive been trying to concieve for 1 idk what’s wrong i havent been to any doctor yet i want to go to mexico and see if they have cheaper medication! Im 21 years old! All my cousins are having babies…. Im starting to feel the pressure! I really would like to know the kind of money you are spending on your treatments! PLEASE WRITE BACK SOON!

  • Claudia

    I can really understand your feelings. I have a four year old. I got pregnant with her after 3 months of trying and now we’ve been trying for 1year and a half for another baby and to no avail. My daughter prays every night because she wants someone to plays with. I am 34 years now and I feel that I dont have much time left. I really wish you all the best Kate and I really hope that you will get pregnant. Take care and I will keep you in my prayers

  • Elisa

    I haven’t read every comment, but wanted to add that there are some states that mandate that any insurance that covers birth control must also cover IVF. Maryland is one of them. I know moving isn’t a realistic option for some people, but if it is an option – or if you’re looking for a job and might be willing to move anyway – it is something to consider.
    Also, I really highly recommend the Shady Grove Fertility and Reproductive Science Centers which are affiliated with Johns Hopkins University. Not only do they seem to have high success rates (I am in my third IUI cycle with them, aged 37 with a 46 year old husband with low morphology and “delivery issues”), but they are also very kind and thouroughly committed to the physical and mental health of both partners. They also have some interesting financing options for folks without insurance coverage for fertility treatments

  • Heather

    I am now 32 years old and have been trying to become pregnant naturally for more than 8 years. I have PCOS and it just doesn’t seem to be happening. I hear the drugs are not too effective. I am due at the fertility clinic on Monday but I’m not sure if I can cope to well emotionally with the drugs not working. Thanks to everyone who has written the blogs

  • Crystal

    Married for 5 1/2 years, trying for 4. My husband is getting very bitter and I am exhausted and depressed. This wasn’t supposed to be so complicated. No attempts at fertility testing–I don’t think I would take fertility medicine (personal reasons), but I mostly fear hearing that there isn’t a problem. If that is the case, it would seem that motherhood just isn’t something I’ll get to experience. So I keep putting it off…

  • lu

    Lot of prayers and love to all who are TTC. My daughter and her husband have been trying to get pregnant for three years now. It is sad when all her friends and cousins are having babies, I can see it in her eyes. The hurt,sadness,the longing. She was going to a doctor who put her on clomid, no explanation really on what it would do, when she should start it, or most important, why she wasn’t conceiving. Nothing happened so she gave up. Everymonth she “thinks” she’s late. Someday they’ll have their baby and the angels will be smiling on them. To anyone out there who thinks why would anyone want a baby? Its called LOVE.

  • Amy

    Hi there Kate…I can say I understand 100%. I have been married 8 years and trying to get pregnant for 4 of thos 8. There is nothing wrong with me that they can tell, beside I don’t make enough progesterone, but meds can fix that…still couldn’t get pregnant. We tried adopting, or should I say are trying, its been almost 2 years with no results on that either. It can be expensive, but try domestic if you don’t mind maybe having a todler to older child. The cost is much less. Makes me sad reading all the posts…I feel for all of you. Any one else out there tired of hearing “dont think about it” or “it will happen, just give it time”? cause I am telling you one more person says that to me and I can’t tell you what my response may be =)! So to those of you out there, its nice to know I am not the only one…but it still hurts deep inside every single day. Kate this is a nice site. and I give you credit for being brave and getting out there and voicing your thoughts.

  • Crystal

    Amy–
    I hear those things all the time. I’m seriously considering punching people in the face for saying such dumb stuff. I also highly appreciate the rib jabs followed with, “Oh…you guys are next…”

  • Judy

    I found this website as I googled “young and healthy, why can’t i get pregnant?”….not that i was looking for someone in the same situation as I am – i’ve found many of those website…yet I was looking to see if there’s an answer as to why I am 24 years old, healthy and been trying to get pregnant for the past 13 months. I don’t drink, smoke or do drugs. And as my next cycle started today, I’ve spent my day crying and thinking why me? what have I done wrong in life to deserve this? My husband is 36 and has a daughter from a previous relationship and yet I haven’t been able to give him a child. We’ve known each other for about 15 years and we’ve been married since 2005. In the past few months we’ve argued because I had started to blame him for our misfortune but in reality I really don’t blame him – i just argued because I was really mad at another unsuccesful month. And then since last month I’ve started to blame myself. I know I have felt into depression because i’ve been feeling so down and moody for the past couple of weeks and I’m not like that – i’m a happy go-getter always smiling type of person. I’ve also decided to give up – not because its been 13 months since we’ve started trying but because he’s already 36 and I don’t want him to be an old dad and I know he wants a child as bad as I do and i’m planning to ask him for a divorce. I know he can be happier with someone else that can give him a child. I feel that there’s a big hole between us – we see friends and relative get pregnant and give birth left & right – as a matter of fact one of our closest friends is in the hospital and is about to get a c-section tonight; sex has basically become a job and everytime I just pray that we got it this time. Not being able to conceive has become a big burden upon us. I know many say “just hang in there!”, “it will happen” – its easier said than done. I think my journey of trying to conceive ends today. thank you Kate for posting a wonderful blog.

  • AR

    Be grateful for the fact that you are still young and have a loving relationship. Like you I craved to have a baby more than anything but did not find the right man and got married at the age of 34. You still have time on your side to keep trying and to consider alternative means if natural conception fails.

  • Eyyüp

    well if you cant have a chilren… but dont worry, life is belong to us, and yea life is a cup of orange juice, drink it, and thank back

  • Crystal

    Hi Kate, how are you doing? It’s so moving to read your article and the stream of comments that others have written. I’m typing this while I dry my tears as my heart goes out to all the ladies going through this same thing. My husband and I have been together 15 years, and married for 8 of those; and we haven’t had much luck getting pregnant either. Yes, we’ve been to doctors and done a whole load of tests, but it is always the same thing… I do not have the hormones needed for getting pregnant as my body is aging quicker than I am.

    I have good days and bad days… most of the time I believe that perhaps it is not our time yet, or that it is not meant to be and we tend to have the “if it happens, it happens” attitude. But somedays, I just feel so useless. My husband loves kids, and he is great with them… I’ve seen the way he is around kids and it drives me crazy that I can’t give him the one thing he wants most. :(

    The irony is, I was raped when I was a teenager. And guess what, I got pregnant then… long story short, the pregnancy was terminated. That was so long ago, and yet sometimes, it feels like yesterday. I sometimes wonder if this is my punishment. But I have no regrets as my life would have been so different – as I wouldn’t have finished school and become a low-income single mother of a rapist’s child.

    All I can do now, is live life with my husband, and we are generally quite happy. We still hope that one day a miracle will happen, but if that day doesn’t come… I’ll continue to have my good days… and my bad days. I’m now 38, and the clock is ticking… we are considering adoption.

  • preethy

    I am 24 years old, have been married for 9 months and until now I have not conceived.but my i and my husband loves child very much.not only that my mother in law want as early as possible so we are very eager to conceive.as i and my husband trying very interestingly the menses periods are coming earlier before to the date it is coming 8 days before.why?please answer me.i don’t have anyone to ask.i cant share my doubts with any one.am trying to consult a doctor.but some body are saying wait for one year and then go.but my mother in law is very eager to get.i searched many web sites.but am not getting the answer for the people of recently married.i can’t understand what to do.am hearing that the couple who are married in the same time when we got married,are getting pregnancy.please help me and let us enjoy life and be happy with child.and also i have some doubts to clarify dont no with whom to discuss?some times am simply crying because am not a person to share my the doubts with all the people.please help me

  • Dereka

    I’m 27 also and I have done years of research. I have been trying to get pregnant for years now. It just seems as if it will never happen for me. I want a child a little girl. I’m single also, I can’t even find a man that wants one with me. I guess I’m having relationship problems and fertility as well. God help us all. My dad’s real sick. He has a hole in his lungs and is now taking kemo-therapy. I want to come up to him so bad and tell him. ” You need to stay here for a little while longer. You need to take your grand daughter shopping or play with your grand son.” I’m just tired of crying and tired of what-if’s. I’m tired of fantising and daydreaming. Tired of hoping, wishing, and praying. I want a child of my own some day.

  • Nancy

    I know all about those feelings and thought we got married 7 years ago, the seond year start trying after 8 month we got it, 2 weeks after I notice I was pregnat I miscarrieged. I’ve never thought this could happend to me, a friend of mine had a miscarriege 2 month before I did, and I just was asking my self what that happend to her she suffered a lot in her life to also have to go thorugh this pain. And then was me. After that 4 years have passed with a lot of test, doctors, herbs, massages, surgery, but nothing. Sometimes I tryied to think positive and look around me and see all the other beattifull things life give you every day but sometimes I just keep in my mine the feeling the hapinest i felt that morning when I see the positive all the dreams I just started to have and suddenly disapeared. There is people all over praying for us, but still God doens not want to give us that gift, sometimes I just think that he gives me a lot of great gift daily but sometimes I ca not enjoy them cause there is only one thing in my mine. Thank you for being there.

  • jamie

    i’ve been trying to get pregnant for the past two years now NOTHING …it’s crazy that everyone that doesn’t care to have kids are popping them out like no other . i want my family and i’ve been dreaming and praying to be a mom since the day i got married . Everyone in my family are fertile myrtles . and me on the other hand is struggling . my family always tells me that the lord will give you a child when your ready to have a child. i beleive in the power of prayer and for me and everyone out there the lord will bless you if you only trust him to do so. He knows what your heart desires and he will bless you with a child when he thinks it time our time is not the lords time . Be patient and i will be praying for everyone out there …Patience is a virto

  • Chloe Sampson

    After reading all of your posts, I cannot help but to cry. I’m 22 years old, and I’ve had two abortions. I have never told anyone this but my mother…and now I feel like I’m telling the world. Please, hear my story. I cannot go into detail about the feelings I had when I was pregnant. When you grow up in a family with money and power, and you’re a 22 year old college student, it feels like you have no choice…even though you do. I won’t go into detail about my experiences with abortion and prenancy, but, I will confess that it haunts me everyday of my life, before every moment that I lie my head on the pillow, and before every moment I fall asleep, I can only attempt to beg for forgiveness. Your stories make me sob. I feel awful for the decisions I’ve made. Now, my boss’s wife cannot have kids, has tried everything, and is spending thousands on fertility treatments. All I want to do is have a child for her…maybe even for me…but mostly, for her. I would never ask for money or anything in return, it would only serve as a gift and as repentance for my sins. Is this wrong? I have never spoken to anyone about these feelings and I have desperately tried to shove them to the back of my mind. Still, they never go away. I am still “pro-choice” but I will never be “pro-abortion”…if that makes any sense at all…? If anyone knows anything about having a child for someone who cannot conceive, I would deeply appreciate your information. This isn’t regret, this is a young adult growing up. The pressure in our world today is something that few understand. Thank you for listening to my jumbled thoughts that all came out at once. Please respond with anything you feel neccessary.

  • Chloe Sampson

    I feel the need to comment to Kate, especially since this website is only thanks to her courage,

    Thank you for making me realize the value of life. I promise that I will pray for you with every ounce of strength I have left in me. Some days, I want to die becaue of what I have done. But now, I know that I can use my experiences to help other young women around me make better decisions. I’m sorry that I had the opportunities you haven’t…I would do anything to switch places. Happy Holidays and a promising year to come.

  • karina

    its funny that we think we are all alone in this battle. I have been trying to get pregnant for a year now and still no luck. I am a 23yr old and my partner is 26. We are both young, fit and healthy… so why is it so hard? We dont earn enough money to try fertility treatments and my partner gets very defensive when i bring up the topic of “sperm testing” and i am too scared to find out if there is something wrong with me. i know we are young and some of you reading this will probabley shake your heads that we are complaining but i guess my comment is to let you know that at any age infertility is difficult to swallow and its an extremely emotional subject.
    To Chloe.. you have nothing to be ashamed about. you were not ready for a child and you did what was right for you at the time. having childrem is a hige responsibility and its all to common that we put others before ourselves when we are the most important person in our lives and have to learn to listen and understand ourselves more before we can understand other human beings. i really wish all the women who are trying desperatly to have a child all the best in the future and i hope that you all gets your wishes granted. its just so good to know we are not alone

  • cindy

    my name is cindy and i married 2 yrs ago and me and my hushand is trying to have a baby but noting we try work i get so frustrated i gave up tell me what to do

  • AllyP.

    First of all, Kate I hope everything worked out for you, and you can now call yourself a mother. Your story touched my heart, and I keep wiping the tears off my face as I type this.

    I too am 27, and have been married for 2 years and haven’t been able to get pregnant. Crazy as it sounds I have been dreaming of becoming a mother since I was a little girl. I feel frustrated because my husband and I have a home, a car, even two dogs, but I feel like there is something still missing. And my family…Oh! don’t even get me started! They always ask when will I be having a child because to them, I am getting TOO old! I always tell them that I would like to wait a little longer, but the truth is, I want one now! They just leave me feeling useless.

    Anyway, I will not be giving up anytime soon, and hopefully, none of you ladies too. I hope and have faith that one day I will be holding my beautiful baby in my arms. Even if I only have one…that will be enough for me.

  • Marisol

    I’m 27, married for 5 years now. Completely and utterly depressed. 5 of my closest friends all pregnant except me.
    I’m bitter, angry and sad. Yes, the big question, “why me?”

  • Julia

    Hi Kate

    These stories really hit home. I am 27 years old and I have been with my husband for 11yrs and married for 6 of those. I was on BC for 9 yrs and have been off of it for 2yrs. My husband and I beens tring since I got off the pill and have not got pregnanted yet. I just found out yestrday that my best friend is now pregnent and I think I am jealouse, and I am not a jealouse type person. She was not ready and she is not married yet. I really did not know what to say to her. I have not when to the last four baby showers that I have been invited to and she told me that I have to go to hers. I told her that I will try. It also made me feel bad when she told me that I need to have a baby soon so we can raise our kids together.

    Well I am glad this blog was here for me to read, I read it from begining to end. And good luck to all.

  • ClaudiaR

    Hi guys…

    It really gave me comfort the fact of reading Kate’s blog and find out that there are a lot of women feeling the same as me. I’m 26 and I’ve been trying to get pregnant for almost 10 months. And yes, it dissappoints me when I hear of somebody else’s pregnancy and even more when my own family starts asking about it. It deeply hurts.

    Thanks all of you for your kind words.

  • Elizabeth

    HI AM ELIZABETH AND UNDERSTAND WHERE ALL
    THE OTHER FEMALES ARE COMING FROM I BEEN TRYING TO GET PREGNAT SINCE I WAS 19YEARS OLD AND I HAVEN’T YET AND NOW AM GOING TO BE 29YEARS OLD AND AM DYING TO HAVE A BABY WITH MY MAN WHO IS 53YEARS OLD AND IT HURTS ME BECAUSE MY SISTER IS 5MONTHS PREGNAT AND THATS HER 3RD KID AND SHE GOT PREGNAT FAST ALL OF MY SISTERS GOT PREGNAT FAST BESIDES ME AND I JUST DON’T GET IT AT ALL THANK YOU FOR HEARING ME.

  • Megan

    I have to believe that everyone’s journey is different. My husband and I have been ttc since our wedding night on 5/11/07. We haven’t had any luck. I was on clomid for 5 months and it made me insane. I was moody, bloated, tired, and sick. It was the hardest 5 months. Then my husband and I went to a fertility doctor. Everything was fine which we already knew from going to my gyno. We went though 2 IUI’s without any luck. I couldn’t take hearing from the nurse at the fertility doctor that I wasn’t pregnant. I borke down and we decided that we would wait. I’m only 29 and my husband is only 33. We decided to take 6 months off and see what happens. I’m a nanny and I can tell anyone out there that you don’t need to carry a baby and give birth to have a bond with children. I would be open to adoption. I just want to have a family one day. Now I’m waiting, that’s all I have the heart or energy to do at the moment. I do have to say one thing, I wish people would stop telling me that you will get pregnant when you stop trying. That adds pressure that I don’t need to have at this point.
    Best of luck to every woman out there trying to have a baby!

  • Ashlea

    Oh where do I begin? This article really hit home with me. The one difference I have with so many of the other comments on here is that I’ve been pregnant once. This time last year I was pregnant. I was on CLOUD 9 and so excited about everything. Everything was going GREAT! A little morning sickness, a little bloating – but nothing big. My Dr wouldn’t see me until 10 weeks. I can still vividly remember the day my husband and I went to the Dr. We were thrilled! We were ecstatic! We were amazed! And then – we were crushed. There was NO heartbeat. I went through some serious guilt issues, a bit of depression and some definite anxiety about getting pregnant again. I’ve had quite the stressful year, and have just begun to relax enough to believe I can get pregnant again. As of right now I’ve tried a total 15 months and succeeded ONCE. So I’m discouraged as well as CRUSHED every single month.

    Thanks for making me understand that there are other people experiencing the same feelings of guilt, anger, anxiety and depression.

    Hopefully – at some point I’ll be able to express happy feelings on here. :)

  • jen

    hi ya does anyone no can you catch preg day before u was due on? im 6 days late and says neg still?

  • Chara

    I feel for you so much! I too am a 27 year old who has been trying to concieve now for 4 years to no avail. I am almost in tears after reading this blog, I am relieved to know that I am not the only one out there that feels this way. I too attended one of my generously fertile friend’s baby shower, the animosity and irritation made me feel like a monster. And now she’s pregnant again, along with 2 other overly potent friend’s of mine.

    Then there’s the abusers and baby killers, why were they blessed with a child, being the horrible parents they are, but I can’t have just one?

    I understand the useless feeling, I have a wonderful man who deserves to be given a child, but no matter how hard I try, it just won’t happen. Then you worry, will he stay with me if I can’t give him one? When I read your blog, it felt like it was written about me. Like you peered into my mind and wrote it. I do hope you reach your goal and are blessed with a child. I will keep you in mind when I say my fertility prayers each night, or when I drop that hopeful penny into the wishing well. And please, let me know if you strike gold, good luck!

    [Personal contact info deleted]

  • Michelle

    Hello All,

    Hearing stories like these make me realize I am not alone. My husband and I have been married for just over 3 years now and have been trying to have a baby for over a year. I can’t believe how disappointing it is every time I get my period – my heart breaks just a little more each time…

    I am hopeful that one day we may be blessed with the joy of being able to share the love we have with one of our own – but I do believe that even though others have told me my life is just aimless wondering until experiencing having a family of my own, I will not believe them… My life does have purpose even though I may not experience bearing my own children.

    Your story has made me realize that even though it is hard to see friends and family so easily become pregnant, that does not make me a bad person but only human. Now knowing that others have felt the same guilt of jealousy of others, I realize I am not alone, and it makes it just a little easier.

    Best of luck to all like me who have being trying so hard!

  • Amy

    I can’t believe the responses sense I commented last. This site is amazing. I am almost 31 girls. I have been married 8 1/2 years and we are still trying. We are going on 5 years now. My husband and I have done it all. We are thankful for the wonderful insurance we have but nothing has worked. And the worst part is there is nothing medically wrong with either of us. I have PCOS, but have lost almost 90 lbs, and have regular cycles now, so I was told that its not that causing my problems. So to you all out there, keep your chins up. Its hard, but there are other ways out there. My husband and I have looked into adoption, but that seems to be just as hard as getting pregnant these days, we are at 2 years of waiting on that. I don’t want to disapoint anyone, but its hard, sad and very emotional. My husband and I have stopped “trying” in the sense that we aren’t watching cycles and taking temps any more. We have come to the point where if it happens it happens. After 5 years of fertility treatments, hormones, and timed sex it just wasn’t fun anymore. I love my husband to much to lose him over something that shouldn’t make us fight. Things seem better now that everything doesn’t seem so forced. I still cry alot, and have those empty baby feelings. And believe I feel like I am getting old. My friends are all getting pregnant and expanding their families and I am still waiting. But it helps to talk about it. I do wish we could aford surrogacy. But I go to school full time and work only about 20 hours a week and my husband only makes about 25000.00 a year. Its not an easy road. Seems to only get harder. Good luck to all of you, I hope you find your miracle.

  • 2try

    I was wondering if im alone im am so glad i found this site i’m 38 and i have had 2 failed ivf cycles and i caint afford to do anymore since i payed for ivf out of my pocket with no insurance.Im so saddend that my cycles failed.Not only did my both cycles failed but i aslo lost two family members at the same time.At the time of my first cycle my sister died from nine gun shot wounds to the head at her place of buisness.After speaking to my fertility doctor she imformed me that my cycle failed due to stress.Not giving up even though at this point my funds had dwindled down me and my husband decided to remortgage our home to try again.My second cycle started in oct/07 this time things looked great and then yet again to my dismay i got another call that my grandmother that i loved so dearly had lost her battle to rectum cancer she died nov/8/2007 again my cycle failed.I was devaststed and shocked that at a time like this when im trying to create life i was losing my beloved family members.Why am i so bad lucked i caint afford to do ivf again im struggling i still think this is all a dream.So i decided to adopt maybe that is what god has instored me.Anyone has any ideas how to raise the money for adoption im thinking of adopting from ethiopia.please i need some words of wisdom im hurting inside.

  • Christine

    Its just amazing how we Never seem to get enough. I tried 2 years to get pregnant after I got married, and at the time I didn’t care what sex the kid would be, and had even pleaded with God that I could do with any kind of kid, so long as it was from my womb. A few years down the line, I have 3 beautiful daughters, one with some health challenges (Be careful what you ask!), and now I wish I had a baby boy. I watch my husband envy fathers moving aroung with sons who look just like them, and seemingly happy, and I feel sorry that we couldn’t have a son. And some very insensitive ladies have had the courage to tell me, my husband is so handsome, he should have had a son! When do we get satisfied with what we have. And true, we have had MEGA financial struggles just making sure all the girls are well catered for. Every time my heart begins to cry for another child, I remember my very first prayers for a baby. For the last 7 years, I have tried to get the fourth hoping it is a boy, and I can not get pregnant. I have decided to relax about getting pregnant and just be CONTENT with my girls. I wish you all the very best.

  • Caroline

    I tested pregnant after trying for many years, was excited, and began putting on maternity wear before my tummy could even show! Then CRUSH! 12 weeks after the test, I began to bleed, I was rushed to a medical centre, and they told be the sac was empty!! In shock I asked the doctor to find the baby, and put it back in the sac. He must have laughed in silence! I was taken to theatre and D&C was carried out. Its four years now, and I still can not get pregnant. I am 43 now. A friend of mine 41, got pregnant with such accustomed ease, and had a very healthy baby boy, but she died an hour later from over bleeding. The baby is alive. I am traumatized by her death, and for the past four months since she passed, I am really scared to death about getting pregnant especially now that I am 43. But that doesn’t make me stop wanting a baby!

  • tmr87

    i have been trying for a few years with my bf, i am at the stageof giving up and i think maybe thats when it happens according to all my mummy mates and all info iv researched, any1 heard of the law of attraction to concieve and the secret.??

  • grace

    aw. this story is very sad. i know how you feel i have only tried for 3-4 months but every month when you feel your pms symptoms start it is an awful feeling. im young only 20, so i know that i have time. i also agree with the statement you said about being put on this earth to have children. i only want one just one and i feel like my whole life will be complete. i know that this is what i was meant to do. to top it all off you hear these stories about 15 year olds having sex and getting pregnant on their first try. why?! well good luck to all you girls. i hope you all get the most beautiful little babies in the world!

  • Wan

    Getting pregnant secret

    A good healthy lifestyle with proper nutrition and adequate sleep plus eating lots of grain, fresh fruits and vegetables, high protein foods and foods rich in vitamins will regenerate the body and condition your endocrine system.

    Avoid tiring your body or getting over excited and maintain a happy disposition by not being affected by mood swings so as not to affect your endocrine system.

    Avoid using plastic products and keep away from pollution to prevent infection.

    Keep optimism mind thinking, life be easier and don’t be stress too much when time sleep or rest just be relax and enjoy.

    Your dream will came true if you paint right colour in your life.

  • me

    i been tryyin to have a baby for 3 year and still no baby y is that

  • Ash

    I was surprised to read the comments of Dennis:i.e
    “Do you not realize that the planet you live on is currently way overpopulated, with no sign of slowing down? Why are you trying to get pregnant in the first place? That’s such a selfish concept.

    Why don’t you adopt a baby?”

    It seems that Dennis (comment number 3) is the selfish one here for looking at life through his/her own lens and being inconsiderate to the needs of others. Like the author, I believe that it is my purpose in life to have children. I married at 34 and a year later I am not pregnant. The agony of waiting for a man to come into my life and then to have difficulty getting pregnant is excruciating. Dennis, if everyone were selfish in wanting to get pregnant, the human race would cease to exist. If you don’t have normal maternal feelings, don’t take it out on the author, Kate. What she is going through is very normal and understandable.

  • Hayley

    I’m a healthy 30 yr old woman and my fiance and I have been trying unsucessfully to get pregnant for 2 yrs now and over the last two weeks I’ve found out that my sister and my fiance’s sister are pregnant (both by accident). I feel horrible that I am so bitter about it and wish I can feel truely happy for them both but I just can’t!

    Everyone tells me to just relax and it will happen but the waiting is sooooo stressful! I need to focus my energy and time on something else to make me stop thinking about babies.

    Good luck to you all xo

  • kay

    Omgosh. I’m a married 27 year old who has been trying to get pregnant for at least the last 5 yrs. Almost every woman I know is a mother (all but 1 was unintentional). It has gotten to the point where when people ask me when I’m going to have mine, I say I’m not ready out of embarassment. In my heart I really do want a baby so bad. My husband wants a baby also and I tell him I don’t to keep him at bay, as if the fact that we don’t have children is a choice I’m making. I don’t know what to do. I’m living with all this hurt alone. I smile and rub bellies whenever someone gets pregnant, I give great advice to new moms with their babies and in general kids naturally love me. It hurts so much when people say how they can’t wait until I’m “ready” to have kids, I’ll be such a great mom. I’m just venting, I don’t even know the point I was trying to make. I just don’t want to feel this pain anymore.

  • 2try

    kay dont feel so bad you are not alone………………………you can join along with others http://www.dailystrenght.org….i did and i love it……hope to see you join.

  • not_yet

    I’m in the same boat…….and I’m 23. It’s been about two years that I’ve been trying. I believe I’m ready, but my body just isn’t as convinced as my head. It gets depressing at times, but I have to keep the faith. I’m not giving up anytime soon though.
    Good luck to everyone!

  • Antonia

    I’m 28 and have been trying for 8 years now. I have PCOS and one block tube and I feel what you are going through. Everyone keeps telling me that nothing happens before its time when they don’t know the half of what we have to go through. Personally I am tired of all the med and tests. I am tired of spending alot of money to see the doctor when I am not getting any positive results. I am tired of seeing young girls with babies that can’t take care of theirself.I cry almost everyday and daydream of me being pregnant. Despite all of this I have never given up hope that one day I would be a mother.So I feel your pain, hope and belief is all we need to get by. Best of luck to all trying!

  • lisa

    my name is lisa i have rentantly found out i have cysts on ovairs but doctors say normal functing ones goes away with periods but haven’t had period for while. then now to find out i am insulin resistant and my terestorne level is high is that whats causing me not be able to get pregant ? is the anything i can do to help this or any medicine or fertity medicine?

  • Nicole

    Im not exactly for sure where to start…. I was doing a little research on fertility which eventually led me to this site… Me and my soon to be husband have been trying to have a baby all together for a year and a half now. This past October, a couple of weeks after he left for Afghanistan I found out i was pregnant… after almost a year of trying and thinking we could never get pregnant. A week after i found out i was pregnant i found out i had a tubal pregnancy.
    I dont even want to try and remember what feelings came over me… not to mention him as well. My first cousion, who is like a sister to me came down to visit the week of my surgery and to stay with me for support, found out she was pregnant a week after i had the surgery… again sooooooo many emotions!! she stayed with me for almost two months and finally she left b/c i was began to go absolutely crazy…. I work at a beauty supply store which makes things worse b/c it seems like evryone around me is getting pregnant and i feel like i cant even look at them. I really hate feelings this way. He has been back for over a month now and we’ve been having many problems…. We were hoping to get pregnant but i just started my cycle two days ago… Reading all these comments has made me realize many many things. Many of the comments i read give me the encouragement and hope i need… I have also been trying to get back on the right path with God, which is helping…. I just kinda wanted to put my comment out there b/c many of yours have touched me and make me feel less alone.
    After reading many i have the want to change the way i feel about the women who are pregnant b/c i have no idea what they have gone through to get pregnant. Sorry if this is all a little crazy to understand… it’s 3 a.m. , havent been able to sleep for the past couple of days….. I am only 20 but trust me i feel well past my years ( from many past experiences) anyways to sum it all up i feel a heck of alot better after reading you alls comments…… best of luck to you all… i will keep everyone of you in my prayers.

  • Pamela, KY

    I am sending out a prayer that everyone on this site who wants to become pregnant and be a parent…. Can and will!! I miscarried a week ago, my first pregnancy in my 5 year struggle to get pregnant. I know it will happen, all I can do is try… Isn’t that the fun part, the trying?!?! :-)

  • daavi

    Hi Susan,
    Please don’t feel suicidal. I know it can be really really frustrating to say the least. And being over anxious too can cause it not to happen at all. Above all, don’t lose faith in God. I have a colleague in the office who had a second baby almost 18 years after the first one. WE all thought it wouldn’t be possible anymore after trying for so long. She didn’t even know she was pregnant. So please miracles still do happen and God has not forgotten about you. I have a little girl turning 5 in July and I started trying for a second one since she was one and a half but it’s still yet to happen but I still believe it will. So you are not alone and do keep your fingers crossed – it will happen!

  • Yolanda

    I know exactly how you feel.It is going on year number 6 for my husband and I. I still seem to think that it is just me who feels so much guilt and anger and frustration and every other feeling besides happines . It is as if I can’t find comfort in anything. I am 30 years old and I already have a 15 year old daughter, but she’s not my husbands. He has no kids (yet)and I know it kills him (and me) just knowing how much he loves kids and I cant give him one. I finally went to the doctor earlier this year and started on the clomid but it was messing with my hormones so bad I had to stop. I think I take the blame out on everyone to MOSTLY MYSELF!! And just as you were saying, everyone around me seems to get pregnant without even trying! Theres a girl in my class who got pregnant and I feel like she did it just because she knew I was trying! Thats probably not what happend, but thats the way it feels. I get so depressed sometimes and thats when everyone says, just stop trying, it will happen. Been there done that. We gave up for about a year at about year number 4 and still nothing. I hope the best for you and maybe one day it will be the lords will and we can speak again and teel each other how our kids are growing.

    Praying for the best for all of us!!

  • Wantababybad

    I am trying so hard to just relax and leave it in the Lord’s hands to give me a baby but sometimes it just gets soo hard. My step sister who I absolutely can not stand just gave birth to a baby and I feel so crushed and could not be more jealous. I know that is a very ugly attitude to have but when it comes to wanting to have a child it’s like you have this bitter side that comes outta you out of nowhere. I know it is the right thing to do to be happy for others but it becomes really hard. My boyfriend and i had been trying for a year to get pregnant and then we stopped….we didn’t even talk about it we just stopped. What he doesn’t know is my wishes to still continue. I use to talk about having a baby but when I saw that it started to take a toll on my relationship i stopped. I almost feel like he himself was irritated about me not conceiving but he of course would never say anything.What is even a bigger slap in the face is his x girlfriend just had a baby by someone else and i know that had some affects on him. I will talk to him about it one of these days about trying again but its just hard trying to find the words these days…..now i know the excuse is going to be the economy.

  • benette

    hi to all,i am 32,married for 6 years,like you,difficult to get pregnant,i have pcos,diagnosed since 2004 then my coming to the doctor were on and off,cause of financial problem,then now i consulted a doctor again,then i found out that i am diabetic,i am now taking the medicines she prescribed me,following religiously the dos and donts,after taking provera,i had my period,and she told me when will be my fertile days,and when to make love,but i didnt get pregnant,so,my ob doubled the dosage of provera + ovamit,i had my period again but still i ddnot get pregnant,then she prescribed me again the provera,this time single dosage again,and the clomid,(double the price of the ovamit)but nit was useless,cause i ddnot have my period,and she instructed me to take the clomid on the second day of my period,she requested me a transvaginal u/s,the result was again bilateral poycystic ovaries,hyperechoic endometrium .o6 cm,she just told me we’l just wait for my period to come,she didnot prescribed me meds anymore,and told me that the mitformin,has no effect on me yet.well just have to wait when?what meds can cure PCOS?why cant i take provera again?ive been taking metformin since november 2008,up to the present.

  • benette

    i really get depressed,if someone will ask me how many kids do Ihave now?why i dont have kids yet?and saying blablabla,i also come from a family of baby machines,my work is teaching kids at school,then my husband and I also fostered my sister 4 kids ages 9.8.7 and 4.she worked abroad,and her husband died when her eldest was 5y.o.you know my works very stressfull,then when i come home from school,i have to tutor the kids,attend their needs etc.but i love to do do these things,because i love them.but there are times,i want to scream because sometimes kids are very noisy,i cant relax after a whole days work+misunderstanding with my sister because of financial problem,you see,i have low salary and so my husband.what makes me more depressed,i worries a lot,i know time will come my sister will get all her children from us,only me and my
    husband will be left.how lonely we will be,thats why ireally prayed hard that GOd will grant us a healthy child of our own.hope,you will pray for me too!I’ll just want to share my favorite passage in the bible:
    “i know the plans I have for you,plan for your welfare not for harm says the Lord,to give you hope with future”jeremiah 29:11

    then i would like to share this prayer too,I copied this from my favorite magazine(kerygma)for my spiritual growth, it goes:
    “In the name of the father,the Son and the Holy Spirit.

  • benette

    i always say my favorite verse in jeremiah 29:11 and say this prayer when depression for not having a baby attacks me.
    “In the name of the Father,the Son and the Holy Spirit.
    LORD,I SURRENDER TO YOU MY WORRIES,AND ANXIETIES,I SURRENDER TO YOU MY NEEDS,MY PROBLEMS, MY TRIALS.I PLACE THEM ALL IN YOUR BIG HANDS!AND I OPEN MYSELF TO ALL THAT YOU WANT TO GIVE ME!ON THIS DAY,I SAY YES TO YOUR LOVE,BLESSINGS,TO YOUR HEALING,TO YOUR MIRACLES!AND LORD SPECIFICALLY,I ASK YOU FOR THE FOLLOWING MIRACLES IN MY LIFE…(HAVE A HEALTHY BABY),ETC.
    I BELIEVE THAT YOU ANSWER MY PRAYER IN THE BEST WAY POSSIBLE!AND I THANK YOU IN ADVANCE FOR THE PERFECT ANSWER TO MY PRAYERS.I ALSO ASK FOR THE SPECIAL INTERCESSION OF MAMA MARY.I PRAY ALL THIS IN THE NAME OF THE FATHER THE SON AND THE HOLY SPIRIT,AMEN!

    to all readers of this,hope this coullp you too!
    thank you and GOD Bless Us All!

  • Jasmin

    WOW! Kate. I just can’t believe all this time passed and people are still commenting on ur blog, hope all is well. And I too am in the same situation. But I try everyday really hard to keep my head up and put all of itl in gods hands. If it’s meant to be it’s meant to be. But 1 question it is April of 2009. Can we get an update. Have u had any kids yet? Thanks fir ur wonderful heart warming story nice to know I’m not the only one out there with this issue. Keep on touch!!

  • JENJEN

    HI
    IM 19 JUST MARRIED IVE BEEN TRYING TO GET PREGNANT FOR A YEAR BUT I CANT EVERY MONTH IS JUST HARD FOR ME BECAUSE I DONT GET PREGNANT I CRY EVERYNIGHT BECAUSE I WISH I HAD A BABY SO BAD I WANT TO BE A MOMMY AND I GET FUSTRATED BECAUSE IT DONT HAPPEN

  • Laila Jaafar

    Dear Kate,

    I’m 28 years old woman. I know EXACTLY what you’re going through, as for me I spent like 2 years and a couple of months before getting preganant.

    I tried everything you can imagine, I did evey test the doctors told me about, (two failed IUI and all the tests) they told me you have “unexplained infertility”. I was going for IVF next September.

    Until one day, when I discovered “pre-seed” :)))))

    I don’t know whether you heard about it or not. It’s an intimate moisturiser that helps sperms to live longer. I heard many stories about it, but I couldn’t believe them, until one day I said: Why not let’s give it a try??

    The first month I was very anxious, putting high hopes but it didn’t work for me.

    The next month I said: OK, since it won’t harm let’s do it.

    Then I missed my PMS, I couldn’t believe it!!!
    I thought it was hormonal changes or something.

    Then I did home pregnancy test to come as positive :))))))))))))

    So, if you haven’t tried this, just give it a try on ovulation days for 6 months or something and don’t be stressed out please while trying (I know it’s hard, I’ve been through this myself)

    Baby dust to you and wishing you all the best.

    Laila

  • Kelly

    Did I miss something – in Kate’s profile it reads: “Kate can be found at home with her baby daughter, already filling her little head with music and movie quotes and trivia.” Did she conceive or adopt? Good for her!

  • rasha

    Dear Laila;
    What is “pre-seed”?could you tell us more about it and how could we get it?
    Thanks,,,

  • Cress

    Hi all,
    i know this aint one of the easiest roads in life, and all sorts of feelings will come your way as you travell down it,
    but i am happy coz we are not left without a promisse from God, look up to God and He alone will see you through this tougth and trying moments. claim God’s promisse that says that children are a gift from God and the fruit of the Womb his reward, God is able yes He is more than able to give you children no matter your age or circumstance. God is able…

  • juliet

    you are all so young at your age, and still have a lot of hopefull years of waiting to do to have a baby. Me I’m already 41 and still hoping that our Dear Lord will shower me and my husband blessings to have babies. I’m married for almost 5 years and yet we still don’t have babies. Goodluck to all of us. Hope sooner or later all our dreams will come true.

  • Gg

    Like wise , we are hoping to get conceive since the last 1 year. I have my first baby born in 2007 , May 17 . She was infected by a bacterial and passed away in Feb 2008 . My husband and I were so sad and since then we keep trying and no news until now. Well, I would like to encourage myself and all of you who are having ambition with us : Never give up ! As what the doctor told me : It’s not your luck yet.

  • CHYNA

    IM SORRY TO HEAR THAT BUT UR NOT THE ONLY ONE THATS BEEN TRYIN I READ SOME INTRESTINGS STORIES N THEY ARE HEARTBREAKER’S BECAUSE IM IN THAT SAME POSITION I BEEN TRYIN TO GET PREGNANT AND I CANT…I DONT KNOW WAT IS WRONG WIT ME BUT IM SCARED TO GO TO THE DOCTOR BECAUSE I DONT WANT HIM TO SAY I CANT HAVE KIDS I REALLY WANT ONE…I ALWAYS SAY TO MY SELF MAYB GOD NOT PUTTIN A KID IN MY LIFE FOR A REASON BUT THATS NOT THE CASE…BUT ITS A SAD THING WHEN U SEE OTHERE PEOPLE WIT KIDS SPECIALLY FAMILY…LIKE I HAVE SO MANY NIECES N NEPHEWS THAT I HELP TAKE CARE OF N I JUS SIT N SAY TO MYSELF I WANNA HAVE A BABY AND ALL THAT…BUT HOPEFULLY ONE DAY GOD WILL BLESS ME WITH ONE..LADIES THATS GOIN THROUGH THIS KEEP UR HEAD UP ……

  • Jennifer

    I just took a pregnancy test and again it’s negative. I couldn’t stop crying. I’m single and trying to have a baby on my own. It costs so much money each month to try and I don’t know how much longer I can do this for. the clinic is shutting down in July and August for the summer (hey it’s Canada why should they care about their patients hopes and fears? They’ll get paid no matter what!) I wish I had the money to go to a clinic in the States, they’re not state run so they actually care about keeping their patients happy.

  • http://www.friendster.com/yholle Yhollee Sobrepena

    I’m glad to say that I gave birth when I was 33.My husband&I was so blessed when I gave birth to a baby boy.After 3 years we planned for another one but unfortunately nothings happen.NOW that I am 40 I do pray a lot to have another child.I know God only says that be patient,time will come.

  • http://www.friendster.com/yholle Yhollee Sobrepena

    to Laila,
    Please tell me what is a Pre-Seed??????? Im dying to know it and try for my self…..Please…please…please….

  • Minnie

    I am 37 with a 12yo boy. I been ttc for over a year and is my 3rd month with the ovulation kit. I do have intercourse prior to ovulation and after to be on the safe side. I know how many of you feel. Do not give up and keep trying but in the mid time enjoy the pleasures of you and your partner… Good luck to all of you !!!!

  • Amanda

    Hi this is my first time posting and I’m a little shy

  • Amanda

    My husband and I never really knew if we wanted kids. We have been 11 years and always used bc. I worried I might regret not having children one day. But never felt any ‘urges’. I would always hear people talking about. Then unexpectanrly a few months ago I became pregnant I went from I never want kids to completely attached in one day. We were so excited made plans. All the doubts and anxiety about having a child inro our busy complex livrs vanished because the baby was all that mattered. I felt like I had been admitted to an exclusive club I suddenly longed to join anyway I miscarried and could not believe the overwheing loss and greif. I now understand the desperation many feel to concieve. We started trying two months ago and it is so terrifying. I don’t know how to not think about it constantly. I barter with God, I am practically superstious over trying to recreate the set of circumstances that got me pregnant in the first place. I am a very practical and logical person, or was. I feel like I have suddenly become this biologically clock driven 30something. It is so surpeising because i just never saw this primative yearning/drive as anything I would experience. I used to be quite grossed by the pregnancy thing. I have so much compassion for all you trying. I don’t know how years of this does not make you crazy. My cycle is due to start tomorrow I am obsessed with monitoring myself for signs of pregnancy- wish me best of luck. I have agreed I will allow myself to take a preg test in two days if no bleeding. If I get prey again I will be terrified about another mc. Seems like wording doesn’t stop once you decide to become a mommy. I’m not sure I’m cut out for this! I am a bit nostalgic for my life before I developed the desparate desire to become pregant. My bestfriend is 8 weeks pregnant (unplanned) and she feels guilty about my feelings of hurt loss and being left out. She reassures me preg feels terrible and I am lucky. Believe me all that makes it worse. My husband is excited for a baby but Is looking forward to months of trying. I think my emotional rollercoaster is going to derail soon! I can cry at the drop of a hat. Previous important things have lost meaning. My life is upside down. Yet I’m really trying to not complain. Honest. It’s just that all these new very powerful emotions. Instinct hormon driven emotions are so surprising to me. Thank you all for reading and for kind thoughts/prayers. I am sending all who are activley trying arm loads of baby dust

  • allison

    hi i have one child she is 12years i have been trying for another one about 5years now but no luck so in a way i know how you feel like one person say i will be praying for us and all who need it and do not give keep trying.good luck

  • Mary

    I was married for 8 years and didn’t have a baby with him..thank god because I didn’t wanted to have a kid with him. anyway I went to a doctor and do a lot of tests becuase it was weird that after a lot of years I couldn’t get pregnant. all the test were fine..even the doctor told me that he wishes that he had a body and healthy as mine. Anyway I got divorce and I met this amazing man who I really want to have a baby with.. I’ll be 34 may 31th and I’ve been trying to get pregnant for 3 years now. He’s already a father from his previous marriage. My mother gave birth to me at 25 a year after she got married and I have a lot of friends that have kids already. Even by best friend have 4 kids and she get’s pregnant by only looking at her. Some people told me to forget that I’m trying to get pregnant, or release tension, eat better, take pills.. a lot of things. Some say that stress causes that I don’t get pregnant. I knwo people with the same thyroid condition that I have and they have babies.. so you’re not alone…I told my boyfriend that if I don;’t get pregnant by the time I get 35 I won’t think of having babies… I don’t want to be too old if I get pregnant…I dream about babies all the time and it’s sad for me.

  • mother in waiting

    hello,laides i know what its like im married for6yrs had an etopic pregnancy4yrs agotube was remove other one block im believe in total healing to concieve ladies just know inspite of you are wonderful an fearfully made by god read first samuel cp1

  • pain

    i m 30 6 mths elder to my husband
    we are married for 5 yrs
    i m infertile
    medications have made my look fat n tension has increased my age
    my husband loves me but not attracted to me
    when we go out for shopping or eating out i see him staring at good looking girls
    its very painful

  • pain

    there is no single day when people dont remind me being infertile. my dr. told me to forget abt conceiving as it gives more stress abt cant help thinking abt it. i hve undergone a surgery, above all husband no longer attracted towards me, how do i help myself. i want my husband to love me the way he used to b4. living with family is another pain as people around me are more depressed then me, they ask me evry mth i missed churms or not, its really sick. my parents are growing older and want to see my kid and play with it b4 they die, so many expectation. lots of comparisions btwn me and other fertile women in family. i was the one who was most beautiful and my inlaw side always appreciated me for my good conduct but my this limitation has brought me no where.,

  • Lucy

    Hi to everyone who is going through the same thing as me! Me & my partner have been trying for 2 years now & awaiting test results on our fertility. I have wanted to be a mother for as long as I can remember & waited years to find the right man who wanted the same things as me. In the meantime all my friends who were single & in bad relationships kept falling pregnant without even trying. I have always been the doting auntie, happy to babysit at the drop of a hat & loved spending time with everyone elses children but longed for one of my own. All I can say is that when it does eventually happen for me (I keep the faith it will), it will be so much more special because I have waited do long & will cherish every moment spent with my child/children. Hope it happens for you all too, keep strong & good luck. xx

  • California

    I feel like a diabetic watching everyone celebrate that they can eat a bowl full of ice cream when I go to a baby shower, babtism or birthday party. Sometimes I feel like my infertility is a punishment for my past. I know its me because my
    ex-husband and his new wife conceived immediately after he remarried. Prior to my current marriage, my ex and I tried for three years. We eventually divorced and I told myself “It wasn’t meant to be.” I am so happy with my husband. We laugh, we live. But I feel this huge gaping void. It hurts more when I check my mailbox at work and it seems like there’s always an invite for a baby shower. Or my huband’s 2nd cousin who is 15 and pregant. Agh, the fight that errupted when I told my husband I didn’t want to go to the shower. Or the constant psycho OCTOMOM headlines (talk radio, tabloids @ the check out, evening news, even NPR a few times). Oh, and OCTOMOM lives in the neighboring city!! Wait here;s the kicker, my husband’s brother knocked up another woman (while married with 3 girls 10, 12, and 14) out of wedlock and yes, the baptism is this Saturday. Thanks for letting me vent. On the plus side there is hope. My friend adopted a baby through the county agency(Los Angeles). With the exception of the parenting classes (time) there was relatively NO COST. This beautiful baby was abandoned by a very courageous woman who gave birth and took hime to a fire station. I say courageous because she could have easily dumped him in a dumpster (google the USC student who did just that).
    Thanks again. Whew, I feel better!

  • July

    I can completely relate to this post.
    I am 33 years old and have been ttc for 4 months now … am frustrated each month when my period comes on and the anxiety before it does is almost unbearable … Sex life has become , but a joke, as it is so mechanical now. I think my relationship with my husband is seriously getting hampered as a result of this stress . Not that he blames me for anything and is infact very very supportive, but I hate to see the disappointment on his face each month when my period comes on.
    I feel like a failure and am losing confidence about everything else in my life as well. I feel as though things will never go my way because I was out on this earth by god to suffer and be miserable.

    I have realised that no matter what I do to try and cheer myself up (New clothes, holidays, even a new car!) doesn’t work because the only thing I want from my life right now is a baby of my own.

    I am going to pray for all of us here … hope things eventually work out for us … All I need to know is that there is a light at the end of this tunnel ….

  • Rael

    I have been trying for two years now we have 9 year old daughter and we would like to have another baby I have done a laporascopy and all is well. I have tried Clomid and Gonal-F without success. I have what the doctor explained as unexplained infertility. But i have not given up i will keep trying.

  • Julie

    Thank you very much for this article. My husband and I have crossed the “11 months and still trying” phase. I’ve gone through all of the same emotional turmoil you have. My sister, whose husband had a vasectomy reversal (and he’s 11 years older than her), got pregnant two months into trying just using OPKs. My co-worker got pregnant one month after casually remarking to me, “Yeah, we’re just to to start trying and see what happens.”
    I’ve done everything the doctors have asked me to do — chart, take my temperature, pee on more sticks than I care to count and pay for…
    Just a word of advice to all of the wonderful people out there who support and love women like us — whether you are friends, colleagues, or co-workers. The best thing you can do is pray for us or just give us a chance to vent and release all of the garbage we’re feeling day to day. The worse advice I’ve ever been given either involved someone telling us to take a vacation, to quit trying so hard, or to just get drunk and see what happens. When you feel one of your many purposes in life is to be a parent, you are going to pursue it as hard as any other dream in your life.
    I have my first appointment with an infertility specialist next week. We’ll see how it goes.

    Thank again.

  • Ana

    hi everyone…i truly understand each and everyone of you…i’m 26, my husband is 27 and we have been together since i was 18 we have never used any form of contraceptive and i’m yet to get pregnant. I’ve never been to a doctor because i want to conceive naturally….i just wanted to share my story with everyone….i wish all of you lots of luck and hope you all can find peace within….lots of love.

  • Ana

    i should mention that my cycle is normal…every 28 or 29 days…never skipped one month…so how could this be..it’s definitely not my husband because just before me met his his high school girlfriend got pregnant for him…he has a beautiful daughter with her.

  • lisa

    i have been trying for ages but now i have given up its hurting me too much

  • amanda

    i heard the law of attraction helps. it says its impossible to want something so bad and recieve it, you must detatch ur self from wanting it, stop trying and it will happen, buy the book called THE SECRET BY RHONDA BYRNE theres also a website for the secret and its great. anyone trying for a baby needs to look up the law of attraction andgetting pregnant , thats y you hear of ppl getting pregnant without trying, let me know if it works for u it did for my sister amanda buff. please try it i promise you.

  • Jess

    Thank you for your honesty in such a horrible process. My husband and I have been going through the same thing and asking the same question…Why me?

    I will be sending thoughts your way and will be pleased and happy when you do say those words…I am pregnant, even if I am not. Although, I have the same feelings you do we can still appreciate life. It is the only thing that can keep me sane, to know that others that struggle have the joy I so desire.

    Hang in there! I am confident that one day you will be a mother.

    On a side note, have you ever looked into IVF in other countries? It is significantly less than it is here in the states, like $4500. Just a thought!

  • PATTY

    I HAVE HAD TEST AFTER TEST TO SEE WHY I COULD NOT GET PREGANT SO WILL THE NEXT STEP FOR ME WOULD IT BE CLOMID 50,100,150MG

  • catherine castillo

    i have 10 year old son but until now i am not getting pregnant i want to get pregnat again pls. help my husband sperm when i stand i draft his sperm

  • Mya

    Thank you. I am just realizing, coming to terms with the inability to get pregnant and I have never felt grief like this. Thank you for putting voice to my pain and helping validate these feelings of desperation.

  • Brittney

    I found this to be extremely helpul. I am in the same position as you are. I have always wanted to be a mother and my husband and I have been married for almost three years as well. I have so many friends and family members that are pregnant as well and I also have felt jelous and also angry as well, although I am happy for them. Thank you for making me feel that I am not alone.

  • Ashley

    me and my boyfriend have been together for 2 years… since november 2008 we have been having unprotected sex. we have sex almost everyday and although we are not planning on having a child yet why am i not gettin pregnant?

  • Lyndi Oakley

    I understand the emotions you are going through. My husband and I have been trying for 5 years now, with no success. I feel that God puts that desire in a woman to have children and no one can take that away. And sometime I have asked God, why did you put that desire in me and then not give me children. Then I realize, it’s in His time, not mine, and more and more, we are feeling that adoption is the way He is wanting us to go. There are plenty of children out there that don’t have families and just imagine how great a parent you would be, b/c you have wanted children for so long! Your state may have an agency like Childrens Services or something, and usually the adoption is free through them. Might be worth checking into! We will praying that God shows you what He wants you to do!

  • Sara

    I have gone through all the emotions talked about in this article. It is almost like a story written from my life. I am lucky because I can share these feelings with my husband and he also has them but we try to work through the feelings together.

    Too the people who are commenting: There doesn’t have to be logic behind feelings. She was writing what has been going on in her life. Be nice.

    Thanks for this great article.

  • Sarah

    I just wanted to say that I can totally relate to how you feel. Everything I read, I thought…..that’s exactly how I feel! My husband and I have been trying for 15 months…and it is so hard to keep getting my period. We were high school sweethearts and I’ve always wanted to be a mom. I’m 27 now and not getting any younger. We have been ready for a family for 3 years, but wanted to wait to pay off some debt….now I wish we would have just started trying because we obviously would have had enough time to pay off the debt anyway! I see this was written 2 years ago….did you have any luck?? Adoption??

  • Moriya

    Kate,

    I totally understand your desires, feelings and even determination. My husband and I have only been married for 2 years, but together for 5. I am several years older than him and find myself focusing many times on teh few years before I hit the 40 year old mark….. I know that there are many things that can be done for women pregnant and over 40, but I want what I want and I really want it now!!!!

    My hubsnd and I actually concieved in Dec. 08, but I went for my ultrasound in Jan. 09 and found that I had what the doctors call a “FALSE PREGNANCY”, this means that there was a fertalized egg, but no fetus ever formed… I have been desprate to become pregnant ever since, with absolutely no sucess.

    Everyone tells you to quick worrying, It will happen when it happens and the best one as soon as you quite trying you’ll become pregnant……. Well I don’t and can’t worrying or forget about it. It is much to important for me to be able to have my own babies…. Adoption at this point is not an option, due to my husband’s epilepsy!

    So what else are we supposed to do now…… You know it really upsets me when people who had no problems getting preganant give you advice I just want to tell them PLEASE SHUT UP AND LEAVE ME ALONE!!!!!!!

    I wish you and your husband the best of luck and may the baby fairies be on your side……

  • gemma

    Hi kate, just noticed you have nt commented in a while, hows it going? Just like most people commenting, i too have been trying for a year now and my best friend who only just started trying caught on first time! I was happy and sad at the same time. Its really getting me down now, and my husband tels me to stop thinking about it and it will happen but thats just impossible. My friend and i always said we would lve to have kids at te same time so who knows? Maybe it will happen soon so we can have our children together. I just dont want it to take much longer because when i set my mind on something i do it,but trying to conceive is just out of my hands. To all couples(and myself) i hope it happens soon and things do happen for a reason, as hard as it is to believe. Keep trying and good luck, i know i need it. Best wishes kate.

  • Heather Nicole

    I am so sorry to hear all the stories and disappointment in your words. I, too, am reciently married and have the urge to enter into motherhood. I have heard my share of the “when it happens it happens” and the ” you should take this time for you and your hubby” lines, but the truth is, it sucks! waiting every month NOT to get your period( then you do), having your husband not understand how it makes you feel like a useless vessle, wanting to tell the world “I’m pregnant!” but never being able to. It truely hurts. So now, after having unprotected sex for over a year and a half and not concieving, i finally understand that this is a big issue for women everywhere. And it is very comforting to have a place to come and read stories of hope, help, and success. Thank you so much Kate and all the other men and women who have had the courage to tell your stories.

  • tishi

    updates? did Kate have a baby?
    did anyone else that posted? is there any positive
    stories?

  • Nicole

    I know this post is years old but I just have to comment. I am a 20 year old soon to be 21 year old, me and my boyfriend have been having unprotected sex for 2.5 years now. My only desire is to have a baby, but I haven’t got pregnant once. I’m too scared and ashamed to go to a doctor, or to even tell my boyfriend I have infertility issues. I think he might know its infertility but I just want him to think I’m on birth control. I’m so afraid he would leave me if I told him I don’t know why I can’t conceive. I have thought about being pregnant for the past year, every day, I pray constantly. I haven’t told a single soul about my infertility problem, and finally I stumble upon this website. I feel SO much better to know I’m not alone, reading all your stories gives me hope and makes me feel less ashamed. I’m so scared I’ll never be able to have a baby, I love my boyfriend so much I just want to give him a beautiful baby. He wants one so bad, a year or two ago my period was late and we thought I was pregnant. He was so ecstatic he was ready to go buy prenatal vitamens and everything. Then my period came and it crushed me. I think about infertility all the time, I too feel the same mess of emotions you all feel. I feel like my boyfriend deserves a baby and I can’t give that to him… it kills me. Everytime we have sex I pray to God a miracle will happen and I will get pregnant. In the past I would always get so excited right before my period cause I thought I finally conceived. The bloating, nausea and tender breasts used to fool me, actually it was probably just wishful thinking. Sometimes in my mind I would even pretend I was pregnant, it made me happy for a split second… then reality set in. I can’t talk to anyone about this, I feel better just confessing to strangers in some random online blog. Most of the time I feel like God is punishing me. I hate even being around babies, I know that sounds horrible, but it’s a slap in the face to me.

  • Azni

    Dear Kate,

    Your story almost the same with me. I’m 27.I got married almost 2 years. I’m struggled TTC since we have been married for 6 months. I put a lot of effort in to it. Everytime
    If I heard something that is possible to get me possibly pregnant. I also try and go for it. I spent a lot of money to buy supplement, fertility massage, and doctor consultation.
    I’m a teacher and most worst recently is most of the teachers and staff in my school get pregnant. It looks like they get ‘pregnant infectious’ in our school.because there are about 16 person get pregnant.5-6 person in already deliver. but I’m the only one left still waiting to get pregnant.
    I feel so stress,shame don’t want to see others.I don’t know what to do.but still hope to get a baby.

  • priya

    u said my story..this is what exactly am going through…thank you ..u hav make me feel better

  • meicha

    Thank you for writing that I do know how you feel. I’ve had to go to my own sisters baby shower. I just do not want to, because she get what I want more than anything. I understand, I just feel so bad for feeling that way I should be happy for her but I cnt…I

  • leann

    I totally am in ur shoes Im 21 and have had 3 miscarrages and a tubeable pregnancy I only have one tube left and I have been told i will never have kids and it sucks all I want more then anything is to have a family and raise children, and I dont belive its selfish to want your own kids and yes I understand that there are many kids who need a home but its sooo different when you want your own… I would do anything to be able to have a baby… But I guess in Gods time I will never give up my dream of being a mother I have been through a lot but I will push foward

  • jessica

    wow its great to know that there is another women out there with the exact same story as me.currently my period is running extremely late which never happens to me..NEVER. and so finally after 3 yrs i got my hopes up and was so excited and i took a pregnancy test today…and again another negitive…lord help me now all i can do is cry.me and my fiance want so badly to start a family and be happy but unfortunately it doesnt look as though god has wrote that any where in my future.and its hurts so bad to have seen the look on my fiance’s face earlier when i told him that it was negitive…he couldnt say anything he just went to bed and went to sleep…nothing more…so that leaves me with the question if he will still want to be with a women who cannot provide him with a family?

  • Karen

    After reading a majority of the stories/comments posted on here….I can see that I feel the same way the a majority of the woman feel. I just recently got off birth control pill ….and I’ve been on it for 4 years… mainly because I was still in school and because I had horrible menstrual cramps the required me to stay at home. I’m 25 years old… the woman in my family are baby makers. My grandmother (mom’s mom) had 7 children and my dad’s mom had 5 children. Recently, my younger cousin who is only 19 but had a baby at 18 years old. I never really wanted a kid because I was scared that I would not be a good mom… but after seeing several of my cousins have babies and being able to hold them made me crave for a child of my own… I just got recently married back in October 2008…but held off on kids because I just recently started working as a registered nurse on grave yard…. I guess my job doesn’t really help especially since its so stressful trying to care for someone else’s health/life….its come to the point I’ve been so depressed that I had to quit. I’m currently trying to look for another job in my field that isn’t as stressful….but I can truly feel what so many other women have felt….the jealousy I have every time I see people hold their baby…..looking at how the father just adores their child as they hold them in their arms…. for a few years now….i have been so jealous of my husband’s cousin’s wife….who got pregnant while they were only dating for 2 months….i wanted a baby then….but I had school and thought it would be hard …. my husband’s cousin eventually married her….and she got pregnant a month after the wedding….and now that we’re trying to have a baby….i feel its so hard….and i get so devastated everytime I see the (-) sign…..I know we’ve only been trying for a couple of months….but so far…I just feel so miserable and so stressed trying to get pregnant…sometimes I feel that maybe I shouldn’t want it so much…..then maybe GOD will grant me a wish of having a healthy baby….at one point of my life….I always wanted to have a baby boy…but now, I don’t care what gender it is as long as I can have a healthy baby to hold in my arms out of the love me and husband created…..I have been with my husband since I was 18 years old and he had always wanted kids since we were together…but I put it off to finish school and get a career…I’ve even started praying every night to ask GOD for the blessing that I so want and that many other people already have… and yes…I have come to the part that always ask my self, “WHY them and NOT me???”….but I guess its really TOO early to say it when we’ve only tried for a couple of months… the hardest part that makes me so miserable is that my husband is in the military so he’s always gone for weeks…and he’ll be gone for 6-7 months starting in September 2009 for his overseas deployment. So I cry, get depressed, and thinking….I have to wait… its gotten so bad that I don’t want to even live anymore because of the pain it causes every day seeing how others are so happy to hold their precious baby….and I just have to put a smile at their little one when in fact deep inside my heart it is breaking into little pieces and I can’t wait to go home to cry….

  • Mandy

    I just want to say THANK YOU for writing this. I’m about 7 months into the process and have had zero luck. I look at everyone who is pregnant with complete disdain. I cry, I get mad, I lash out at the people I love the most. I feel useless and like a failure. I can’t understand why young girls at age 14 are getting pregnant but women like me who are emotionally and financially ready to have children cannot get pregnant. I’m mad, I’m sad, and I can’t stop thinking about it. I also can no longer tolerate the question, “So when are you guys going to have kids?” Do people not realize how insulting that question can be? They just take for granted their ability to get pregnant on the first try. Anyway, thank you for expressing my feelings. I don’t feel quite so alone now.

  • Nichole

    Mandy, I agree with you 110%. Just got home from a baby shower for a 19 year old, unmarried, no job, living in a crappy trailer. Why is she able to get pregnant and not me? I’m 28, happily married for 6 years, have a brand new beautiful home, financially stable – why can’t we get pregnant? TTC for almost 2 years and am now turning to traditional chinese medicine since we have had no luck with fertility drugs and can’t afford a $25,000 adoption or $15,000 IVF especially when that’s not a guarantee you’ll get pregnant. Anyway, it’s good to know I’m not the only one even though it sure feels that way.

  • t

    I understand i amd 32 my husbands 6 years younger we have been married for 4 years no baby, everyone around me is getting pregnant both my mother and sister got pregnant while getting de-virginized, just that simple for them. 2 ladies that work with me all of us started discussing getting pregnant and how cool it would be if we were all pregnant at the same time the very next month within days of each other both of them were pregnant and i am the oldest of the 2. Sucks for me, and the worst thing to hear is “when are you going to have a baby your not getting any younger!” As if i don’t know that my husband whom i love so much is so optimistic but i really hate to hear these words every month “we’ll get him next time babe!” i just want to scream my period comes like clock work and always has i’ve tried ovulating kits only tried egg yoke once my next step is the fertility specialist. I try not to think about it so much that it ruins my day, but i know in the bible some of the best men came from woman who were barren, and since there is nothing new under the sun i just continue to look toward the hills from whene cometh all of my help God Bless you ladies keep praying!!!

  • Rosie

    Susan God loves you try to love yourself and the rest will follow!

  • gaye

    hi Kate
    Firstly Jeff you are a cretin as far as i’m concerned. Do you have kids, if not is you or your partner’s problem? You obviously have no idea of the ‘need’ women have for wanting children.
    righto off my soap box!
    We had been married for 8 years and didn’t want kids then suddenly, one day (literally) we changed our minds. We had our own successful business (a lot of stress and long hours)The day after we sold our business we ‘celebrated’ 9 months later we had alovely little girl. She will be 3 in october.
    We have been trying for the past 3 years to have another…… apparently there is nothing wrong with either of us. According to the doctors i have secondary infertility which is quite common but not talked about much.
    we have spent over $50000 in ivf & ai procedures in the 3 years.
    I know we are very very lucky to have our daughter, but sometimes i actually resent her for causing this issue.
    I have recently heard about hypnosis for relieving stress associated with infertility.
    Well i am going to give it a go, at the very least i hope it makes me lose the urge to have another child so i can literally get on with my life, rather than be controlled by 2-3 days each month.
    good luck and all the best for the future Kate, and thanks for your letter.

  • Emily

    Great article, very encouraging. My hubby and I have been trying for 4 months with no success. I am really trying not to stress about it. :-( Easier said than done.

    I would absolutely love to adopt…but like your article said, we don’t have the money and waiting 5+ years would be torture.

    I hope you become pregnant soon! :-)

    Emily

  • nolechic

    Hi Everyone,

    My husband and I have been with each other for 8 years and married for almost 5. I am 30 and he is 35. I finished up grad school almost two years ago and we decided to start trying. We both have good jobs, a nice house, supportive and loving families, each other of course, but we really want a little family of our own.

    I’m a girlie girl and would adore a little girl to play dress up with and paint her nails, and I love football and would enjoy Saturday afternoons on the couch with my son cheering away. I look forward to creating a loving home for our children. I know that my husband will be a great father.

    We have been trying for over a year and a half now. I have had one miscarriage, after 14 months of trying and nothing since. I really am depressed about the whole thing. At first, my husband was really frustrated about us not conceiving and would ask me what was wrong, month after month, he’d say what is wrong why it isn’t happening. I would just tell him to calm down and dismiss it, because honestly, I wasn’t worried about it. Naively, I just thought that it would happen, give it a couple months. We’ve tried everything that he’s read on the internet. I’m taking all kinds of vitamins and so is he. I’m still not pregnant. Now, he’s calm about it and has resigned himself to telling me that it will happen when it happens and I’m the one flipping out month after endless month.

    I always knew that I wanted to be a mother, ‘one day’, well that day came and went long ago and I’m no closer to that dream at all. My husband went to a fertility clinic and had his little swimmers tested and everything with him came back pretty much normal. I have an appointment with my GYN in October. Hopefully, everything will come back normal for me too. My mother didn’t conceive me until she was 32 and then had my two brothers later, finishing up her trio at 37. So genetically, I really didn’t think that I’d have a problem. I do have hypothyroidism, but none of my doctors have talked to me about how that would impact pregnancy or the lack there of. I’m so frustrated! I have officially become one of those women who only think about having a baby, morning, noon and night. Hence, how I stumbled onto your blog which has been extremely comforting and interesting to read.

    Thanks everyone for sharing your experiences and giving others hope. Good luck everyone!

  • Danielle

    I feel better having read this article and your postings. I havn’t been trying that long (this will be the 4th month) but I feel like its been a life time. My best friend didnt want to get preganaunt until next year but after I started talking about it she started to want to try. She got pregnaunt on her first try and I am still waiting. She is trying to give me advise now. It’s so hard to even talk to her about it. I just want to cry. i’ve always wanted to be a mom and it jsut scares me that it wont be possible and something is wrong with me. I don’t know how to make myself feel better. My prayers are with you all! Danielle

  • RESHAE’

    I AM ALSO A 27 YEAR OLD, WHO HAVE BEEN TRING TO HAVE A 2ND CHILD AND I HAVE BEEN GOING THROUGH THE SAME PROBLEMS. MY HUSBAND AND I HAVE TRIED THE LAST 5 YEARS AND I HAVE TRIED INFERTILITY TREATMENTS AND NOTHING HAS HAPPENED. ALL THE SOCTOR KEEP TELLING ME IS THAT YOU SHOULD TRY AND LOOSE SOME WEIGHT OR WE SHOULD THINK OF SOME KIND OF WAY TO GET YOUR HORMONES BACK IN TACK. SO I FEEL YOU ANGER.

  • Renee

    I’ve read so many blogs about infertility. I guess to make me feel better,even though it really doesn’t. I would not wish my situation on any other person. My husband and I have been trying to conceive for over two years. Apparently nothing is wrong with me. My husband has low sperm morphology (7% strict). I can’t begin to explain how upsetting it is to go through this. I have been to two doctors now, have had ultrasounds and HSG. I am now on Clomid and the doctor wants to do an IUI. I don’t know whether the doctor thinks this will work or if its like a fertility mill, where they try to get as many procedures done as possible. I feel angry and I do feel as though I have no purpose if I can’t be a mom. The comments made by the men about being selfish are so insulting to me. A woman’s natural drive is to be a mom. I don’t know if I’ll ever be a mom, and this makes me angry and bitter. Hopefully though, this post lets other women know that they are not the only ones going through this.

  • Emma

    Just wanted to say thank you to everyone who shared on this forum. My husband and I have experienced late-life inferility; we conceived once after a year of trying when I was in my twenties, but could not grow our family biologically once in our thirties. Fertility was something I always took for granted. After years of monthly disappointment, I spiraled into terrible grief, and doctors only shrugged over my husband’s motility issues. Herbal treatments had no effect, and I had horrible reactions to artificial insemination. After years of tears and frustration and heartbreak, on my 40th birthday I gave myself the gift of accepting that which I cannot control. I will always probably feel sadness about that period in my life when I felt such an unfulfilled longing and sorry that my son is an only child and unhappy about it, but have made a conscious effort and decision to thank Heaven for my blessings and move forward, assuming there is another plan for me. Maybe I will focus on worthwhile work. Maybe someday we will adopt. Whatever, I can’t wallow in pain forever.

    I embrace all of you in your pain, and empathize. I know it feels like punishment, or a magic spell that grants some people’s wishes and not others. Rather than baby dust, which came to feel so brutally hopeless after a while, I wish for you what I have come to wish for myself: peace with whatever way it all goes.

  • christy

    Kate, I am in the same boat.. trying for almost 2 years nothing.
    I notices this was back in 2007 and I was wondering If you ever got preganant?

  • Christina C

    Just reading this make me understand that what I am going threw is the same..I always wanted to have a child and now that im going to turn 21 I want it more. I started to try and get pregrent when I was 18 yrs old and still cant. My older sister and me suffer from depression and it suck cause it cause us not to be able to get pregrent.. we have to take birth control to be able to have our period.

  • Katy

    Kate,
    like many others, who commented I have been trying to get pregnant for 4 years. I have never used contraception with my husband or before we were married and we never had any close calls, so this always made me think that I was going to have issues gettig pregnant. I was diagnosed as having PCOS and was sent to an IVF specialist. In 2006/07 we went through the process of harvesting our eggs etc, as just having medication – clomid made me produce too many eggs for it to be safe for me to try and conceieve. so we had to go down the IVF path. However the process of harvesting my eggs made me very ill, i suffer from severe migraines and this medication i had to take made me have a migrane for the whole month, i was exhausted, physically ill and was hospitalised due to dehydration and severe pain. When the eggs were taken out they told us it was very successful as they had 26, my husband and i were so excited, then a day later they said 7 didn’t survive but having 19 eggs, having 19 possible babies was amazing. three days later i had to go back into have a fertilised egg put back in, before we went in they asked us to speak with the IVF nurse who informed us that only 3 eggs out of the 19 had survived the last couple of days. My husband and I were silent, we just stared at one another and grabbed each others hands, i know it sounds like we were over reacting but when you think you have so many chances of getting pregnant, and knowing how sick i was to get us to this point, it was like we had lost a part of us. a hard feeling to describe.
    after the egg was put in me, i was admitted back into hospital (migraines) my body just was not in a good place and we should have thought more carefully about it, but that need/desire of wanting to have little you or your husband running around takes over. Obviously we were not successful and after this i went into deep depression, friends were getting pregnant with ease around me, my brother’s girlfriend fell pregnant by accident (and has had another by accident too now), if people were getting pregnant i was last to be told as they didn’t want to upset me, i didn’t want to leave the house and i would get sick all the time, i would cancel friends/family engagements i was meant to go to (my husband would have to go alone alot of the time- i just didn’t want to see anyone happy) and would end up in hospital 2/3 times per year for 2 weeks with migraines.
    i didn’t want to begrudge someone the happiness of being pregnant but i just wanted to share the same experience with them.
    So 2 yrs on I am in a fantastic state of mind, i love my job, i love my nieces and nephews (they have helped the pain, as i have chn in my life, and they love spending time with me and vice versa) and my periods are now regular as before due to the PCOS i was getting them every 3/4 mths. They did an internal ultrasound the other week and they said if they had to give a dagnosis of whether i had PCOS anymore thay would say no- excellent news. So we are back on the wagon (baby making wagon i mean), i have been using that microscope- called Maybe Baby that tells you through your saliva when you are ovulating, and i have been able to pinpoint exactly when i am. However i am 35 and once you turn 35 your chances begin to decrease, we have decided to use our eggs that are left, so we are going through another cycle, but will continue to try naturally, as that part is so much fun…as im sure you all know…I have come to realise that me being not as stressed, being happy with who i am, loving my gorgous husband, enjoying life is going to help rectify the problem and help with the solution. I have a great support group around me….. and i know i am meant to be a mother and if its not naturally i will succeed with other means, possible fostering as the money for adoption would be huge obstacle.
    Kate congrats for writing this article, it really touched me and my prayers and thoughts go out to everyone. Just remember continue to live your life as its so short already….our time will come…it just may not happen the way we planned!!!

  • MyA

    Well Adoption Is Always Good… But To Me It Wouldnt Feel The Same As Having Your Very Own Pregnancy…Besides Like She Said…It Would Take Sum Years To Save The 25,000 plus dollars Just To Adopt. Im Only 20 Yrs Old… Married 2 the Love Of My Life. Hes 26 yrs Old. And We’ve been ttc Since I Was 18…but its hard cuz i have PCOS… Dont Think Nothing Is Wrong Wit MY HUbby Since We Had Gotten Pregnant in 2007 but m/c @ 11 weeks. but Hes Still Going To Do A Sperm Analysis Anyway Pretty Soon …But My Point Was About The Whole TTC And Adoption Thing. I Want My Own Child…I Want to Go Through The Pregnancy And Pain Of HAving A Child No Matter What or How Long iT Takes… If someone thinks we should Adopt Then That Person Needs To Give Us The Money To Do So LOL.

  • Lisa

    Wow, at all the comments and people going through the same thing…my husband and I are going through a fertility issue right now. We have been trying for almost 2 years. We have one son, and he will be 3 in November. Like the first person who posted, it was always my dream to be a mommy one day…not just be a mommy, but have 3 or 4 children. When we got married, I thought we would have 3 children, two years apart.. I just have to laugh about it now, because God certainly has other plans for us. I say laugh, at times, but for the most part I just want to cry. It hurts so much when you can’t get pregnant. You see everyone else getting pregnant so easy and they don’t think anything about getting pregnant and having another baby. I feel humiliated because my body is not working right. And I know something is wrong, because I am having pain in my ovaries. I had surgery a year ago, and my dr. found very mild endometriosis on the outside, but my uterus and tubes were fine, so I don’t believe that’s it. I started seeing a different dr, who told me the second half of my cycle is too short, so he put me on clomid, 50mg, 75mg, and then in May 100mg…we got pregnant with twins! Then 2 wks after my first ultrasound when I was at 7.5 wks, there was one baby and a heartbeat…then 2.5 wks later, I miscarried. So now it’s been 3 months, and my periods started back on time and everything, my temperature chart looks perfect like I am ovulating, and this last month we tried exactly on the day I ovulated…and I started my period a few days ago. It is so upsetting, month after month of the same thing…people do not understand unless you’ve been there..they have NO idea. I never would have thought I would have a fertility problem after having one child. We were married for 2.5 years when we started trying for our first child. I got pregnant very easily-second try-and miscarried at 6 wks. Then I was pregnant again 4 months later and we had our son. When he turned one, we wanted to start trying again. But here we are, and still, no baby. I am thankful we have had our one child, I know that is alot more than alot of people ever have. I just never knew it would be so heartbreaking when you can’t get pregnant the second time around. If we are ever able to become pregnant and have another baby, I will NEVER take it for granted, I will always be careful about what I say and how I act around others in public and wherever, because there are people out there who are heartbroken and it doesn’t help when you hear people talking about their pregnancies and showing their excitement…I’m not saying we shouldn’t be happy, but I will just be considerate of others because you never know when that person next to you is having trouble getting pregnant. Infertility is so hard to live with. I mean, some people just have all the kids they want and never have to think about it. And here we are trying and trying and hoping and wanting a baby…year after year, so that is on our minds all the time. I don’t want it to be like this for the rest of my childbearing years…I just have to ask God to please help me get over this feeling of wanting another one if it is not meant to be. But I haven’t started feeling like we’re complete yet. I really still hope for our son to have a sibling one day. I know it is all going to be okay, somehow. But it is so hard. I will never look at mothers with babies the same ever again.

  • Natalie V

    Hi my Name is Natalie im 23 yrs old and ive been with my Husband for 7 yrs this oct. I got with him when i was 16 and we have had unprotected sex but i never got pregos and i was ok with it since i was to young anyways.But we got married this May and i decided i wanted to have children.

    We have been trying for 4 months but ive always had abnormal periods once i bleed for 3 months, ive been to the doctors and its the same thing every time hermonal inbalance. Im affaid i will never get prgos and like you said everyone around you seems to just get pregnant it makes me so sad, angery,depressed.

    And I dont seem to talk to noone about it, but my husband. i kinda feel ashamed. But i read what you had to say about letting your feeling out and your so right.As i write these words to you i feel how some what connected even if i never met you. Me and my husband are going to keep trying and hopefully God will bless us. I will keep you in my prayers also and i wish you much luck.

    thanks for taking the time to listen to my story.

    -Natalie

  • kendra

    WELL WHAT THE HELL CAN I SAY I AM ALMOST 30 AND CANNOT SEEM TO GET PREGNANT EITHER KNOWING THIS I JUST FOUND OUT MY SPOUSE JUST TELLS ME NOW AS A HEATED CONVERSTAION ARISES FROM WATCHING THE KARDASHIANS THAT HE ONCE HAD A GIRL PREGNANT BUT SHE HAD AN ABORTION I FLIPPED THE F OUT LET ME TELL YOU I AM EVEN SLEEPING ON THE COUCH I CAN EVEN BEGIN TO TELL OR EXPLAIN HOW I FEEL I FEEL HURT INSIDE MY SPOUSE ALREADY HAS KIDS AND THIS HAPPENED BEFORE THEM AND I AM JUST LEARNING ABOUT IT NOW CAN YOU SAY SHOCKED AND EXTREMELY DISSAPOINTED AT EVERY ASPECT OF THIS WHOLE SITIUATION I DON’T EVEN KNOW WHERE TO BEGIN TO FEEL SAY OR DO OR REACT TO THIS CUNUNDRUM!!!!!!!!!!!!!1 COMPLETLY CONFUSED!!!111

  • angie

    hello everyone who is facing this fusturation I had the same problem I was married for 6 yrs. before I concieved all you have to do is have faith. I went thru the same routine taking clomid going to the doctor for blood work to check my hormone level. but thank god I finally got pregnant. I had already given up on the treatment and quit going to the doctor but I started to feel sick so I went to the doctor and I found out I was 4 months pregnant I now have two children who are my pride n joy. All you have to do is have faith and patience GOOD LUCK to all of you and GOD BLESS I will keep yall in my prayers.

  • Jen

    Kate, it is good to know that I am not alone. I too feel like my purpose is to be a mother. It’s a longing I’ve always had, and after trying for over a year to get pregnant I am dealing with those same feelings of worthlessness, depression, and shame. I typically find that men do not understand, this is a female longing. My husband loves me and sympathizes, but just can’t understand my feelings. Thank you for posting your story despite the few critical comments you received, because it will help people like me who needed to know they were not alone! God bless!

  • Tiffany

    I feel your pain but if you were meant to have kids you would. Don’t blame yourself.

  • tu

    my period unnormal its hard for me to get pregnant

  • tu

    my period every other month sometime every other 3 month so my period is not every month, every other month or 3 month so its hard me to get pregnant so you can tell me whats going on

  • tu

    oh hello can you talk to me i am very lonely please help me trying to canceive

  • Liz

    Hello Tu,

    Myself (& I’m sure many other readers!) are sad for what you’re going through at the moment. Hopefully we can provide some comfort for each other. Irregular periods may be due to lifestyle (diet, low body weight, stress), or hormonal imbalances such as Polycystic Ovary Syndrome (PCOS). Have you seen a doctor? They can refer you for a pelvic scan & check your ovaries are ok. Find a nice female doctor & they can help provide advice to you. They will probably do a series of blood tests. My friend had PCOS & was pregnant after 6 or 8 months of hormone treatment.
    I’m also TTC (1.5yrs), married for almost 4yrs. Am 26y.o, husband 32. Even though we’re still young it doesn’t stop the pain. They haven’t found any problems with us yet so we’re still going through some tests.

    Liz

  • YADIRA

    AS EVERYONE HERE I HAVE MY OWN ISSUES OF GETTING PREGOS. BUT HERES MY STORY. IM 26 YEARS OLD IVE BEEN TOGETHER WITH MY HUSBAND SINCE I WAS 15 N HE WAS 16 N WERE ONLY A YEAR APART.

    WE ALWAYS KNEW WE WERE GOING TO STAY TOGETHER N WE TRIED FOR SO LONG UNTIL ONE DAY I JUST MADE THE FIRST MOVE TO GO C A DR.

    N SO I DID RIGHT BUT LET ME TELL U MY HEALTH HISTORY. IM OVER WEIGHT N I DON’T GET MY PERIODS FOR MONTHS SOMETIMES A WHOLE YEAR BUT BEFORE I REALLY DIDN’T CARE UNTIL I FELT THE NEED TO BE A MOM. I STARTED GETTING PROVER WHICH HELP ME GET MY MONTHLY PERIODS. I STARTED IT N 3 MONTHS LATER ON CHRISTMAS DAY I GOT PREGOS. OFCOURSE BECAUSE I DIDNT KNOW I WAS PREGNANT N I HAD NO FAITH N GETTING PREGNANT SO FAST JANUARY CAME ALONG UP UNTIL FEBRUARY I STARTED FEELING WEIRD N I FOUND THE EXCUSE TO GO SEE MY DR. AGAIN N HAD HER DO A PAPSMEAR. SHE SAID WE SHOULD DO A PREGNANCY TEST N I CRIED BECAUSE IT GOT TO A POINT I JUST FELT FOR WHT IF I ALREADY KNW THE ANSWER WELL I DID THE TEST N LEFT HOME. I GOT THE CALL 2 DAYS LATER SHE HAD CALLED N I MISSED THE PHONE CALL THINKING MAYB SOMETHING WAS WRONG WITH MY TESTING OR SOMETHING. SO IT WAS AROUND 10 PM N I WAS GETTING READY TO GO TO WORK SINCE I WORK GRAVE YARD AT A NURSING HOME. N I GOT THIS CALL FROM THE NIGHT NURSE TELLING ME MY DR. WAS TRYING TO GET A HOLD OF ME. AND THT MADE ME MORE NERVOUS RIGHT N THEN SHE SAYS UR PREGANT YOUR 5 WKS APRROX. I REMEMBER SAYING THANK YOU THANK YOU SO MUCH . N SHE SAID CONGRATULATIONS. I STARTED CRYING I TOLD MY HUSBAND N MY MOM N I WAS VERY HAPPY WELL I WAS 21 WHN I HAD HER.

    IT TOOK ME A WHOLE 5 YEARS TO GET PREGNANT. I GAVE BIRTH TO A BABY GIRL WHICH IS NOW 5 YRS OLD. SO I SAID I WANT TO ENJOY MY DAUGHTER HER FIRST YEAR N THEN TRY AGAIN N I DID THE PATCHES FOR BIRTH CONTROL STOPPED THT N DECIDED I WAS READY N UP UNTIL NOW I CANT GET PREGNANT ONCE MORE N ITS BEEN A WHOLE 5 YEARS. I HAVENT HAD MY PERIOD FOR 8 MONTHS. SO I BELIEVE IM BACK TO MY NORMAL STATE BUT I WENT BACK TO MY DR. N SHE TOLD ME I HAD TO LOSE ATLEAST 20 POUNDS. I LOST THT N JUST GOT SO DEPRESSED BECAUSE I FELT I TRIED N STILL SOME HOW IM FAILING, BUT THE ULTIMATE HURTFULL THING IS NOT JUST THE FACT THT I CAN’T GET PREGNANT ITS THT MY DAUGHTER LITERALLY CRIES N OUT OF NOWHERE TELLS ME SHE WANTSA BABY BROTHER OR SISTER AND THAT BREAKS MY HEART TO A MILLION PIECES.

    SO DEPRESSED, SO DISAPPOINTED IN MYSELF THAT I CAN GIVE MY DAUGHTER WHT SHE WANTS MATERIALY SPEAKING BUT WHAT SHE REALLY WANTS FOR HERSELF IS TO GROW UP WITH SOMEONE TO PLAY WITH. N THAT JUST BREAKS ME APART. I FEEL LIKE IM FAILING.

    SO I HAVE MY PILLS TO START MY PERIODS. I’VE BEEN TRYING TO START FOR THE LONGEST TIME BUT IM JUST TO SCARED TO FAIL AND GO BACK TO MY SAME ROUTINE IN SEEING THT I DNT GET PREGNANT. IT’S DEPRESSING FOR ME.

  • BamaGirl

    I know it has been some time since this article was written, but I typed in Depressed can’t get pregnant and it was the first site to pop up. I feel so sad to see all of these comments from women who are in the same boat.
    My husband and I have been trying to get pregnant for a while now, although I am only 20 and he is 25. It is so devastating each and every single month that we fail. It has been that way ever since the third month with no luck, that was the first month that I actually fell down and cried when I found that I had gotten my period.
    All I have ever wanted to be was a mom. I would play that I was pregnant as a little girl by stuffing a pillow under my shirt and then I’d pull it out after a while and get a doll to pretend it was my newborn baby. I’ve always dreamed of what it would be like to have a life inside of me, and feel my baby kick, or see my baby on an ultrasound for the first time.
    It seems that everyone I know at my age is getting pregnant accidentally. From one time that the condom broke or that they forgot to take their birth control. And here I am tracking my bbt, cm, cp, and charting every single month to no avail. My husband went through chemo and radiation for testicular cancer and he feels guilty and ashamed that it may be him, but I of course do not blame him and also have the same feelings about myself. We love each other and only want to have children with one another. I want to show him the joys of fatherhood. I have friends who have children who they don’t take very good care of, and don’t appreciate the miracle that they have been given to be able to have a human life grow inside of them. One of my friends got pregnant at just 16 and TRIED for her daughter and now she and her daughter are on wellfare and the father is in and out of the picture. Neither of them even finished High School.
    My husband and I could offer a child such a great life. All we pray for is one, just one miracle. I would love to adopt as well, but I always wanted to have a little part of myself and my husband to hold in my arms. My husband does not like the idea of adoption though.
    We are young and take great care of ourselves, healthy and it should be easy for us. His mother has five kids. My mom got pregnant with me on an accident 3 months after she married my dad and got pregnant on the first try with my brother. It’s just not fair. I feel that if I can’t get pregnant, my dreams in life can never be fulfilled seeing as all I’ve ever dreamed about was being a mother. Why me? Why us? It’s just not fair.

  • Yolandak

    Dear All

    I have been married for 10 years and when we got married, we both agreed not to have children for now until we have reached our career goals and financially stable, we also wanted to travel and we knew with children won’t be easy. I also wanted to be prepared emotionally to have a baby as the thought of a small baby scared the hell out of me.

    It was only last year when we went back and visited the idea of having children and we agreed and started witht t process. We both thought it will be just easy and quick and within months I will be pregnant but it did happen, none in my family or my husband’s family have had problems having children.

    I slowly started getting frustrated, angry and stressed about it, which will now contribute to the problem.

    Unfortunately my husband was not prepared to discuss it or even explore medical options, instead he chose to cheat on me with my own sister and she became pregnant with his baby, the baby is now 2 weeks old and I just find out last week, its my husband’s baby.

    I now blame myself that maybe we should have waited for so long, maybe there is something wrong or I did wrong not to conceive.

    I’m currently so frustrated and depressed.

  • YADIRA

    dear yolandak,IM NOT IN UR POSITION BUT ONE THING YOU SHOULDNT DO IS BLAME YOURSELF FOR UR HUSBANDS AND SISTERS ACTION YOU MUST B UPSET WITH THEM, BECAUSE THEY HAVE BETRAYED YOUR TRUST. EITHER WAY YOU DON’T DISERVE A PERSON LIKE THAT IN YOUR LIFE. OUT OF EVERYONE IN THE WORLD THATS THE LAST PERSON YOU WOULD WANT TO B CHEATED ON. ALSO GOD MAKES OBSTACLES IN LIFE FOR A REASON BUT NEVER EVER BLAME YOURSELF FOR YOUR HUSBANDS WRONG DOING. HE DOESNT DISERVE YOU OR YOUR CHILD THAT YOU WILL ONE DAY HAVE. HAVE FAITH TRUST AND PATIENTS AND EVERYTHING WILL FALL IN PLACE. B STRONG. AND STAY POSITIVE. LOTZ OF LUV UR WAY,
    YADY

  • MEMORY

    AM 29 YEARS OLD AND HAVE BEEN TRYING TO GET PREGNAMT. PLEASE HELP

  • babieh

    DEAR…Kate
    babieh
    am 26year today and married 6year also but i still can not have the child.. i am find alot of Dr but i still can not maybe coz i have a chocolate cyste than can make me miscarried the baby 2time already.. i am so weak now bc the DR order me can not do anything , I so scare i need someone to help and give me some advice to concieve the… ,

  • Cherie

    here i am at 4o yrs old wondering if it wud ever happen…waited for most of my life for that christian husband, he never came now i find myself on d other side of the fence involved with someone who is married an wants a son…i too wud like a son/daughter it hurts my head..we have not been doing anything to stop it a year has passed nothing……i am scared, (1) he is married (2) my clock is ticking…don’t know what to do..

  • Mandy

    Wow everything you wrote almost sounds like me! My husband and I have tried to have a baby for a couple years now we’ve only been married since oct of 09 tho we were trying b4 we got married and after all the hard trying still no baby then one day get papers in the mail saying he may have a almost 5 year old child out there now thats hard wanting so bad a baby and then poof ur husband gets one and u dont b/c before my time he was having fun.well she is his and b4 i meet her for a moment i was bitter and told him to sign over rights if it was his b/c he didnt know this child and wanting to make me happy b/c he knew how hard it was for me he said he would. But then i started thinking wow u dummy even tho she wasnt made in ur belly doesnt mean she isnt meant for u. needless to say we love her to death ! Still doesnt feel the hole in my heart and its still very hard to see ppl younger, unmarried, imature ppl having babys. My family and friends try to lift me up, but they just dont understand what it feels like to want,and try to have a baby and nothing happens and with no explnation why. At least if the drs could find something wrong with me maybe it wouldnt be as bad! I pray for everyone in the same situation boy is it, emotional and depressing!

  • Suicidal

    At 22 I got pregnant and had an abortion (vacum). At 25 I got pregnant and had another abortion (scraping). NOW 26 and desperate to have a baby, cannot get pregnant. Im so scared to go to the doctor. I have been using Ovulation kits and taking prenatal vitamins. I feel very guilty for having the abortion, especialy the second one. I am ready to kill myself if this caused my infertility :( I have read mixed reviews on this topic, most of them say that abortion wont cause infertility. Does anyone have any experience with something like this? Also my periods have always been regular and very short only last for 3-4 days and my cycle is 24-25 days ..Thanks in advance for all your help,,,,,

  • LaMoya

    Well, I’m 27 years old and my husband and I have 1 2 yr old daughter…but it took us a year and a half to get pregnant with her! Here were are again ready for another baby…unprotected sex since July 2008 and still no pregnancy. I am a Christian and I do believe that in God’s own time, he makes things happen. I’ve been through taking the pregnancy tests so sure they were positive and having them come back negative. I understand how that feels. I feel encouraged by reading all the stories posted here. I know that if God could give “Sarah” and Abraham children as elderly people, He can do the same for all of us! Stay encouraged ladies and that “all things work for the good of those who love the Lord and keep His commandments”! Please understand that words I’ve spoken here are also encouraging me. Hope this helps someone!

  • MrsLL22

    Hello all,
    Thanks to Kate for posting this, as many have said before its nice to know I’m not alone when everyone around us seems to get pregnant on accident. A moment ago I just googled out of frustration “WHY AM I NOT GETTING PREGNANT!?!” after yet another negative test this morning (we’ve been trying since April 2007, are 28 and 30, fit, healthy non-smokers, etc) …and came across this blog. I just wanted to share one little piece of advice that I haven’t seen on here yet that I’m hoping will work for me. SEE A CHIROPRACTOR. My chiropractor claims that he has helped women who have been unable to get prenant- from those that have been through IVF to those who just seem to have trouble for an unknown reason. He told me that some of our female hormones are produced in the brain and not in the sex organs and have to travel down the nervous system- apparently if you are out of alignment this can be very difficult. He’s very confident and says he hasn’t failed yet. I’ll let you all know how goes. Good luck and thanks for being there!

  • Annie

    Hi my husband and I have been married for 4 1/2 years and we’ve been off BC for 3 of them. We have not been able to conceive. I am at the point that I look at a pregnant woman and tear up… We are getting the tests done soon. I’m gonna make my husband do the tests 1st so I dont have to go through them if its him, but if its not we will check me. I hate the fact that everyone in my family is fertile, having twins even but this happens to us. Maybe God knows something that I don’t. I just pray that if I can have kids that He gives them to us when He knows we’re ready. Even if we think we’re ready we may not be. I Keep gaining weight though, which kinda stinks, I think its from stress and cant do much about my stress I have no job, kids or anything to worry about except my dad… and he’s very ill the only way I can get rid of that stress is if he passes and I dont want that either! hmmm…what to do… maybe just wait.

  • oivia

    IAM TRYING TO HAVE A BABY WELL I HAVE ONE BUT WANNA TRY WITH MY FIANCE AND IT ISNT HAPPENING

  • audrey duty

    im with yall……im only 20 and half the ppl i knw my age are preg, and more than half of them dont deserve them… they sluts/or drugies… its not fair ya knw. my husband and i have been tryin for 2 yrs now and all the doctors and test say we are fine.. Then whats the prob?? i dont understand…..im givin up hope……i cant take the heart ache anymore… So please keep us in yalls prayers.. thannx and GOD bless every1!!! GOOD LUCK

  • aalexis

    Kate,
    I thank you for writing this blog. I read it and almost started to cry! I am in the exact situation, been with my husband since we were 16, got married in 2007 and have been off bc for almost 2 years. I’m 27 and he’s 28. I’ve always imagined having a child with him, I know we’d be amazing parents together. I don’t ovulate on my own, so I’m taking Femara now, we’ll see how that goes. Prayer is helping us get through it. Definitely can be stressful on a relationship, but we’ve kept open the lines of communication and that is helping us tremendously. He still doesn’t understand my sadness at times. I get the same feelings, so hard to hear all of your friends pregnancy news, even though you are very happy for them! Then, family and co workers continually ask when you are going to get a family going. I put on a smile and say someday, but it makes my heart so sad! I’m normally such a positive, happy go lucky girl, but now, this is testing me. The medication doesn’t help either. (: Its hard too, my whole family is very fertile, my sister is one of those who looks at her husband and is pregnant. But, I know in my heart that we’ll be parents someday, no matter how that happens. Thanks again Kate for writing this blog, it helps so much to read about so many people in the same boat as you. Free therapy! (: My prayers are with all of you!

  • yadira

    well ladies,

    TIPS-TIPS-TIPS-TIPS-TIPS-TIPS-TIPS-TIPS-TIPS
    I suppose everyone has done some research like me. i read about something called ‘pre-seed” and u can buy it over the counter. this helps the semen stay inside instead of coming back out. it’s like a ky jelly lubricant. other tips r that if u put a pillow under ur hips it helps the semen swim to the ovum, but dont put 2 pillows because it will pass ovum. so just do 1 pillow. either way the semen are already programed to swim upward. don’t stand up right after sex. lay down for at least 5 minutes and give them a head start. very important dont go to the restroom and pee right after sex. ur literally flushing them out. stress is no good either. relax, breath and don’t think of this as a job or a stress factor like u have to get pregnant eventually we will. but when we stop stressing. if u have sex every other day researchs say tht we keep fresh semen inside still trying to reach its destination. also anything with caffeine is no good when trying to concieve. also shellfish is no good because it has mercury. but if we have tried many things y cant we continue trying. i know im not gonna give up. my problems are im like a yo yo with my weight and don’t ovulate every month so i have to guess when i am. it’s interesting tht “ANNIE” said ” gods going to send them a baby when there ready,” but in reality i say the same thing and a friend said to me, god is listening to your prayer and he’s seeing in some way or the other your not ready for another one yet. I stopped and thinked shes actually right as much as i want one im still trying but im still not ready for another one yet. and god is listening to me even though he sees my pain in wanting another one, but i do have lots of faith and i know i will have another. its god willing and when he sees im actually ready. but im no expert ladies im just like you. just here researching the possibilities. and what i can do to increase my chances. good luck ladies.

  • Ash

    I got pregnant with my son so unexspectedly. I got pregnant in november of 2008 but had a miscarriage after 6 months of trying and now we have been trying for over a year and still no baby my next step is a fertility specialist to which i hope theres something they can do. My son is four yrs going to be 5. He wants a sibiling so bad. He ask me all the time if I am going to have another baby and I always have to tell him with so much anger upon myself that there is no baby as of right now. I try so hard but get no where! I hape for a mericle! I dont understand how one of my oldest sister has 5 kids my youngest sister has 3 and I have one!!!!

  • Lnoelle

    Thank you so much for sharing Kate. My husband and I have been trying for over a year and nothing. All the false alarms and bitterness toward friends….reading your article is EXACTLY what I have been going through. Thanks for making me feel a bit better and being able to read others’ stories, too.

  • Alex

    Who knew this whole trying to get pregnant thing would be so hard. It is very sad.

  • Annie

    My period trurned up again today. My husband and I have been trying for 2 years and I do feel like the only person in this city that can’t get pregnant!
    I am also fed up of feeling so much self pity for myself and wish that I didn’t feel such nasty jealousy towards people I know that find it easy so to fall pregnant.
    I have had a blood test done by my local doctor which came back “normal” and my husband’s sperm count is also “normal”. Can can we be normal when nothing happens!! I feel like a freak, the odd one out!
    I have cried while reading all of your comments and I maybe I am not a freak after all?
    Due to see the doctor again in a week as I want to be checked out before looking at IVF as I am so nervous that I want to able to cope emotionally with the pressure.
    Thank you for all of your comments I don’t feel as lonely as I did an hour ago.

  • Cindy

    We’ve been trying for 2 years and I cannot take it anymore. Will be starting my 3rd round on Clomid (cannot wait) :( . Why why why? It feels like I’m being punished for something!!

  • http://thingsalongtheway.blogspot.com/ Cindy

    A little perspective never hurts.

    Don’t think I don’t understand. It’s not a criticism. I’ve been there. Good luck.

  • jem

    hi just happened to stumble on this blog but im glad i did! Its nice to know were not alone, i have been trying for a baby for 6 years now i went to several doctors who just sent me away saying there was nothing wrong, but after years i finally went to a doctor the other day who didnt send me away laughing. We are in the process of starting treatments and i have my fingers crossed. Its nice to know im not the only one who feels angry etc towards friends who fall preganant and this site is very positive.Good luck guys and i hope we all get pregnant very soon!

  • Samantha P.

    Hey Kate, very touching story.. Me and my fiance have been together for a while And it hasn’t been any 3 years or even 1 year. but it has been almost a year and i still have not gotten pregnant, and we have been wanting a baby for the longest time now. Even when we were in high school our freshman yearss yeah we were young but we still knew we were going to have one someday! Everything you mentioned made perfectly good sensse to me. Keep it up,don’t give up now please! Be like me and keep trying no matter what it takes girl!

  • kristy

    hi kate-

    i know how hard it is me and my husband have a four year old daughter a blessing from God, but when trying to concieve agian I lost three to miscarraiage and almost died from a set of twins that miscarried and one was left in my tube. we are not giving up hope because I know the lord will give us our blessing when the time comes. All things are planned and directed by God. It is easy to say God I want a baby now? but God does not have to meet our demands, its a gift and a blessing. i believe God had other plans for my five children and one day I will get to have another but right now is the time to be patient and wait. Maybe God has a plan for you first then the blessing will come no one knows why these things happen but I am truly sorry for you and your husband and wish you the best of luck. I will keep you in my prayers. I know it hard to not think this is some cruel game but it is not im only 23 and i am healthy, this just isnt the right time for me. keep trying and don’t give up or get doiscouraged God has much love for you and will bring you a blessing in due time.

    Kristy

  • Anonymous

    I am currently struggling with infertility. Went through a year’s worth of fertility drugs/test/hsg. And nothing was physically wrong. Then a few months after quitting the fertility meds I managed to get pregnant for the first time. But when I went in for my U/S at 12 wks I found out that the baby (would’ve been my first) stopped growing a few weeks before. What made me cry was having to listen to lullaby music after the test – when a baby was born upstairs in that hospital. I just cried. I felt like, Gee the “Lord giveth the Lord taketh away”. I’ve lost my faith in god. I have tried to get pregnant thereafter and nothing. In fact recently I thought I was again – Nope. No baby just something wrong with my usually punctual 28 day cycle. I’m sick of praying to whatever God there may be out there. I’m now into my mid-30’s and sick of waiting. I just cry when I hear of other women who CAN get preggo at the drop of a hat. Amazes me. I never in my wildest dreams would have thought that it would be this difficult for me. I guess if there is a god out there, he must have a real sick sense of humor. Oh, on top of all that, when I lost that first baby, I had a couple of stupid women poke fun at the fact that I’d lost it at work. Women are quite insensitive about infertility to each other as well. Must be great to have that experience of motherhood – I don’t think that will ever happen. I just wish I could have at least 1 child.

  • NON-pregnant wannabe mom

    My fertility Dr. told me that fertility rates go down after age 23! Argh!

    Lovely, I say we advocate our society to having children at age 18!

  • http://www.myspace.com/JenniferCecelia Jennifer

    Sometimes stress makes a pregnancy less likely. Make sure the sperm goes in- alot of it. And do it everyday. And eat health but enough of it… and don’t go crazy with workouts. That kind of stuff can be hard on the body. But yeah, stress really effects the body. Have you gone to see a Psychologist, just to vent? I would. But my dad is one, so I really never get to go to one. Good luck. :) I want to have children someday. And hey, dude, just because all these couples are having way TOO MANY kids, does not mean I should not have them. Let THEM adopt, and I get to have kids! lol. Yeah, good luck with that one.

    Good luck to you girlie! Hows it going so far?

  • http://www.myspace.com/JenniferCecelia Jennifer

    Oh! One more IMPORTANT statement: My father told a patient to try this.

    Keep the cell phone away from pockets and other areas near private body parts They did this, and a few months later- after the husband kept his cell phone out of his pants pocket, maybe in his shirt pocket- the wife got pregnant! Hopefully that is the only problem. Give it a try.

  • http://www.myspace.com/JenniferCecelia Jennifer

    Both partners should keep cell phones out of pockets such as pants pockets. Basically, the radiation or whatever from the cell phone reduces sperm count, particularly causing problems for males. I hope it does not too drastically cause problems for the unobservant teens today. I am lucky to know about this. Good Luck, God speed!

  • Anonymous

    Yep Jennifer I do believe that stress factors into getting pregnant or not. I was going through a mobbing situation at work. After I lost that baby though, the 2 women who stirred it up, had a field day harassing me about losing a baby. BTW – I told my hubby what you’d said about the cell phone issue!!!

  • MissMongolia

    hello all! i just finished readin all these comments. Im very touched..I got pregnant when i was 15 and i abortioned.since then i never got pregnant.Now im 24years old desperate for pregnancy…im seing a doctor right now. he said we will try one more time and if its not going to work hes goin to do a thing i dont know how to call it in english.u take out the egg and u put the sperm in the lab and put it back inside the womans body. if it goes well then u will have a child..anyways for tryin over almost 4 5 years i dont know anymore…but today it was very nice to knoe that am not alone…i needed this….

  • Hopeless

    Thank you to everyone who has shared their story. My heart goes out to all of you and you are all in my prayers! My husband and I have been married for 3 1/2 years and have been trying to have a baby for almost 2 years.Growing up I have always loved children and always wanted to be a mom.We wanted to wait to have children until we were both finished with school and had stable jobs.Big mistake, all that time wasted.We have been through all the tests! For some reason I don’t ovulate on my own.So I have tried chlomid and Femara. Both made me ovulate so the doctors say I should be able to get pregnant.Still nothing. I go through the ups and downs every month. I get the positive on the ovulation test, get my hopes up, and then the huge let down having my period.I try to keep my faith in god.Very difficult.I have a job where I work with low income families who receive rental assistance. Everyday I receive calls from girls that are pregnant and meet with them regularly.All these girls get to keep having multiple babies that they can’t afford.I can’t even have one!I try to be happy for everyone,even these girls who I work with.I feel guilty for the negative feelings I have.I feel all alone. Thanks to you for sharing your stories. I know I am not alone. I hope that all of you get to have a baby.My husband has been wonderful and supportive throughout this process.I use to be a happy, fun, positive person to be around. Now I feel that I am a downer. I was starting to believe that everyone would be better off without me and that I should go away for a long time, maybe forever. However after reading everyone’s stories I know I am not alone. I have changed my mind and I am going to try and stay positive. I am going to try to pretend to be happy and keep praying to god.

  • rebecca

    am my husband sperm is low am can i become preagent im tryin 4 years an notin happen wat can i do i need help

  • yadira

    most definitely thank u for the cell phone tip. we shall try n by the way girls after 8 months i got my period im going to start the process to see if we do get pregos on our own. fingers crossed.

  • Danielle

    Hopeless, when reading your post I felt like I was reading my own words. I feel exactly like you do. I am tired of people asking so when are you having a baby? We are waiting to hear new from you! Every day I hear about another family memeber having a baby or coworker and I wonder..why not me? I feel hurt and it takes me a bit to bounce back from it. I too used to be so positive and upbeat and its so hard when you are hurting inside. I don’t even want to talk to friends or family members b/c I have nothing to say. The only thing we can continue to do is pray and hope that it will happen one day. When that day comes we will feel even more joy b/c we waited so long! My best wishes go out to all of you!

  • chrys

    I understand all the articles they all touch my heart. I recently started getting feeling of wanting to be pregnant. Not that I actually tried but I have been in a relationship for about 10 years and we dont use protection and I have not got pregnant yet. I start to think that may be it not for me but when I see other pregnant women I get all choked up. No matter how I try to focus on other things it keeps coming back to me. I even went so far to ask god to take those thoughts away if me and my boyfriend cant have a child together. We both love kids but he doesnt want to adopt. Maybe one day we will all get our wishes. Good luck to you all.

  • Alicia

    how do i become a surrogate mother

  • J.N.S

    J.N.S
    Hi all there! As I read your comments, I feel at least with you. I have been married 2yrs, was diagnosed with PCOS and blocked tubes, husband low sperm count. It is hard and one can spend alot of time crying. Being in Africa, not having children is considered a woman’s problem and you carry the whole burden. I just keep trusting God and praying though sometimes one feels worthless. Lets keep praying…..the Lord can remember us as He remembered Hannah, Elizabeth etc Shalom

  • wannababy123

    I want a baby too.. been tryin for 3 years

  • ameenah

    like all the ladies above i am now marry or 14yrs y husand an i was together since school day and i avent get pregnant yet and yes it is depressing fo me some days i dont want to see anyone most omy family and friends are getting pregnat but ot me…and i feel sad some of my family members they think that i am sitting and doing nothing ..our problem is my husband have low sperm count so its is hard for us to conceive and to do ivf is alot of money that we dont have..i get get dreams at night that i have a child ..then when i wake up i feel lose and depress and sorry that i wake up cuz there i had my child in my hand,and now nothing but gods know best and everything happen for a reason and my husband i know he d feel hurt but u know men they dont show it often..but as long as i got life i am not giving up

  • cece

    [Personal attack deleted by Comments Editor] Secondly to Kate, I think that you are very brave to put your feelings out there because you are helping others cope as well. I thank you for writing this article. Don’t give up trying to fulfill your dream.

  • crystal

    thank you for your story

  • Lindsey

    Hi I am just like you. Tryin to get pregnant and it never happening. I sit and watch all my friends get pregnant and have babies. I go to all the baby showers and events as far a birthdays. Sometimes I just feel like I don’t belong. Who wants a 28 year old women at a kids party without a kid? I don’t know what to do or how to think anymore. It makes you feel less of a women and like you have no purpose. I’m tired of also seeing people who have one kid and keep getting pregnant but they just keep aborting their children…uggghhh

  • Shana

    I can not begin to describe the feelings I have been going through. I want to thank you for writing this and making me feel not like a horrible person for feeling resentment towards people who have been getting pregnant around me. I am a teacher, and I can not count the number of baby showers I have gone to at work to help my coworkers celebrate and it breaks my heart to feel that I may never be on the congratulating side. My husband and I are about to start our 5th round of clomid, and IVF is in the near future. Hopefully, one of these things will work, but I guess not everyone is supposed to get pregnant.

  • SIERRA

    SUSUAN YOU NEED TO SNAP OUT OF IT, GOD HAS NOT ABANDONED YOU. MAYBE YOU HAVE ABANDONED GOD. GOD LOVES YOU AND THE WORD OF GOD SAYS GOD WILL NEVER FORSAKE YOU OR LEAVE YOU. GOD IS A JUST GOD AND GOD IS NO RESPECTER OF PERSON, WHAT GOD DOES FOR ONE HE WILL DO FOR ALL. SUICIDE IS NOT THE ANSWER, THAT IS JUST SELFISH AND ALL YOU ARE THINKING ABOUT IS YOU, AND NOT OTHERS AROUND YOU LIKE YOUR LOVED ONES. YOU KNOW MY HUSNBAND AND I WANT A BABY AND WE HAVE BEEN TTC FOR OVER A YEAR WITH NO LUCK, BUT I JUST BELIEVE GOD WILL BLESS ME ON HIS TIME, NOT MY TIME. GODS TIMING IS NOT OUR TIMING. GOD SAID TO HAVE FAITH THE SIZE OF A MUSTARD SEED. YOU KNOW WHAT THE SIZE OF A MUSTARD SEE IS AND IF YOU JUST HAVE THAT LITTLE BIT OF FAITH IN GOD AND BELIEVE GOD CAN DO WHAT HE SAID HE WOULD DO THEN YOU WILL BE BLESSED. MY GOD IS AWESOME! YOU KNOW THE REAL DEAL IS GOD IS SUPPOSE TO BE #1 IN OUR LIVES, PEOPLE NEED TO FOCUS IN ON GOD, AND LET GO AND LET GOD! I KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN BY WANTING A BABY, THIS IS WHAT I WANT SOOOOO BAD, THIS IS MY DREAM! BUT IN THE MEAN TIME WHILE TTC THERE IS MUCH MORE IMPORTANT THINGS FOR ME TO WORK ON IN LIFE, AND FOCUS ON LIKE PEOPLE GETTING SAVED AND GETTING HOOKED UP WITH GOD. HELPING PEOPLE GET DELIVERED. YOU SEE I AM GODS SOLDIER, AND THERE IS NOTHING ELSE IN THIS WORLD THAT I WOULD RATHER BE DOING THAN TO BE OUT HELPING PEOPLE AND DOING THE LORDS WORK. IT IS ALL ABOUT LOVE! PLEASE SEE GOD LOVES YOU, THAT IS WHY HE SENT HIS ONLY SON TO DIE ON THE OLD RUGGED CROSS FOR YOU , ME , AND EVERYBODY. PLEASE GET YOUR LIFE BACK ON TRACK AND LIVE FOR THE LORD, AND SEE GOD MOVE AND BLESS YOU! I AM 22 YEARS OLD AND I AM WAITING PATIENTLY ON MY LITTLE BLESSIN TO COME MY WAY. I CAN TELL YOU WHY I THINK I HAVE NOT HAD A BABY YET, I THINK IT IS BECAUSE GOD IS TEACHING ME PATIENCE, AND ALSO ALLOWING ME TO HAVE A LITTLE MORE TIME TO LIVE MY LIFE! MAY GOD BLESS YOU AND EVERYONE ELSE READING THIS!

  • SIERRA

    HI KATE, I WILL BE PRAYING FOR YOU TO HAVE BABIES, THIS IS A WONDERFUL STORY!

  • BLUELEWIS

    Hi Kate
    I am like yourself over 3 years of trying (2 natural and 1 year of laproscoy, clomid and one course of IVF). It has been interesting reading the feedback from others and can honestly say that what is getting me through this time is planning and doing things for now. I felt the past three years have swept by and I did not get the result I wanted in the end. This week I turn 35 and believe now that if a miracle happens then it will, however it will not be my main focus as before (easier said then done as it still lingers strongly at the back of my mind).

    My heart is with you we are griefing yet we have not lost a physical being. If not careful we can lose ourselves.

  • ameenah

    thank u ladies i am not givin up at all…not at long as i am breathing god is good and yes we should support each other this is a stuff thing for a woman to go tru…

  • Sad1

    Thank you for posting this article. It comforts me to know I am not the only one out there having trouble getting pregnant. I have been trying to get pregnant with my husband since we got married 6 months ago. I know its not an issue till about a year but in my heart I feel like something is wrong. I have the baby room all set up thanks to my mother who knew we were trying and i cant even bear to go in it because I am just reminded that I don’t have one. I feel like there is something wrong with me because my husband has a child, my stepson whoam we raise together. Yet I feel bitter and angry. My stepson and I used to have a great relationship but even he is getting impatient and constantly asking for a sibling. I never got to hold my step son when he was a baby and I fear that I will be infertile and never hold a baby of my own. I pray every day for a child but for the past 6 months, every month is another disappointment. I have always wanted my own child and it pains me so greatly that I have yet to become pregnant. All the women in our family have never had any problems. I have tried fertility blend pills, ovulation charts, sleeping well, I am of a healthy weight, and try not to stress. Everything is perfect for a baby to come into our lives but yet, she or he has yet to come. I pray for everyone on here that has to deal with this. I can’t even imagen some of your pain for trying 10+ years. God has given you much strength. Please pray for me as well.

  • margaret

    hi my name in margaret and i have 2 misscarry. one in 2006 and one in 2009. is it because im rh negative. i just wonder if i can get pragnant agin. pls help [Personal contact info deleted]

  • Tania

    Kate, I feel what u r saying 100 percent.I am 26 years old and I too have wanted chlildren for as long as I can remember, but have come to the realization that it just may not happen. I also get bitter when I see my friends having kid after kid, when I would be so happy to just have one. It has always been a dream of mine and I know that I would be the greatest mother. I just get frustrated alot b/c there are all these young mothers having babies who dont even want them and I would love to be in their shoes.It just makes me wonder why I have to be the “different” one. I just pray that God sees the good in me and blesses me with a baby, as I pray that he does the same for u and all the other women in our position~ May God Bless u and Good Luck!!!

  • Cassandra

    hi kate… reading your story made me cry because the more i read it the more it sounded as if i was writing it… i have not gone for tests yet because of the fact that I am completely scared to hear those words “you cannot have children” i have been trying and trying… seeing friend after friend after friend getting pregnant and not wanting it. i currently have 4 friends that i hang out with that are all between 4-6 months pregnant.. 3 of them are upset because they already have a child and sit there and say they wished they could never gotten pregnant.. i went to an ultrasound with one of those 3 and it didnt even get to her she acted as if she didnt even care and was completely emotionless about it… as for me i was soooo “angry” but at the same time very upset… wishing it was me. everyday i think about this and talk with my boyfriend and the result is always the same.. me crying him holding me telling me its going to be ok. my whole life that is the ONLY thing i have ever wanted…. to be a mom… to have the big belly that everyone wants to touch… the grandchildren that my parents want… the kids that me and my boyfriend dream about… but it seems as if thats all its ever going to be is a big dream… i know theres adoption but call me ignorant or whatever but its not mine. and the fact that adopting a child is soooo expensive that people like us who sit in that middle class spot cannot possibly afford or even be considered for adoption. and as for the one comment i seen about our world being over populated doesnt mean that people like us who want a family and would not even be considered for adopting a child its kinda the only chance we have… but reading your story has gotten to me and i understand most of the things you are feeling… thank you for posting this story it truly has touched my heart…

  • Joanna

    My goodness, I didn’t know that so many women are going through the same thing I am going through. I’m 23, and my hubby and I have been trying to conceive for 2 years now. We got married when we turned 20, we have been together since we were in the 6th grade. We grew up together, and we always imagined having 3 kids: two in our 20s and another one in our 30s. But now I feel like its impossible to even have one. I have no clue what is wrong with me, I have had an irregular menstrual cycle since I was 18, and all my doctors have told me its ok. A couple of months ago I went to a “specialist” who said that I might have PCOS. Well he gave me some medication to regulate my menstrual cycle, and to see him 3 months later. Then 3 months later passed on and I went to see him in October and his practice had been demolished. Now I don’t know what kind of doctor to look for. I don’t know what to do. I too also envy my aunt, she is a 43 year old about to have a baby boy. When she already has 5 kids. I know I should be happy, but i feel its not fair. But I won’t lose hope, thanks for all your stories :)

  • Leslie

    I have been married 10 years in feb i’am 32 almost 33 years old no kids my husband has one daughter i adopted it hurts to not have one know i never will.
    I get sad at times need him he refuses to be their for me.
    he says well thei’s nothing we can do so realize it get over it.
    this is something its hard to get over.
    he has a real bio child i have always wanted my own child to carry one now i cant.
    we are gettin ready to adopt 4 other kids that are again not mine from pregnancy it seems all my preganant friends are rubbin it in my face that they get to have a baby we dont.
    so i know how ya all feel

  • chelsea

    Hi, great story Kate. I’m amazed at all the other women here that feel the same way I do. I have a Chromosomal translocation and have been with the same man for 5 years and I am going through my third known miscarriage at the moment. We have had unprotected sex since we have been together and only 3 known pregnancies which all have ended in miscarriage.. I feel like sometimes I will never be able to have a baby and it will always lead to miscarriage. This may sound selfish but the thought of adoption just doesn’t do it for me.. just like all of you I want to feel life inside me, I want to feel like a woman. It’s not fair how there are druggies and whores out there who get pregnant and keep doing bad stuff but of course still have a baby. I’m sorry for everyone going through the same thing. I wish you all the best. I am only 22 but have been with my bf for 5 years and we’ve had a lot of sex. So on top of my Chromosomal translocation problem it is hard for me to even get pregnant I don’t know why cus besides that everything is normal in there. Anyway just wanted to tell my short story and wish everyone luck and thank you for Kate for this article. I don’t feel like such an alien now lol.

  • annemarie

    Its a good story, I know just how you feel.. Since i left school i thought of nothing else but to have children..I was not silly though and waited..I never use protection when i turned 18 ..Although i had two more partners i never used protection again after being with them for a year.. I am now 26 i am settled and engaged have a flat but there just one thing missing having a child… Its heart breaking and I agree everyone around us getting pregant and that just kills you more… I hope one day it will happen for me and you x

  • Jaya

    Hi
    am in the same boat, we trying literally from 1 yr. I don’t know whats the wrong with me….test are normal….still….
    I just searched for ‘why cant I be pregnant?’ tears are rolling…searching for the answer….your story cached me…I Love the way u expressed….I understand u. I know one of my aunts…she was not been pregnant for 12 yrs…..can we believe it????? now she is a mother with 7 yr old cute & smart girl. So we, we all no need to worry & am sure one day we all become mothers with gods grace.

  • Ken R.

    Being a man I don’t totally know how it must feel the wanting of being pregnant. But I do know how it feels to want to have a child of your own. A woman since she is a child has dolls put in front of her and is told she will have babies and be a mother too. If that is in your mind since you were a child and its been in your head and heart since then it is immpossible to just disregard it and move on with your life.
    Having said that my wife and I got married later in life, we to went through all the test and surgeries, midnight, 3am shots countless drugs and a lot of money, just to be able to have a baby. We turned our attention to adoption and in just a short year we adopted a beautiful baby boy he is now 21/2 and the center of our lives. No we are not rich to afford this we are in debt but work extra jobs to help pay down our loans. But even with out child my wife stills longs for wanting to have a baby. My point is I don’t think this feeling will ever go away even with having a child that feels like he is our own.

  • kelley smith

    It really pisses me off to think about how it’s not someone’s time and they must not be ready when these rape victim children that’s 8-10 yr old having babies they don’t want them or don’t need them don’t know what there doing it’s so irritating that these idiots throw there babies in trash cans and rivers and have baby’s they abuse them abord them like there a piece of trash and guess what these evil scum of the earth have babys the one’s killing them I mean it’s anoying it’s fustrating not trying to make anyone feel bad it’s just so annoying and people say don’t stress yourself don’t think of it and it happen that’s more fustrating because people can think about and still have kids I even hate when women plan to have kids say they want them and when they have them that act as if it just happened knowing it didn’t I’ve always wanted to get this off my chest I think I kind of feel alittle better

  • kelley smith

    I felt so sad so many times also I looked at all of the ovalation calendars tryed to pin point dates and it just started to get so serverly serverly irritating annoying driving myself crazy calcalating days planing times saying ok the day of ovalation a day before ovalation 5 days before and yes month afther month I kept seeing what’s called my friend in the red dress which wasn’t a friend everytime my cycle came on I wrote poems I cryed and sobbed and sobbed and almost burst into tears seeing babies or baby clothes and constantly writing names on paper constantly I never knew it could be such a struggle when I was a teen I thought it was so simple so easy have sex have a baby but it certainately doesn’t always work like that I sincerly apologize if I offended or hurted anyone’s feelings I’ve just been so hurt I felt so much pain just felt like something have just punched me in the heart type of feeling I know I would love my child have do much to offer I think it would certainately change me for the very best I think

  • kelley smith

    I would be so nice and have a greater bond with other people and other children like my nephews I love them all to life but it’s not the same they have a certain respect for there parents and the reality is there not my kids I’ve always wanted to experience what it like sometimes I’ll say I really don’t care but I do or try not to I was just sad now I’m just going to let all this bitterness LIKE my friend she had a baby then it was issues where people were stealing other people babies because they wanted one so bad and NO I don’t agree with that it is obviously very wrong it’s just that she was so stupid and so ignorant saying why don’t they just have there own and I’m thinking to myself ok definition of ignorance it’s not that simple if it was don’t you think they would have done that all ready I told her ever one can’t have kids calmly and she goes tough. but I hope you all are blessed with a baby and hang in there

  • Achiaamaa

    Hi Susan, all hope is not lost, God has a purpose in your life, sometimes things has to go bad for us to see the goodness of the Lord. i am 27 and i have been trying for a baby for 3 years too without success. i was really frustrated due to the fact that every thing i’ve tried with hubby has not worked, i always use to cry at night, but there is this text in the bible, which says there shall be no barren in the land, so if you belief in God. Keep on praying, eat the right foods, enjoy sex,have more rest as you can,spice ur marriage with new activities like visiting interesting places,learning and preparing new menus, watching some interesting and funny movies,read the bible, above all pray for an increased faith in life and a breakthrough daily. and stop thinking about others who has easily got pregnant. Our faith can make this happen even if it is not possible, i am keeping up the faith, and i belief it will happen soon, when we least expect it.

  • kim

    i am 26yrs old me and my husband were trying to get preg almost year and half my husband refuse to go to a hospital he is scare i want to go and see what the doctor has to say but money is not there every time i get my period i cry i hate my self i wish i never get married i hate when people ask me if i got pregnant people are ignorant they ask me why i am not pregnant what the hell i wish i can make my self pregnant but we all waiting God he has plan for us and i wish u all the best

  • Kristy

    I am 28. I am completely healthy and so is my husband, he is 35. We have been trying to have a baby for 10 months now. And nothing. I have my period every month like clockwork. My mom always says “you worry about it too much.” I hate that. How can you think about anything else when it consumes your mind day in and day out? I was married before to someone who didn’t want children. We were married for 7 years. And got divorced about 2 years ago. I got married young and thought eventually he would want them. I feel like he stole that away from me because by the time I realized he wasn’t changing his mind and found a man who did care, I lost my inability to have children. My husband is a vendor and has to visit local stores such as Wal-Mart and grocery stores to stock soda and he sees people in there all the time. Mothers who look like they have never bathed with 3 children, all of whom look unbathed. She is screaming at them constantly and they are in there day in and out. Same people. Why can they have kids and not me? I would bathe my child. I would feed my child. I wouldn’t scream at my child for ungodly reasons. I don’t understand. WHY NOT ME? This article makes me feel good to know that there are others who feel my pain and that I’m not alone. I dream every night of the baby being born. I know I would love it more than I have ever loved anyone in this world. I hope that all of the people on this board get pregnant because we would make great mothers and fathers. It would be a cruel world if we didn’t.

  • Lexie

    Hi,
    I too have been trying for over 10 years. I had two miscarriages and that was 10 years ago. As I write, I set here sobbing and giving up. I really don’t know how much more I can take. I have people that ask me Hey when are you guys going to have kids and I just try to ignore them. I am really suffering because I have kept all of my feelings bottled up for so long. At this point, I am mad at the world and I have given up. I just get so upset to see other women falling pregnant.

  • kapil

    this is very exite to all that they became a parent but in my case we are very unlucky in this case.we are very disappointed to dont get a baby.so we are going to quit our life cause we cant listen tont about we cant get pregnancy.plz help us.

  • anna

    can children 10years old get pregnant? why or why not because im ready

  • http://imperfectstepfordchronicles.blogspot.com Salma

    Everyone said that I didn’t have any problems and after my son died (at birth) I figured I would be pregnant again soon enough. In fact I couldn’t believe when the Dr. said not to try for at least 6 months. Well, I now know the emotions that people feel about not being able to get pregnant.

    Hubby and I are looking to adopt because there are many children who are searching as much as we are waiting.

    I hope it works out for you.

  • Buddy03

    So I have never posted a comment about my infertility nor did I ever think I would! I read and read everyone elses problems so i can see what everyone and not just me goes through. Im not looking for pitty but maybe just a guide of hope. I am 23 and been married for 3 years. My husband is active duty in the military and married me knowing I had a fertility problem. Anyways I have been pregnant 5 times. I have had 2 ectopic pregnancies and two miscarriages and a c-section at 4 months and obviously my child died(that was when I was 19). I havent been pregnant since 2008 and it seemed i was able to I cant anymore. I do though have PCOS and am taking metformin for my insulin. Ive tried fertility drugs and the first time didnt work. I have not tried since (that was aug 09) because it was emotional. I am going to try another dose of fertility but I have found that if I have a baby or not I will be happy. Dont get me wrong I would LOVE nothing more than to be a mother but why would I be miserable in my life when ther is alot to be thankful for…like just being alive, having a husband who loves me and a dog(jack russel) who is like my child needs me everyday! I know how hard it is, I know is sucks and as much as I hate hearing WHEN ITS MENT TO BE IT WILL or WHEN GOD IS READY HE WILL LET U CONCEIVE ect….dont let this make u miserable in ur life, dont take it for granted and only focus on having a baby and u look back and u are older and have a fewer chance of bearing a child. Trust me that was me….Ive been told and this is brutal…”what makes you so important not to have a miscarriage when other women do!” OK so IVE HAD 5 FIRST OF ALL but its kinda true…Maybe I cant have my prayers answered yet because someone else is in line for a heart or kidney or their true love in which all I have! I dont know if im talking in circles or ginna piss anyone off but this is sorta my “Coping Mechanism” I have not given up I have just calmed down but WILL still keep trying….I always pray that I wouldnt wish what Ive been through to my worst enemy and seeing all these posts breaks my heart even more….I hope we all get what we need and deserve outta life and will keep up with this blog…Its the first to make me write.
    Thanks for reading
    B

  • Baby T

    Why dont you all who keep asking why she wants a child go to hell

  • Baby T

    having a child is a blessing from God and i myself want one.

  • Buddy03

    I think the cussing and vulgerness needs to be kept to a minimum thats not why we are here! THIS IS SUPPORT NOT A FIGHT!
    B

  • Sarah J

    This really hits home. I’ve been trying to get pregnant for six years. Even though your writing here says to not feel useless it’s hard to feel anything but that, especially when everything short of IVF doesn’t work.

  • Sarah J

    PCOS is also another problem that gets in the way of being able to have children, for the past 6 years i’ve been trying to find a way around it as well. I’m glad im not alone

  • W

    hi there… i can relate to this.. and i’m glad i found this site.. i honestly felt so alone.. been married about, well next month it’ll be 3 yrs..it’s been quite difficult cause everyone who got married after me (like my friends) most of them have given birth and some already onto their 2nd pregnancy)..i used to cry whenever i heard someone i knew was already pregnant..my periods are regular.. me and hubby have checked with our doctor.. everything is normal.. i Guess it’s just not time yet, i just have to be patient and believe that the time will come soon enough.. and i hope for the best for everyone who is trying..

  • SD

    Hi everyone,
    Another negative test today – and I cant stop crying.
    I have been in the same bandwagon as many of you, and have lost faith now that I will ever get pregnant. I and my dear loving husband, both 35, have been married for 8 years now and have been trying to conceive for five years. We were referred to an infertility clinic four years ago when we found out that my husband has meagre sperms and my body has started aging faster than I have (low egg production). We have spent over $50,000 trying several IUIs and a failed IVF (not covered by insurance). We have even reverted to using donor sperms but didnt work at all – the result of our last IUI with donor sperms today was negative. I and my husband are both depressed and frustrated. I have a long night of tissues and wine waiting for me. It hurts especially when everyone around us just have to try once to get pregnant or are having accidental pregnancies. I am happy for all of them but also am jealous of their lives. I and my husband have a great relationship, make decent money and have a nice home and family support but still feel a void. I am tired of everyone asking me when we are going to be pregnant and start a family. OR even about why dont you try infertility treatments like IUI or IVF. What should I tell them – that I have tried all and they dont work for me, because I am different? I tell myself everytime that I am not going to worry but I still hope, every month as years pass by. We are now thinking of looking at this practically because we have to stop throwing $$ at the treatments : we dont want to financially ruin ourselves obsessing about the fertility situation. We will eventually adopt (we have discussed it) when we have enough bank balance (but it will not happen in the next two years.)
    I just wanted to vent my frustrations here -I really like this blog and it gives comfort to find out that “I AM NOT THE ONLY ONE” going through this. I just hope that our wishes come true one day and we have at least ONE baby that we can call our own, either through pregnancy or adoption – and that day comes soon enough. Good luck to you all.

  • Patrice

    I just don’t get it my husband has 7 kids every time i go to the docter there’s nothing wrong with me but somethings not right i feel like you said I see people that don’t have the love as me and my husband do that’s walking around with 3 or more kids can’t afford them living off welfare and I am 29 years old never been married before never been pregnant before , never was able to use birth control and I am at a point of happiness and I can not give my husband something that we both want with each other something that he don’t understand that he already has but, not with me but, something that we both want with each other it hurts like hell.

  • thinker

    I AM IN THE THE POSITION ALSO I AM 26 WHO IS TRYING FOR THREE YEARS NOW. I FOUND OUT HAVE OVRIAN CYST WHICH MY DOCTOR PUT ME ON METFORMIN AND CLOMID THEY ARE FERTILITY PILLS STILL I DONT GET PREGNANT. SOMEIMES I FEEL LIKE TO SIT AND JUST CRY IT OUT . I ALAY IMAGINE HAVING A CHILD IAM WELL PREPARED FO A BABY I SHOP AREADY IAM OBSESS WITH OTHER BABIES , BABIES CLOTHES EVERYTHING INCLUDE A BABY I AM SO FED UP NOW I TOLD MYSELF I AM NEVR GOING TO CONCEIVE

  • Ashley

    My husband and I have been trying for 6 months now and it has taken a toll on my emotions by trying to be the strong one and holding everything in. I have had several episodes of small emotional break downs and I try not to put any blam on either one of us but I can’t help but wonder why us… Just every other couple that is going through the same thing… We have been together for the past 6 year and we have always dreamed of having a child together, taking our love for one another to another level having something so precious that is part of both of us is our dream! I just need guidance and help to get through this extream difficult emotional lifes strugle…
    Even though my husband doesn’t blame me I fell so sick that I can not give him a child that he has always wanted. Andhe tells me that it will all be ok… But I can not help but think about it non stop and wonder… Is it going to happen this month?… Am I ever going to have a baby of my own?… Is there something wrong with me?… It is so intense these thougts and feelings… I cry alot when I am alone and try not to infrpnt of my husband…
    But I am even more frustrated that these women who don’t expect or even don’t want a child get pregnant… How and why is this? I wish I was one of thoes women getting pregnant so easy!

  • Buddy03

    I hate that so many of us go through this. My friend just had a bab and all i here is how her daughter is the best thing and how happy she is and she couldnt of asked for anything better..she got pregnant on a one night stand! her husband cheats on her! seriously I HATE LISTENING! i hope a baby is in the cards for me…im a nurse my hubby is i the service we are capable financially emotionally and spiritually to have a baby..im tired of asking WHY? i never will know but i have learned to have patience but im sick of it i get so emotional and hate myself some times…
    just needed to vent
    B

  • sally

    hello everyone , yes i too am a married women who has been trying for almost three long years to have a baby with no luck, i have had every test under the sun and painful operations just to find out there is nothing wrong with me or my husband , i ovulate like clock work but still no luck , i know how painful it is ladies and i know all about depression , and feeling like life will never be whole without a baby but i keep telling myself to be strong and have faith , please know ladies that i feel really close to you all with this heartbreaking thing , i wish you all the luck in the world and how WE all get our wish , wishing you lots of baby dust now get to it xxoo

  • Faith

    I think unfortunately for “Dennis” he has absolutely zero understanding of the concept of having children. The DEFINITION of being a parent is SELFLESS, at least it is for the good ones! Good luck and all the best, if its meant to be it will!

  • Christina

    I hope you do get pregnant i have tried for 3 years nothing hear either and it makes me angry to.

  • C

    For those of you who are not going to the doctor or not trying fertility-
    PLEASE use every resource that is available to you. If you fail- you can say honestly to your self that you truely tried everyting.
    If you wont try fertility drugs, if you wont call your insurance to see if other ways of becoming pregnant are covered- what is wrong with you? You are crying “helpless” with out helping yourself!!
    I have done all of those things and I am still struggling. I feel your pain, but I can say I truely am doing EVERYTHING in my power to help myself. I wont be a victim- I will do everything I can to make my world the best it can be.
    I waited 5 years thinking that my insurance did not cover IUI- DAMN it!! If I started 5 years ago I would have been so much better off! They do! They do! They do cover it!
    Too little too late.
    Do everything that you can NOW…

  • Bucolic Buffalo

    Put more men on the job!

  • Lola

    Oh Gosh i tried to read every reply but i;m starting to cry. Me (29 Yrs old now) and my hubby(28yrs old) have been trying for 3 & half yrs now. I have irregular periods and i dont really know when i ovulate, sometimes i do sometimes i dont. I’ve been in Clomid and Famera for the last 3 years and still nothing. Not a month goes by that i dont cry when i get my period. I tried every ovulation and pregnancy test out there. I dont have insurance but i can still manage to pay for my doc visits.
    But i know GOD will give me a baby when he pleases. And i will never ever give up, not for as long i breath. Where i come from we dont believe in adoption. But it comes up to it i will adopt. I sometimes get very mad when my friends who dont even want and try to have a baby they get pregnant, but GOD knows what he is doing.
    Baby dust all :)

  • Simply Trying :)

    Your story has touched me in such a way that I can’t explain.
    I am trying as well to get pregnant. My husband and I have been trying for about six months. I have had 1 miscarriage and it sucked! :) I have been feeling all of the emotions that you described; angry, stressed, jealous, confused, ect. But, I justed wanted to tell you, Thank you. You have given me the courage to keep on keeping on.
    Me and my husband have already been blessed with 1 wonderful son. He is almost six and the light of our lives. I shouldn’t be so sad. I should feel blessed.
    I will pray for you and your husband. I am so sorry for everything that you have had to go through. No women should have to be childless when they obviously want a baby so bad.
    I don’t argree with the other person who commented that a life of freedom is wonderful too. They are wrong. Giving your all to someone else is EVERYTHING! I know that it is probably not what you want to hear but….with such a wonderful and huge heart you should consider becoming a teacher. I have just finished my BA in elem. edu. and it is so wonderful. The kids aren’t yours and you can’t take them home but, they do bring you love and joy like no other!
    Good Luck!!! And, don’t give up.

  • Soon-to-be…

    First I’d like to say thank you to everyone who has posted here. You are strong and brave, and I admire you. My story is a little different, and I hope I can get some advice.

    I am 25, and I have been with my best friend for six years. We are engaged to be married next Nov. While I love him with all of my heart I am nervous about our future. While we are not trying right now, I already know we will have issues. My other half is a child leukemia survivor, in remission now for 20years! (He’s now 30) While he is in good health now, the chemo has killed his sperm count. He produced little to none, and he takes testosterone shots every other week. That’s not all. Bc his treatments were done in the early 80’s, his blood transfusions were not clean. He got Hep. C from the blood. This makes it even more difficult for us to try, in fear I may get contract it.

    So I already know, that moving forward is an up hill battle. Up until now I was too young to think about having kids. Now that we are about to be married, the idea of starting our own family appeals to me. I guess you could say i’m starting to get the “itch”. So I stand here today thinking, am I about to walk down the isle, to a life of bitterness? Will I someday resent the man who I rush home to see today? I can’t even entertain the idea of not sharing the rest of my life with him. But apart of me is scared that we are doomed. I’m scared of trying various treatments and failing. I’m scared.

  • jdw

    I feel that there is still hope for me after reading all the comment. We are TTC for about 7 months now and still nothing. I just keep on telling myself that the doc said that it can take up to a year to conceive. I was just so dissapointed last month when i went to the gyni and all he had to say was “keep on trying”. NO questions about how, when, or what. Well so all we do is keep on trying as we are both very healty and everything seems normal.

  • Zara

    I am 22 years old and my husband and I have been trying to conceive since we got married almost a year and a half ago. I want a baby so bad but it’s just not happening. I started taking vitex to regulate my hormones but it seemed to stop working. Ugh!! It’s just so frustrating when you want something so bad but you can’t seem to get it. My husband really wants a child too and we know he isn’t the problem since he had no trouble conceiving his child with his ex-wife.I still have hope that it will happen one day soon.

  • bb

    Thanks for your article. It’s powerful for women like us.

  • Cheryl

    I am 41, married 16 years. Husband is 51 and I found out he never really wanted children and has never talked about them. I naively have stayed and feel I have wasted my life with him. I feel cheated and very very sad that I have never conceived or had an accident. Like an earlier post I too feel like one day I am going to commit suicide as no one tells you when you walk down that aisle that you will never be a mother. If you have children, I envy you. You are so blessed.
    I have all the money in the world, travelled to the most wonderful destinations overseas twice a year. I would trade it all just to hear someone call me mom…………

  • Venessa

    WOW!!! i soo know how u ladies and men feel…it’s weird to say but my family is so used to having pregnancies at a young age!

    I have been trying to get pregnant FOREVER!!! And i am tired of crying at night, feeling depressed, confused, and hate towards myself. My husband has had a child before i met him, a little girl! Everytime i see pictures of her it hurts and whats worst the mother uses her against me saying, “HAHA, at least i can get pregnant and you can’t!” That hurt soo much! You have no idea! I wish i knew how to deal with the pain but i have stopped using condoms..i hate birth control pills..i have been taking prenatals i even have been losing wieght and eating right!
    I pray every morning and night that God would give the best blessing ever! And i hope he hears me…

    My older sister had 4 babies between the ages 15 – 20 yrs old and my little brother had just 2 babies and hes married and hes only 17 yrs old!!! So now it’s just me and my lil sister..my sister well she doesn’t want kids soon because she’s young, but me i am really ready! Yet nothing has come up! My parents try to comfort me and my siblings but its no use…even my husband says it’ll happen soon you just wait and see….

    how do you all overcome that you have no children at all?

  • Alix

    Hi all, i’m a young girl, 18, but i want to have a baby. I’m not trying to get pregnant but i’ve also never used protection with my boyfriend. I probably sound stupid and stuff because i am so young, but i know how it feels. I have this instinct that later in life there will be a reason i cannot have kids, maybe cancer, maybe a car crash i don’t know, so i feel like i would need to have children very young if i want them at all. If i knew for sure i could have kids later i would wait. But just like the rest of you, i’m not able to get pregnant, we believe it’s because of my boyfriend because he had testicular surgery 2 times as a baby. It could also be my body because for the last little while i’ve been getting one period every three months. The doctors say there’s nothing wrong with my hormones, and my boyfriend still after 3 years has not gotten fertility testing done. As i said i would wait if i knew i could have kids later, but i just don’t know, and it kills me. Not to mention my mother hit menopause at 38 years old, and i fear i’ll hit it even younger. When a woman turns 30 her chances of conceiving are cut in half, i feel like i’m racing the clock even though i’m young.

  • Kelly

    I am 32 and my husband and I have been ttc for 10 months now. I am ovulating every month but nothing is happening. I just found out the cost of fertility treatments today and broke down crying. The expense is overwhelming.
    I always thought that it would be easy to get pregnant since it seemed easy for everyone else. This whole experience has been completely frustrating but I have not lost faith. I was searching the internet for someone with a similar story and I was so happy to find this website. I don’t have anyone in my life who has been through this and it is really comforting to hear everyone’s story.
    I have faith that I will get pregnant or adopt a baby of my own. I have decided that I can’t beat myself up over something that I can’t control. I love my husband and our life together. I am not less of a woman if I can’t get pregnant.

  • Soon-to-be…

    Cheryl, you said “no one tells you when you walk down that aisle that you will never be a mother”.
    What if someone did. What if you knew before hand what you were getting into. How should someone handle that.
    I am going to get married soon, and I am very nervous bc I know we can’t conceive naturally. Our only options are using a sperm donor or adoption.
    But what if you were told before hand, that having a child naturally would not be an option. Would that change anything?

  • Sanya

    Hey, I had 2 miscarriages last year and now I am trying to get pregnant.No luck so far. I married my Iong time sweet heart and we are so much in love with each other. I am hypo thyroidic so Im taking pills for that. I’m on progestrone too. I am a strong believer in God so I think if I m not able to have kids then it is his wish. How do we know that every woman he makes his for to have babies? He might have some other noble intentions with our lives. He might consider us special. If I am not meant to be then I am not meant to be whatever happens. My sis has 2 kids and she is pregnant with the 3rd. I don’t have any bad feelings for her ( I pray to god a lot tht I shudnt feel jealous of her) coz she is made for that. She is envious of me coz I have a great career. I hope women who are able to have kids understand the importance of it. Maybe our purpose in life is to give life to other children who is needs great love and attention. Maybe the purpose is to make money and enjoy our life to the fullest. These are the things I tell my heart when I’m really depressed. Most times it works. Let us not get disappointed and believe what happens is best for us. God should know better about us. Good luck to all who are trying including me!

  • Glenn Contrarian

    Sanya –

    My wife had two miscarriages before we had a child. The second miscarriage was due to misconduct by the civilian hospital. We could have sued – but we didn’t. It hurt too much. The child was five months along when the miscarriage happened.

    But I’d like to share a different story. We had a nurse named Maria who was working with our medically-fragile Foster children. She couldn’t get pregnant. She and her husband had tried for ten years with no luck. I didn’t know the specifics of it, but I think that what she needed was either in vitro fertilization or some kind of minor surgery that was not offered in America. Either way, she either couldn’t get it here or she couldn’t afford it.

    She flew to Thailand, had the procedure that she needed, and now she’s got a little boy that’s probably five years old. This is called ‘medical tourism’. Mind you, it’s not for everyone. But if you’re comfortable with overseas cultures, it’s a real option.

    My sister-in-law works in the fertilization clinic in the best hospital in the Philippines. They do this kind of thing very often. If you do consider medical tourism, I strongly recommend the Philippines because almost everyone – and ALL of the professionals – are fluent in English. It’s a required course in grade school, and all college instruction is required by law to be taught in English.

    And for the cynics out there who may be reading, no, I’m not advertising or angling for personal benefit. I’m just presenting an option that someone may not have heard before.

  • http://www.facebook.com/priscillaborkor prissyb

    OMG I’m 21 and my husband turns 23 in 1 week. We have been trying to get pregnant for the past 7 months, and that just seems like it can’t happen, I’ve been having hot flashes soo bad that I can’t sleep at night sometimes, but what I don’t understand is that I have regular periods and because of bad finance we are not able to go see a doctor. Can some one plz tell me what is going on hels soo frustrated my husband lost both parents at a very young age and has no family besides me so starting our own means a lot to us. But anyway ladies just remember to keep God first, and all other things will be added onto us. God Bless

  • http://www.maskedmoviesnobs.com El Bicho

    what a scary thread. if you are under 30, you shouldn’t be having kids. please rethink it

  • Cheryl

    If i knew before I got married that I might not have child then right now I would say I would not have married him. Hindsight is a great thing…. If I could not have children naturally I would have tried to adopt as I was still young then.
    If I were younger I could adopt however where I live in Australia adoption is very very very hard and strict. The Australia Govt do absolutely nothing to encourage it’s citizens to adopt. I would have adopted a child from overseas if the govt made the process more accessible. Australia has the lowest rate of adoption in the developed world and there were 270 last year including international adoptions. One parent has waited 16 years and by then will be considered too old.
    http://www.perthnow.com.au/news/breaking-news/fear-racism-prevent-easy-adoption-says-deborra-lee-furness/story-e6frg13c-1225798230087

  • Soon-to-be…

    I’m sorry to hear how difficult it is to adopt in Australia. I can’t imagine how frustrating the process must be, and how that must take a tole on so many relationships. I should be more positive that is still a possibility for us. Actually, I did have a conversation with my other half and we both think we want to try finding a sperm donor. Adoption is so expensive, It would take us years to come up with the funds for that.

    But what I think I got from you post was that if you had other options, you would still have got married. Its the idea of knowing you would have no children that would of made you rethink getting married. Right now for me, the hope of finding a sperm donor is keeping me here. Thank you for sharing with me, Cheryl. I appreciate your honesty and I hope everything works out for you.

  • Lynn

    Hi, I am 25 years old and I have been married for three years. We are actively ttc. I know all to well about the tears I shed every month when I find I am on my period. Its comforting and sad to know that I am not alone in this, that other people are experiencing it as well. I too have gone to the dr, and everything was supposidely fine. Same with my husband everything was good. I had a miscarriage when I was 19 with an ex, so they said concieving shouldnt be a problem. So the bouts with the dr about 2 years ago we tried clomid for a couple cycles and it still didnt work. I have no clue as to why I am not getting pregnant and neither do my doctors. This past month I was 5 days late and when it did come it was 4 days what its normally 7-8. So sometimes it feels like Karma is playing a huge trick, it really feels that way. I can’t wait til I can find out what really is going on with my body and why I cant get prego.

  • gloria

    kindly advise on what one can try in this situation.its kind of frustrating.im scared my hubby might not have the patience bcoz i see the signs.good lucky

  • kemmi

    Hey my name is kemberlee and I’m 20 yrs old I have had sex 15 times and I’m not pregnant yet its so depressing I hate dis

  • Nimco

    it happy to me and sometime i Don,t sleep at night.I feel you. Did you any thing, I can do?

  • gloria

    i got married last year in july.i have atctively been ttc but in vain.i have a friend who got married before me and she has also failed.good lucky to everyone it gives me comfort to see that am not alone.pliz send more encouraging words and whatever you are trying on so that i can also try.

  • jamie

    I know what your going threw i have dried everything to become pregnant the fertility pills dont work .I feel like what i could have wrote my self i say the same things all time time that you wrote about..I just dont understand how good people have such troble ,but all these crack heads haveing kids its just not fair or right but that life for you..I try to be possiive and prey all the time but im just so tired of being disapointed.

    i wish you all the best

  • star

    hi its so comforting reading all these articles with women who share the same agony. i too have been married for 6 years and ahs been trying to get pregnant for 4 years now. its hard i know…harder for me cause besides from all my friends getting pregnant evry month, i am a labor and delivery nurse in a local hospital here in our community. my god! i cry everytime i deliver a new baby..i always wonder teen agers, mom’s who are using drugs, can get pregnant easily and they dont even take care of themselves…and here i am done laparoscopy, lots of clomids and injections..and still no luck…my husband is very supportive but my body clock is ticking…im 38 now and the chances of getting pregnant is way way far far impossible now…i hope all of us women would be granted just even one normal healthy baby…as i’ve always prayed at night to GOD…good luck girls…baby dust to all…

  • Idongesit

    A woman can cause in self not to be pregnant, a man can also be a prpblem of making is woman not to be prepnant, but all God made someone pregnant, that means is u need a child or children pray to God first and all thing will be possible, becos with God all thing are possible, pregnant come unexpected, when u do not think of,

  • thameena (precious)

    Hi Kate,
    I hope by now, God gifts you with one of the most happiest of His blessings, if not- hopefully in the near future.
    I am also 3 years into my marriage-and so far nothing as of yet. But there is always Hope as long as you dont despair.
    I hope God bestows His blessings on all of those longing for their own. and He knows when it is the best time. We may not understand why, but He always does what is best for us.
    My husband’s twin brother (who got married at the same time as us) has a baby girl- and I know it pains my husband to notice that we do not have one yet.
    My aunt was married for 10 years till she got her first child- all Praise to God- she has now been blessed with a boy and a girl. She had adopted my other aunt’s baby for a couple of months- and soon to her amazement and joy, she found out that she had conceived too.
    another friend of mine, married for 7 years- had tried everything she possible knew she could- then gave up on all the medical approaches, and turned her face to God and within a short span- she got pregnant- she now has 2 daughters as well..
    so never fear that it is too late- you are still young, and if you have firm faith in God- believe and trust that He will always do whats best for us!
    do include me in your prayers too :D
    lov thameena (precious)

  • mee

    can someone help me here? my wife nd i have been having sex for we got married now 3-4 years and she is not pregnent. can something be wrong with one of us?
    [Personal contact info deleted]

  • Mandy

    hai friend, don’t i am also going on same problem.

  • Tamara

    im 19 my b/f is 18 i want to have a child so bad that it kills me inside it kills me even more knoing that we have been trying for about 2or 3 years now and well nothing i hate seeing all these young girls out here preg. and me sitting back holding the tears inside because its not me, right now im trying so hard to hold them in because i want this more then anything my boyfriend says he does to but when i talk to him about it i dont think that it bothers him that much i really think that it me that why i cant get preg. but i boyfriend had sergey on his testacols in i think 2006 or 2007 he had to have on removed but people even docters always told me aslong as he had at least one we were fine but somethings not right!!!!!
    i get on the internet trying to find a way to get preg. faster or find a way to to figger out what we can do to have a baby but there nothing that had helped us yet! :(
    I cant stand going through so much pain anymore i really want to be seen by a docter but i dont want them to look at me like “Why your to young?” what can i do

    Send me somthing to do or work with i really need any help that you ladies with babys can help me with im asking from a mother to want to be mother can u please help me!
    God bleased you mothers out there i want to be bleased aswell!

  • Tamara

    My Boy friend is almost 19 im almost 20 we have been together for 4 years and engaged for 3 years i really dont care if you all think were to young were ready ready as well ever be

    i thought i would add that i wrote the one @ the top as well!

  • Tamara

    All I want is to here the word Mommy!

    You mothers that had the same problems pleas message me and get me some pointers or tips on what i can do!

  • http://www.maskedmoviesnobs.com El Bicho

    if you are under 20, you shouldn’t be having kids. please rethink it

  • Tamara

    Mandy!
    What U mean Dont? Dont What?

  • ira863

    im sorry you guys feel so depressed i was just wondering is it you guys or have your husbands got checked 2 i had a friend who was married to her husband since 18 they tried 2 get pregnant but nothing then they got divorced 13 years later he never wanted to get checked she remarried and walla 6 months later she was pregnant so make sure its not him 2 dont give up hope good luck and god bless you

  • RyAnne Sterling

    I would say that I know what your going through but I dont. I do have one child. I got pregnant in high school, and I am happily married to the same guy that got me pregnant. Well our little one was one we decided to have another so they weren’t so far apart, we’re finacially stable so why not? It has been nearly a year and still nothing. It’s so disappointing and I feel horrible. Im anxious all the time and I feel cheated. Sometimes I think maybe I dont deserve another one because of how my first was concieved. I have gone to the doctor and he says everything is fine, that nothing is wrong, which makes it that much worse, because everything is so unexplained.

  • Didi

    I am 34 years old and childless. I met my husband in college and we dated for 14 years before getting married last year. I tried to do everything to please my parents and keep my family’s honor – so I never tried to get pregnant until we got married. Now, 8 months later, we are still unable to conceive. I know my cycle like the back of my hand. I experience very strong mittelschmerz so I can tell exactly when my egg is released. I am very in tune with my cervical positioning and mucus. My periods are regular but I do take levothyroxine for my hypothyroidism. Months ago, I decided that it was time to see a fertility specialist. Since then, I’ve been subjected to all kinds of tests – various blood tests, hysterosalpingogram, pelvic ultrasound, and I’ve had to urinate in a bucket for a full 24 hours – everything is normal. My job is very stressful and last month, I decided to start taking my lunch breaks and not stress – because my job doesn’t dictate my life. I’ve been eating fruit and more vegetables but nothing seems to help. I play indoor soccer but I’ve decided to take some time off to see if my body needs a break.

    I know the feeling of wanting a child so badly – I can barely explain it. I am a very logical person and I know that we are overpopulated and there are so many children that already need good homes. I obsessed over adopting for a long time only to find out how difficult it really is to adopt. Foreign countries have different requirements and there are more 18/19 year old children in the U.S. looking for adoption than babies. After researching for months, I discussed it with my husband who is dead set against adopting. He says that he “doesn’t want someone else’s problems.” I am heartbroken – because if I am infertile, he has basically dictated that I will never be a mother. Everyone tells me that I need to be a mother. And relatives are starting to ask questions. People around me are having babies and, just as many of you, I smile and hide my envy and frustration. Again, I tried to honor my family and I waited until I married before trying to get pregnant. And now, part of me wants to blame them for making me wait until 34. I know it’s my fault – I know it’s my husband’s fault for waiting this long before deciding to get married.

    I have not lost faith in God. I feel like everything happens for a reason – this is my struggle and there is a reason for it. I am trying to keep positive – it’s only been 8 months and some of you have been trying for years. Good luck to you all. God Bless.

  • Kate

    hey everybody,

    thanks for writing these comments and the story in the first place. it’s helped tremendously to see I’m not alone in this.
    all around me my friends have babies, their second ones even. they decide to have children and whoop, it works. My husband and I have been trying for over a year now. I pretty much know every little thing about this and cannot understand why it won’t work. I have always known i wanted kids … even when I was 15. i was just waiting for the right guy to come along. two years ago, I my husband and knew he was it. since we are both not the youngest, we started pretty soon to have a child. and whatever we do, it has not worked. almost every week though I hear from my friends, that they are pregnant. and usually burst out crying. and I’m honestly happy for them.
    I feel so helpless. the more I want it to happen, the more it eludes me. and what makes matters worse: I’m 35 and feel like I’m running out of time.
    I hope and wish for all of you out there that would like to have a child, to be blessed with one …

    thanks for sharing …

  • Gloria

    Hi I am from India.I got married while I was 29. I decided to wait a year before i get pregnant as it was an arranged marriage and i wanted to know my partner better. Its been two months since i am trying to get pregnant and its driving me crazy. I am scared. I dont want to put my body through those multiple tests and fertility treatments. Infact I am pretty ok if i dont conceive. But i love my husband and he wants children. I have decided to go in for a divorce incase I dont get pregnant as i dont want him to have an unsatisfactory life. I know i am getting too worked up too early but I have seen what happens to people who try and get bitter for not having babies. Right now i am just shit scared.

  • Mr. Not Here

    My wife is 42. She got pregnant and miscarried two years ago and we’ve had no luck since. We’ve seen fertility doctors and they didn’t give us any hope outside of a donor egg and IVF. She’s been taking traditional Chinese medicine for many months now. Nothing has happened. She doesn’t want to adopt and doesn’t want to do IVF, which is probably just as well because we can’t afford either. Which means, in reality, we probably can’t afford a kid in the first place (a sobering reality that has been inescapable to me). It’s been a hard couple of years. I never particularly wanted a kid before all this drama started happening, but after the miscarriage, I regretted being less-than-excited about what I thought was a foregone conclusion on me becoming a parent. Since, then, I’ve struggled with all kinds of guilt: Guilt for waiting so long to marry my wife and for dragging my feet on wanting to have a kid. I mostly feel bad for my wife who would be a great mother and who is a wonderful person, as, I’m sure, are all of the women writing on this thread. Anyway, I think it’s pretty much case closed for us in the baby-making department, but my wife has a positive attitude and has decided to keep trying no matter what. I decided a few months ago that I’ll support her the best way I can, but inside I’ve accepted it’s just not to be and I try not to dwell on it too much. I still do think about it from time to time and that’s why I’m here writing this.

    I’m not Dr. Phil or Dr. Laura, but I think I have a few insights after going through this journey. One thing I’ve come to terms with is that there is more to life than having a kid. Talk is cheap in this regard, but it really is true. Having a kid will not solve any problem other than the dilemma of procreation. Parenthood has to be a wonder, no doubt, but it is not the totality of any one person’s existence, or at least it shouldn’t be. If this door is closed, go find the one that is open and try to make things good for yourself and others. If that doesn’t help, then consider that life isn’t fair and never has been. Some people win big with kids while others get snake eyes. That’s just how it goes. Get some perspective on your situation. If all that is wrong is that you can’t have a kid, then really, you’re pretty well off. If you are able to read this, then realize a huge chunk of Earth’s population would likely trade places with you in heartbeat because they live in a oppressive rat-hole with no hope of changing their fate. What has helped me tremendously is to have a sense of gratitude for what I do have. I am thankful I have my wonderful wife, a job, a home and my health. It is easy to feel sorry for myself, for my wife and anyone who can’t have a kid. I certainly sympathize with those struggling the same way we are, but I also think at some point you just accept it and move on. Hope is a great thing, but it’s important not to get delusional – and there is often a fine line between the two.

    Good luck to all those trying – but don’t forget to enjoy life despite your hardship. There is always a silver lining to the dark cloud.

  • Karen

    I really liked what you said “Mr. Not Here”. and its true that there is “more” to life than having a kid. I’m 26 years old…and yes…many may say…you’re too young to feel old….but I’m married, have a successful job, home, and my health……..I just think there is more to life than just having kids…..some people are lucky in having kids…..but others are lucky for all the other things they have in their life……I’ve come to terms as well……if it happens it happens….but if it doesn’t…..then there are other things to look forward to!!

  • Mr. Not Here

    Karen, thanks for the vote of solidarity. I have my moments where I really do despair about not being a father – usually as evening falls or early in the morning – when I am most vulnerable, I guess. I go through a cycle where I get really bummed about perceived missed opportunities or bad choices I’ve made. I then wonder how I can live the rest of my life with this gigantic regret. I have to whip out the list I wrote above and force my self to focus on something else in order to break the gloom. It becomes a matter of will, and the more I exercise my mind to see the positive, the easier it becomes. I don’t ever expect the feeling to go away entirely, but I have decided to not let it own me.

    It’s very easy to see parenthood as the single most important event in one’s life – and it certainly is momentous, that’s for sure. It’s difficult not to focus on this one issue to the exclusion of all else when you realize time is not on your side. I wish things were different for me, for you and for everyone who is dealing with any reproductive issue and I’m glad what I wrote has brought you some comfort. In your particular case, I would think there is still time for things to work in your favor and hopefully you’ll have what you want. The fact it might not come easily or when you might want it, will probably ensure you truly value the gift you might receive. Remember to laugh and smile and enjoy the good and I’ll do the same.

  • amber

    i am 27 and have been with my husband who is 26 for nine yrs, married 1 1/2 of them. we never tried not to have kids we just thought it will happen when its supposed to. i was eager to try around the age of 21 but he wasn’t yet. we still did nothing to stop it from happening. around three yrs ago i started to wonder in the back of my mind if something was wrong because not a thing would happen, my period came like clockwork each month. did not question it too much as i did not have good ins and was too embarrased to tell anyone, i did bring it up w/one gyn but he said i was young and not to worry about it,in hindsight that makes me furious because he blew me off and at that moment i could have started on my quest to get answers. i am ashamed that i waited sooo long to figure out what is going on. now years later i feel like i am running out of time and i feel like i have anxiety attacks all of the time. we found a good young obgyn last yr and he has been doing everything in his pwr to help us out , i have had the clomid, htcz shots , and just went though my second iui that in the last couple of days was unsuccessful. it is the worst feeling. having to hear about relative and coworkers getting preg in the time that we have been paying for fertility treatment is anguishing. i counted seven girls around me getting preg just within the time we started trying hard to get preg. today i almost started balling and getting extremely upset at work after a coworker had to give every detail of her new baby’s day… i feel like i am losing my mind. i just want this to end and wonder when this hellish tunnel will end

  • poorwoman

    Hi i have been married for nearly 8 yrs now. We had been trying to get pregnant untill my husband had his sperm analize. And the result came AZOOZPERMIA. I am in so much despair. Since i dont want people including my family to know about my husband inability to have babies. I am dying inside. Since we cannot afford to have any kind of treatment. I also went through polysystic ovary syndrome biopsy.
    I just wish there was a Clinic that offers free infertility treatment to infertile couple.
    I am so much frustrated and despair. Sometime i feel like killing my self but to coward to do that. I am 33, i come from asian backgroung. People call me names for not having baby. People always come up to me tell me to visit temples, priest, or take fastning on gods name. There is so much inside me that i can tell no one. Some time i want to scream so loud.

  • another poorwoman

    Hi i’ve been married since 17 yrs.now i am 41 yrs old.though no probs in my ovulation,my husband has got low counts and also not much crazy on having babies.he just takes life as it goes.not much bothered in love or lust… i dont want to worry our kith and kin and waiting silently with prayers and wishes for some miracle to happen,a soul to call me mom

  • K. P.

    my husband and me have known each other since i was 9 and i am now 20 years old and we have been married for going on 3 years but have been together for going on 4 years and have been trying to conceive for a while and we are now going through fertility treatments and i am extreamly nervious and my husband is afraid i’ll hate him if its his fault but i dont and i dont think its selfish at all to want to have a kid and my husband and me have considered adoption but do u know the costs and years it can take to be able to adopt. its more then having a kids naturally. i completely feel you on wanting to have kids.

  • Erin Connell

    I didn’t read all the articles written, but I can relate to many things said. My husband and I have been married for six yrs. and are deemed not fertile by the drs. Only my husband was tested due to me not wanting to pay the amount of money to have myself tested. Anyhow… we decided to let God decide the fate of our family and are now in the process of foster to adopt. My in laws adopted this way and it didn’t cost them as much as the other adoption methods. In fact they were paid up until the time she was adopted. It is risky in the even they are allowed to go back to their parents. My husband and I are in the process to do this and are very excited about the possibilities. We also do not have 25,000 to spend on adoption. We feel that God builds families no matter whether they are biological or adopted and HE has the perfect family picked out for us. I even feel more special that God has chosen us to take care of other people’s kids, ones that need a second chance and someone to love them.

  • NIKITA

    HI MY NAME IS NIKITA I HAD ACHILD SEVEN YEARS AGO AND HE IS HEALTHY AND HAPPY BUT IVE STRUGGLED TO FALL PREGNANT EVER SINCE IVE BEEN TO THE DOC ,STILL AWAITING RESULTS BUT IM FINDING IT SO HARD TO REMAIN POSSITIVE IM HOPING THAT I HAVE NOT ALREADY GONE THROUGH MENOPAUSE I AM ONLY 24 AND IVE MISSED MY PERIODS OVER 1 YEAR NEED HELP OR ADVISE.

  • Danielle

    Ladies, I have visted this site frequently. I was really depressed for b/c we were trying for long and were not getting pregnaunt..it got to the point where it really changed my personality. I finally learned to let go and let fate happen. I was going to have my hisband and I tested after I got my period this month. This Monday I got a positive result. I really feel like the less you stress about the situation the more it will work in your favor. I really wish all of you the best and my prayers are with you! Din’t give up if its something you want just dont make it rule your life or take away your joy about other things!

  • Tara

    Hi Kat

    I write as a 37-year-old woman who has been hoping to conceive since my early 30s. Yes, I left it late, but I was not financially secure enough to feel I could do it until then. (I had been a struggling actress in my early-to-mid twenties, and by my early 30s, I had been in full-time employment for 6 years, and was in a steady management job.)

    Anyway, my husband and I have been through IUI 3 times and are now considering IVF, but it’s got to the stage where it’s affecting our marriage, so I don’t know where we will end up. I will just have to take the ride and see. I am not ‘obsessed’ with being a mother either. It’s just something I thought I could be, and now I am not sure if that’s the case. If my husband and I don’t conceive, we’ll weigh up all sorts of things, but if he wants to be a dad that much and doesn’t want to adopt, then I guess we have to look at our relationship again. So even without being ‘obsessed’ with being a mother, unexplained infertility has had a major effect on our lives.

    I would say to people like Dennis that (certainly in the UK), applications for adoption are extremely trying, with a high level of intrusion into one’s life and no guarantee that you will be ‘approved’ at the end of it (often to do with earnings, health, weight, sex life, or age) so it’s not that easy to solve the ills of an over-populated world through adoption. Unless you go abroad and buy so-called orphans, of course…that casts a lot of money and brings its own ambiguities and accusations of ‘selfishness’.
    Equally, we could all say ‘don’t bring kids into this this world where they will be doomed to die horribly from the effects of war or climate change’ – but we are not seers. Who’s to say one of us won’t give birth to the next Einstein, or a Nobel Peace Prize winner – someone who ends up saving lives through negotiating peace, or through inventing scientific solutions? We cannot simply stop procreating because we think we know best for future generations. We can only attend to what we can do to help those causes in other areas of our own lives.

    So, Kate. Good luck. I am sure you wish me luck too. But life won’t end if we don’t become parents, so it’s not the end of the world.

    TP, London, UK

  • brokenhearted

    Hello, i’ve been trying to get pregnant for about a year now and nothing i was told i had one chemical pregnancy which makes things worse my OBGYN is useless all she says is good luck so i made the decision to get a new doctor im to the point where i am tired of trying i dont want to get my hopes up anymore becasue each month i get my period its coming for sure it never fells i just never knew it would be so hard to get pregnant and have a baby i am so bitter nothing helps anymore not encouraing words i mean nothing i try not to think about it but i keep having these dreams about me being pregnant and giving birth and having children and they seem so vivid until i wake up WHY ME i hate i have to go through this

  • kristen A

    i am a junior in high school n i am dating a guy n me n him want to have a baby when we get older of course …. but idk i just have this feeling that i will not be able 2 become pregnant idk why i feel this way i really really want a baby too. i have been dreaming of having a baby since i was a baby n it is the same for me because my sister has had 2 babies in the last 2 years!!!!

  • Doris

    Hi kate,
    Thank you for your website. It has really encouraged me a lot.In similar situation.Happilly married for 19years, gone through all medications,surgeries, two IVF’s still no progress.We have learnt to encourage ourselves because nobody would encourage you.Keep on trusting, do not give up hope, give thanks to God and believe that one day God would make it happen.Do not harm yourself, if there is life , there is hope. I turned forty-three years last february and my hubby would be forty-five this June.Dont worry, be happy.Keep praying.

  • kelly

    so what is polycystic ovarian syndrome? Because apprantley I have that…..

  • 1c?PCOS

    Kelly – I have PCOS as well…. it’s far too complex to explain here. Can I suggest that you check out Wikipedia or the PCOS society (good website).

    Kate – thank you for your honesty about infertily and the pain that is associated with it. As much as others try to understand (and I do appreicate their efforts and consideration) unless you are actually walking in the shoes I don’t think that it’s the same. It’s not even about the baby… and I think that that’s were a lot of the misconceptions lie…. it’s about the child. I could do without the diapers and midnight feedings and all the tedious tasks…. I desperately want to teach somebody about things that I’ve learned, to relish in their sucesses, to have a converstation with my growing up too fast child…. that’s what I’m afraid of missing out on. It’s not a baby…. it’s the person that I miss even though I don’t know them.

    The bitterness is an awful feeling… so disabling. Bothe of my younger sisters are pregnant now….. I break down in tears after ever visit with them. I can’t even maintain a relationship because I don’t feel worthwhile enough for someone… why would they want to be with me when the type of guy that I like is one who enjoys family and wants kids…. when I can’t give him that? It’s a really delicate and difficult mindset to tip toe around.

    Again – thank you for your honesty!

  • Brett

    @ Dennis – What is wrong with you? You know that one thing that you want more than anything in the world? I hope someone tells you that you’re a stupid and horrible person for wanting it. You are obviously a person that is incapable of any empathy for other human beings regardless of the topic. I hope you take your own advice and never reproduce, because its soulless people like you who beget a disturbing level of apathy for others’ suffering.

  • http://pooinie.blogspot.com/ A Happy Houewife and A Happy Mom

    Dear Kate,

    I am 36 years old now. I have a 8 year-old girl. I have been trying for 3 years to conceive another child but failed. Yesterday my friend told me that she is going to hospital today to do IVF. Wow.. she is really brave, I thought to myself. So, I searched on the net to find out what exactly the process of IVF, the risk factor, reason for not able to conceive…. I was lead to this website instead.

    Kate, I respect your honesty and courage to face the truth. I had not been talking about this with anybody before because it was not easy to face the “truth”.

    The time I hated most was when people asked, “when are you going to have 2nd baby?” I used to say yes we are trying. After many trial, I just smiled and that was it. I didn’t want to talk about my non-fertility issue. I felt really depressed and I didn’t enjoy other’s empathy.

    To make things worst, I don’t believe in any IVF thing too. I always believe that bearing a child is a gift of God. It is against the nature to make one.

    Until today, I still believe strongly in this. There must be a reason why God gives us a child, why God delay the gift… just that we may yet to find out the reason.

    But one thing I know for sure is I will continue to lead my life fruitfully, happily and be contented with what I have.

    By understanding this, I am not upset anymore. At least if my period comes, I know that menopause is not here yet!

    I am always happy to see people around me getting pregnant and the only good thing I will say is no matter how tough the pregnancy is, remember it is a gift of God. You will be thankful to Him for the pain and misery.

    May God blessed all who have children, who have no children or who have not enough chilren like me.

  • kerry

    hiya my name is kerry i have been trying to get prangent for about a year and 6 months nathing as happend i have been to the doters about this lots of time but it feels like they dont even wanna help me at all all i want is a baby

  • SIrene

    I can relate. I find comfort in God. I have ran through all those emotions. But I know that God will answer my prayers to have a baby someday.

  • SIrene

    God wants the best for us, sometimes it is hard to believe. Trust and have faith that God will bless you with a baby. Note: It is when it is his time, not yours and not a doctors. :)

  • ann

    definetely you will be having baby. donn’t get tensed. Am a late 30s , trying to get pregnant for the last 12 yrs. both of us don’t have any problems. very healthy. but we both are tensed. the reason is that after my marriage my mother-in-law told that i can’t have baby. i was stunned. can you imagine of such comment passed on a virgin on the first week of marriage. years pass by, i pray but am still tensed of the comment. so don’t get panic. try to avoid bad people. may god bless you. please pray for us too

  • eli

    I feel frustruated that i took care of myself for so long buying condoms myself to make sure i did not bring a baby that would not have everything that i wanted to give. I am ready and have read and tried everything. I did the ovulation kits and i felt like i did everything right according to what i read on the ovulation instructions. but nothing and its hard not to feel guilty. i dont feel old i am 27 but still i guess i feel like i should of stoped trying to protect myself from the most beautiful creation God has made. I will not give up, i just hope its not to late.

  • andrea

    this truelt brought tears to my eyes its so true im still going through the bitter feelings ive been trying for two years fell pregnant but tragicaly lost it and that brought my world down. its been a year since i lost and no luck so far i try not to think about it but the day your due you cant help but think of anything else lets just hope we get what we all dream of. xx

  • Lynn

    Thanks for sharing your article. I am too having difficulty having children. I get very depressed whenever i had a negative pregnancy test and really envy & jealous of other women who can get pregnant so easily. I went through a number of tests and each time, i got very emotional. Though i am still not giving hope yet and the path is getting more and more diffcult for me as i have no one to share. All my friends have no problem having children, therefore, they won’t understand what i have went through, emotionally and physically. I really wish one day, i can come back to this blog and tell you, that miracle does happen…For now, i am not pregnant!

  • Rebecca

    Hi everyone.

    First of all, i would like to say thank u for this site, it brings great comfort to me. I am 27 years old and have been trying to conceive for almost two years. I have a six year old son with my husband and funny enough, we weren’t even trying to get pregnant when I conceived him so u could imagine the surprise, nervousness and anxiety for us then. Two years after he was born, we decided we did not want to have anymore kids until some time in the future due to the fact that we both wanted to be financially secure when it happens so that we would be able to cater for all their needs and they could have a better life than we did.

    Sounds perfect right? Not so. I think its so ironic that people like us who plan and try to have provisions in place before we decide to get pregant again, can’t while people who could barely affort to maintain one, has many. The funny thing is, that now we both have secure jobs and can afford to have another and it appears to be so difficult. I was so worried to go to the doctor for fear of “bad news”. Eventually I found out I have PCOS. I had to do alot of tests, some of which were painful and embarrassing, but I always tell myself its worth it if it means my son can have a little brother or sister and doesn’t have to grow up alone. Every so often he would ask why god hasn’t put a baby in my tummy yet and it really is heartbreaking because my sisters and friends all seem to be conceiving without any effort at all.

    Every month I go through the bitter disappointment of negative pregnancy tests and each month my husband says don’t worry it will happen when the time is right. I feel so sad that sometimes all I could do is sit and cry. I tried metformin and clomid for six months and still. Did all the possible tests and still. Went through feeling sick, tired, unable to eat, nauseated and still. I feel so inadequate sometimes, since everyone always tells us its time for another.

    It has truly been a relief to write this as I feel my sisters can’t relate to my problem since they are like baby making machines. I can finally let out a long, shaky breath and continue to pray and hope for the best of luck to all the women who are trying to conceive.

    Good luck and baby dust to u all!

  • Angela.

    I have a 6 years old son and had a miscarriage dec. 08, since then I am ttc with no success. Been trough hysteroscopy, laparoscopy, ultrasounds, nothing wrong. Had done treatment with clomid, progesterone and no success. What makes me feel terrible is the fact that I did get pregnant easy but miscarried and could never conceive again. Maybe the surgeries messed with my body or maybe it is not the “right” time. I just wish I could stop thinking about it.

  • Merrissa Waye

    Hi,readin this has left me speachless as i am going thro the same problem i have been with my partner for 7yrs i have always had protected sex before him and now we have been tryin for 4/5 years and i am feeling the same way, i dislike pregnant woman beacuse i cant fall pregnant my friends are all having babies execpt me, i always get the when are you having a baby speech, i am happy for my friends but i also get angry at and then i question myself and ask myself why i am here on this earth i feel like i am just a waste of space as i feel i am here for nothing, it just depresses me my friends and family all say it will happen in due time but i get sick of hearing that as i aint getting any younger, if only my prays would be answered i would be the happiest i have ever been but for now dont think i can.

  • Rasin

    i am also a woman approaching my 30s in the same problem where i couldn’t conceive for
    4 long years and failed. i feel guilty and depressed ,hopeless when i see people my age are moving on with their life and having babies . i would love to have a big family of own one day being an only child i always have missed it … my husband is also waiting every month for me to fall pregnant but disappointed. we have been together for 10 yrs and married for 5 i love him a lots he supports me greatly and loves kids .. i just pray to God everyday to bless us with babies and not to test us anymore in this trying time .

  • Yvonne

    we have been ttc for the past 4 yrs. We are both 31, married 3 yrs., dated 3 yrs. We have tried 2 failed IVF cycles, where one caused me to hyperstimulate & produce 28 eggs and hospitalization for a month. I have just found out in the past month that 2 sis in law & 1 bff are expecting. We have just gone through our 1st IUI cycle on 100mg Clomid- with a failed result- I went through the stages of grief and with the loving and caring husband that I hv, I know I can continue to be strong. We did have one other couple that was going through the same situation as us, but on the 1st try of IVF- have a baby!
    Now, I really feel all alone and My husband & I are well-educated, successful, do right byothers people!
    I pray to God everyday & I thank him for the strength to carry on!
    Do not lose faith and hold on-there is always someone, somewhere working on your behalf!
    Baby Dust to all!

  • hope

    having read this blog all i can say is i pray it works out for you soon, my story is similiar to yours.

    we started trying as soon my husband and i got married, first year passed and i felt awful, all of his siblings and our friends were having children and everyone kept saying it was our turn next.

    we tried temp, natural fertility anything we could do at home, ovulation tracking, doing it every second day.

    by year 2 we felt like it was not going to happen, then due to tragedy in both our families having a baby was dropped to one side to deal with grief and loss.

    for a month or so after the baby topic never come up and we had not bothered with all that stuff.

    when i missed a period i asumed i had forgotten to mark it down on the calender but a trip to the doc confirmed i am pregnant.

    i know this baby is a miracle my husband is trying to wrap me in cotton wool now, our baby is due is a short time.

    i have onw friend who is 3 years trying and says my story helps her believe it can happen, thanks for being so brave and sharing your story.

  • k8e

    I have been with my partner for nearly 10 years, we conceived 7 years ago but i had a miscarriage and to be fair i was only 23 (im now 29, he’s 36) and cash was tight then so i took it as a sign that it wasnt meant to be. We have never used contraception and i have not conceieved since, my partner and i both think the problem lies with him but he has never been to the doctors to check the sperm count as i think he doesnt want to hear that he is unable to father a baby. We have since have a Massive blow by him finding lots and lots of cysts in one of his testis (they have gotten more and worse over the last 3 years and has gone to get it checked out only now) the doctor has said they need to remove his left testicle, and they are also testing for cancer, so now i’m devistated that not only has he a low count but with only one testicle the chances of us having a baby have dramatically reduced. The doctor has said they can freeze some sperm but he needs to get it checked to see how active they are 1st, which he is still quite hesitant and worried. We have thought about IVF but this means using some other guy’s ‘donar’ sperm to help me conceive, and i dont think this is right as it will not be genetically ‘ours’. I hate it when people assume we can have kids and I’m always getting questioned about why i’m not a mum yet and its driving me mad telling them ‘oh i’m not ready yet’ i feel like yelling ‘coz we cant have them. OK!!’ i feel extremely bitter towards people i know who have had a baby (some clearly dont deserve one, my cousin for instance the only reason she knows who the dad is is because the baby has chinese eyes!!) i really dont know what to do anymore and i’m becoming a real miserable scrooge.

  • Gloria

    I know and understand how painful it is to be married and after a year no child.I am also going through the same thing presently.I got married 2008 and still to have a child.But i want to encourage pple out there who want to be pregnant and become a mother to have faith in God and be expectant.

  • Zara

    aww dats sad and i wish you da best in the future. you are frustrated in 3 years, my aunty hasn’t been able to become preganant in the past 20 years..if you have faith then god will bless you with kids..

  • http://www.facebook.com/miraj0 k_cwk

    i have been in relationship for 6 yrs..we jus statring having sex 2 yrs and 3months ago..evrytime no baby..i feel low.. everyone i wrk wit is pregnant or even has children…my boyfriend tells me every mont..I HOPE UR PERIODS DOESNT COME…im only 19 and im strarting to think i only want kids because i think i cant have any =…

  • Desperately Seeking Motherhood

    Hello,

    I totally understand what every women is feeling. I am 25 years old and have been married for four years. My husband and I have been trying to conceive for about 2 years now and nothing has happened yet. There were times when I was so excited because I thought, finally I am about to have my baby but no it was just my body doing its own thing. I have shed so many tears over negative pregnancy test that I am all cried out. When I see women with babies, I try to be happy for them because they have achieved what I want so bad. When I see women or hear about women that do not really care about having kids but yet they are able to pop them out with no problem, it angers me because why do they deserve to have this gift but someone like me have yet to experience this gift, and want to so bad. I have yet to go to the doctor because I do not want to hear bad news which I already feel in my heart, that I would never be able to give my husband a child. I am glad to know that their are other women out there that are in the same boat as me. I feel embarrassed sometimes and less of a woman because I can not give my husband a child he wants. It hurts every time I think about it and it hurts even more when people ask when I am going to have a baby. It seems everyone around me has that joy of being a mother but I am sitting here and will continue to sit here and wonder when it will be my turn or if I will ever have a turn. Thanks for sharing your story Kate.

  • faye c

    hi, i read a few of these. the top one about the over population!!! omg!!! every woman deserves the chance to be a mother. me and my ex have 4 children, and now my new partner and i are trying with out any luck, so i know both sides of this. i wish you all the best

  • fire

    I had overcome the fear by not thinking it about. I watched the Bruce Lee story and I’m fighting back with my mind. I noticed the more I think about it, the more it happenned to me. And that was in the past. When I moved out from my old house to my new house, I haven’t had any experience since then and I was able to sleep well. I’m used to be afraid to go to sleep or to fall asleep. It’s all in the mind. You have to fight that fear!!! I lived in my old house for 12 years and the only time I don’t have sleep paralyses is when I’m sleeping with my kids or my husband, but if I’m alone, it never leaves me alone.

  • Andrea

    I will say this sometimes miracles happen, I didn’t have this problem but some of the people I knew did. My first example is an older friend of mine she is in her 50’s. She had been trying for years to concieve and they told her she couldn’t that their was something wrong. She was severly overweight and had given up on having children she went to have some time of gastric bypass or lap band whatever it was called at that time done, and as they were doing the surgery they saw her uterus was irregular. When she woke up they told her that she might be pregnant and that they were doing blood work. Once the results came back they told her she was for sure and that she should have an obortion because they medicine they used to put her to sleep would leave the baby mentally handicaped. She told the doctors I was told I could never become pregnant so if God put me a baby I don’t care what’s wrong with it I am still raising it hell or high water. Her daughter is now in her 20s married and has a family of her own and in no way handicapped. Then another example is my friends, they are sisters, one is adopted and one is biological but extremely close in age. Once again the mother was told she would never have children, her and her husband had been trying for years and no result. She went through the adoption process, brought her bundle of joy and boom right after that found out she was pregnant. My friends are now close to their 30s and the adopted one is more of a daughter to their mom than the biological one lol, not to say the biological one doesn’t love her mom. So some things happen for a reason and if the doctors can’t find anything wrong with either of you then don’t give up hope, and it could just be the stress of trying.

  • Jess

    I am so thankful I found this article, My husband and I have been married for just over two years and have been trying to concieve for approx 8 months, it’s seems like everyone and their dog is getting pregnant, all of these little 15 yr old bimbos are getting pregnant and having abortions because oops they don’t want them. My cousins are getting pregnant my husbands cousins are getting pregnant and worse than the guilt I feel about not being able to conceive I feel guilty for being bitter and jealous that they can. I am defintely having a poor me moment but I just don’t understand why these girls who are not fit to take care of themselves can get pregnant no problem but couples who are in loving caring relationships have such a hard time. My husband refuses to even consider adoption and I have thought since i was a litte girl that my sole purpose on earth is to be a mother. I do feel desperate, I do feel depressed and to be quite honest i’m pissed off, i’m so sick of hearing that “Oh, we decided to try and got pregnant the first time” good for you, what do you want a medal? Sorry for rambling but it honestly feels so good to vent. Good luck to you all and please pray for me too!!

  • DIxie

    I have had to face the fact that I am barren and will never carry my own child.

    I have had the experience too many times to mention about, “Why don’t you have children.” I have done everything a person can do to conceive. It’s late now.

    I don’t fit in. It’s hard to make friends. Regular people find friends at schools with other parents, they go to games, become involved in activities with other people with children. I am out of the picture. I have had, what I thought were good friends say, ” We don’t have anything in common now that I have the baby or children.” It hurts, I would never say it to them, but oddly enough, I understand.

    Some people assume it’s a selfish, “by choice decision.” The don’t hesitate to slam the hammer down with comments that cut deep, when that is certainly not the case.

    So, I spend my time now, wondering what the future holds. The marriage is a bit difficult without the children. I wake up alone. Spend much of my time alone. I live away from family, husband in the military, no roots, so you can see, it’s lonely. I have done the volunteering, I have done the school, I have worked. I have taken care of my Father in Law, my husband’s Aunt, and now his Mother, is in Nursing. I have lost my Father. I helped my Mother through breast cancer, when she and Dad moved in for seven months.
    I was told later, I did nothing for her.

    I have received the emails from friends that they accidently sent to me, talking behind our back about infertility. I have had the comments from friends and then the “slap over their mouths,” when they realize what they just said and how hurtful it was and insensitive. I don’t think they really care.

    Some guy says, “Why don’t you adopt.?” Why doesn’t he try it? Anyone that has done it, knows what it involves. How about Surrogacy? That’s last on my list and about my only choice now. The person could disappear like a friend’s Surrogate did, along with baby, money, and their heart.
    It’s risky.

    So, what’s it like to be childless? Even animals procreate. It feels like you should be the first one to jump ship, if something goes wrong, what do you have to live for? Why should I be well and a Mother ill? I should die.

    I am oddball. I am different. I feel the pain of empty arms and the sound of nothingness. No little footsteps, no child’s laughter, no hugs, or “Mommie, I love you.” No “needing” by anyone.

    Imagine. Condemn us, say go do this or that, it’s not the worse thing that could happen to you, it’s easy to do something else. You don’t know what you are talking about until it happens to you.

  • Dj

    its so nice to see im not alone..i am 21 years old and have been with jeremy (my better half) for 6 years. we have been trying for a baby for a year now with no luck. every month theres a negitive test, and every month i get that gift iv been dreading. im not sure what i should do. i dont have insurance at the moment (job doesnt have a good plan and it cost an arm and a leg) so i cant go to the doctors. i too am surrounded by friends asking all the same questions “when are u n jer having one”, “pregnet yet?”…it makes me mad i feel as if im being teased. but it does make me feel a tad better knoing there are more like me out there, and i havent lost hope

  • joylin

    hye der..im 21 year old..n i wish to get pregnant after 24 years but i have PCOS so it fine if i get preganant after 24 years or wil there be any complications???pls help

  • claire

    well am in the same boat, been trying for 4 years and nothing, dr says there is nothing wrong with me or my partner. “Eat healthy get more active” thats all i got, am 26 this year and a hate it when ever anyone gets pregnant am very bitter… good luck to everyone.

  • Teee

    In my situation. I have a 6 year old, & that’s my only child. I met a new man and we been together for almost 3 years now & engaged. Me & him been trying to get pregnant for a year and a half now, & still nothing….he said its nothing wrong with him because his ex-girlfriend got two abortions by him, & it can’t be nothing wrong with me obviously I have a 6 year old….but let’s see…if it happens, it happens…if not, its complicated, because we want a baby together too. I truly understand. Because his younger brother is 22 and is on his 2nd child already and my fiance doesn’t even has one….and he’s the oldest out of all siblings. I totally understand where you are coming from, your not the only one that feel the way you feel.

  • Maria

    I am 26 and been married 4 years and been trying for a baby for 6 years now with NO success. I have severe endrmetriosis and hubby has hardly any sperm. We cant afford private ivf and have been waiting on NHS list for 3 yrs and now been told they wont see us because of my hubbys low sperm becuase it would be pointless! So i guess our only option is either surrorgacy with my eggs and a sperm doner ( hubby will not accept a donor ) or adoption which we are in the middle of trying. I still hope one day a miracle will happen, but to be honest i cant see it.All my mates are preg or have kids and i am the only one. I feel so left out. I cant be happy for them and i cant even see them anymore because evertime i do i come home and cry and cry. So i have shut my self off from them.Also everyone in my family is pressuring us and saying when am i gona have grandkids etc, we really do not need this, do they think we are enjoying this after 6 yrs of heartace! Unless you have been through it , im sorry but you have NO idea! x

  • Beth

    Great blog,ignore the weirdo who said you were selfish-obviously just a sick little troll with too much time on his hands.
    Poster 104 said its not fair that “unmarried women & crackheads”can have babies,well excuse me,Im a single woman who desperately wants a brother or sister for the little boy I already have,just because I cant find a man to love me-does that make it any less right that I want a child?NO!
    Unfortunately I now have blocked fallopian tubes due to PID but plan to have ivf in the near future-I wont stop fighting to grab my dream-something you want so much is worth fighting for till the end of time if necessary.

  • vani

    I am also sailing in the same boat and have been trying to have a baby for the past 7 years but in vain. I become very upset and depressed when i hear that someone in my family is pregnant which i cannot digest.
    adoption is not that easy for everybody

  • comcool

    I’m 32, I miscarried last August and since then can’t get pregnant. My sister-in-law is expecting, the whole family knows but they haven’t told us yet. I know that this month is my time:)

  • July

    All the best comcool…
    Fingers crossed for you . Thanks everyone for your honesty. It is comforting (in a sad way) to find that you are not alone when you feel bitter and angry at the way life ytreats you some times. I’m 34 years old and have been ttc for the last 3 years. My sister in law hid her pregnancy from me as well fearing I might jinx her in some way I suppose.
    I must admit I don’t blame her since everyone knows how obsessive I am with this one aspect of my life. I can’t focus on work anymore and life in itself seems a little pointless and dull at the prospect of never having one’s own kids.
    I feel slightly guilty as I know my husband loves children and I feel like I am unable to give him and us what we need… he has enver made me feel that way … yet my guil persists.

    We are going in for an IVF early next month and keeping our fingers crossed. Expensive as it is, I have been saving up for it for the last 6 months which means no holidays for us this year.
    I have enough for just 2 attempts after which I feel like I might not end up in a very good state of mind if it doesn’t work.

    Adoption has crossed my mind but I don’t think it is for me. I’m distraught and increasingly slipping into depression over this. Help !

  • July

    Dear DIxie,

    Please don’t lose heart…. I understand and feel your pain and can relate to a lot of what you wrote. Lost both my parents as well in the same way …. but think of the positives in your life …. And for a change try doing something for you. seems like you have spent all your life caring for others … time you did something just for yourself … after all you deserve it.

  • comcool

    Hello again… I wish us all good luck but I can’t be on this web site any longer. It made me feel better after reading first 10-20 posts but after 400 not any more. Misery likes company so I’m out of here. “Yes Attitude” is what I and every one of you need. So stop complaining, don’t give up and move on!

  • Still trying

    I am 28 and have been with my husband for 11 years, we have also been trying to conceive for quite some time now. While it is sad to hear others frustrations it is also a comfort knowing y
    that other people know how you are feeling. I also come from a very fertile family and this trying to conceive thing is unheard of. We have been quiet about our efforts to family so that they are not getting hopes up every month too – but getting the when ate you having a baby quiz gets old, really old! It seems that people all around me are pregnant all the time they are in unstable relationships, unstable homes, with out income, with addictions and it happens got them. While we waited and planned and no luck… It just feels really unfair sometimes. Best of luck to everyone out there trying. I hope we all get to experience what we have been so patiently waiting for.

  • Nikki T Selfish Me

    When I was younger, I prayed to God that I would never have kids because I basically raised my sisters and we are only 7 years apart. Since then, now that I am all grown up, love kids and want my own; but, unfortunately, I think God answered my prayer. I have been with my boyfriend for 5 years. He has 3 children from a previous relationship. We haven’t used protection since the first year, and absolutely nothing. It drives me insane, I do understand what you are going through. I work for a non-profit, mostly composed of women. Every time I turn around somebody else is pregnant. My little sister, my little brother. Neither of them was old enough, ready, or financially stable, but oops, stuff happens, right? I promised myself that I wasn’t going to anymore baby showers, births, or funerals because I always get depressed when I go to either one of them. I feel guilty because I am jealous, plain and simple. I don’t know what life has in store for me. I’m going to be 28 this year, and I am not getting any younger. I don’t know what to do. It is nice to know that I am not alone. I wish you the best of luck, Kate.

  • Karen

    Hi,
    I’m a 26 year old who is getting married this summer. I’ve always wanted to have children and my fiance finally gave in and we began trying to conceive at the beginning of April 2010. We were one of the lucky ones and magically we got pregnant right away. Unfortunately 2 weeks later I had what I thought was a miscarriage. I went back to the hospital 10 days later with sever abdominal pains, After surgery I was told that I had a very rare abdominal pregnancy (the fetus had attached to the fat in my abdomen) and it had to be removed. I was devasted but happy that they didn’t have to remove my fallopian tubes (they thought it was ectopic when I went into surgery). Needless to say it’s been quite the journey. I’m still recovering from surgery but I’m back to work and feeling a lot better. However, I’m scared. Will this happen again? I want to be a mum more than anything in the world and I’m just so scared that this is going to happen again. There is a 1/10,000 chance of having an abdominal pregnancy and now i’m at a higher risk for both abdominal and ectopic. I just feel like I’ve failed. We’ll try to get pregnant again after the wedding and i will just have to hold my breath and hope for the best.
    Sending baby dust to you all.

  • Nia

    Hi Kate, I’m in a similar situation and really feel for you. As you say some days are good and other really bad. Stick with it and I’m sure you will have a wonderful future. All the best and keep strong

  • Update
  • Rebecca

    Hi everyone.

    So after six rounds of clomid I still havent had any results. I have PCOS but my ovaries are responding to the medication. My husband did a sperm test and the results were perfect. So why??? I am tired of everything…but still hopeful.

    We are going to try Intrauterine Insemination for the first time on the 25th of this month. I hope this works because I am so depressed about the entire situation. I really am trying my best to have faith..but everyday it gets harder.

    Has anyone had results with Intrauterine Insemination? Please help…

    Baby dust and best wishes to everyone..

  • Harry

    Hi Kate, I believe it all comes from the god ,and there is a reason but you don’t know it, might be harmful for your body or your baby , lots of people adopt babies you mention in early post you require lots of money to adopt a baby, In some countries that is over populated people can not feed there babies and you can talk to some one like that.

  • angie

    I am 36 yo and my husband and I have been trying for almost 9 yrs. I have never been pregnant. We tried 2 failed IVF cycles r/t my husband has extremely low sperm count. He had a procedure done where they cut into the testicles to obtain the sperm they needed. The doctor said there’s no reason it shouldn’t work. The dr with sadness in his eyes came to us following the procedure to tell us that there were no sperm at all. He said this had never happened before. He had the typical uncomfortable stance of anyone who already has children and probably wanted to get out of the room but he didn’t. He sat down with tears in his eyes and stared at the floor, not saying a single word. That was the best thing anyone could’ve done. When I laugh, laugh with me and when I cry, cry with me. We were heartbroken…so we decided to try artificial insemination using donor sperm for 3 attempts and they all failed. It angers me to hear women complain about the nausea during pregnancy. I took so many pills and shots until I was nauseaus every day for nearly two years of treatments with nothing to show for it. To make matters worse, we allowed a couple to live with us because the hospitals here are really good for maternity, so while we were being told that we can no longer do IVF due to lack of sperm, our friends who live with us had a healthy baby girl, their second child. She drank beer throughout her entire pregnancy to make matters worse. I felt guilty for avoiding her when she arrived home from the hospital so I approached her to hug her sincerely and congragulate her and she said to me, “I knew none of those procedures would work”. I faked a smile and walked back into my home which I had opened to them in their time of need and cried.
    To make matters worse, the guy that molested me as a child now has five children (including twins) and two adopted children and they say they owe it all to God. I say God had nothing to do with it, no more than he had anything to do with the women who conceive and later go crazy and kill their own children. We live in a world where weeds grow more readily than flowers. Satan exists and I believe he is responsible for bad things. When my husband and I were trying to get pregnant for 4 yrs, my sister in law got pregnant after only a year and told us to go on a vacation and just relax and give up…that’s what they did. I am a nurse. I cannot imagine telling a cancer pt. to go on vacation and just relax and it will all go away. These are medical issues. Just because they have not been identified or because one is told nothing is wrong with them, does not mean there is not a physiological reason for infertility. Drs. were able to identify some of our issues but my heart goes out to those who don’t know why they can’t conceive. I don’t know why the 3 AI didn’t work for us. My programmed response to those who say that relaxing and vacations and not thinking about it worked for them is this: “Yes, that works well for those with mental and psychological problems. I wish we had mental problems rather than physical, we could actually correct that the same way you did.” It’s a bit mean I know but I’m a bit angry and I do not want to hear another person say that they have the answers. Back surgery works for some people but not for others…the same with infertility. People perceive it as a normal part of life and take it for granted. In the midst of my pain following my husband’s surgery, I called a friend and she said, “Some things are just too big for us to have enough faith for.” Faith??? Did the 16 yo girl down the street get pregnant accidently because she had faith? I think not. If God were picking and choosing who he would allow to get pregnant, why people who abuse their children? I believe satan causes sickness and disease, including reproductive problems and I only hope that God will extend His mercy upon me and my husband and all of those who are hurting to heal our bodies so they respond the way He designed them.

  • angie

    I forgot to mention adoption. We tried it once and the mother changed her mind, but thankfully it was after only 4 mos. of pregnancy, so our hearts were hurt less than they would’ve been had we actually seen the baby. However, I completely understood. Yes, she did call us when the baby was almost a year and ask us to babysit for her. I declined. you’ll also be happy to know that the guy with five children came off of welfare for the first time since having them, just in time to adopt their two new little girls…

  • Amanda

    My husband and I have been married for almost two years and believe me when I say that I feel your frustration.

    Before we got married I found out that I was pregnant and was so excited to then find out 3 weeks later that I was having an ectopic! I went through one of the most painful surgeries ever and when it was over an overwhelming fear set in because I didn’t think I was going to be able to conceive.

    A year after we had been married I again got pregnant and had my 2nd ectopic pregnancy in which I lost one of my tubes and went through yet again another terrifying surgery.However this time it was more emotionally painful.

    My husband and I are scared and sometimes give up hope! As a women it seems like the only gift you could give your husband is a child. My husband is very supportive and tells me when it happens it “will”. Sometimes you have to believe that if God put such a pressing desire for us to have children, then it will happen but in his timing!!!

  • jeniffer

    i belive that everthing will happen in it’s own time just don’t give up and don’t give up on your faith because having a child there is always a way ivf, adapstion etc..

  • Tanya

    Over 12 years of a loving marriage and I knew my husband 6 years prior to that. With each person I see getting pregnant or women 10 years younger than I having 2 or 3 children, it kills me. I look and think, I should have children that age now. I have a hard time leaving the house anymore. I have a good heart and wish everyone the best but its killing me to not know why we were never blessed (doctors say there’s nothing wrong with either of us). Last year, we finally decided to move ahead with adoption (costs of adoption kept us from doing it before now). But, we haven’t had luck with that either. I’m starting to feel too old and worried I’ll be too drained from bitterness to be a proper mother. On top of that, I’ve been out of work for 3 years now, which makes me question my existence at all. I feel like a useless burden to my husband. I can’t stand to see how he looks at me – with such sadness for my (our) entire predicament. . . I love him so much I hate being like this. I try not to be, but he knows me too well. Found out last night an old friend’s wife is pregnant. It really burns me up that the last time we visited them, she was smoking pot. I’ve never touched any type of drug, I don’t drink. I eat well. I exercise. Why then?
    Thanks for sharing all your thoughts. Although I feel for each and everyone of you, it helps a little to know there are others out there that understand.

  • April

    My heart aches for all of you. Whether it is because you can not conceive, ectopic pregnancy, or miscarriage. I am 27 y/o and unable to get pregnant either. It is one of the hardest things I have ever had to deal with so far in my life. All I’ve ever wanted was a family. I was in a 6 year long engagement which ended badly. He never wanted kids, yet now he has a beautiful girl with the girl he cheated on me with. How is that fair? Well none of us were ever given gurantees but it is hard to stay positive and strong when everytime you get your hopes up, you get knocked back down. I try not to compare myself to others because we all lead different lives, however this site has opened my eyes and heart to so many people who feel the same as I do. I do believe everything happens for a reason but that does not entitle me to a baby (unfortunatly). I have been with my soon to be hubby for almost 5 years now and he is my everything. We have never used protection or birth control and I even got one of those ovulating kits. According to the kit, I do ovulate. Unfortunatly he has an erectile dysfunction which is embarassing to talk about. He is embarassed to talk to the doctors about it and I’m embarassed to talk to the doctor about it. Especially because we are not married yet. I know it shouldn’t matter but there are a lot of people who judge. After marriage we plan to go to specialist and I know it will be hard for both of us because we are afraid to know the answer. If they even have answer for us. From all the above posts I see the frustration and am a little sad about it. It sounds like a lot of you have been through a lot, spent a lot, and have nothing to show for it.It is hard to get past the whole baby thing and I have my moments but he is always there for me. If I can’t have a baby, it won’t be the end of the world but I know for the rest of my exhistance in this world I will always struggle with depression. It is hard for others in different situations to understand all the heartache, jealousy and turmoil infertility brings. But I beg of all of you to not give up on life itself. I say that because I had also considered suicide once. It’s not worth it. I’m not going to let satan win.We may not get to choose our paths in life but should make the most of it. I say that because I have had several jealous moments and nights of crying myself to sleep, begging, even threatening GOD. Well, obviously that didn’t help so it’s time to live. Sometimes I feel like GOD wants me to focus on others, at least for now. Like my best friend. We are so close in age and we can totally relate. Although she can get pregnant, she can not carry the baby. She is working with a fertility specialist but so far, no go. I know the feeling of being excited and jealous when someone announces they are having a baby. You are so happy for them, but sad that you will (or feel like) you will never experience anything like that. I guess the moral of the story is don’t give up and take each day as it comes. Also, it’s ok to cry. Sometimes that’s the only thing that helps get all the anger and frustration out. If you find yourself crying too much, talk to your doctor, priest or friend.

  • Andrea

    I hope you become a mom soon. I just got married in May and we have been trying since March. To some, it’s not that long, but it’s frustrating. We are just 40 and I hope that’s not too old. I’ve wanted a baby for a long time, but just hadn’t found the right person. I hope it works out for both of us..)

  • andrea

    ok let me see im a 15 year old thats realy curious about this.. how come some girls cant get pregnat is there something wrong with them or what? please answer my question cause i have heard that if u try to get pregat but you cant then you can die. is that true

  • angie

    Does anyone know of a sperm bank who does not require a doctor to sign an authorization form? My husband and I could do an Artificial insemination procedure blindfolded and I don’t want to pay for yet another md visit and have more tests…

  • angie

    Also want to let everyone know my husband was actually excited when I presented the idea to him of fostering or adopting a child with a disability. I would LOVE to put my medical experience as a nurse to use to love and nurture ANY child. Several yrs. ago I mentioned it to my hubby and he wasn’t ready for that as he has a physical disability of his own & found it too emotionally challenging. There is hope after all for those whose spouse is not ready to move on with treatment (in vitro, AI, adoption…)Please pray for us as we look into the possibility of adopting a special needs child. For those who feel they cannot handle that, it might help you to know that my hubby has a rare neuromuscular disease called CMT or “Charcots” disease. He wears braces to walk and has difficulty climbing stairs… Had his parents given up on him he may have ended up in a wheelchair. He has a college degree, owns his own business, and leads a more physically active life than anyone I know. He’s never received one penny of government assistance. His parents taught him to make the most of his life and live to the best of his ability. Every individual is different and there are no guarantees in life, but If you feel that a child with physical special needs is too challenging, maybe this can give you hope if that is all that is available to you. Maybe we are just the parents that child needs to prosper and lead a life full of love…something I’ve been thinking about lately. Thank you all for your prayers & support and for allowing me to vent openly and honestly without fear of judgement!

  • http://rantingaboutrelationships.blogspot.com/ Queen of the Rant

    I have always been worried about this, thanks so much, the comments are very helpful too.

  • California

    Has anyone had a uterus massage from a sobadora?

  • comcool

    (…) Gary & Tony have a baby…

  • Teresa

    Hi Kate,

    I thought I would share my experience here as you have been so kind to share yours. My story is very similair to many, but with a little twist and I am sure that people will have their opinions on my decisions.

    I am now 37 years old, happily married and have like most been trying to get pregnant for over a year. Currently on clomid and the side effects aren’t bad, but the kicker like all of you is the two weeks every month where you dare to hope.

    Unlike many of you I have had a child. I was 18 years old when I got pregnant and coming from a loving family with both parents, even though I wanted to keep the baby, rightly or wrongly, I thought she deserved the same opportunities I had, which where to grow up in a loving family with 2 parents who could give her what at 18 I felt I could not (don’t get me wrong…I wanted to keep her). I always though that I could do it with good consiounce, because one day I would be blessed with children of my own that I could provide for, now that day has come and although my life is very full, my heart breaks just a little wondering if this is my penalty ( and I know it’s not ). I had cancer at 29 years old and have had radiotherapy and tamoxifan (induces menopause) and my husband had testicular cancer last year at 34 years of age.

    I guess we always knew we may face challenges having children and we will live a very happy life if we can’t, but I hope and I pray and I am truly happy for the 6 friends of mine that have all gotten pregnant and had babies since we started trying and the baby showers I have organised and attended.

    I hope we are blessed, no I know we are blessed and I am under no ilussion to how much a child changes your freedom, relationship and life, but we are women and a women’s heart is made with so much love that it is incredibly special to pour that love out and not only creat another person, but create a life where that other person can achieve his or hers wildest dreams.

    Good luck to you all

    Teresa

  • Teresa

    To clarify, I adopted my daughter when she was born. I did not terminate my pregnancy.

    Teresa

  • DONNA

    It is nothing wrong with obsessing about getting pregnant. I’ve have been trying for six months and I can understand what you’re going through. Everyone have things in life that they want and I feel a baby is one of those things that completes many women. I know for me my marriage is great but I still feel incomplete without a baby.

  • Yady

    well to my surprise im 2 months pregnant after a 5 yr journey but i was involved in a car accident and due to that i got prescribed muscle relaxers which i really believe helped me ovulate and help me get pregnant i got pregnant around mothers day and we just couldn’t believe it. but i’ve been watching “I didn’t know i was pregnant” and i noticed the girls on the show got pregnant when on birth control and antibiotics because they both interact and help with the conceiving process. oooh by the way i used my old technique of putting a pillow under my hip to tip my uterus while having intercourse. i hope my suggestion help and dont lose hoopeeee it will happen be patient and try to avoid stress. good luck and god bless

  • Yady

    CALIFORNIA,
    I always wanted to go to one but was always scared, if you think you have a tipped uterus then you should try my method put the pillow under ur hips so the pillow can help lift ur uterus and allow the sperm to go through it. make sure when you notice a clear white mucus coming out it means that your ovulating. have sex every chance you get sperm lives up to 3 days. I’m very irregular and i didn’t get my period for at least 6 months and look at me now 2 months pregnant. good luck and god bless

  • shit

    im so pist of i cant get pregnent iv bin trying naw for one week every night i go find

  • nikki

    Hi Kate I just wanted to know have you had any luck yet. I have been married 4 years and we have been trying that long and still no luck. I took one of those at home fertilty test and it was positive and then I took the at home ovulation test and they were all negetive. I don’t have med insurance so I can’t go to the doctors. I just don’t know what to do at this point. I was pregnant in 2007 but I miscarried and haven’t had any luck since. If you have any advice for me I would love to hear it. Thanks

  • Karen

    My name is Karen and I am 21, I meet my fiance when i was 17. Once i turned 19 we tried to have a baby. I thought it would be no problem because before metting him i had a miscarrage with an ex two months into my pregancy. Miscarrages are comman in my family, but so is fertaily, half of my family didn`t plan to get pregnant, just happened. For the last two years now i have been trying to concive with no luck, at first it didn`t bother me, then after my fiance moved in we started having intercourse everyday and nothing, i was starting to worry slightly i tried many tips, natural remedys counting my ovulations days and even taking ovulations test but they don`t even show that i am ovulating.
    My fiance talked about getting his sperm counted a few times but never gets around to it and always has an excuse when i ask him, i talked to his brother about it and found out that he doesn`t want to find out that he has a low count because he will be embaressed and less like a man. I also don`t want to go get checked because i am afraid to face the truth that i may be infertailty and that there is no way for me to have kids.
    My finace has mentioned about being older and trying to adopt but i know we will never have the money for it.

  • http://beth-rainbowcandy.blogspot.com/ Beth

    Reading your thoughts was like looking in a mirror. I am turing 25 in a couple months, and a few months after that will mark the 3 year anniversary of my husband and I trying to conceive, with still no results.
    Everywhere I look I see babies. First it started on Facebook, seeing people I knew in high school getting pregnant, but now it’s close friends. I’m happy for them, but like you said, jealousy and bitterness are not far behind. My friends are afraid to tell me when they get pregnant, knowing how long I’ve been waiting. People, friends or family, say inappropriate things to me, thinking they are helping, when they are only hurting. “It’ll happen some day” ->YOU DON’T KNOW THAT! “Babies cost alot of money” -> That’s debatable. They can, and you also can find ways to help with the financial burden. None of these things make me feel better.
    I’ve asked myself if God has abandoned me, but I don’t think so, not yet. For now I just have to wait, and pray for the best. I mean, I can’t afford to do anything else, so what else is there?

  • tuyeny

    I have been married for three years now and we are still ttc and we are keeping our heads high. There is a say that what is meant for you, God will not give it away. So we believe that one day, God will answer our prayer. We have gone through treatments and nothing seems to have worked.
    God bless all those who are ttc and answer their prayers

  • Lucia

    Love to all of us, girls! Im feeling your pain too… In fact, I staid at home today as I couldnt face the work..

    It got too much on me… I found love of my life about year and half ago. He became my best friend… After 6 years of abusive marriage (Im still just 29), I was grateful every morning for what I finally have… I’ve always been the type of person who wanted to have children – one day… It was actually my partner who propose us to have a baby together just 4 months into our relationship. I took it as a joke, but suddenly, in a space of literally just a moment, something big happened inside me and bringing new life into this world seemed so right. I never forget the day when I decided I am ‘ready’… I dare to say it was one of the happiest days of my life… It just felt so right to have a baby with this man…

    We’ve been so excited first couple of months. My mum, my sister and even grandmother..they all got pregnant ‘from their partner’s toothbrushes’. My sister got pregnant when she was 18 and being only 9 – the way I understand it at that time was, that my sister just ruined her life… And as I was much more outgoing then her, I spent my teenege years up till I was 28 and made my big decision, trying not to have a baby… Never thought once I will want to be a mum (perhaps better one than my own being an alcoholic), it will never be a trouble and all I went through whole my life, it all had a reason…to make me better person, stronger, so one day I can be a great mum…

    And here I am, 18 months later…never even had a chance to have a feeling of being pregnant, not for a week, not even a day… It hurts..every day. Going through the exams watching more and more babies being born around me. It doesnt make me feel bitter, just very very sad… Maybe its not meant to be..maybe not now… I started taking mild antidepresants again yesterday hoping I will feel better, my depression and anxiety will go away and I will again become positive, happy person that I am…

  • mamtaa

    my husband travels a lot and its even more difficult for us to get the right days to make love (well if you can call it that when your TTC). I have quit my job and go to where ever he is to just have sex… and im still not preg. Today I start feeling my menstrual cramps again.. and I just cried.. and im glad im venting out bere

  • ANNABELLA-ALLEYNE

    HI my name is:Annabella-Alleyne I am 20yrs of age..
    I was 3 went i fough out dat i cant have children i been seein this boy for almost 3yrs and his name is Chalers – divied he always talkin about havin children but it is so had to tell him i cant have children but you know wat i do every night before i go to bed i would look at a star and wish that i can have beautiful children 1èach boy and girl but it burn me on the inside to see some of our beautiful young lady cant have children but please take this from keeep on goin for that dream dont ever give up keep on going for it one day the lord will give and make it better yet just as how you want it so dont give up now that day will come i no it make you very miserable but have fairth within yourslef ……………….
    your friend ANNABELLA-ALLEYNE

  • shirley

    hi..me and my husband got married in nov 2008. We have been trying to get pregnant since then. Now i am still not pregnant but i am not going to give up easily. i want to keep trying with anything and praying harder. anyway, anyone ever tried this suplement: fertilaid.com? i read many positive testimonies. i myself have not tried it but i will try after this but first, i want to try the Noni enzyme. wish me luck!

  • June

    Me and my partner have been together for two years, we have been trying to have a baby for nearly a year now and everytime my period arrives it breaks my heart a little bit more making me feeling useless and thinking there was no point me being put on the earth, alot of my friends and family have had a least one child or more. I have lost weight, started eating alot healthier and changed many of my routines. What am I doing wrong?

  • mandee

    Well its been eight years i know i cant have kids but every month i try and become extremely depressed when my period comes i feel less of a women that i cANT give my husband a son he says thats ok but i see how he plays with his neice and nephews and since im almost 28 now people always ask when are you having kids and i have to pretend i dont care and also act like im soooo excited when someone says theyre pregnant every pregnant tummy i see i cant help but stare and wonder about what they feel cause i know i will never experience it its scary to me because i know i will never feel that joy i try not to be but im mad at God i mean why be a women who cant reproduce and theyre women everyday who abuse theyre children and dont want them yet they can get pregnant wth it just seems so screwed up

  • swedeE

    I guess some of the people on here don’t understand how bad you want a baby of your own, to have life inside you. There is nothing wrong with adopting. But there is nothing like wanting something that is a piece of you. I understand you, I understand exactly. you are not alone. Almost Everybody on here understands you.

  • Sally

    Hi. I am a 37 years old women and my partner and I are desperately trying to conceive with no success. We had a miscarriage 6 months ago at the 9 week mark which devistated us and cannot not manage to fall pregnant since. My periods these last 6 months have been a little irregular. Each month Im hopeful and then incredibly disappointed when it doesnt happen. I understand the anger and feelings of utter despair. Feel like my body has completley let me down.

  • Sally

    Oh I forgot to mention. Two weeks after our miscarriage I found out my sister in law is pregnant with her 3rd child. I just want ONE!

  • Lady C

    I am 27 years old and I too am having difficulties getting pregnant. I have been trying for the last 5 years and to no avail. When I talk to my close friends and family they always say “girl you can have kids, it’s just not your time.” Well I don’t mean to sound unfaithful, but I am doing everything you are suppose to do with my man to conceive a baby.:)I have been in a manogomous relationship for the last five years and my guy has a baby from a previous marriage so I feel like its me with the issue. I really wish I had the courage to go to the doctor and find out what’s wrong…but I’m more discouraged because of all the stories I hear about doctors not finding this to be an none important medical matter. I also hear so many stories about doctors saying there is nothing they can do about the situation. I just wanted to share this story with all of you because I see I’m not alons.I do feel many days like if I can’t get pregnant why am I a women and why do I have periods!!!! I also worry that me being raped when I was younger might be the reason for my delay. Anyway, I am a praying woman and I know God can make anything possible.

  • Lady C

    And I’m like you Sally, I just want ONE!

  • M C M

    kate already has a 2 yr old daughter. just google Kate C Harding and read abt her method dont know why she has not been her to update these women. Have Faith.

  • Ava

    I’ve been trying to have a kid for over a year now. I get so angry with every month that goes by. Today I feel like I’m going to explode. I want to scream. My husband is always away. I see him 12-24 hours every 2-3 days (he trains soldiers). He wants to deploy again (he feels that it is his righteous duty) on top of everything. I want to conceive before he goes back over seas… Still no luck.
    I pray constantly. I kind of feel alone.

  • Thaze

    Hii, i am 29 and trying to conceive since the past 1 yr without any luck what so ever. I was so anxious to conceive that in the 2nd month of my marriage, my hubby and i had gone to the gynae for fertility examination and turns outs everything is rosy and picture-perfect. Unfortunately for us things are not easy. I am depressed at this thought. I am currently on fertility treatment, although after one month of treatment, my pregnancy test was negative. i would not understand y these things happen to me and only me. all other colleagues at work have beautiful kids. to top it all, families wondering the reason why I am not gettin pregnant. I somehow feel, God is angry with me and not blessing me.

  • Beatrice M.

    I know how it is frustrating every month whem you belive that it worked that time around and you get another negative test result. The worse part is having everybody asking when are you guys having a baby? and you feel so ashamed and don’t want to tell anyone that you are having problems. But what hurts more is feel jealous when someone gets pregnant, like my sister who has a two year old and just had twins.
    It make us feel so insignificant.It is not about being selfish but just wanting to be normal.
    God bless us all and relive our pain.

  • april watkins

    As I was reading your story I thought I was reading about my own life. Currently on Clomid but nothing. I am so frustrated.

  • Ginger

    My boyfriend and I have been trying for 2 years now and no luck. I can’t believe i spent most of my life trying not to get pregnant and now I want to get pregnant and it is so hard to happen :( myy boyfriend acts as if it does not bother him but I know it kills him just as much as it kills me

  • christine

    how old do u have to be to get a fertility drug?

  • nikki

    hello everyone. it’s nice to get a chance finally to speak out about this since telling certain people makes no sense because they would not understand.

    My DH and I have been ttc for the past year with no result. My DH already has a daughter from a previous relationship and from ever since i could remember i’ve wanted to have a baby. We have been together for 10 years but married for 2 years now. I found that i have PCOS last year after my Ob/Gyn ran some blood test but he did not go into detail of what this condition was really about. All he said was to lose weight and look for the egg-white mucus to know when to do it. Well I joined a gym and have been going ever since but still nothing. I’ve cried and asked God why and i’m still ashamed and afraid to tell my family.We got married in 2008 and ever since i get all the comments and advice on how soon I should get pregnant and what i’m waiting for etc. I try not to think about it but unfortunately it’s not as easy. My DH is very supportive but at times i feel so ashamed and sometimes unworthy to be his wife.I just could not come to grips with the possibility i could not conceive.

    Anyway after doing what the doctor said i decided to go to a herbalist he gave me Red Raspberry herb and a tincture to help clean my lymphatic system. I did a lot of research on the internet and i even bought some e-books which gave some helpful hints. i used the herbs from day 1 of my cycle along with the tincture and for about 2 months i have been using EPO, a vitamin B-complex and a folic acid.Everything does not work for everyone but glad to say i ovulated this month for the first time in almost two years. i still did not want to conceive this month because i want my ovaries to be free from the cysts first however i BD the day after i ovulated so there is a possibility i could be PG.I do not want to get my hopes up too high so i’m praying that whatever the results i’m going to be happy because i Ovulated!!!

    There is much more to my story but i cant’ just go on and on..I really hope that thing work out for you and by the way i am 27yrs old. Always dreamed i would have my first child at this age. Goes to show i’m not in control!!!

  • Nancy

    Hey, I totally understand!
    I bet you there’s no other person out there like me.. – It’s IMPOSSIBLE for me to have babies.. – I’ve never got my period.
    Well, not really anyway.. When I was 13 – 17 years old, the Dr. gave me estrogen and provera pills. That gave me my ‘artificial period.’ I stopped taking them when I was 17 years old. I never thought anything of it.. It wasn’t a big deal at the time.. I had no boyfriend, I didn’t want to get married at the time.. So I considered at a joy not to have my period. But from the ages of 18 – 28, I had about 5 natural periods. I’m now 31. I went to the Dr. 2 years ago, before I got married. My Dr. could not give a care in the world. He told me it’s impossible to have kids because I don’t have enough estrogen in my body and because my ovaries are too small.
    I find it so weird how God gave me this desire for children at such a young age. I dreamed of being a mom. But nope, I can’t have kids. I feel like an ant that was squished. And then, you get these stupid people who take their ‘money makers’ for granted. They hate kids, but they have like 12.. And like you said.. your inlaws.. It’s so frustrating!! I feel your pain!! I want to die a lot.. My sisters rub it in my face when they are pregnant. It makes me so mad! They hated kids, never wanted any. But of course, they are so fertile.. It ticks me off.. I feel so mad. I feel like I’m a handicap. It was hard telling people because a lot of people (like my siblings) don’t have a care in the world.
    But I feel your heartbreak. I’ve been there, done it.
    But hey, good luck, I wish you all the best!
    Take care, and thanks so much for sharing!!

  • Nancy

    Hey to all us people who want to get pregnant so badly, maybe we should come up with a new way to go about it..
    Seeing as everyone who hates kids and never wanted kids has kids, then maybe we should think the same way!

  • chitraprakash

    dear sir,
    i am not getting pregnant since i got married before 2 years back i am not getting pregnant please tell me when i want to get fucking with my husband please tel me my last period cycle date is 04/06/2010

  • http://www.allmothers.net/ Jehnavi

    Horrible trying to get pregnant again after a miscarriage, I know. For the first time I fell pregnant I had a miscarriage at 12 weeks, we started to try again as soon as I had time, but it was six months before I fell pregnant again. Not long at all, and looking back, I wish I'd spent so much time worrying … but every month it seemed a year, and I remember just hearing the way you describe now, so afraid that I would never be able to become pregnant again. And I felt so low I did once, not only because I was not pregnant, but also seemed to remind me of bleeding when bleeding failed. Give honestly do not think the pain never completely go away, but over time you learn how to live with it and accepting it and not overwhelm the whole of your life more.

  • maleyraelyn

    I raelyn can feel what u are goin threw.I am 31 years old and i want a baby more than anything in this world.I had surgey in May 2010 and the doctor cleaned me out.And told me that i have endometriosis.He said he removed it.And told me i can still have kids.So i had a period on time in june then july rolls around and i have no period.So i think I am pregant but i take 4 pregancy tests and they came back negative.So i go see my doctor and he feels around and where i had that cyst it feels like it has came back.So he gave me medicne to start my period.And told me that i am not goin to be able to have kids.I have been cryin four 2 hours and still upset.I was hopen to have a child.My mom died in oct.2008 and my grandma did to.So i was hopen i could have somthing to replace them.But guess its not.I want to give up in life.

  • JASMINE NEGRON

    I WANT TO GET PREGNANT so bad so thaT I CAN HAVE MY FAMILY AND BE HAPPYRE SO GOD HELP ME

  • JASMINE NEGRON 7/30/10

    I BELIVE IN HE SO I KNOW IT WILL HAPPEN
    ALL THE MOMS THAT WANT TO BE MOM
    ALL WE HAVE TO DO IS WANT
    ON HE AND WE WILL GET THERE
    SO BELIVE THAT IT WILL HAPPEN.
    AND BAY JUST BELIVE IN ME OK LOVE YOU VENT MUCH NORBERTO

  • JASMINE NEGRON 7/30/10

    GOD BLESS ALL OF US
    HE WILL GIVE .JUST LIKE THE BILE SAY HE GIVE
    HE SON TO DIE FOR US AND ARE SIN .AND HE WILL FOR U .

  • JASMINE NEGRON 7/30/10

    HI ME AND MY HUSBEN GOT MARRIE AUG 28 AND
    BE TRYING TO GET PREGANT AND IT DIDT HAPPEN
    SO ALL I CAN DO IS WANT IN TELL IT HAPPEN
    OR JUST GIVE UP THATS HOW A FILL SOME TIMES
    BUT MY HUSBEN IS HELPING ME WE THAT SO I WILL BE OK I GUESS PS WE WILL

  • Nargis

    Hello everyone,

    It is so sad to read so many people’s comment. I have to duaghters. The first one I got pregnant within the first month but the second one we tried for almost 8 mons. I went to see my PC doctor and she said so many people can’t get pregnant becouse they don’t have enought of vitamins…. She give me the B12 shot. I got the shot for two mons and the third month I was pregnant. Eat you Vegs….. Keep you body very warm. Don’t drink cold water…(both, wife and husband). We have something back in our country, (Olba) which keep your body very warm, even if you just eat 11 seeds of it.(you can find it from any Afghani/or irani store, ir if anyone interseted I can mail it). Before having sex make sure to give your husband a hot glass of milk, tea….anything warm. good luck everyone….

  • logan lee

    look if u want a baby thats good im 17 and have 5 babies it dnt matter wat people think bout u wantin a baby

  • elly

    Nancy, a family friend had the same problem as you but she got pregnant- i was just telling my husband the story last night…

    the family friend was told she was infertile because she never had periods (not enough estrogen i think). accepting they’d never have kids, her and her husband bought a small house. they couldn’t believe it when she fell pregnant. in the end they had 3 beautiful kids and had to add more rooms onto their house to accommodate their happy family.

    my husband and i are also having trouble conceiving and it’s painful to go through. we may conciser adoption but unfortunately it’s a very difficult and expensive process. i think it’s a travesty the government makes it so complicated with so much red tape.

  • Nette Zarriz

    hi there Kate. I do feel you. I’m 27 and hubby and I have been married for 5 yrs now. I was diagnosed with PCOS and have been ttc for the 4 yrs of that 5 yrs. Now, I’m on medication and I am really crazy about having babies…I have been crazy enough thinking that I was pregnant, when I miss a period and would go online join pregnancy sites and having those signs and symptoms and then after a week or two would take a pregnancy test, even a blood test and wpuld come up negative….This time I’m taking control of my body and really would take this seriously now…I do hope that this medication and all that costs too much..would make me a mom someday next year…It’s really very expensive to have the treatments and all that follicle monitoring…I have more to come..I’m on my first try…babydust!!!

  • Kat

    You are not alone, in this. Every woman, man or even couple reading this, is living this.
    Thank you for sharing so much.

  • vliranzo

    i know how that feel cause my husband and i trying to have a family……i did get pergnant the first time but i lost it……..then we try other time and nothing it about two years and no baby……i get sad when i see my friends geting pergnant before me ever if their not trying like me….i really what to be a mother someday

  • vliranzo

    god help us all

  • Rachu

    Such a strange!!!
    U wrote all what I suffering…I got married in May ‘2007 and we trying for baby more than 1 year. Me and my husband passing from the all the related tests and According to doctors our all tests are not okay but excellent.
    But unfortunately still we are trying & trying & trying

    So keep faith in god…god is gr8 planner …god think something nice for us

  • Katie

    Thank you…….
    3 years 2 months and 10 day’s, still no further forward. I was moved by your blog as I now know that i really am not alone with these feelings etc.
    Good Luck

  • Mary

    I am in the same situation. Married for seven years. But we started too late. My husband has two children from previous relationships, so to have children with me was not a priority for him. And now I am 37 and have been trying to get pregnant for two years, sressed and resenting my husband because at heart I know he doesn’t understand me. He doesn’t have an idea how it feels not be able to have your own children.

  • Kristina

    I wrote a little earlier. It’s now been 1 year and 4 months and still no positive results. Both healthy and normal weight and regular periods but no baby. My doctor doesn’t believe in taking a fertility drug more than 3 months so I took Femara 3 months. Had 1 positive test during one, miscarried extremely early. As in, didn’t miss my period. And now I’m not taking anything. He doesn’t seem like he wants to do the thing where the take the scope and go up and look at everything. He just wants to send me straight to a specialist. I’m scared of how much that will cost. I asked him if we could try Clomid instead. He told me to take 2 months off and come back and we’d try 3 cycles of Clomid. Very discouraged. :(

  • Anonymous

    Hello… I feel like crying after reading all these comments. I’ve been trying to conceive for 11 months now and I know that it’s not a long time compared to some of you. But I know that in one month everything is gonna change. I hve a drs appt next month and I’m so worried. Last time I checked everything was perfect. my husbands checkup was good too. I don’t understand why it’s taking so long. I know I shouldn’t question this and i shouldn’t get stressed but I can’t help it. The only thing that keeps me going is what my mom once told me- ” don’t get mad at anything that god chooses for you even if it’s bad, because it could be for a good cause”. Both my sisters got pregnant within 3 months and it seems like there are more baby showers than ever. It seems as if everbody is getting pregnant, and I’m happy for everyone that does, it’s just frustrating to be in the background thinking when is it going to be my turn. It seems like everybody looks at me and says godwilling you get pregnant, or they will give me that look that says they feel bad for me. My inlaws want a grandkid. My husband and I both want a child. It doesntmatter girl it boy as long as it healthy. I vent to my family but they always tell me I have a career, a husband, and good health. They tell me to enjoy my life while I can because everything changes when you have a kid. What if I want that change?? I obviously act like I don’t care if I get preggers or not but deep down it hurts… It hurts to celebrate someone elses pregnancy when it’s taking me so long. As evil as that sounds it’s the truth. These are my feelings. Judge me the way you want but if you’re in my position you feel the same way.
    I wish you all nothing but good luck! Stay strong and remember eerything happens or doesn’t for a reason

  • Kristy

    I understand how you feel about all the baby showers and things. My cousin’s girlfriend is having a kid. She’s like 18 and he’s like 20. They are kids having kids and I feel like an older person still trying. Everybody in the family looks at you with pity. It doesn’t get easier. Every month theres a new person having a kid and you have to hear about it. That’s why I stopped going on facebook to talk to my friends because I would come across someone having a baby and I’d hate them for it, even though it’s not their fault. You just can’t help it. But the worst is when someone says, “it’s not your time.” Okay, it’s the high school girl and her boyfriend’s time. Both of whom don’t have a job or steady income. It’s their time but not yours. A 28 year old woman and a 36 year old man with a nice home and both have jobs and all the love in the world. Yeah, that makes no sense. If I hear that from one more person, I just might scream. I had a friend who tried for 3 years. She ended up having a baby just recently so it can happen so I’m not giving up and you shouldn’t either. No matter how bad it gets. :)

  • katie

    My fiance has a son from before me and he lives with his mother and my fiance isn’t allowed to see him. We have been together three years now and the whole time have never used any type of birth control and one day he told me I would make him extremely happy if I got pregnant and we have been trying ever since and nothing…I’m getting mad because everyone around me is getting pregnant and I’m not. It makes me mad to see people who shouldn’t have kids are having kids and those who should aren’t…so you’re not alone

  • Beth H

    Kate,
    First of all, I congratulate you for putting yourself out there, even for criticisim. It is not easy. Believe me.

    I can relate to every single thing you are going through. I am 29 & my husband & I have been trying for close to 3 years now. It is a heart breaking process. Sometimes just walking past the baby isle in Walmart makes me tear up! The worst thing?? I am a preschool teacher working w/3-5 year olds & sometimes I just want to cry b/c I experience kids @ work then go home to my dog….

    I know the Lord has a plan. I hold on to this with everything I have. That does not mean that it is easy.

    Thanks for voicing your feelings… it is nice to know that I am not alone.

  • KRISSIE

    I got pregnant accidentally when i was 15 n my son is the best blessing in the world. i have always wanted more children. my fiance has no children & we have been tryin to get pregnant for 5yrs now. im lost and confused n dont know what to do because no matter what we do its not happening. I have been in the depreesed stage for over 3 years now n it has gotten to the point that i dont even want to have intercourse because i feel its pointless. i wish i could shake this feeling but i know in time God will see me thru this trial i hope

  • Angela

    I am the same situation my fiance and I have been trying for about a year its so frustrating I really thought it would happen straight away for me within a few months I never thought I would be one of those people that it would take a alot longer to get pregnant. Kate I too am feeling bitter but I try to stay positive and think it is going to happen one day my thoughts are with you I hope you do get pregnant soon fingers crossed for all those trying to get pregnant

  • KAREN

    HELLO

  • mercy

    One thing i can tell you is we don’t make babies ourselves, God gives them to us. Don’t lose heart, if He said it will come, it shall come. I for one am in a shuttering relationship. I haven’t conceived a baby with my fiance but unfortunately some else says they fell pregnant from him. At first i was humiliated but later i got to understand that if my time and chance is coming to have a baby with him i will. For now just leave it to God. I’ll pray for you

  • paula

    hey there
    i was one of those feel you and i know. i think it’s probably the hardest thing i have ever experienced my husband and i tried for seven years.those were the hardest seven years of my life and they aged me a lot. but thank God after alot of praying and ivf i finally have twins 3.5 years boy and girl so they were definitely worth the struggle but it didn’t make the pain or the struggle any easier susan you hang in there girl if you miscarried there is a good chance you will conceive again just don’t give up on God!!!!!!

  • Simona

    Hi everyone!
    It was very important for me to find these blog. I started trying getting pregnant in 2008 and I made after 3 months trying but I unfortunately had an involuntary abortion. Then I got really sad and frustrated, and decided stop trying for 6 months. So I started again in July last year, I am still getting negative results in the pregnancy tests. I understand I have being traveling and separated from my husband sometime during my fertile periods, so being honest with myself I have probable tried all together 10 times. I still get very frustrated because I work with children and I love them, I am the kind of woman that always wanted to be a mum. I understand life changes, I understand it means giving up freedom, but still my desire is stronger, and I am willing to do all that. I am 33 and my husband is 32, I know I have chances. I appreciate so much to be able to read you all, it helps to keep positive. I wish the best to everyone.

  • Ky

    No matter what anyone says…until they have been through this they will never completely understand how or why you feel the way you do. All those people who talk about how over populated the world is and say you should adopt aren’t even worth the time it took me to write this…I pray thay you and I both receive the blessings we so desperately dream of and get to one day hold our beautiful children. To those who have children and complain about them, talk about how inconvenient they can be etc don’t take them for granted!

  • H

    hi everyone, ive been married for a year now, my husband and i have been trying for a baby for a 5 months now but still no baby. i know my situation is know where close to kate’s but i dont know what to do?

  • fred

    just let go of it – and adopt – you’ll make a child so happy – and you’ll be happy too

  • Simona

    I got my period yesterday -I kept some hope despite of the fact that the pregnancy test was negative I week ago- so sad… I managed to breath again and recovered. Then I opened my e-mails today and two friends had pregnancy news. It hurts.

  • jenn

    i know exactly how it feel…every little bit that you spoke is happening to me even my best friends pregnacy this also the only difference is i don’t have insurance so i can’t even get the test needed to find out whats going on.

  • http://www.infertilitycurecenter.com/ susan

    hi everyone
    I wanted to share my story with you.We are very fortunate to have one very happy healthy boy who is now 3 1/2 years old.
    Thanks to “ Pregnancy Miracle ”? infertilitycurecenter?,it teaches me how to get pregnant quickly and naturally Within 2 Months.
    You can goole
    infertilitycurecenter
    GOOD LUCK TO EVERY ONE!

  • shannon

    Well I’m the same as every women in hea…I’m 33 I’ve been trying for years…the last time I got pregnate it was 10yrs ago and I lost the baby….so I thought to my self God knows what he’s doing and I didn’t question it…..so I tryed so many times within the yrs and still nothing I’ve been seeing this new doctor and I’m praying it works? But I’m starting to feel I’m no longer ovulating….I go into phases now where I miss a period for 2months and then I get it for 2months? Its been wackie? I’ve been praying and keeping my faith up about it…and yes I do get so depressed …..idk ….well I will keep people up dated and I would love to hea more storys to see how us women are not alone in this…..we are strong we all will have a baby ……;)

  • Shannon

    Dennis, adoption is more difficult than you must think. You mention “just” adopting as if its like grocery shopping. I would also not expect you to understand the desire some women have in their core to grow a child in their own womb, give birth to their genetic offspring, and nurse an infant at her breast. So therefore, instead of finding your comment appauling, I will simply find it irrelevant and ignorant. This desire is no less natural and no more selfish than a man actually wanting to have sex for pleasure.

  • http://Foxycassie86@live.co.uk Cassie

    Hi me and my partner have been trying for a baby for nearly 4 years now I’m 24 years old and already have 2 children, but had complications with my 2nd child, I was just wondering if this could be the reason why we are having problems this time round? Can sum1 advise me on what I can do about this.

  • Elisha

    There are a LOT of people in this world, but it is not nearly over populated, that is a theory not a fact. I believe that adoption is a beautiful way to build a family yes.

    Being in a similar boat as Kate… I know God called me to be a wife and a mother. Being a mother is more than just having a child. It is a personality, a calling. Most women can have babies, but that doesnt make them a mother. It has been my hearts cry to have just one of my own. To experience the journey, even if only once. I am here to love people, and take care of them. I have been “like a mom” to many, and I will continue to do that. And prayerfully one day, will most likely adopt as well. I agree, that most men probably don’t understand that deep yearning in the deepest parts of our hearts to love someone in this way. Loving other peoples someone’s you usually have to give them back, I greatly desire someone who is literally a part of me. The amazing fact that a little baby started, grew and continues to grow. It really is amazing. And beautiful. Luckily, there is a lot of understanding out here Kate. Even if men may not, many of us women have or are there and do sympathize with you.

  • mel

    i am in a similar boat. i feel dreadful i cant have a baby. i feel incomplete and unfulfilled. i love my husband and i know he’ll be a great dad. i feel i have robbed him a complete life.

  • mel

    i was diagnose with PCOS when i was 25 and been trying for a baby since, i been through all the tests but am still waiting to be put through to the fertility dept. as my periods are inconsistant. sometine non stop for 2 mths and sometimes nothing for 6 mth which is why my doctor wont refer me until its “settled”

    it is so difficult i have cried more than i can admit, everyone else has a baby boom in my family and friends soooo difficult being happy for them.

    i feel punished for some great wrong, where life seems empty.

    my husband is such an amazing person whom i feel i am dissapointing.

  • evr

    iam 31 years old , i was married 2 years ago, but until now , i dont have baby, i go to the doctor but never change my condition, i really want hav baby, but how to get it

  • evr

    i really hopples, sadness and etc cant speak about my feeling, all my friends hav childs but iam not, doctor speak im normall , but why i not pregnant until now?…, my husband want get childs and me too…help plz what can i do ?….

  • susan

    If you have tried several methods and treatments that do not work, I definitely recommend ” Pregnancy Miracle ” to you.This book is a must read for any woman trying to get pregnant. I was devastated and so was my husband after being told by my fertility specialist at age 38 that I had no option but to consider adoption or donor eggs (according to my doctor I was out of eggs and gave me 4% chance of getting pregnant and a 2% chance of carrying a baby to full term). After much research and dozens of hours reading infertility related articles and posts online, I have found this book! I never believed in anything alternative to western medicine and thought all the other stuff like Chinese medicine was a hoax. But I was soon glad to be wrong as I followed its step by step guidelines. After one month of trying I became pregnant and had a beautiful healthy boy. Nine months after that I did everything in the book again and after 2 months of trying I got pregnant again and gave birth to another perfect little boy. I would recommend anyone with an open mind to read this book. It just might be the answer to your prayers.
    It is worth a try!
    please visit
    http://www.infertilitycurecenter.com/

  • jen

    hey there im 28 me and my husband have been ttc for 4 years and haven’t been successful yet im still on a waiting list to see a specialist anyways i feel you i really do everybody aound me are having babies most of them didnt even plan it and it makes me sick to my stomach because i want it soooo bad and they dont even have to try i try not to think that way cause its an aweful though but i cant help it i try and be happy for people but on the inside i scream …..i just hope that one day soon i will be able to experience this i wish you all the luck in the world….

  • Pippa

    I’m 24 and been married fro three years now….my husband and I started planning pregnancy from this year and he’s 5 yrs elder to me. To my surprise, even after trying since june…I haven’t gotten pregnant yet…..Its september now and am so depressed and frustrated…..each month my periods get postponed we cross our fingers…but nothing happens…..God help me….I want to be a mother so badly…

  • Pippa

    So do I …my husband is so good to me…..such a nice person and he would be a wonderful dad….but…

  • lisa

    day by day we can get through, all we can do is hope. i am still waiting and trying to figure out a life without kids maybe, i never taught at 28 this would be my life, i have been trying for 3 years, i am diagnosed PCOS. i feel punished at times, i try to be happy for my friends with new babies who fell pregnant without even wanting to. i try not to cry, or be consumed with resentment and anger (all the time)

    i want to be a happy. with my wonderful husband. without kids ???? i will still hope and prayer

    my prayes to all you wonderful strong women suffering too. may we become happy again, and be the wonderful mothers we strive to be. either to our own babies, or nephews or nieces or god-children

    prayer for strength

  • kdubb

    Im in the same situation. I have been married for 5 wonderful years…I had trouble getting pregnant. We were able to save up and see a fertility specialist. I got the best news of my life feb 2 2007. Just to have a miscarriage at 6 months. That was the hardest thing for me. Now we have been trying since with no success… Any suggestions will be greatly appreciated. Hopefully one day we will all get pregnant..

  • elisa

    oh kdubb, my heart goes out to you, to loose a baby after 6 mths, i wish you luck and prayer you become happy one day with a family.

    i found out my sister in law is pregnant again. so depressed, it hurts so much to feel unworthy of having a family. what did i do to be punished this way.

    wish i knew what to do

  • Janice

    Thank you so much for writing this article, im in the same boat right now with you! Im really trying hard not to stress out about this but how can I not when everyone around me is getting pregnant! I need someone to talk to! Im so depress!

  • need help

    i have recently been diagnosed with POCS and been tolod that i d be best trying for children sooner rather then later. just wondering what my options are?

  • Jenn

    Does it seem strange to anyone just how many couples are infertile these days? I am in the same category. I (like need help) alos have PCOS. Getting pregnant (I’m told) is not impossible, but not probable without help. My husband and I have been trying for about 2 years…and not preventing for nearly 4. We have tried clomid in many doses. The only difference in the increased dose was my increased desire to kill someone! Not really, but the mood swings were intolerable.
    I am very lucky in that I have THE most loving, caring, and supportive husband in the world. However, I am tortured by the fact that he is also the most intelligent, gorgeous and perfect husband in the world. I feel as though I am really harming humanity by not being able to have a little him. Not to mention the fact that he would make the most perfect father.
    Like most here, I have always wanted to have children, but I have also always felt a desire to adopt… to help a child. One of each was sort of the way I thought my life would go. But every month I seem to get a different perspective.
    We have not gone above and beyond to conceive. Aside from 3-4 rounds of clomid, we’ve just been trying te old fashioned way. But every time I get a monthly (although its more quarterly for me) reminder that I am not pregnant…again…I go through all the pain and sadness. For those of you who have tried more invasive methods to conceive, please do not take offense to this. What is right for you may not be right for another, and those methods just feelwrong to me. I feel as though I would be disrupting the natural order of things. What if the growing rate of infertility is the natual way of comabaing the overpopulation. Maybe its part of natural selection.
    I don’t know. I go back and forth. Some months I accept failure and decide to focus on adoption. But here is the problem – my idea is that I would be helping, right? That I would be saving a child from a loveless life. While that may eventualy be true, it doesn’t feel that way. Adoption is a business. A money making industry. A child begins to feel manufactured. Also, just the fact that its so competitive takes the way the feeling of helping a child. If there are so many people wanting to adopt, really how many in need can there be? Ok,I know there are many in need, don’t get me wrong… but if you want a baby… esp of the same nationality… good luck! Add in any desire to have a child born of a mother who is not putting things into her body that she shouldn’t…or a baby without a disorder. Now the process sounds a lot like picking out the best cantelope at the grocery store. It sickens me.
    So, can’t have a kid – I’m a failure, worthless, a terrible wife, etc. Have a kid – I’m selfish, unnatural, etc. Or adopt the child I want – I’m prejudice, immoral, and not helping anyone (except myslef..again, selfish). Are these really the options?

  • emma

    i am 27 i have had one chid and i would like another one but i can not have one becuse i have been trying for the last 8 years and still nothink i get realy down some days and it takes me ages to pick myself up then i think to myself i will get there one day and so will you

  • Mia

    What can friends and family say or do?

  • Jules

    I’m in tears because this same exact thing is going on in my life right now. He has 1 child from a previous relationship. I feel so along b/c ALL of my friends are either preggo or already have a child and I’m 25. Its been six years of unprotected sex and nothing, NOT A SLIPP UP , ABORTION, MISCARRIAGE, MAYBE, or I THOUGH I WAS,….it really hurts in my heart.

  • elisa

    Jenn (514)

    your view has combined all my torture for the last 3 years. adoption. PCOS, failure, part of a grand plan of natural selection – all things i think of day after day.

    thank you for helping me feel less paranoid its jus me in this world who is going through a million emotions a day.

    i am currently stalking my pregnant sister with loath, envy and hope all in one. As her FB is full of scans, weekly photos of her bump and her 1 year old

    makes me feels awful, but its like a drug
    now.

  • Jenna

    me and my boyfriend have been trying to get pregnant for the last 4 months, i get sypmtoms, then they go away… month after month i wait. he rubs my stomach every night asking when im going to give him a son, and my only answer is “when the time is right” i want to give this man a baby. i just dont know if i can have children

  • Jenna

    when is the best time to do the deed, because we were doing it like 4-5 times a day 4 times a week, then switched off to 3 times a day everyother day because thats what the doctor said. now its like everytime i go to have sex with him all i can think about is the fact that he wants a baby and how i can give him one… please some advise would really help!

  • elisa

    hi, having sex for a baby is very stressful, it puts alot of pressure to perform as you are only concern about the end result. my husband and i got to the point where we jus couldnt for 4 mths after all the schdule times of ovulation calculation, many test results being negative etc

    2 years later since we first started trying, we are more in an acceptance this may not be for us, we are still trying just not with a schdule, temperature or mucus update. we worked out the best thing for us will be every other day roughly as the sperm can live up to 72 hours and its too weak if more than once a day everyday our doctor said.

    still hoping to get there, i hope this is some help.

  • Betty boop

    MAYBE YOU GUYS SHOULD PRAY SO THAT THE LORD CAN BLESS YOU ALL WITH A CHILD, NOTHING IS IMPOSSIBLE WITH THE LORD.

  • Daisy31

    We have been trying for a year too and I am terrified I wont be able to have children and give my husband what he (and I) so desperately wants. I have wanted children for as long as i can remember. I just keep thinking maybe this is God’s way of telling me I would be a bad mother.

  • Haydee

    I am 19 years old and I am married. My husband and I have been trying to have a baby but no luck. Last november I got a cyst removed on my left ovary. I got checked and my doctor said everything was fine. We want a baby of our own. I am afraid I could never have kids =( maybe there is something wrong with me..??? =(

  • Haydee

    Thanks Nara I will give Dr. Kim a call. Hopefully I have a baby soon. =)

  • Ababy

    Is there any over the counter medications you can take to help you and your partner to have a baby or does it all have to be prescribed by a doctor?

  • Dawn

    Need to know that there is hope. Hope to need the knowledge. Just took another pregnancy test; and my 25th in a row has been negative. (being one a month for 2 years and one month) I found this article in frustration. I read it with tears in my eyes. I’ve decided today to give up, because the doctors tell me everything is fine.

    Kate; I hope you had your happy ending.

  • Jessica

    Dennis, didn’t your parents ever teach you about compassion or tact?

  • lauren

    Hi I’m touched by your story I also have had problems I’ve been with my partner for 3 years and we have never once used protection and only been pregnant once but sadly I miscarried ever since I will go months without a period then come on extremely heavy iv been to the doctors and he said you’ll be fine just keep trying but he didn’t examine me or anything I’m distraught and keep thinking I’m not fit to be a woman and the fact that I’m only 18 makes it a hell of a lot worse. All I can say is just keep doing your best and hope one day your dreams do come true as I am myself :) x

  • Rachel

    I found your blog or article, not sure what it is, but I found it spot on. I had a child when I was 17 and she is my pride and joy. 7 nearly 8 years on after wanting another from the minute she was born. My husband and I decided that yes now would be a good time. But the more we try and the more we wait the more our hearts are broken. It is hard to think that what you want so bad and what others are doing in the blink of an eye could be so earth shatteringly difficult. I often regreat not trying sooner, I blame myself for not trying even when the time might not have been right in our lives. And I feel bad because I already have one child and I should be happy with that.

    I also find that often there is no help for the emotional rollercoster women who are trying to concevice and failing to do so go through. Doctors just say give it more time. Keep trying you are young. Family say it will happen, when you least expect it. None of this helps when you lie in bed at night and cry or sit at work and do nothing but pine and look up ways to improve you lack of conception technic.

    The only little help you have is knowing that other women feel the same way. That even when you feel alone you aren’t. I hope everyone who is trying and have fail will at one point be happy with or with out that child they so desperatly want.

    I will keep trying. I have no other Option and maybe it will happen maybe not.

  • Shiny Sharal

    I have been Trying to conceive from past 4 years without any luck, I miscarried once, I am so disappointed every time I will have my A/F , Annoyed with everyone and so depressed. Do not want to step out of the house. Just hate this life.

  • Nicola

    PISSED OFF WITH DENNIS!!!

    How dare u even leave a comment like that, u have no right, no understanding and no empathy for this situation, u dont know how a woman feels and never never will [Personal attack deleted by Comments Editor].

    u will never know how humiliating, how hard, how sad and how desperate a situation like this can make a woman having difficulty/no luck concieving feel. How is it selfish to want to be a mother???? please do answer????, why should she / we consider adoption first without trying every possible avenue to have a baby of our own???? who are u to even comment. If adoption means so much to you, then off u go!!! people like u make me feel sick…. disgusting man!!!!

    Kate… hun i wish u all the happiness in the world, i pray u are blessed with a baby of your own to love which ever way u decide to persue =] and i hope that people such as ‘Dennis’ do not bring you down. xx

  • Nicola

    I havent used contraception with my husband for the past 8 years, im 26 year old woman, im ovulating but no monthly period!!! everyone around me seems to be getting pregnant, 2 younger sisters, 3 of my cousins and my best friend….really hard hitting to watch pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, infants and still not a mother myself….it really is a scary thought to not have my own flesh and blood with the love of my life…i would be a great mum and my husband matthew will be a fantastic, brilliant, amazing dad =] i pray it will happen for us xxx

  • ash

    yes 25 and married 5 years. No Children. husband had a vasectomy reversal one year ago(so TTC one year) Not pregnant. (vasectomy was from a previous marriage and she kept getting pregnant and hemorrhaging – basically he got a vasectomy for her Safety 25+ years ago) But of course they had a child together.
    Anyway he is fine everything is flowing great.
    wtf is wrong with me?
    I’m young work out too much maybe? to much testosterone? Not enough body fat? Stressing out and annoyed that EVERY SINGLE person my age is getting pregnant even before they tie the knot…. My husband already is a father, he wants kids but he does not understand my position a s a complete failure that his x and other women everywhere have no trouble at all

  • Christine

    I am 40, have been married for 10 years, my husband had two children and a vasectomy from his 1st marriage. He said he would have it reversed but we never had the money and when we did have it had been almost 10 years since his vasectomy and the odds were not on the side of pregnancy for me. So we used donor sperm and after 5-6 IUI treatments, still no pregnancy. We couldn’t afford any further IUI treatments or testing to see if anything was wrong with me physically, since my insurance didn’t pay for any of the fertility treatments. We/I decided to adopt thru the Foster Care system, at least in KS it is cheaper than conventional adoption.
    I get very frustrated with my husband, he says he wants children with me but doesn’t always act that way. He/we have been thru Hell with his daughters and Ex in the last five years. Not only have I dealt with my own pregnancy problems but one of my best friends has similar troubles but without all the financial stress, her insurance covered her infertility treatments. My friend understands but she got pregant and has a great son, what do I have?
    I feel, like I missed out on something, that something is missing in my life. When women start talking about their pregnancies and deliveries, I feel left out and uncomfortable. It also makes my work environment stressfull, I work with women and young girls who are pregnant.

  • amy greene

    hi me and my boyfriend have been together 5 years , im only 19 so this might sound crazy but we have been trying for a baby for the last six months having unprotected sex every SINGLE day and nothing seems to be happening . im am really worried because i really want a child and its getting me down really down .i would love to go and see a doctor about but would feel silly because of my age . i really dont no what to do . and kate i feel so sorry for you ive only been trying for six months and i feel like this so i just cant imagine how you feel .

  • wendy

    Hello, I’ve been on the pill fort over 13 years and stopped it 3 months ago and still not pregnant what can I do please? Thank you

  • nikki c

    Me and my better half have been trying to get preggers and no luck I’m going to get my tubes checked on wenes I want my own kids to carry are name I want my own fam adoption I’m not rolling with I want my own blood

  • Clare

    I agree with most women on here and think Dennis is an idiot. I have only been trying for 8 months but I do have endometriosis.

  • AshleyP

    Like most of you, I’m trying to conceive. I have been blessed with one beautiful healthy daughter and I thank the lord for her everyday. She is now 5 1/2 years old. Since I had her, my husband and I have never used protection and we never used protection before we had her either and we got pregnant pretty fast but here we are 5 years down the road and not another baby. We havent really been trying the last 5 years but we havent not been trying either. With never using protection, and getting pregnant to easily the first time, I didnt figure we would have any problems. Just here in the last year I have really been trying and I really want another baby and my daughter really wants a little brother or sister. Everyone around me is having their second, third, fourth and so on child and I hate to admit it but I’m bitter and sad and upset and I tell myself Im not going to let it get to me but I let it everytime. I cry about it everynight cause I’m just feeling like its never gonna happen. What could be wrong with me? I had no problem getting pregnant the first time. Im just so confused. Im hoping myself and all you on here can have your dream come true and get that positive test! baby dust to you all!

  • http://blogcritics.org/culture/article/cant-get-pregnant-you-are-not/comments-page-12/#comments happyending

    PLEASE SEE POST 416!!!!!
    HAPPY ENDING
    DON’T LOSE HOPE
    IT WILL HAPPEN
    KATE’S TESTIMONY

    Few people can put their heartbreak into words as eloquently as this Lady’s original post. You are an inspiration Kate, one of life’s giver’s, and in return, you received.

    “Courage is the price that life exacts for granting peace”
    A. Earhart.

  • sarah

    i am so depressed and feel so alone and angey it feels as if everyone in my life gets pregnant. Every month it feels as if a little more of my heart gets torn away and broken. Ever since i can remember i wanted to be a mummy. I am 27 and my husband is 35 we having been trying ttc for 2 years now which feels like forever. When i recently found out my sister in law was pregnant i stayed in bed for nearly 2 days constantly crying i just felt so sad angry. Not only angry that yet another couple were pregnant but angry at myself for being so horrible. All i want is to be a mummmy and for my adorable husband to be a daddy. Please if someone is out there and could talk to me i would be grateful for a reply xxx

  • Sandra

    Me and my husband have been married for 13 years , i did evry thing —————————————— i don’t knew if ???

  • Shannon

    I am 28yrs old and never been pregnant. I always wondered why it seems like I can’t get pregnant. I’ve been trying for 2 yrs and nothing has happened. Don’t get me wrong I’m happy that some of my friends are married and have kids but it sucks when everyone around you have exactly what you want to have and can’t seem to get. I’ve been heartbroken for so long because I figured I would at least have one kid by now considering that I’m in my late 20’s and 30 is appoarching very closely. Well about 2 months ago I went on line and I googled fertility pills and found something called fertilaid. They are recommened and approved by doctors that it is safe to take and they are like an herbal supplement with chasteberry to help indeed get you pregnant. I’m not pregnant yet but I told one of my friend’s about this and what happened to me while I was taking them and she said it sounded like I had implantation bleeding which is a sign of pregnancy. I was thinking the same thing when I looked it up but I took a test a couple of days ago and I’m not supposedly but I will definately keep trying. So if it helps try fertilaid, it may not get you pregnant right away but it will help regulate your cycle while trying to get pregnant so good luck to all because I’m definately going to keep trying until I achieve pregnancy.

  • kary

    Susan, if you are in this state of mind and financial problems to worry about, it is very selfish of you to want to bring a child into this world. Also, since you are older than 35, the child wouldnt have you around as long as they would like to. People shouldnt have kids after 35, it is way too selfish. Do you think a child is going to help you cope with being 44? go to church and read the bible or something, do something for you to make you feel better, but having a child seems like a horrid idea in your situation.

  • http://www.RoseDigitalMarketing.com Christopher Rose

    People should mind their own business and not be telling other people what to do…

  • Victoria G.

    Well i know that this thread is several months old and perhaps noone will see this but sometimes it is better too talk even if noone hears it.

    i will be 21 years old in december *less than 41 days* and i have been with the same man since i was 18 years old. we were married last december when i turned 20. We have been trying too conceive since i was 18. but too no avail. and it hurts. every month that goes by i just want too break down cry my hear out practically die. I was raised too be a dependant woman but also too be a good mother. But yet we have only had success once, and it resulted in a spontaneious abortion. i fell apart and could not even sleep with my husband for 3 weeks. i was heart broken. and i often wonder if there is something wrong with me. my family is so fertile that they LOOK at the opposite s3x and boom they are pregnant.

    So what is wrong with me? well i was hit by a car at 16 had some damage and a head injury. then i was on birth control that had me on my period for 6 months not a days break! did that do something too me? i dont know and i dont have the money too get tested nor too get my husband tested….

    sometimes i wonder if god is punishing me or if i just dont deserve a child! even writing this article i am in tears. I want too have a child with my black hair and bone structure and his beautiful eyes. have his baby….we have had the names picked out for almost 3 years now…perhaps i will never be a mother…but i hope that i will because, that is what i truely want. i want too have a child one of my own.
    MY baby

  • Colorado

    What we may not realize is having or should I say wanting to have a child is not shelfish, when you are with the man you love, and want to be with this man forever, you want to share something special with him. I selfishly gave my viginity to someone I don’t care about, wishing and begging I didn’t do it. Why can’t I give the gift of a child? Can you imagine, the one you love and what you just created. A child is a creation and is truly a blessing to have. Knowing you and him made the biggest connection to your hearts, a child, sharing both your blood, doesnt that sound amazing? I have been trying for over a year now, and with hope still, this child will be the greatest gift of all. We share together, making or connection so passionate and so close. I love you honey, and I cant wait to create the best possibility of man kind with you! Good luck to you all, over here in Littleton, Co

  • Zayda Kebede

    To all those who are hoping to concieve I’d just like to recommend trying complementary therapies. I have been fortunate enough to treat 3 women with homeopathic remedies who did get pregnant quite quickly. The fourth lost patience after about 3 appointments, and went off to fertility treatment, and got pregnant immediately, presumably because the remedies had started to have an effect. Look for a homeopath ini your area who is registered with either the Alliance of Homeopaths or the Society of Homeopaths.

  • Star

    I want to thank you very much in posting this. I know the feelings you are feeling “kinda”. I only tried for a year before I found out I was. I took over 100 pee tests that all but one came back -, the last was a faint +. took one more with my doctor and they said it was a -, so she went on and did a pap for me. right as she got done the nurse came in and said it’s a faint positive so got me in for a blood test that came back positive. a few week went by and one day at subway I felt as if I was starting my monthly. went into the bathroom and I was, cramps 10x worse then anything, but the pain was nothing to my fear and broken heart of having to go into the er that moment and not wanting to here that I had a miscarriage. they did many tests and other things only to tell me I had a 50/50 chance of keeping it or loosing my baby. 3 weeks of blood work went by and I got the call that set my depression in. my hcg levels went down. now what? wait and try again, or go back on birth control? last month 3 years ago is when I had the miscarriage and till this day I am still afraid to try. not that I haven’t. my sister is working on baby #3, my aunt has 4, my mom had 3, my aunt had 2, my uncle had 4, my dad had 4, and so on and more more more babys.. I feel as if I am also in this as NO one in my family have had the same problems. I was given meds to help me try but failed. I feel as if the almost 5 years I have been with my hubby that he is ready to pack up and leave me for someone who can, or who will try without being scared. I know he wont and never will, but that will never stop my mind from wondering in that direction. my 15 year old cousin is about 3 months along and so badly wants me to adopt the baby. I would in a heartbeat;; however my hubby is not having it, said no right from the start. I can understand him but at the same time why make this baby go to a foster home when it can have a loving home with us, and still stay in the family. (yeah kinda odd I know but who wouldn’t not only help there family out, but have a baby at the same time when you think you can’t) stress WAS a problem with me. always wondring why everyone I know is having a baby and not me. always getting asked why we don’t have a family yet. but I look at it the same way as others. not my time. nothing I ever type sounds right on the computer as it would coming from my mouth but I hope many and many of you know there is a god and he works in very strange ways. so keep your head up, and I wish ALL of us the best of luck.

  • Lillyann

    I can’t stop the tears rolling down my cheek when reading this. how many like me want but can’t. when I see the news how a father or mother killed the baby it make’s me sick. why god gives them babys, but we can’t? the ones who will love and cherish ever morning waking up at 1 and 2, only getting a hour of sleep.. and then he gives the stupid dumb people babys? like really?? or the single mothers who just want a father figure so they sleep with any and all JUST to have them but end up with more kids as the dad walks out on them. or the duggers wanting MORE.. is 20 not enough.. (a t.v reality show on TLC) I can afforda baby that I know, but the testing for me or my husband I can’t. adopting is far to much when you think about it. just to give a baby a home you have to pay thousands? having to go to a baby shower more then 10 times a year and yet you had not a one. trying to keep the faith in god but starting to re think it all when he gives half witts babys and not loving mother and fathers such as us. my story is not like most, however I have tried and nothing. I was raised to share my feelings, and that I do well. but when it comes to this I never let it out till I had it with my sister having no job, not wanting a job, thinking that her boyfriend can support her, the two little ones him , cats, dogs, no home, living with his father due to he can’t keep a place for more then a moth. can’t keep a job for more then a year… and is planing to have YET ANOTHER. or when your best friend has a girl and you want one to grow up with hers to be like us. seeing a women walk down the road with 7 kids all in rags, not well fed, and for sure no heat in there home winter time when most are sick 99.9% of the time. I hope that all of us can have some peace with the fact we just can’t. or do get our with and have the bond with such a amazing person that is your blood. I am going to try again in hopes my dream will come true. I hope you all never stop trying. it is never to late! my 50 year old brothers mother has proven that to be true!

    again thank you ALL for your postings.

  • MissK

    I have been trying with my husband for a year now and Ive already had 3 miscarriages and I’m currently pregnant after taking Clomid, am afraid not to loose this one too… I’ll die. *tears in my eyes*

  • MissK

    Please help keep me and my unborn baby in your prayers and I’ll keep you in mine too… and Thanks for all the posts – they helped keep me strong.

  • http://sparklincrystalz.blogspot.com/ neha

    I guess ovulation monitors help..try them

  • Nal

    Hai thr……….I wan 2 know sumting………….help me…………. I have sex and the sperm in for one time one…………Then the following time i nvr in sperm…Thr got any of change 2 get pregnant?

  • Krystal A.Thomas

    hello Kate, my name is Krystal…. and I have been trying for many years to get pregnant as well. I know how you and all the other women feel. Reading your article and the other comments brought me to tears…. My doctor did assure me that I am not the only person with this problem, but reading and hearing just brings me back to reality and proves that this is not just a bad dream. I find myself being so depressed at times that the only thing I can do is cry and ask God why me? I then begin to think about all the women that get pregnant and abort ( not for health reasons ) I know many women who have 2 or 3 abortions and they still get pregnant again. Yet here we are who want so bad to have a child and God has not blessed us with one. I am not one to judge but I can’t help but feeling like its unfair. I always feel like I dont pray and ask for material things. All I ask for is to bring a child into this world to love and care for. My Fiancee wants a child more than anything else in the world as well. It hurts so much when he says things like ” babe, when will you have my baby?” and all I ccan say is ” I dont know I hope soon “. All my friends ask me when will you have your child and its so embarrasing and depressing that I pretend that I dont want a child now,and that I am ” waiting for the right time “. I feel like I’m less than a woman…. all i can do is continue to pray for a miracle. Ladies you are all in my prayers. God Bless and Good Luck! **big hug**

  • gambit

    my wife cant get pregnant; now im filing for divorce

  • natasha b

    Hi number 3 I’m sorry to say but you have no clue what us cicks feel like trying to have a child with the person we love so much and nothing happend that dosent make us selfish it just makes us happy to have a kid we can share our life with and adopting a baby is not the same feeling as having your own. But any way I know wat all you chicks are feeling it sucks and so time you wonder why me and why can’t I be the specail person to be come a mother I should of been and its not easy for people like us . My mom always brings me down with so when are you going to have my grand child wen knowing that I’m the only one left to not be a mother out of my brothers and sisters well only shape for one and he is 16teen but it hurts because me and my fieonce is trying like hell and doing wat ever we can and still nothing and it puts me down in a dark place were so times I can’t eat can’t sleep I stay awake at night thinking about it so I know wat every one with this problem is going threw and all I can say is I hope some day your wish comes true as well as mine and just hange in there you can never know what happends .(Natasha b)

  • Sara

    As much as I hate to say…I know what you mean. My husand is doing the dishes and I am trying everything to not cry.

    My husband’s sister had her fair share of men so she went to women. About a year ago she decided men weren’t as bad as she thought and bam she was pregnant. I love to see her glow and everything but i try so hard not to cry. Unfortunatly she isn’t the only one in my life pregnant. His brother just had a a boy 2 months ago and a 2 year old girl. For thanksgiving we went to go see them and all i could do is hold the baby and smile.

    My husband and i have been trying for a year and a half. At first i thought it was him so i made him take fertility pills but as the time passes by i feel like its me.

    Someone Please tell me what i can do. I cant handle the stress and the feeling that i will never feel what its like to be a mother.

    As for you guys im happy for the ones that got the happy ending and as for the rest. I hope for the best.

  • Lacey

    Hello,

    I cant believe i am writting this. I am 25 my husband 28 we have been married for almost 2 years now. I was born without a uterus and have known since i was 16 that i could never have a baby. When i first found out i was younger and it wasnt near as bad as it is now. I am at the age now where i want to be a mother more than anything in the world. I feel so left out when in groups with women, they all have something in common, they all talk about their kid/kids. i just cant take it anymore. i cry all the time. i dont know what to do. i wont attend baby showers. I went to a friends a few years ago, and had to run out because i broke down and just lost it. i feel like i am always holding in my sadness, sometimes i lose it and let out a really hard cry and it feels better…for a while. i feel like there is a hole in my heart and it hurts all the time. I envy women who have children and catch myself just staring at women who is expecting. i dont like the way this feels, cause i almost feel like i hate them. i would be a better mom. Seeing everyone eles post today has made me feel a little better knowing that im not alone. it’s hard to remember that, when you dont know anyone around you who knows what your going through. Thank you for all your storys.

  • Amanda

    I was told just over a year ago that it will be dangerous for sure and probably impossible for me to conceive and carry to term. I cry every time I talk about it. My finance’e and I have decided to adopt but it’s still not the same. I hope you have one to call your own. my mom says my baby just hasn’t been born yet and she’s right because Bill and I are no where near finalntially ready but all my closest friends(other than Bill) now have a baby, and I’m left out.

  • Karen B

    Hi everyone!

    I wrote on here a little more than a year ago. Me and my husband had been trying to conceive for a couple of months before I first wrote on here. My husband is in the military and I’m always surrounded my military wives and all their children and babies…..

    I’ve been surrounded by pregnant wives… and usually babies born after wespac or deployments are called “wespac babies”….. usually the wife will be pregnant before the husband deploys or the wife is pregnant when the husband gets back from deployment…. we had been trying hard to get pregnant before he deployed but it never happened…. and it was hard seeing the wives of other military personnel pregnant or carrying babies….

    I was only 25 years old…. so I thought I was still young… but I finished college…. became a registered nurse….. and thought i was ready…… even the floor i worked on was devastating… because i used to work grave yard (12 hour shifts) and women on that shift usually got pregnant…. so people always said there was something in the water… but it never happened to me…..

    even after trying to get pregnant just for a few months… and not getting pregnant…. it was devastating…. i just hated myself and the world…because i have a cousin who is pregnant w/ her 3rd child and she didn’t even want to have another baby…. at first… i thought god just gave you one thing… because my cousin doesn’t have a job… her husband is cheating on her… but yet he blesses her w/ a child…..

    so i really don’t know how God works…. i’ve prayed to God… and have had my share of crying a waterfall of tears… and holding a pain in my heart that could not be relieved by anything… however… my husband left Sept 2009 for a 7 month deployment and during that time… i’ve kept myself busy w/ work mostly…. and enjoying being out w/ my friends who are single and have no children…..

    and husband got back in April 2010… at the time…. i still wanted to have a baby…. but i was very pessimistic because time had healed the scar in my heart when he was away… and slowly started living again….. and so i was not hard core into making a baby…..

    we both agreed…… “let’s just let it happen” …and so we weren’t really trying to have a baby…..just going w/ the flow of things… Out of intuition….. i was just curious…. more like “what the heck”….. and took a pregnancy test May 1, 2010…… and it came back positive….. couldn’t believe it and took 4 more pregnancy tests and they all came back positive……

    went to go see the doctor the next day… and they confirmed I was pregnant… but yet… i didn’t want to believe it until i saw the baby in the ultrasound….. and finally say the baby on the ultrasound and got to hear its little heart beat

    I am currently 36 weeks and due Jan 7, 2010… but like all things…. I don’t want to count my blessings before they actually happen… like i will not be truly happy until the day i would be holding my beautiful healthy baby in my arms…

    all i can tell other readers is…. have faith in whatever God you have believed in… God works wonders and the day God gives you the gift of a child… he has reason he had given you that child that specific day…. mostly….. stay positive…. it doesn’t help to conceive a baby if you are always down in the dumps…. keep yourself busy and when you least expect it or actually stop trying it can happen!

  • gaL220

    I’m relieved to read all of your stories….

  • Crystal

    My name is Crystal and I actually googled “Why can’t I get pregnant” and I found this website. In a way I feel kind of obsessed to have honestly googled that topic but I really want to have children and thought that maybe there would be some tips and tricks that I might find useful. I’ve always known that I’m not alone with how badly I want a child but reading this I am really glad to know that I’m not the only one who feels all these mixed emotions and the jealousy. I am 20 years old and me and my husband met when I was only 12 and he was my first love. We have been together for almost three years straight this period of our on-going relationship and got married Aug.2, 2009. We have been trying to have a child for almost three years now and all I do is hope. I haven’t been to any doctors or really talked to anyone about how I feel because I am afraid that people will tell me that I we are too young to have children. It really just hurts that you see people almost everyday popping out babies left and right that don’t even know who is the father of their children and how people who really don’t even need children can get pregnant in a heartbeat, while on the other hand people who are married and faithful and that would give anything to just have one child and they would want to give them the world can’t even conceive. I inheritated alot of things from my mother that I really believe may be the cause of why I cannot get pregnant. Like I started my cycle at age 11 or 12 and never was regulated. The doctors had to put me on birth control @ such a young age but unlike most people that use it to prevent them from getting pregnant, I had to use it just so I could be regular (and believe me I had not even thought about sex yet.) I never give up and I just keep on trying. I think I’m just afraid to go to a doctor because I am afraid of hearing the truth that they think that I will never be able to have kids. So instead, I just keep waiting, and waiting, and waiting. In a way I believe that god has a special plan for me and I try to believe that my time will come when he wants it to come. But I will agree that I find it very difficult because my best friend is pregnant and she has been pregnant already about 3 times but she was on drugs and alcohol so bad that she miscarried all three of them. Now she is pregnant again but this time she is not on any drugs, she hasn’t picked up a cigarette or beer since she has been pregnant, and she is currently living in my living room with the father of her baby.(don’t get me wrong, they are only staying because their dreamhouse is being remodeled and we offered to let them stay with us until the repairs are finished because I don’t see any reason why a pregnant woman should have to stay in a hotel.) But I really want to be there for her and my new coming god son and it is really hard. I have gone with her to alot of her doctors appts and ultrasounds because the father of her baby wanted to be there but had to work and I find it really hard on myself but I don’t want to tell her that it hurts because I don’t want to make her feel uncomfortable being around me. But I just want to know does anyone think it’s not normal when I’m in the ultrasound room with my best friend finding out the sex of her baby and I start crying not only because I’m happy for her but also because in a non selfish way I wish that I could be in her shoes. Well, I guess I still have a lot of time ahead of me to look forward to hopefully having children, but some of the bad effects of not being able to get pregnant at such a young age is that if I never get pregnant that is just something I am going to have to look forward to being let down about alot in the future. Well, I wish all of you the best of luck and I’m going to keep looking for some tips on how to get pregnant. Not giving up …

  • beth

    i have been with my partner of 3yrs and since we’ve been 2gether i have not fallen pregnant once, i feel for u because i’ve been through all the tests for hormone levels fertility etc its not a easy thing 2 go through i must say this. all my closest friends and family have had kids and i wish that i could be just like them and have a big happy family. i hope that one day maybe i can actually have children of my own or i may well consider adoption. i wish u the best of luck kate and i hope u have a little family very soon :-)

  • sam

    hey im 25 years old and have been trying for 6 months now..had 2 misscarraiges and going through a massive deppresion now

  • chelle

    Hi im chelle and my husband and I tried the whole engagment trying to have a baby but it didnt work. Now its year two of marriage things are getting out of hand with much stress and i think my husband even gave up, he’s starting to point fingers at me like it’s all my fault we cant concieve what shall i do

  • Kimi

    Hi im 21 and a proud mum of one. My daughter liberty has brought the best out in me and makes me smile everyday. i feel for all women who cant have children because i know how happy i am being a mum spite the crying, late nights nothing compares to the first smile, word and steps. my dream is to help a mum who cant concieve and be a carrier i know i will have fulfilled a womens wish making her a mother.. email at kimcollier2010@yahoo.co.uk im more than happy to be a oven i dont smoke, drink or take drugs i have a relaxed lifestyle at college whilst libby goes to nursery. :) x

  • vanessa

    I totally understand what you are coming from me and my husband been married for 5 years. We have been trying, did the infertility medicine and everything, nothing seems to work..it is very emotional, actually cried while reading your article because it pretty much sums up my whole life…with 13 nieces and nephews on both side, i feel like a loner. I really feel helpless, and not happy all the time. I don’t know , many people dont know what it feels like until it happens to you..Which it is and let me tell you it emotional roller-coaster….:( but good luck, and i guess im glad im not the only one out there.

  • JLG

    I want a baby so badly, I have wanted one for a very long time. I am 41. I am afraid decisions in the past that I have made with my body are preventing me from becoming pregnant now. I am also afraid my husband of 10 years has a low sperm count as well. The odds aren’t in our favor. I am getting used to the idea that I will never be a mother. Maybe that’s just the way it’s supposed to be. It saddens me to think this but I don’t see how we can get pregnant if we haven’t for 10 years ( not using protection 1x).

    Bless you and I hope your dream comes true.

  • Sarz

    I just wanted to thank you for your story. Ive been married for over 5 years and have been trying for four. Your whole story is what I’m living exactly. So I just wanted to thank you, just reading everyone else’s posts helps me know that I’m not going through this alone.

  • Jennifer

    Hang in there everyone! I’m SO glad I found this post…I’m not happy there are other people going through this, because I know what it feels like, but it does help to know I”m not alone. I’m 36, and have been married for 12 years. We finally found out the reason we can’t have children is because my husband has no sperm in his semen. They aren’t sure why, but most likely it is related to a cystic fibrosis gene or from scar tissue from a hernia surgery when he was little. Whatever the reason, there is NO chance of us getting pregnant. We tried IVF/ICSI which was horrible…I technically have no problem fertility wise, and from the very LOW doses of all the IVF meds I had to take, my body over-responded and they cancelled the cycle. I’ve never tried again because it was so painful and expensive, as insurance won’t cover it. I also cannot afford to adopt…$25,000 is actually on the lower side! I’m SO sick of people telling me “just relax, you’ll get pregnant” even when I’ve told them it’s scientifically impossible (no sperm=no pregnancy!!!). I am heartbroken. Severely depressed. I’m not even working anymore. I’ve given up even pretending to be happy for others who are pregnant. I’m not a bad person, but I seriously am just not happy when I hear about unmarried women having their 4th, 5th, 6th child when my husband and I cannot have a child. I’ve abandoned my faith in God. I’m hanging on by a thread. People who have not gone through this have no clue what its like. My heart goes out to all of you!

  • jenny

    I am married for 5 years.Trying for a baby since last one year.Tried fertility drugs,did not work.Had 3 failed IUIs.I have resigned from my job because of these treatments.It was tough visiting clinics on an average of 15-20 days a week and then going for work.Sometimes I feel God is teaching me how to face challenges in life.Sometimes I am so depressed.I have lost interest in most of the things I enjoyed doing earlier.I feel really bad when my cousins/friends have their babies.My husband is quite supportive.But at times,he too gets frustated especially when we come to know that a cycle did not work.Most of his friends have kids.But I feel there would be a good day for me too.Lets see what God has in store for me.All I know is I need to be more patient and stay calm.I am determined to enjoy this wait period.Having kids is definetly an essential part of every woman’s life but not having does not mean its end of life.God has some other plans for you baby.

  • Ashly

    I just wanted to say i have been trying for two years with no luck..i got a postive on a test once and three days later it was negative i didnt get a period for 9 months and gained 30 pounds..but no baby..i have had all the tests all fine.im on hormone medication and soon am to start the fertility program by a special doctor..Her name is Leslie Forrester she is a chiropractor in Poplar Bluff,Mo she has helped many woman and has helped me.I wasnt having periods and she put me on whole food medication and it is taking time but i get a period every 6 weeks now..im hoping once i get to the every month i can start the program with her
    Best wishes

  • coconut61

    Well, except the usual advise, there are tools nowadays that can help you with that.
    Some sites advise on fertility monitor or an ovulation prediction kit.
    but have you tried all the tips? this site describes it nicely, for example or this one describes the problems that may cause problems.

    Good luck!

  • BRIDGETTE

    ya this is what i was looking for,iam not alone!worse is that i think my husband blames me sometimes but i am going to stay posetive and pray to the lord to answer my prayers.i know 1day i will have a baby but that time is just not NOW.

  • BRIDGETTE

    UNFORTUNATELY I AM IN SOUTH AFRICA AND I CANNOT FIND THE PRODUCT UR TALKING ABOUT KARLI, IT WOULD BE NICE IF I COULD TRY IT MYSELF.*SAD*

  • Rho

    Well, three years isn’t that long, try 18! I believe I hold the record in this country. I did IVF when they started out 0.02% chance it was the worst experience ever. My sisters, mother grandmother where all pregant in a playful moment but not me. My husbands family, no problem. I did acupuncture, herbs IVF etc you name it. I went to a faithhealer in Brazil. I had a little boy 1 year later at 42. 18 years of despair, anger, frustration, crying, hate, loathing, gutted, mood swings. People even say to you your selfish not having children, or suspicious about you looking after your children. you can’t win. I love children always wanted 7. I conceived when I was stressed out of my tree doing5 assignments and an exam looming for university. Stress has NOTHING to to with conceiving. If I had been brave I would have remarried. Going back to uni and changing my career was the best thing I did. It was under MY control. My husband has not given me any support throughout this empty and lost time. He has never shared his feelings. A hug or his presence during the IVF or the tests would have been terrific. I am back at IVF down the path again. It is much better this time. I will not give up. I understand with the greatest of empathy the emptiness and the wasteland you feel inside. Even when I felt dark inside I attempted to do something that made even a little bit of difference to someone else or to do something a little special for me, it let the sun shine back into my heart.

  • missey

    I have been trying for about 4 or 5 years and still have not been able to get pregnant and I have not got pregnant yet

  • Tanya

    Another year passed, another year without a child. My husband and I will have be married 13 years this year, we’ll both turn 39. . . Late last year was very difficult for us. We finally found the perfect home we wanted to purchase and we almost had it, but last minute lost it to someone with a cash offer. The reason I mention this is because we had hopes of finally moving forward. We were never blessed with our own child, adoption wasn’t working for us either, we had moved on to fostering children. The house we live in now is utterly too small to invite another person to live with us. We were so devestated. Then, the following month, 3 days after Christmas, my brother-in-law passed away at 41, leaving behind a family of his own. My husband and I were again devestated and I prayed very hard for a sign of hope. We needed a reason to move on, something to hope for and look forward to. I prayed for a child to help ease the pay of such a great loss. That month I was very late, but again not pregnant. We are so hurt and angry and don’t understand why?

  • jonamonhonaman

    i can get pregnant, i love it so much, the feeling of a life growing inside u is amazing, if i couldnt have kids i know now i have felt this feeling quite a few times that i would have no reason for living, i am built to breed as a real woman is and should be.

    Game on joanne xx

  • Liz

    My husband and i have been married for 13 years this year, and have been trying for a baby since 2002. We’ve done three IVF cycles, all of which failed. We can’t afford any further IVF treatments and adoption is not an option either.
    I’m 36 and still feel like it will happen some day, but everywhere I look people are getting pregnant and it is upsetting.
    Over the years I have tried to move forward with life and not let my infertility rule my life, but it is hard. Occassionally I’ll be late one month and the little thoughts start in my head, ‘maybe this time’, and I let my hopes rise, only to be crushed when my period arrives.
    Its comforting to read everyone elses stories and I wish everyone well.

  • victoria

    me and my partner have been ttc for 4 years now with nothing..:( we have had all the blood tests all ok i had a overy scan that was ok, and he had his sperm count ok but abit slow. now finally got my gyne appointment on the 15th march im praying that they will help us. the only problemis i have rheumatoid arthrits and on lots of medication so i dont know what they will say. i have recently found out 1 of the tablets ive been on for over 13 years sometimes causes reversable infertilty, which noone told me about,i found by checking the web. :0( my periods are usually reg but this month im 18 days late (negative tests) so i havent had it since 25th december, then on the 1st and 2nd i took a ovulation test strip and i was ovulating?? so im thinking maybe i didnt ovulate last month because if i was pregnant it would of showed by now surely??? theres only 1 thing i want and doesnt seem to happen for us. people saying its not the most important thing in life are proberly the ones that already have children. each to thier own i guess but nothing will ever take this feeling away apart from being a parent. x

  • victoria

    omg i cant believe what i just read fr jonamonhonaman quote ”
    i am built to breed as a real woman is and should be. ” what a horrible thing to say.

  • Faith 336

    I am a 24 soon to be 25 year old female & I cry everyday. I cry because every prayer I have every sent to the Lord has been answered but not this one, not yet at least. I want nothing more than to hear the words “I love you mom” from a child of my own.
    I know the Lord isnt making me suffer but I cry because everyday hundreds and thousands of females go to abortion clinics to remove a blessing that God has given them. If given the blessing I would accept it and embrace it NO MATTER WHAT! I dont care if my child was physically or mentally disabled I would love my child through it all.
    I certainly want to adopt a child one day but nothing compares to feeling life grow inside of you for 9 months. I want that feeling. I want to know what it is like to feel something so precious grow.
    I pray to God EVERY single day. He probably gets tired of hearing my same ol story day after day but I have faith in him. I know that if it is meant for me and my boyfriend to have children then we will one day.
    I am not as fortunate as others, I can not afford to do fertility treatments such as IVF & etc. I am stuck trying to conceive the old fashion way.
    Aside from being depressed and having a constant feeling of worthlessness the periods just make it worse. Every month you have this small little feeling like maybe just maybe I might be pregnant and here comes the menstrual. The blood tears. I sometimes feel like why must I go through the pain of the period if I can not get pregnant. It just makes me feel worse.
    I will say this much to the ladies and fellas out there trying to conceive just keep your head up. Never give up no matter what any doctors tell you or no matter how many times you see 1 line on the pregnancy test. Believe that a higher power up there will bless you one day.
    I have faith that he will bless us all one day with a child. I will continue to pray for myself and for all of you as well. Our day is coming.
    Remember to keep the faith! God is good

  • Amy

    Thank you for this article. It is me word for word, other than I have not gotten over this feeling yet. I feel so… empty inside. I am an educated lady, I know my biology, bla bla bla, but this has become a purely emotional thing.

  • Amy

    Sorry, I hit send to fast.
    It is good to know that you are not alone, and I agree, adoption in one of our “next” plans, BUT for the cost of it! That need to be a mother is so deep and each time a new friend tells me they are going to “start” trying, I can look at my husband and say, in 3 or so months they will be pregnant. and I won’t be. Then to be asked to be a part of raising that child as a close friend is so horribly painful, because I do want to be there for my friends, but how can I be happy for them when this is something I have wanted for so long? uuuggh. ok. now I have to stop typing or I’ll short my keyboard from these tears…

  • Mrs Shah

    I am getting married in few months and yes I am a 26 years old a virgin girl.. I am worried to death after reading this article and comments. Everyone seems to be worried about getting pregnant.I hope,I won’t have any problem.I m taking prenatal already. Goodluck to Kate and everyone else. I just prayed for all of you.
    May God helps you all.Amen

  • Jo

    Hi everyone, I was 16 when I realised that I wanted children, about 10 of them! I married young at 20 and over the next 5 years tried for a baby with no luck. His family kept on about it as his brothers and their wives produced child after child. My marriage broke down and we divorced, the worst moment was when we appeared at the court for the decree absolute and he turned up with his new and very pregnant girlfriend :(

    I found an new man about a year later and we eventually married, we were together nearly 10 years before he ran off with someone that he’d also got pregnant. I felt so useless!! The doctors can’t find anything wrong with me. I have a large family, 6 siblings with 13 children between them and now I’ve just turned 40 their children have started having kids and I have 3 great nieces and nephews! It makes you wonder what’s wrong with you??

    After 20 years of trying and having told my new partner that I was unable to have kids the unbelievable happened and I fell pregnant last March… We were gob smacked then absolutely delighted. I would really love to tell you this story has a happy ending, but unfortunately life is so very cruel and after all of that I miscarried our little boy.

    I don’t know what is worse, knowing that you can never have kids as I thought before, as you eventually reconcile yourself with that fact or having something like this now to deal with? We’ve been trying again like mad ever since, and been back to the doctors and the hospital etc but my body clock is now against me and I’m too old for NHS infertility treatment so we’re not sure what the next step is. My doctor has advised me not to get my hopes up about falling pregnant again but how can I not?? Being pregnant meant everything to us and re-affirmed just how much we actually DID want a baby together…

    I guess we just have to wait and see what happens….. I’ll let you know!

    love and baby luck to you all, Jo xx

  • jack

    my wife blamed her inability to get pregnant on me and put me thru a humiliating experience. She is 150lbs overweight and (duh!) it turned out to be her. I just finalized the divorce yesterday.

  • Saada

    My dear friend, I understand what you went through, because for the past 8 years I am trying to have a baby, I pray that you and all the women on this planet who are strugling without baby, without a child will conceive this year. I pray that all of us will conceive, and be happy parents this year.
    And do not listen to people who says many things. just believe, and never give up. We shall have our babies in our hands soon!!!

  • boo1234

    Hi guys,

    ive been reading all the comments, we’ve been trying for nearly 8 months, & im coming to the point where im sick of peeing on a ovulation stick, just for it to be negative, every month. according to the doctor i do ovulate & am healthy but why isnt this happening. i symptom spot & think this is the month, then suprise suprise the witch arrives. my OH has told me to stop stressing about it, and it will happen when we least expect it, but its just not happening, and every month it kills me, it knock every piece of me & i can feel my heart breaking. i love my oh so much, we have a fantastic loving relationship, & all i want is to have a child with him but after the months of heartache i now think it will never happen. i take my hat off to people who try for years i just dont know how much longer i can go on this way, but on the other hand i want it so much. it breaks my heart evertime i see that negative on a pregnancy test

  • Sarah

    For all of those who think you know and understand what we women who never get pregnant go through… it is a very heartbreaking thing to go through. After 15 years of marriage my husband and I adopted 3 beautiful children. We love them as if we gave birth. But it still does not take away the desire to actually feel that baby inside you growing that is a part of you and one you love. I would still love to have that. Good luck with whatever you and your husband decide to do.

  • Antoinette Brown

    Dear Kate, I’m so thankful to have found your story. I really thought there was no one in this world that could possibly feel the same was I do, that I was being punished and at the same time feeling stupid and embarrased for feeling the way I do. My story is similar and different from yours, I have been dreaming about having a big family since I was very young. My grandmother raised 10 children as well as my greatgrandmother. As I got older and into my teens, I decided I would do it right and wait until I found the perfect one, who loved me and I love and I could tolerate for the rest of my childs life. I was in college when I decided to give it a try. I was fortunate enough to get pregnant. Then I have a miscarriage. If at first you dont succeed…So It happens again. Miscarriage. So I’m like maybe I should give it a break, get my body and health right and a year later, pregnant again. Miscarriage. Oh and the last time, I actually made it to 3 months, thinking my baby was alive but my first ultrasound showed it died weeks earlier and didnt expell on its own like the others. I had to have it taken out, kind of like an abortion. So it may seem like Im fertile, but my body cannot carry a pregnancy. I am now depressed. No diagnosis, I just can feel and see the difference in myself. I feel so worthless. So lonely, so so sad because I feel as if I have no place in this world, no purpose as a woman. I didnt realize other women around the world. with the same issue could have the same feelings as me. I pray you get your wish. I pray God plants a strong seed in you and that seed lives and grows. I hope one day soon or one day in the future, happiness comes your way. Thank you for inspiring me to write out my feelings like this. I never thought this would help me but it has. I feel as though writing it can better help me put into perspective where to go next? I’ve tried the fertility doctor and they don’t know exactly what is wrong either. But I’m more confident now, one day my dream will come true. God Bless.

  • http://blogcritics.org/culture/article/cant-get-pregnant-you-are-not/page-2/ Corrine

    Susan I know how you feel. I’ve been trying for 7 years. And getting older. I’ve suffered depression and need sleeping pills sometimes. But God hasn’t abandoned you. God is a good god and loves you. He will bless the crooked path – Hold on to your faith. We need His guidance in our situation.

  • clearhope

    Thanks so much Kate for telling your story.It can feel very isolated and lonely when trying to pregnant goes on and on.
    I can relate as we have been trying for two years now. I think its not knowing exactly what is wrong that’s the difficult part.

    I had a positive outlook for the first year, but the second year is taking its toll. At the school I work in all the teachers who I work directly with are pregnant (3 work in the same room as me !!), and two more also who I work closely with. They have conceived very quickly, and each time I am told the happy news, I am happy for them, but it breaks my heart too.Several friends have now started trying also, so more bittersweet news on the way.
    We too have thought of adoption, but I am thinking of going back to college , and so will have thousands in fees to pay , as I feel a happier more fulfilled me , will be good for myself,my partner and any eventual children (:
    I try to focus now on my lovely partner of 12 years, and how lucky we are to have each other.
    I am sending positive thoughts to you and all those that have posted here with similar stories.
    Maybe if and when a child comes either by conception/adoption or fostering a child who really needs a good family, it will be all the more precious (:
    x

  • ALi

    i have a question if the tests are clear for the husband and wife then why wife is not getting prgnent.
    can some one reply my this question . i will be very thank full to them. [Personal contact info deleted]

  • savannah

    Your story is exactly my story! I have the same feelings and emotions. I have driven friends and even family away because I just can’t find it in my heart to be happy for them. I know it’s very selfish but I want this more than anything! I feel so incomplete.

  • lisa

    I understand everything you said. I am in the same time frame as you and my cousin is only 19 and shes been pregnant twice after saying she can not stand kids. I have seen her with children she literally can not stand them and my other cousin burned her child because she was in her way now she has two more. A girl that married into the family got pregnant like a month after they were married and my older boy cousin has so many kids he honestly doesn’t know how many he has. I try to be happy for them but it is also very hard. I do have good news though about adoption. I thought it would cost that much too but I was informed if you go through dhs or your local office that deals with family services such as foodstamps that it is free. They pay for all the legal things you just have to get the chids room all set up with clothes and things as if you were expecting a child. We are in the early stage of it but so far it is going well. I am not sure if you knew this or if its been mentioned in other comments I read quite a few but didn’t see anything about this so I thought it would help. Its easier to use my email so if you ever wanna talk one on one my doctor said its good to have to talk to others who have the same situation and besides you could always use a new friend shastadoll_2009@yahoo.com

  • Heather Lilly

    I just want to say that it’s sad how many people would love to have a baby and there are so many children out there without a loving home.
    I, like most of you, came across this blog in hopes of trying to get some advice on how to get pregnant.
    For as long as I can remember that was the only thing I wanted out of life…to be a mom.
    I’m a newly wed of 6months and have been trying since the beginning of the marriage. For whatever reason I must be doing something wrong because I come up short every time I use the ept. It upsets me that I haven’t been successful yet in conceiving but I keep the faith. I have recently been told by a family friend of a fertility drug for both men and women and I’m pretty for sure it was mentioned here as well, so I well try it and hope I have good news soon. I know how it feels to avoid pregnant friends because you can’t deal with the pain. I may have not came across an answer to my problems but I don’t really have anyone to talk to about my problems and I don’t want to burdeon my husband who already blames himself for our unsuccessful attempts. So thanks for those who have expressed there feelings.

  • Sara

    Oh goodness, I just got through crying because your story moved me so much. I am going through the same thing. I have been trying to get pregnant, I am trying to acknowledge all these bad feelings I am having, it is so hard because your story is exactly the same as mine, I have only been trying to get pregnant for about 10 months though. It just hurts so badly. One of my friends got pregnant about a year ago on accident and was crying about it, not happy tears sad tears. Its just hard to understand. But I also believe everything happens for a reason, and I am going to see an gyno this month and Im just going to keep praying!

  • cass

    I actually got teary eyed reading this… I have wanted so desperately to be a mother and haven’t taken birth control since I was 20.. I am 27 this year and have accepted that I obviously cannot get pregnant. I had a co-worker that got pregnant and didn’t want to be since the baby was from an affair she was having and she (knowing the problems that I had) actually had the nerve to ask me to drive her to an abortion clinic. I begged her not to do it… I would have gladly taken her child, would have even paid all of her medical expenses that were not covered with our insurance along the way. In the end she did it and no I refused to not take her. I am still trying and still praying. I also pray for you that you can conceive. So many people just don’t understand, but I do.

  • Nettie

    I never realized so many people were having difficulty getting pregnant. I think we always think its just us but we look around and there is a lot of others with the same issue. I’ve been trying to get pregnant for about 3 years now. I have a son I am truely greatful for! I just don’t know what is wrong with me now. Before I with a guy for 3 years and never got pregnant. Was young and glad I didn’t get pregnant I would have been way too young and stupid to be a mother but I didn’t get pregnant in those 3 years I was with him. Then I was with a new boyfriend (under the impression I can’t get pregnant)but in a few months and in no time at all I got pregnant not meaningly to we were together for a few years after having our son but didn’t work out in the end. But now I’m wanting another one and he wants a sister so bad and I can’t give that to him. He is definitely my miracle baby. Hes now 5 and I still can’t get pregnant again. I’m 26 and I know I shouldn’t be sad but I missed a lot of big things in his life by working and I don’t want that to happen again! I shouldn’t be upset cause I was lucky to get my son :D who I love more than life itself. I’m just confused. Why then and not now? There is people getting pregnant left and right. Its crazy. Just seems like I’m not suppose to have anymore. Sorry if I sound ungreatful and greedy I’m not I really think our bodies work in mysterious ways. I have a few friends and family members pregnant and they just got pregnant like it was a normal easy thing to do. Good luck too all you lady’s. I hope you all get to experience mommyhood wheather you become pregnant or threw adoption. Being a mom has its ups and downs like everything & changes your life in the best way possible! Made me learn a lot and grow up! :D HUGS to all!

  • Ola

    Hi All, I have read so many comments here, I just had to reply to offer Hope to all those desperate to concieve. Not been able to have children as it seems is a world-wide issue that affects millions regardless or colour, age or greed. I know of a book that I am prepared to buy and send it to every single person that is open to recieve it, if you read the Book with a desperate heart and geniue opened mind, I guarantee you that within less than a year, you would have got pregnant. The book contains 100% true stories of people just like yourself who have not been able to have children for years some up to 20 years, who read the book with heart felt seriousness and conceive shortly afterwards, some even in there 50’s, all true stories, some even conceived twins and triplets. The book is called “you shall not be barren”, If you are open to receive the book [personal contact info deleted] I am prepared to post people copies no matter where they are in the world at my expense, who ever sends me an email will not regret they did because they will certainly have a story to tell, the book not only details stories of totally hopeless cases of people trying to get pregnant, but also gives details steps that you can take to concieve, the Book is a christian Book written by a serious strong Pastor from Africa by the name of Bishop David Oyedepo and it seems that who ever just reads the book and follows the heart felt prayer within it from the bottom of there soul just conceives even defiling all medical explanations and assessments. The sepctives that think, what book could that be..its all fake, no worries, no problems, I’m afraid the search may just continue, however for those desperate enough to email me longing for a true change..in there circumstances I sincerely hope all your stories end in laughter, laughter of happiness and laughter of conception, no case is hopeless until you call it so, I have seen this myself. Please note that this is not a spam email effort, I have much better things to do with my time,but having read some heart breaking comments I am moved to offer help, particularly when I know many have over come this challenge too.

  • Bill

    Sorry…..John is wrong. we are put here to multiply and have babies. Unsaved people don’t understand this truth.
    Sad!!

  • patsy

    What a insensitive thing to say about the planet being overpopulated [personal attack deleted by comments editor] if you havent experinced infertilty please do not comment because you dont know what the fuck youe saying if you siad that to me in person I would slap you. An you are being selfish [personal attack deleted by comments editor]

  • Charita

    Hey ladies, I completely understnd your frustration about wanting to bare children, but not being able to. I am 23 yrs old and im turning 24 next month and I have been married for 1 year and 3 months anf i’ve Always wanted a baby. Remind you i’ve been working at a daycare for 7 years and im the infant teacher because I love babies and thats as close to having as I can get and the bond that I share with them is Great, but I truly want my own :(

  • Charita

    I get sad just thinking about it sometimes. And then i’ve had so many encounters were I thought I was prego and actually could of been, I even felt like I was, stomach got bigger, gaining weight, but it was yet another false alarm, how embarrasing is that? Im just sooo frustrated, huhhh…

  • Sandra

    Kate,
    I would like to thank you for sharing your story. My husband and I have been trying for two and a half years. Over a year ago I got pregnant using clomid. I had a misscage at seven weeks. It is so fustrating that we haven’t been able to concieve again. I feel so sad and angry. My friends and family are all having babies and I just can’t help feeling unhappy. Like you we’d love to adopt but by time we save up enough money I just feel it will be to late for us.

  • mel

    im really scared. im 19 and been with my boyfriend 3 years nearly, i know thats not the best age to be having children, but i know that I can be an amazing mother with my soon to be fiance. After 3 years of having no protected sex I’m still not pregnant, I understand that its wrong not using protection unless you want children but now as me and my boyfriend are coming onto our 20s im gettin afraid that I cannot have children as we have’nt used it…ever. After not using protection with the person I would love to have children with what should I do, is there anything I can do, or ior is there anything wrong with me. Please someone give me some true advice as im too nervous to go to the doctors x

  • mel

    Antoinette Brown… Im 19 and i really do think that im infertile. My mum was told that she couldnt ever have children…HA. But please dont ever let yourself go, keep hope and at the end of the day, life is what you make it xxx

  • mel

    this site is a load of crap man. i just released a load of my personal stuff to people tht i thought were on the conversation. Naaa are they hell… anybody thinking of writing on here dont!

  • mel

    take back my last comment i am sorry. i was confused

  • Maddison

    these posts make me sad… i have been pregnant 3 times and FALL STRAIGHT AWAY and trust me dont judge me and tell me to close my legs because u dont know why i had to abort these children.

    1st abortion. i was 16 the condom broke ( the after pill doesnt ALWAYS WORK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! )

    2nd abortion.i planned to have a child as i was financially stable and was engaged but then my partner had an affair and said he will not be apart of my babys life and i will NOT BRING an INNOCENT child into a WORLD with there biological father not wanting them!!being single mum is harder then it looks.

    3rd abortion
    i was being very careful and being safe untill i went up the coast to see my family and forgot my pills. so i had missed 2 pills.

    Pregnant with my 4th. I was on antibiotics and i SPECIFICALLY ASKED THE DOCTOR WITH IBLEX 500MG ANTIBIOTICS AFFECT MY PILL?!?!?! and he said no!!!

    and now im stuck here pregnant and now my partner has broken up with me & wont take me back. i finally started a NEW CAREER and open up a BUSINESS , i bought a new car, just put a deposit on a house everything is going so well.. i dont have time to have a baby and i feel guilty. and i know people say give it for adoption but really THINK TO UR SELF!! that wuld be HARDER GIVING ur baby away then aborting it!!!!! PLUS having to go THROUGH 9 MONTHS on pregnacy and then people asking where is ur baby ?? and on top of that my dad was adopted and his HEad fucked from it!!!!!

    i really dont know what to do!!! all i can say is if ur tryn to get pregnant just go with the flow stop thinkin bout it so much and also have sex 3 days BEFORE OVULATING so when the egg drops the sperm is waiting…

    i asked my doctor about the 4th termination. he said there is NO RISK of being INFERTILE from ABORTIONS. the rish of being INFERTILE is if u get an INFECTION AFTER the abortion. the healing process. and yes the scaring on ur uterus will tender it but that can easily be removed.

  • Joanne

    Hi Kate,
    Thank you so much for bravely sharing your story online.
    Ive read so many of the comments attached to this and hope that you dont take too many of them to heart.
    i wanted to let you know that my cousin and her husband were trying for 9 years…horrific huh. She would fall pregnent, but then miscarry before her 3rd month. An issue with her and her hormones, but you shoudl know now that they never gave up, and learned lots of relaxing techniques, put the ‘fun’ back into their lives instead of just trying and trying like it was an endless goal – they had made peace with the thought that they wouldn’t b parents until one day when she got pregnent, and stayed pregnent! a real miricle and after 9 long tiring year, they have a little girl, and what a cheeky wee thing she is!
    Don’t give up, dont listen to anyone who invalidates your feelings, you have every right to want a baby, and i hope that you could update this post with some great news one day! :-)
    Its human nature and the reason we are hear, to pro-create and our natural instinct is to want to do this! I wish you and your husband all the luck in the world and in the meantime, just stick to having fun and loving life and all it has to offer for you both!

  • Katie C.

    My husband and I have been trying to get pregnant for 7 years and ….nothing. I am only 23 years old (yes I know I started early) but I have always wanted to have a big family. I want a baby more than anything in the world and it has turned me into a bitter person. I have no friends left, mainly because I seem to be unable to enjoy life. All the friends I had, now have children and this has driven us apart. I am happy for them, but this is overshadowed by my sheer hate for…well I guess myself. There are so many times I’ll pass by a display for children’s clothes or toys and just cry. This is not only embarassing for me but I also feel bad for my husband. I know there is nothing he can do, but I feel like my depression has put a rift in our relationship. I know I sound crazy, this is the main reason for posting here, I need to get this out but do not want anyone around me to know how I feel about the situation. I have told everyone that we do not have children yet as a choice. No one but my mother knows the truth. I was the oldest grandchild and the only granddaughter. I was supposed to have the first great-grandchildren, and yet my cousins have surpassed me. My grandparents seem so happy with each new addition, I want so badly to have a child before they are gone. Adoption is not an option for us. We simply cannot afford it. Plus with our family medical history I dont believe they would ever see us as fit anyway. I can only hope that this lost feeling goes away. I get so very angry when I see people who do not deserve children have 3 or 4 of them. I work with children and I cannot tell you how many cases of abuse and neglect I have seen. These are the people who should not be able to have children, instead of people like me who can love and provide for them as they should be. It simply isn’t fair.

  • Mellisa King

    It really hurts,Ave been married for almost 3 yrs now,ave tried for 2 yrs with no luck.But one thing i believe is that God is able to do the impossible.I have never gone for major tset neither my husband, but i believe i will hold my own baby in Jesus name.

  • Asian 31

    Hi all/Kate :)

    I’m married almost 4 yrs now and been trying to have a child since last year. I was in my 8 weeks pregnancy when i miscarried this time last year and until today struggling to have a lil one.

    My hubby and I both been to a specialist and results were normal. I can’t help but still wonder why its so hard to get pregnant. Depression/anger/frustration is getting the better of me. I love kids and really praying hard that God will grant my petitions to have a baby somehow n become a fulfilled mother and wife to my husband. Only God knows when its gonna happen.

    For those who are still trying, i feel for you and my prayers for u all beautiful wives out there – I believe that God loves us and HE knows whats best for us ALL.

    G’luck God bless :)

  • Stacy

    I tried for 10 yrs and nothing. I wasn’t ovulating. I finally got my weight down, blood sugar and blood pressure in check. I assumed my body was done. I am single and out of the blue I missed my period. Sure enough I am pregnant at the age of 41.

  • Caline

    I’ve been married for 3 years and we have been trying to get pregnant for that period of time. We have had 4 IUIs and all 4 failed. Last year, I got pregnant on a natural cycle; however, I miscarried at 9 weeks. We found out that I had a high blood clotting factor and not enough blood got to the baby. Got that fixed with aspirin.

    This year, in March after 2 failed IUIs, we decided to take a break from all the medication that were driving my body crazy, and again that was the month, on a natural cycle, that I got pregnant. Both times, it happened when I threw my hands up in the air and said whatever happens, happens. I am now pregnant for 16 weeks; however, have had to deal with a major issue. 3 weeks ago, through a CVS and later an amnio, we found out that our little baby has Trisomy 13. This is worse than down syndrome and the abnormalities are not compatable with a normal enviornment. These babies in most cases die before birth, and those who do get born die with a month to a year of birth. I have consulted with 3 doctors and everyone has said that the best thing to do is to terminate the pregnancy. This is also to save my well being, as I could be at risk if the baby dies in the womb. This has been an agonizing time for us, ehically, emotionally and morally. However, my husband and I have come to the decision to terminate the pregnancy. It will be very selfish of us to give birth (at its best) to a child who will not live long after birth.

    I don’t know what God’s plans are for me, and why He has allowed me to experience this, but I have accepted His will. However, I am angry (don’t know at whom though) and upset.

    One thing I do know is that we won’t give up. We will try again. I have been pregnant twice, which is a good sign. I am told Trisomy 13 isn’t inherted. It is a freak accident of nature, and has nothing to do with my genes or my husband’s.

    When I look back, I have gotten pregnant every time I let go of the stress and need to become a mother and just said that I will enjoy my life and allow God to bless me with a child, when He knows it is the right time.

  • jack

    my wife is a fat ass and cant get pregnant. I want a divorce. im pissed off but listen, if you want to stuff your face and trah your life, do it on your own time fool!

  • Rachael

    Thank you Kate for sharing. I have been married 9 years and ttc for 5 years. My husband recently got another woman pregnant in one try. Talk about feeling less than a woman! Now at the age of 37 I know that there is something wrong with ME even though the doctors can’t identify exactly what it is. I wish I knew why god does not want me to conceive a child. Then maybe I could move on.

  • Lu ivey

    Hi, my name is lu. Im 26 almost 27, n ive never been pregnant, nor had a miscarriage, not even a scare, n Im startn to thnk somethng is wrong w me. Thnx kate, for lettn me kno im not alone, this hurts, especially since all my freinds have kids or bout to. Im jus scared, n it doesnt help tht my bf is also 26 n has had two hernias n his balls as a child, he believes he cnt either. Weve been tryn, alot, also udin wives tales n myths n still no luck. We both talk bout havn babies, n still pray. It kills me to look at my bf whn hes playn w our freinds kids n c how happy he is, he always makes the comment to me, we could be, makes my heart feel a lil better. Thnx for lettn me comment, I needed to let ths off my chest.

  • rachel

    hi my is rachel i know how you all feel i just find out that i’m not pregnant i been trying to get pregnant but just can’t i really wanna be a mom . it just isn’t fair that everone around me keep have baby and i can’t have one . i’m 27 yrs old and wish i took get pregnany. i don’t inderstand how god lets all this teenage girls have baby but not me .this suck

  • Wannabe Mom

    Try being alone and trying to conceive – forced to pay $1100 for every try and being told 4 times – you’re not pregnant. Do I feel suicidal? Yes

  • Cristy B

    Dear Father in Heaven:
    Please, comfort all my sisters in this website who are hurting so deeply, grant them the righteous desire of their hearts to provide a loving home for a baby as they turn to thee in prayer for that miracle, and when their prayers are answered, that they will remember to raise these children to walk in thy ways. Nothing is impossible to thee, please open the wombs of the barren and dry their tears.

  • Cristy B

    Some people in this blog have said that this earth is overpopulated and that is selfish for us to want to have a baby. How ignorant and insensitive!You must not believe in God. God is not stupid, do you think He created the earth for his children to live in it and after He created, He went”… Oops, I made a mistake, it’s too small and not enough resources, darn…” God is not stupid, I have traveled all over the world and have seen from planes that there a millions of inhabited acres of land, plenty of resources, God got it right!the problem is that we unfortunately have corrupt governments who don’t know how to handle these resources. Dream on girls, I hope God fills your quiver and blesses you with kids to your hearts content. Do not lose your faith. Ask and it shall be given, knock and it shall be opened unto you. And if for whatever reason is not His will, trust Him, He sees the bigger picture, we only see a small part of it. He loves us, we are His daughters.

  • Chrisinda

    I have struggled for 3 years before finally falling pregnant. I really want a brother or sister for my girl but she is already turning 3 and we have had no luck so far. I have also had lots op injections, pills, examinations, operation ext ext. It is not fun at all. But I must tell you that I will do it all again and more to increase the chance of having a baby. If I new all the pleasures my girl would give me I would have cried a lot more during my first 3 infertile years. Do whatever it takes. You would not regret it.

  • Pippa

    It was sep 2010 when I first found out this blog and wrote.I’m so frustrated that its been almost a yr by now and I’m still not prego…after trying so hard 4 all these months.I fail to understand when all the blood reports and test reports are normal,we both are in perfectly healthy conditions…….why is it not happening? I’m 25 now and he’s 30….we love each other but now I’m so depressed n sad all the time that even Love isn’t enough I think….Everyone suggested not to think abt it, pray hard, eat n stay healthy…etc etc….I did everything to b happy n not think abt it……but it just took its toll upon us…now at times,during utter frustration,I fight bitterly with my loving hubby…..The worst part is I love him so much that I don’t want him 2 b sad abt this whole prego thing….but unfortunately I feel guilty 4 not being able to give him the happiness that he truly deserves…..n Oh did I mention the pressures from friends and family when it seems that everyone else around is popping out babies at worst possible times…..God what to do…I pray with al my heart for all of u out there…

  • Pippa

    I feel a lot better after writing here because just moments ago I was feeling miserable….feeling suicidal….confused and terribly frustrated.Now I pray to god that if u r giving me this hard time then plsss do give me the strength and courage required to face n handle the situation as well coz it seems that I don’t have any left……:-(((

  • Pippa

    Month after month just keeping my fingers crossed that hopefully this month will bear some good news….but:-(I even got two pregnancy test strips hidden in my handbag so that if by any chance I feel something…I can test it….I went to work for a childcare nursery last month n there were all these beautiful,cute and chubby little toddlers toddling and playing around n I was soooo happy to see all of them n almost tears rolled down my cheeks for not to b having experienced such a beautiful creation of God myself…..Why did it had to happen to me? All my cousins and friends seem to get pregnant the very first time they try…its just that I never thought this would happen to me n I guess noone ever does unless n until we face the situation directly in our lives…I used to b such a chirpy,bubbly and lively young girl, happy-go-lucky always and now I am this fat,depressed and confused housewife who is unsure of everything around.I’m petrified of facing my parents and in-laws and their questions.I’m sick of taking preg tests and ovulation tests.Just so tired of discussing this whole thing over n over with my hubby…I try to keep my mind diverted somehow….watching movies,going out,talking to real close friends.Hope that helps.

  • R

    Hi Kate, I am 27 years old and I have been married for 3 years. I have known my husband since middle school. I too have been trying so desperately to get pregnant and it has been hard. I’m to the point where I just want to give up. As much as I want to be a mother I don’t know if I have the strength to deal with it all. I hurtful knowing that my husband is ready to be a father and I can’t give him what he wants, but fortunately he has been very supportive and loving.

  • casey

    Noone in this world can imagine the pain and hurt a woman feels when she sits on the toilet and wipes her period, in denial that it could be implantation bleeding. Its sad to see how many people are so insensitive to people who want children. A child is the most precious gift someone can have. Not traveling the world or saving money. A hug of a child or the little voice calling you mom cannot compare to anything in this universe. So before you say hurtful things to someone who’s reaching out to us for positive help, u guys need to think before you hurt people’s feelings. Good luck to u lady. I hope u get pregnant. I will keep u in my prayeres. :)

  • Tiffany

    This was a very beneficial article for me. I am also 27 and have been married for 4 years. My husband and I have been trying to conceive for two years. We got our hopes up once when I found out I was pregnant about a year ago, but within the weekend after finding out, I miscarried. The year that has followed has been excruciating. Still no pregnancy, meanwhile so many of my friends from high school and college are either pregnant or have had their babies. My husband’s cousin and his girlfriend (who live next door to us) even had a baby. So like you said, while I want to be happy for them, I am also angry and frustrated. I have not taken any fertility tests and only recently have started charting my cycle and BBT. Hearing that I am not alone (though also not wishing this kind of emotional rollercoaster on anyone) it is comforting to know that there are others who understand. I realize your blog was written about four years ago, so I hope things have turned around for you and that you have gotten to experience the miracle of pregnancy. But I also want to thank you for helping to put things in perspective for me.

  • Tish

    Six yrs strong and I’m only 24 but I have gave up on trying guess I’m just not one of them ladies that can have kids oh well my life has to go on… I love all of y’all dearly I hope y’all get to be the mom’s and dad’s y’all all have dreamt to be.!!!!

  • Sam

    Hi, I am 28 years old and we have been trying for 4years now. Every night I cry myself to sleep, asking myself the same question why can I not get pregnant? The doctors have said everything is fine with both of us but still there has been no luck. However I believe that there is a reason for everything, maybe it’s not our time yet. I try to be positive but when you see other people around you get pregnant and see them really happy, it really hurts but then I think to myself, when will it be my turn to be happy? Only god knows.

    Just like to say have faith and I am praying for you guys.

  • Angie

    I am moved by your story so much. I never respond to these things…
    I am Happy you made the time and.. I am sad..to share your pain. I too cannot have children after 5 years trying. It is also “me”. I waited for my love (who I now have) I refused to have children with men I knew didnt love me and men who would leave me if I had their child..
    so many stories of couples who finally did it.. I love that you had the courage to tell the truth that so many of us deal with daily.. that we cant ever do it. And you are right it is the suprise of it. Everyone has a reproductive perogative dont they? but not us. And we find out so cruelly. And it costs us so much. Both of us, my man and me, are heart broken. I am not going to say best luck I hope you have a baby. Im going to say remember the soul you have in YOUR body. I LOVE that you say embrace the pain of loss, a grief, a death. I wish most people understood thats what it is.

  • Sara

    I’m 27 and live in Hungary. I still didn’t conceive, though I’d really want to. We haven’t been to a doctor yet, because I’m afraid of the examinations they’d do, but I’m wondering if there is a problem with me.
    I still believe that God would give what is best for us, and He is the perfect timer. I’m just so sad now…

  • Hope

    It’s 22.30 I have just returned from a birthday bbq for a friends one year old. During the evening I learnt that another couple were expecting. The couple are mid to late 30’s, keen drinkers and smokers. My husband and I have been trying to concieve for three years. We are late 30’s and early 40’s so time is not on our side. I have PCOS, and we are trying the right route not jumping in straight to IVF. I try to maintain a smile and a balanced view on this subject. I believe with all my heart that I have married the most wonderful man in the world. We are happy, we laugh everyday, we have a full and complete life, I find him continually physically and mentally attractive. What I hate is my intermitent feeling of failure. It is nothing that I can control, hence the problem. I have more realistic moments of sanity and optimism than despare. All I can say is, it is not everyones god given right, but when the hormones kick in, there is no one that can tell you otherwise. A happy relationship is everything. I came from an unhappy childhood, and I would not swap what I have now for anything, baby or not. Without my husband, well…. it would not be complete, all said, I feel for anyone who has not concieved over a long period. The barage of daily comments needs intense training to deal with them…why don’t you have children, what is wrong with you? my all time worst….you are not a woman until you are a mother… bollocks! I am a woman, I love,I feel, I get angry, I laugh, I live and I do hope that one day I become a Mummy. I want to skip that sinking feeling of, I am happy for you, I want to be happy for me. To all couples trying to concieve, I wish you well and wish you the day when you look at that test and scream with joy!

  • Suada

    Wow . I know that all of you are very upset and that it’s not easy. I am 30 years old , and my husban is 35 we hav been trying to get pregnant for 9 years ( since the day we got married ) my husband has very low sperm count. We have tired ivf’ s sooooooooop many times. I gain weight and no luck. Every time we get negative answer. In January we starred seeing a urology doctor. He states that my husband needs to have a minor surgery. The vains that the sperms travels before release are to wide. So now we are waiting for this, he is a bit ugents it but we want children a d have to try all the possibilities.

    Everyone don’t give up, and remember what’s god wants it will happen. .

  • Janz

    The author of the ebook i bought online sent this link to me.. i am 27 years old and really want to have my own baby. we’ve been trying for 4years now but still to no avail. my obgyne told me that i have PCOS. i tried pills, metformin and clomid 50mg but still i did not get pregnant. i always research online on fertility,ovulation and how to get pregnant, we’ve done everything and still hoping and praying in Gods time that an angel will come in our life..
    wish u the best of luck. hope God will grant our wishes..

  • ikafai

    Hi there. Hi Kate. I’m so glad unexpectedly found this article and suddenly i know i’m not alone who suffer here.
    I’m surrounded by people who got pregnant easily, my mom, aunts, cousins, and friends. we’ve been trying for one and half years, and i always in a huge depression everytime i got my period. I feel that i’m alone who’s not normal here.
    I cried everytime i heard the news of a friend who recently married and then pregnant easily. I blame my hubby, i blame everyone around me, i blame mothers who yelled at their kids, and i even start to blame God.
    Seem like i’m gonna be crazy rite?
    But i do realize one thing like u Kate, there must be a reason why i’m not pregnant yet. And i keep telling myself never quit trying, never lose hope, and always put my marriage first.

    On Wednesday we’ll see Urologist, since the last sperm test of my husband showed abnormal sperms, low motility, we wanna find if there’s something wrong with him.

    let’s finger crossed guys.
    Like almost every people i met told me, it will happen in the right time.

    Cheers!!

  • Pia

    I tried over an year and wasn’t getting pregnant. I harbored secret resentment to my friends who got pregnant even when they didn’t really want a baby. After doig rounds of clomid, fertility tests I tried Pre seed lubricant. Used it and lo, I was pregnant almost immediately. Had implantation bleeding 4 days after ovulation. Turns out, I needed lubrication as I was very dry which made it difficult to conceive. Now am 12 weeks pregnant and going strong.

    Lots of baby dust to all of you. Try Pre seed, am surprised how quickly it worked.

  • aliyah

    i am 21 years old, i have three year old daughter. after i had her i decided to have another one right away. i cant concieve i dont know what happenend.. it has been three years since we started trying.. did my body change? with my daughter it didnt take even a month. two month later after i delieved my her i started bleeding after sex? what is causing this? did something wrong with my c-section? I went back to my doctor and she said everything is normal. if everything is normal why am i bleeding? why cant i conceive..in my culture we are suppose to have many babies.. if you dont have baby people will start talking about you.. i am feel sad sometimes, i fill disapointed..

  • Edwina

    Hi Kate,

    I know what your going through. I have been married for a year now and still I cant conceive. Its so depressing. I just found out today that my sister in law is pregnant, I am happy for her but at the same time bitter with jealousy because I long to have a child.

    Why cant I fall pregnant?, sometimes I think that God is punishing me for something that I had done wrong. I pray everyday but still no luck.

    I cry myself to sleep at night. I feel depressed at work, useless and all. what can I do?

    I am in desperate need of a child. Life just falls right to the bottom when things like this happen. life is just too hard to live, I might even consider suicide but I am too much of a coward. I have not gone to see a doctor as I am too scared to hear those words “u cant conceive”….i just cant. I cant go for IVF as it will costs thousands of dollars.

    Life is just too hard to live

  • cindy

    I’m 22 years old, been married for 3 1/2 yrs, and have been trying to conveive for 3 yrs. I feel depressed, worthless, i feel that my husband deserves someone that can give him children! Infertility is eating me inside and out because i feel like im been fake infront of my family because they dont know what we’re going thru. They all have kids and everybody is always asking us that what are we waiting for to have kids, that we are staying behind. I don’t know what to do with myself anymore, sometimes i wont think about it as much but theres day when i just can’t forgive myself for holding us back from been parents. How do i come about telling my family what we’re going thru. I feel like they wont understand.

  • smile

    To all the women and men on this site: Stress and depression can cause you to not be able to carry a baby. Worrying aobut it so much to the point where you are harming yourself, wont do you any good at all. Not to say that it will be easy, but TRY to smell a rose; think of a time when you were truly happy and hold on to the happiness for as long as you can. Not the “well that was then this is now” thought, just the feeling of being happy. Try to do something that makes you smile atleast once, a day, then maybe twice. I’m not saying it’s a cure…and it doesn’t necessarily matter if you believe in God or not….but this is the life you get to live, so live it! None of you are failure’s but all of you are human (I hope anyways….:) You have every right to be upset, but every right to live you life in a happy place!

  • anonomus

    I know exactly how you feel!!! I’ve had trouble myself and I’m 30. I went off my bc pills this past march. I had 3 periods then they quit all together.. I was having all the soft signs of being pregnant..but all the home tests and blood tests and even an ultrasound said Negative!!! In the mean time a friend who went off her bc pill a month after I did is now 20 weeks pregnant her first try and bam she’s pregnant..Then I have a stupid sister in law pretending to be pregnant.. I didn’t know your belly can get smaller and bigger in a matter of a week .. small then big and back to small again all in 1 week… for myself I’m going to keep trying though!!!! I want to experience a life growing inside me and we don’t have the money to adopt either. GOOD LUCK!!!! and GOD BLESS!!!

  • anonomus

    OH yeah I forgot to mention the stupid sister in law doesn’t even know who the father of her “fake” baby is. SO WATCH OUT GUYS!!! as soon as my husband told his family is when this all came about.. and who throws a baby shower for theirself!!! her answer is to get fired from her job and collect WELFARE!!! oh and she lives at home with MOMMY AND DADDY still!! they pay for everything for her anyways!!!

  • Carrie Ann

    Kate, You could also become a foster parent. There are so many children out there that need someone to love them. It’s a shame that so many people that have children,don’t deserve them. Anyway, that aside if the child you foster is taken from the family for good, you will have the option to adopt for free. I just wanted to put that out there, it’s a good way to avoid very high adoption costs. Good luck to you and I hope everything works out for you.

  • diana

    I got pregnant after trying for 1.5 years. we tried clomid, vitamin tablets , organic food everything.Finally my sis in law told me to write my desire in a paper and keep it in the bible. we did that and started reading bible every day. In that month we went to church and in our seat we saw the st jude novena that says pray this and your needs will be heard by God. we did that too and by that month end we saw our test results as positive.

    Eat good food, enjoy sex(counting the calendar and doing sex may not work always) and engage in other activities and strongly believe in God.That is our experience

  • Haley Mueck

    I have been in 4 Different long term releationships and never got pregnant. My mother had 2-3 miscarriages before me, set of twins miscarry and then had my brother. But me nothing at all. I used to cry or get upset/happy when i saw other women that were pregnant. THE ONLY ONLY ONLY WAY I COULD KEEP MYSELF FROM GETTING UPSET IS TO LOOK AT IT A DIFFERENT WAY::
    What if i died giving birth to my baby, I would still die the happiest woman on the earth.Or what if my baby came out still born or with problems. There are a lot of complications and risk for you and oyur unborn child to go thrU.
    BUT ITS THE GREATEST MIRACLE A PERSON CAN DO CREATE A LIVING BEING INSIDE OF THEM.
    yes maybe it isn’t or wan’t my time or the right person. But how many people in reality actually stay with their partner or get a long after pregnancy. Its kinda of hard to find now a days. if i were to get pregnant i would hope to be with the father. But thats a risk i don’t care about taking. I feel if i dont have a child: what part of me or my family will live on. I feel i will not belong to anything or anyone, same as marriage.

  • Kristen

    I know this is years later since you posted but I’m curious to know if you ever got pregnant! :)

  • Coreen

    I would also like to know if you ever fell pregnant? I have been trying for 4 years and nothing… I hope your dream came true xx

  • Nat

    I know how it feels to have no one to talk to and because other people may not find it important to have kids it doesnt mean that it’s not important to me. I feel Luke im being punished or something why else would I be denied to have babies. I love kids and it breaksmy heart that every time I take a test it comes up negative. I know people say everything happens for a reason but I really can’t see the reason for this. I hate the world at the moment as I just dont want to be in it if I cant have children. I know this emotion will fade but at the moment this is how I feel.

  • danielle

    I’m glad that I found this site. I have nobody to talk to about this situation because I’m embarrassed. I have been with my boyfriend for 7 years and I havent had one pregnancy scare. all my friends and cousins have kids, even my dad has kids the same age as my friends. My boyfriend and I never talked about kids. Everytime somebody brings the topic up we always say we r waiting to have a house. the other nite boyfriend had a couple drinks and the words came out his mouth” do u wonder if people thinks its wierd we dont have kids” the question i am so scare to face was here. but my luck he feel asleep right after that question. everr since that i nite its been on my mind. i sit at home and cry because I’m scared. what if i cant have kids? what he wont want to be with me if i cant have kids? I know after all these years it is time to bring the subject up, being as though we both been avoiding the conversation. I’m 25 and I’m tired of having everybodys kids, i want mine own. good luck to all you out there who are in the same position as me. I wish you all the best. As for me, I go to the doctors next month. Im very nervous.

  • Jamie

    Well I am 26, been trying for 3 years… PCOS, Thyroid problems and a reversed Uterus… Thank you for all your stories :) Glad to see there are positive outcomes

  • Christina

    I wanted to say that your story has really touched my heart Kate. I have never wanted to write on the fertility blogs before, I suppose it would mean that it makes my struggle more real. Your story is very like mine. My partner and I have been together for 16yrs from the age of 18. We always knew we wanted a home and a family one day. But first we wanted to travel and establish ourselves in our careers. We spent our 20’s doing this and having the time of our lives. Then finally at 30 we decided it was time to start our family. 4 years later and we are still waiting. I find it so hard to believe that I am not yet a Mother at 34 when it is something I always wanted so much. I live with grief, embarrassment, bitterness, and fear that it will never happen for us. I have been proactive and we have been diagnosed with unexplained infertility, as there doesn’t seem to be anything wrong with either of us. We are now on the waiting list for public funded IVF and this year is all going to be about our health and lifestyles – like it hasn’t been for the last four years- ha!! Everything we have tried does not seem to work. But we still have hope, my partner has an amazing amount! We need to believe at this stage that something will happen just as it can and very often does for people in our situation. If we get further down the track and still nothing, I tell myself I will have the strength to deal with it but now my focus is about positivity, hope and excitement about our future family. You write so well and I can tell you are an intelligent women who is strong and loving and I wish you all the best!

  • pippa

    Hey kate and all of u bloggers,
    After a struggle of 1 and a half years, I finally found out that I’m pregnant, cannot believe it though.I am very happy but nervous also. I need lots of good wishes and luck to have a safe and healthy pregnancy ahead.

  • Tammy

    Hi. I had to write. We tried for 5 years and then my husband quit smoking and developed pneumonia. He went on strong antibiotics and I got pregnant. I feel for all of you who have been trying for so long. After 4 yrs. of trying everything I to stopped going to baby showers. Now my daughter is going on 11 yrs. We haven’t used any birth control ever. Don’t give up. Keep praying- God hears all your prayers even if at times you can’t think of the words. Love to all

  • Tammy

    Pippa. Congratulations. Enjoy being pregnant.

  • Tara

    reading this article has brought me to tears as its exactly what i am going through a year has gone now and ive been diagnosed as depressed but just for the reason i cannot gt pregnant, i am happily married and have a lovely life, just one thing missing…. its not to populate the earth, its the want to get pregnant, to give a baby all my love and all my husbands love, i want to make something that is us, you know? i cant explain the desperate want for a baby, ive finally found some people who feel the same and its kind of a relief, thanks for sharing x

  • chelcie

    hi i feel like a waste of time, embarresed, stressed, annoyed angrey and it goes on but reading this makes me realize that there are more people out there that are worser then me and maybe im taking this all the wrong way and should go on a diet and lose weight, i would like to thank people like you writing stuff like this because it makes people stop and think of the things they are doing wrong well it did that for me so thankyou xx

  • Brooke H

    I love the comments above; I read each and every one.

    I turned 30 this year. Got married when I was 27. We have been trying for 2 years now and nothing. Nothing. Not even close. We did the Clomid 50, 100, 150mg for 7 cycles! Nothing but a monthly urine test that rendered the “you suck” sign. Totally heartbreaking. We moved on to a specialist and have now completed two IUI’s also with zero sucess. Thinking about moving forward with IVF by the end of the month.

    My husband has been so supportive, really. I do think I hold a lot of my hopelessness in, hoping to look strong and emotionally undefeated with those I come in contact everyday…but I am starting to lose this battle. Simply can’t do it anymore. I am getting close to exhausting my options and that worries me, A LOT. I know I need to have a better attitude but cannot seem to find it.

    I pray a lot for me and for you during this horrific journey in our lives. In the end though…it will all pay off one way or another.

  • varsha

    hi
    this is varsha, i am trying to conceive from last eight months but no results had come, we both are of 26. every month whenever we try to conceive my periods come by the date or late by 2,5,4 and even 7 days.always i cross my fingers that this time i got pregnant but every time i get depressed. i dont know what to do. i consulted doc. had few tests.all tests are ok. we both take natvie plus medicine as advised by doctor from last month. we both have rh factor -ve and both working.plz help me…………………… in hope of reply

  • Rashida

    Kate,
    Thank you for posting this. I am also 27 and my story goes a lot like your’s. No one understands the pain a woman feels when she has that feeling of hope…then to be shot down by a late menstrual. Please keeping posting. It truly is nice to know that I’m not the only one.

    Thank you!

  • jessica

    DENNIS I think your very rude and should not have said that yes there is loads of kids up for adoption but maybe just maybe she might wont her own kids. you dont get it cause your a man you would know what the feeling is like to be pregnant then to be a mum. D*ck Head. any way sorry people for that but had to say my peice. i am a mother to my 22 month old daughter and she can be very naulty but i love her so much. Me and my fiance have been trying for a second for 16 months now and nothink’s happening. It’s heart braking cause im so broody and every were i go there are pregnant ladies or new mummy’s with little tiny babie’s. I would love to give my daughter a brother or sister so any one in the same sort of situation as me please do not hezertate to leave me some advice. thx to all and good luck in trying for a baby. hope all goes well for any women in the world trying to concieve there 1st, 2nd, 3rd and so on baby’s. :)

  • jessica

    Rashida,
    i havent read all of your comment’s but that is so how i feel. shoot down. i had a late menstrual, it was about 2 week’s late i really fort i was pregnant but all my HPT’s was neg. then came on. so gutted. it was like my heart had been torn apart. I dont want to just have 1 child i would like to have more. well any way try not to feel down cause people say that does’nt help, i know it’s hard. :) good luck and wish you the best in the future. oh and have you tryed babymed they do a free ovulation chart try it. i have been. now just gotta wait to see if i come on or not. dont worry ill let you no if baby med worked or not.

  • jessica

    Fertility-Ovulation Calendar Calculator

    Try this all women trying for there first or second baby’s. and so on. :)

  • Monique

    Hi im Monique i have a beautiful baby boy which was not planned pregnancy and now we are trying we have tried for 5 months and im scared that something could be wrong. i just hate it when we have tried and every month it didnt work. im very grateful i have my son but I just want him to have lil brother or lil sister

  • Monique

    I feel like i should give up but as they say when you stop trying it might happen. im so sorry for all these women who have tried for a long time and maybe not a mum yet but never lose hope and have faith. it sound like im pretty selfish coz im alread a mum but it still hurts like every other women who have tried and failed in getting pregnant

  • jessica

    hi monique and other please take these tip’s in,

    I am willing to bet that many couples who are finding it difficult to get pregnant, are making some of the exact same mistakes.

    Here’s the first one… Did you know that something as simple as using the wrong lubrication when you have intercourse can spoil your chances of getting pregnant? I had no idea! In fact, I thought a little lubrication would actually help–were you thinking the same thing too?

    Well, it turns out, most store-bought lubricants will damage the sperm and so they are strictly forbidden! The same goes for vaseline or KY jelly. If you are using this type of lubrication, you could be reducing your chances of conceiving by half!!!

    Luckily, there are a couple of things you can use as a substitute. One is egg whites. Yup, as in real eggs! You just leave one out for a while (they’re much too cold, straight from the fridge), and then you crack it open and use the egg white (not the yolk) in place of lubrication. Believe it or not, eggwhites are extremely sperm friendly!!

    Another option is a fantastic product called Pre-Seed, which is specifically designed not to be harmful to sperm.

  • jessica

    Tip 2.

    getting pregnant, including timing, positions, and quite a few secrets I’m not at liberty to divulge here.

    But getting back to tip #2… many couples are under the mistaken impression that it is helpful to avoid sex during the month except for the time around ovulation. This comes from the idea that if you “save up” the sperm, they will be more plentiful when you need them!

    Turns out, this is a very BIG mistake. It’s true, if you save up the sperm, you might actually have more when your fertile time of the month comes, but there’s one big problem. Most of these sperm will be tired, and sluggish, and unable to fertilize your egg!

    In order to have the best chance of conception, it is necessary to keep the sperm supply fresh!

    That means your partner should be ejaculating at least every 3 days throughout the month. Then, when approaching ovulation, it is time to increase the frequency of intercourse to improve your chance of conception.

  • jessica

    Tip 3.

    In it, I give you all the details on many vitamins that you and your partner can be taking that can have a significant impact on your fertility. You would be amazed!

    For now, I’m going to talk about one that you need to avoid, as it can actually ruin your chances of getting pregnant if you take the wrong dosage. What am I talking about?

    I’m talking about Vitamin C. Here’s the deal..

    Taking some vitamin C is actually a great idea, because vitamin C (in small doses) can do something wonderful to increase your fertility. It actually improves your cervical fluid. You may know that the cervical fluid is crucial for transporting the sperm to your cervix and on to your uterus, where it will eventually meet up with your egg. Without good quality cervical fluid, the sperm just doesn’t have a chance of surviving for very long.

    But here’s the catch… Too much vitamin C can have the opposite effect. Yeah, that’s right… too much can cause your cervical fluid to dry up, and that can just about ruin your chance of ever getting pregnant. So you must be extremely careful to avoid taking high doses of vitamin C supplements (especially during cold and flu season where we’re often advised to load up on vitamin C).

    How much is too much?? I would recommend 500mg of vitamin C supplements daily, or you can go as high as 1000mg, but definitely do not take more than 1000mg per day.

  • jessica

    tip 4.

    Alright, the next tip for getting pregnant is about stress. This is sometimes a delicate topic among couples trying to get pregnant. People are always saying….”just relax, and it’ll happen.” Sheesh, don’t they know that comment just causes even more stress!!

    If you could just get pregnant, you wouldn’t be so stressed, yet being stressed might be keeping you from getting pregnant. Talk about a catch-22!

    In any event, I am not going to tell you, “hey, just relax”, but I will point out that there are increasing reports of the link between stress and fertility.

    But here’s something very interesting…

    In some recent studies, women exposed to “laughter therapy” actually had greater pregnancy rates than those who did not participate. What is laughter therapy?

    It’s just what you might think. For at least 15 minutes a day (more is better), you need to find an activity that makes you laugh!! Personally, I think one of the best ways to do this is to watch a comedy show on TV, or rent a really funny movie. Or you can visit a comedy club if there is one in your area. It doesn’t really matter what it is, as long as you are doing something that makes you laugh!!

    Believe it or not, this works much better than trying to force yourself to relax!! Give it a try and see if it makes a difference!

  • jessica

    Tip 5.

    I ‘m going to talk about a food that can be both good and bad for your fertility, so make sure you read this carefully to learn the difference.

    There is a food that some pregnant women know to avoid, but not many women who are trying to get pregnant know about this. What am I referring to?

    FISH

    No, I do not mean to avoid all fish, because most fish can be beneficial to your fertility as it is high in Omega 3 fatty acids. The fish you need to avoid are the ones that are high in mercury.

    Here’s why. When you conceive, and then find out you’re pregnant about 2 weeks later when your period doesn’t show up, the baby has already been exposed to everything you have put in your body during those two weeks. Now hopefully, you have cut out most of the obvious things that would be harmful to the baby, but you might not have thought about fish high in mercury.

    Mercury can get stored up in your bloodstream from too much consumption, and then passed on to the developing baby. Too much mercury can effect the nervous system of an unborn baby.

    One fish that many people eat quite frequently is “white” tuna fish in the can. This can have high levels of toxic mercury in it and should be eaten only in small quantities.

    You should completely avoid shark, swordfish, king mackerel, and tile fish (also called golden or white snapper), tuna steaks (fresh or frozen), orange roughy, Spanish mackerel, marlin, and grouper because these fish contain the highest levels of mercury.

    But remember, do not avoid all fish, only those that are high in mercury, because fish is loaded with protein, vitamin D, and omega-3 fatty acids — all of which are an important part of a healthy diet. There are plenty of good fish choices such as salmon, rainbow trout, and canned mackerel, for instance — that contain low levels of mercury and are high in healthy fats.

  • jessica

    Tip 6.

    You may have heard, there has been an ongoing debate about whether drinking coffee (or other caffeinated beverages) can cause a delay in getting pregnant. Studies have been done and the research is mixed – some conclude yes, others conclude no.

    Some studies now suggest that even one cup of coffee per day can reduce a woman’s chances of getting pregnant within a 12-month period by more than 50%!

    Although the caffeine debate is far from settled, Dr. Mark Leondires, M.D., Medical Director at Reproductive Medicine Associates of CT, encourages patients to stay on the safe side and avoid caffeinated beverages while trying to get pregnant.

    I’d say that is excellent advice. If you are trying to get pregnant faster, or it has been taking longer than you had hoped, don’t you think it’s best to err on the safe side and stay away from coffee?

    If you’re feeling depressed about the thought of giving up your morning “fix”, you should know there are some other beverages that can be a worthwhile substitute, as they actually enhance your fertility. One fabulous beverage I already spoke about is water.

  • Amber

    Kate,

    Good luck to you. I hope you get the baby you want.

    Stay positive and God will bring you your miracle!

  • Huma Adnan

    Hi all

  • Huma Adnan

    After reading each n every comment, i thought i do t need to write anything because so much has already been said.. But i think it will help me feel better if i play my part by contributing to this blog.
    I am married for 3 years, ttc since last 6 months, im 28, my husband is 37. Through with all the tests. Everything normal! But still no god news. Im getting stressed out and due to this, my husband is also geting performance anxiety. He feels like he has lost all of his libidi to make love. We’ ve tried several suppliments for this problem but apparently, nothing has helped yet. My husband is not o er weight, plays tennis regularly, semen analyais showed excellent results(as per my Dr). May be i have pushed him too much! But is it my fault if i so despertely want to get pregnant? I have stoped complaining my husband for not having him around when it is needed and it is killing me from inside. He says that i’m getting too much obsessed with this,knowingly we both r normal, i should not panic! But believe me, i am pretending all the time! I dont know where to go and what to do..!!
    I pray for all of the ladies, who wish to be a Mom, that may u all get preggo when it is best for u. Coz u have to trust God that of it isnt happening now, its not the best time to happen than.. (I keep telling myself this all the time.. It helps… Sometimes :(
    Baby dust to all you beautiful ladies. Remember, you all are very precious!

  • HEM

    I AM 26 years old and want to get pregnant. So far it hasn’t happen through out my past relationships. Do you think a man over fifty has a good chance his sperm will cause birth defects?

  • HEM

    I have a friend who is trying not to get involved with a older man that could or does have grown children older than her. On top of all that he is married; and his wife can’t have any children for him. She really wants a baby and hasnt been able to have one. The man wants her to get her psych meds started and get checked out to see if she can have kids. I dont think he is on the up and up with her. Do you think he is trying to trick her into getting pregnant; so he and his wife can take the baby and raise it?

  • DS

    It took my husband 5 years! to get our child-naturally and then NO MORE!?! for 10 years! We had the same sort of medical results as above. We, too, did not want to go IVF. I did use Chinese medicine before I got pregnant at 32, but he second time produced no results. Dong Qui does regulate estrogen and ovulation and its cheap. It does work. I went through the same bitter feelings as I approached 40, and then I made peace with it. But now, my husband is 41 and is in a panic that we do not have another child!! Adoption is charitable, but is always going to be a different relationship, especially when it take 3years+ these days to get a toddler and miss out on their infancy anyway! We are left with prayers now…

  • Andy

    Freedom is overrated guys. Especially when we all have to work 60 hours a week. That is not freedom. Freedom to me is being able to spend time with your family and child, Which i do not have since i deal with the same problems. My wife cant concieve as of now. So leave the glass half full mumbo jumbo out of the blog considering everywhere people turn you’re reminded of children or not being able to have them. Good luck everyone who cant concieve….everyone else…mind your own business

  • Memes

    I am a mother of 2. I was married but things didn’t work out. I thought I never wanted to have children again until I met this wonderful guy who has this bond with my children that are not his own. My children adores him and wishes that he is their father. I, too would love to have him be a part of my family. He doesn’t have his own child and would love to have a child with me, but he never pressures me and told me whatever I decide, he’ll respect my wishes. I been with him for many years and everything going well for us, so lately we been talking about having a baby. We been trying for the past 4 months and I’m still negative. We tried everything to educate myself. I know that I been pregnant, but it was never planned. I actually had an abortion because I didn’t want to have another child at such a young age. I am now in my early 30’s. It seems so easy to get pregnant without trying before. Now, it seems so difficult. The first month, I thought it was pregnancy symptoms, but was negative. Again, second month, I felt like I had pregnancy symptoms and negative. I guess I wanted to be pregnant so badly, I was reading online looking for early signs and what I need to do to become pregnant. I never thought TTC could be so frustrating. I feel bad for blaming him, but because I could get pregnant so easily in the past, I didn’t think it could be me. He doesn’t have a lot of sperm count. Could it mean that he can’t fathered a child, miscalculate on my furtile days and having sex on non-furtile days instead, or maybe it’s because I’m getting older? It’s becoming so frustrating that I told him if I’m not pregnant within 2 months, I’m giving up. I also just found out that one of my friend is a couple of months pregnant and she’s almost 40. It seems like it’s easy for her to get pregnant because she had just mentioned not long ago that she’s ready and TTC. Like Kate, I felt angry, frustrated, and felt like I’m being punished. I know he will be a wonderful father because he has shown and share his love and dedications as any father would have to my children. I’m very thankful to have him in our lives and for that, I want to give him a gift of having a child he always dream of having with me. Thanks Kate for writing this! I am not alone. I guess if it’s meant to be, it will happen sooner or later. I’m praying for the both of us. You really inspired me by sharing your story and that it’s okay to vent our frustrations. I’m too embarrassed to tell my friends because I don’t want them to think that something is wrong with me. Good luck and keep us posted.

  • Jenn

    I sort of feel at ease after reading this blog…knowing that I’m not the only one to feel this way. I’m 21, yes young to be trying to have a child. But my fiance and I have been together for almost 6 years now and we’re ready. I was ready when we first found out we were going to have a baby, back in May of 2011. Since the pregnancy didn’t work out…I was devastated and wondered why? My family is pretty fertile. Now everyone I know is pregnant. I should be 7 months right now. But instead I’m on my 6th cycle. I keep hoping and praying to God that He will bless with a child once again. I just have to keep praying. I just want to thank you Kate for writing this blog. It’s very touching to all the women out there trying. Good luck everyone.

  • Memes

    @Jenn, were you pregnant and had a miscarriage? How far along if you were pregnant? I heard that the further along you are in the pregnancy, the harder it gets because you built that bond. I’m just curious because I had some friends who were a little sad but stayed positive and said maybe it wasn’t meant to be and I know some who becomes so devastated that it affect their daily lives. I hope that your wish will come true soon.

  • Melisa

    this story, has made me cry… sounds just like me i am 26yrs i have been with my husband for since 9th grade we been married for 3 years now, and i have been trying to get pregnant for 2 of those years. every month i think its my month and i think i am pregnant but then i get my period. i have gone to the DR and they advise “us” that everything is fine with me. i have tried everything that everyone tells me.. and nothing happens.. my friends and family members don’t even try to get pregnant, and they get pregnant. i am so upset with myself and sometimes all i can do is cry myself to sleep… i know that if i every have a baby i will be a great mom..

  • Bulie

    Iam married for six years we have try to make children wth my husband bt we didn’t get them.i was always cryng all night having a stress.then we went to a cultureral healer get some herbs but it didn’t work. We are now prayng to god to have children so guys lets not lost a temper coz in god we trust

  • Loren

    Hi Kate – Gosh life can be so hard cant it !! Im a strong believer that life just isnt fare and beautiful, but yet we are here for a reason. Im 29 with 2 kids and had a miscariage 5 months ago and have been trying since to get pregnant, i usually get pregnant first time and this is making me rack my brains hard on why! Im a Christian and as i lay in bed last night going ok God what can it be . . . Ive given it to you so i guess we can trust your timing which is what we ask, for his will to be done . OR maybe this is consequences for past actions …. (I dont think this ones right) OR You are just drawing us close to you …. Hmmmm yes mabe this is it because it is working we are pressing in more . My point is i believe that things happen to people because he wants our attention ,to let us know hes real. I just wanted to post this because maybe you havent thought of God as an option ( Hes in the miracle business you know ) :) And it says in the bible he actually gives you the desires of your heart, so if hes given you that desire, maybe hes waiting for you to just ask him :)

  • Marlene

    Hi Kate
    Thank u for sharing your feelings with all of us…….However let me tell you my story.
    I am trying to conceive for the past 9 years. I have been to gynae’s, have done tests the way u described & yes I lost the weight when gynae’s told me I was overwieght & that was my reason for not falling pregnant. I lost 44kgs in a few months & dropped to a size 32, after having lost all that weight, I was waiting for a prize at the end. Little did I realise there was none. After having lost the weight, the gynae’s told me they ‘DID NOT KNOW’ wot was wrong with me. I look, feel like an idiot. I have spent sooooooo much at specialist trying to find a problem, after everything & hoping a solution would be awaiting me I only then feel as useless as ever.
    Then I realised GOD has a plan & a purpose for each of us, not matter wot he is there to guide us through all dificulty & through your/our heartache of trying to conceive the great thing is that he has made us strong to deal with this. Today I left my faith in Gynae’s I have put my faith in GOD, cos our destiny is from him & I have no doubt that he will give me that bouncy happy baby I deserve.
    So cheer up thus being 2012 start afresh & focus on GOD, he will never leave you …Trust in Him..at all times

  • chris

    hi guys me and my gf have bin trying for about a year and a half we both have had test which has come back posotive we are able to have kids as we was told apart from my sperm count is abit low , so now iv stoped somking and i hope for the best and my wish go out to all ov you trying we no how hard it is

  • Sharon

    Hi Im Sharon, me & my husband have been married since 2007 and have been trying for a baby since day 1 but have not been able to have one yet. I am overweight and most doctors I went to were of the opinion that my weight is hindering my conception.
    I have started working on my weight and finally have found a nice Gynac who does not discourage me. I have left my job to work on my health and conception. I hope I get pregnant sometime soon or else how long can i sit idle at home as my hubby works away from home 9months a year.
    I feel so guilty at times for not being able to give Seby a baby, add to that ppl are so insensitive, recently a fly fren delivered and we went to meet them but the lady did not show us the kid as if we were there to cast an evil eye on the baby. It was so insulting I cud not stop crying for weeks,I realised at that min how the races who are discriminated against must be feeling. I am now resorting to a positive lifestyle and thinking and I am sure I will log in again later this year to share the news of my pregnancy.

  • Jenn

    @memes-

    I’m sorry, didn’t realize you commented. Yes, I did have a miscarriage…I was almost done with my first trimester. I know it is very common to have a miscarriage during the first trimester. It is very sad. No matter how many days, weeks, or months your baby was, its still very devastating.

    It doesn’t effect my daily life. Although I am very sad, it doesn’t stop me from having faith and hope. I’m sure it just wasn’t time. But thank you for your support :)

  • chhavi

    hi…..
    this is chhavi … probably i m trying to write a blog or share my feelings abt my motherhood for the first time..

    it is hard and very hard to be true to yourself when i am married for four year.. and trying for 2 years to be a mother met the best gyn in town took several opinions.. all had one opinion me and my husband both are healthy and fit to be parents… normal folic acid was given to me..as prescribed medicine
    As if for god this was not bad enough… my sis in law who is marrried for one year is expecting to deliver in feb 2012 i have gone thru that phase and still going thru it.. when u have to nurture a woman in front of u.. pamper her privilege her when deep within u want all dat to happen to u ..

    it hurts very hard when u see all d excitment happiness shopping frenzy of which (i am also a part of )and want all dat o happen to u…
    my family doent say nething directly to me.. bt dey compare me like ething ppl have started gosiping …

    i am tired of proving it to my family that i am normal, fertile and NOT INFERTILE .. to d ppl around me
    i have no clue wat to do whom to talk to… i have lost all hopes i have no where to go i feel miserable and helples i wish i wuldnt have been married ever .. m fed up completly.. its better nt to live

  • Memes

    @Chhavi,
    I know exactly how you feel. I’m in the same boat. I felt stupid because I told my friends that we are trying to have a baby. Every month, someone asked, “Are you pregnant yet?” I had to say we’re too busy and didn’t have time to make a baby. But, in reality we been really trying. I used to be so furtile and didn’t think it’s this hard. I’m too embarrassed to tell them that I’m NOT pregnant. I love my boyfriend so much that I wanted him to have his own child. Plus, he’s getting older and I don’t want him to regret never being a father. It’s so frustrating when you tried everything right, but still nothing. Just this month, I was a couple of days late and I was never late on my period unless I was really pregnant. I’m usually on time or early, so I was SO sure, I got my boyfriend hopes up. I know deep down he is sad because I told him that it had to be him of why I’m not pregnant. I know, I’m such a horrible person to make him feel this way. I feel so bad but also frustrated. I said to myself, if I’m NOT pregnant within 2 months, I’m giving up hope. I’m so exhausted that sex seems like a chore instead of making love. I missed just making love with him passionately without trying to get pregnant. I guess I have to accept that I may never be able to give him a child and just enjoy each other. Otherwise, I’ll go crazy if I am doing this just for a baby. If it’s meant to be, I guess it’ll happen when the time is right.

  • Brita

    Reading these posts are comforting while at the same time they are not. I have not shared my story and kept it to myself.
    Long story short, I am 25 years old and I am married to a man much older than I am. He has 6 children from a previous marriage. I adopted the 5 minor children as my own. I never thought I would feel the way that I do seeing as I have 5 children who love me and see me as “Mom.” However, when my husband and I were still dating, I asked him if he would be willing to have one more child if it were possible. He said he would love to, besides, with that many what is one more LOL.
    I know that it sounds selfish, but if you were in my shoes you would understand. I have always wanted to conceive a child of my own and I think it would bring me closer to my children relationship wise.
    When we decided to try and have a child, we were not concerned about dates and planning, we just wanted it to, “just happen when it happened.” Thus, we had unprotected sex and that was the extent of it. We wanted to have a child while our youngest was still a toddler. It has been four years and no luck yet.
    I love my children as if they came from my womb, but there is an emptiness that I feel not being able to conceive. My husband is very insensitive to my feelings because he has bore children himself. He does not understand why it breaks my heart. But at the same time in my husbands defense, he does keep saying that it will happen. To me, he is very optimistic seeing as we still have not had any sign of success in 4 years. But then again, he also has biological children and has not had to go through what I am battling mentally. On top of that, he is a man who does not long to feel a life growing inside of him.
    My husband is much older than I am and I want a child that is a part of him and myself for when we get older. There is a strong chance that he will leave much earlier than I, seeing as we are 25 years apart in age. I know it is a big age difference, and I was judgemental of age gap relationships before I met my husband, so I understand those who think it is crazy, but you cannot help who you fall in love with. :)
    Anyway, the point to my story is this,…
    I am fortunate to have 5 children. That alone is worth more than what most have. But the feeling associated with having a child from your own womb is also very emotional. I do not feel this way all of the time, only on occasion. I find myself “looking for signs” that I could be pregnant. It has even gotten to the point where if my period is a day short I hope I could be pregnant. For example, I found this post looking for the answer to whether implantation bleeding can occur after your menstruation instead of before. I had light pink spotting days after my period and now I am hopeful, but realistic that the chance is low. I fear my husband getting any older before we have a child of our own. He will be 50 next year and now I have considered tying my tubes if we do not conceive before his next birthday. THe more time goes by the more broken I feel.
    I understand the emotional pain we all have when facing the chance of being infertile, and sadly while I have 5 adopted children, the longing for a child of my own has not gone away. I am not selfish, and I never bring up th subject, but I think of it while no one knows my true feelings. My brother and sister both had their children on the 3rd of January and the 5th of January. This may be why these emotions are running in my head again.
    What bothers me is how a mother, who did not want her 5 minor children who allowed them to be lice infested without food or a place to lay their head was able to bear 5 beauiful children, but I cannot even have a miscarriage. At least it is a sign that conception is possible. Most people have miscarriages before they are successful. Some are unaware of those cases. I do not wish a miscarriage upon anyone or myself, I hope that you get the point. I am just saying that to stress the point that I have no evidence for hope. My OB is still working with us :).
    Wow, this is much longer than I intended. I apologize for the length but it was relieving to vent others. Thank you Kate for your post, if you still keep up with it 4 years later :). I wish you all the best!If my luck changes and God decides to bless me with a child I will let you know!

  • Travey

    I have always wanted kids. Me and my sister were out in the driveway playing with our kitchen set, gathering rocks to cook. My dad came home for lunch my sister went to b nosy and left me out there still playing,,I was 3 she was 5 years older…my dad got done,with lunch and was going back to work little did he know I was still behind the car playing,,and my older sister was .o where to b0 seen. He started the car and back up over me with the back tire and I laud there the second tire came and when it ran over me he turned the wheel and when he did it. Aught my clothes and took me up and over the tire as be turned his wheels, that is how he knew something was wrong when my head hit the quarterpanel, and he looked out and realised I rode it all the way down that long driveway. Once he realized what happened my mom was already out there scooping me up off the ground (even though she knew,she shouldn’t have) they took me to the e.r. and they kept me overnight nothing,was wrong with me but,tire tread marks across my belly. And both,tires ran over me.they sent,me home the next day….skip forward to 2002 I went to the Dr, and he said my ovaries were crushed and I could never,have kids, and it all came from when I got ran over, the technology just wasn’t there in the 70s….I have always wanted a baby and now it is so out of my reach. It is so depressing ,the thought of what if I could the baby I,could have, what would they look like, what kind,of personality they,would have

  • hayleigh

    When I was 21 I fell pregnant really quickly but my boyfriend was very violent and stamped on my belly and I miscarried since then I have started a new relationship with a lovely man we have been trying to get pregnant since september but my period comes every month I’ve used all the tips but nothing works I really don’t know what to do anymore and I’m scared I can’t have kids because of my ex partner I am 29 this year and I would love to be pregnant by then. Do anyone know what else I can do to improve my chances if not I’m just going to have to stop trying and maybe one day I might get lucky

  • http://blogcritics.org/culture/article/cant-get-pregnant-you-are-not/ harsha

    in india we have an hospital where we try 2 get 2 cure fertility problems with natural medicines made of plants …. for details contact me

  • Charlie

    Hi, I’m 18 with a 17month old little boy.. Me an my bf have been trying for another baby since October!! But nothing! It’s really getting me down, any tips guys?

  • angle

    i did not get my period form 1 months and its going know 2nd months and a did home test allso and come negative but still i did not get period what i shall i do???? i am pregant or not plz do let me know???

  • Charlie

    I would go to your doctors and get them to take bloods.

  • charity

    kate l know how u feel just remember u are not alone .if l explain my .u will be surprise and even cry. but l can not write all down. but always l hope in God who give me life.but never lost hope.susan too God is love he will never forget u .just have faith in him.l knew one or two people who have kids but they are not happy.because of the problem their giving to them.always be happy and hope for the best.be positive.try and use nature ways like herbs supplement very health.l can also help.try,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

  • cat

    i have similar experiences,we have been trying for over 2 yrs. I’ve done chlomid with no luck. Then put on metformin and told i’d be pregnant in no time, well 4 months later and still nothing. Going back to fertility centre in feb to start the iui process. If that fails my husband and i have agreed to adopt from the childrens aid society. But i to become depressed and frustrated, especially when people around me are having babies no problem.
    I noticed this post is old, just wondering where you are now.

  • Luna123

    i am in your shoes.

  • Sarah

    Im 21years of age and my hubby is 33,we’v bn tryn 4a baby for the whole of december even nw. Idk wat to say to hm i fil helpless and less of a woman when i tel hm im nt pregnant. Im young i dnt smoke nor drink what could be a problem? I love hm very much hes waiting 4 me to get pregnant and his family too

  • Sarah

    Im 21years of age and my hubby is 33,we’v bn tryn 4a baby for the whole of december even nw. Idk wat to say to hm i fil helpless and less of a woman when i tel hm im nt pregnant. Im young i dnt smoke nor drink what could be a problem? I love hm very much hes waiting 4 me to get pregnant and his family too

  • haley

    I am 26 yrs old and havent be able to get pregnant. My friend who is in his 50’s wants me to have a baby. I keep reading about the risks for downs syndrome and autistic defects in men over 45 years of age. Does anyone know about this?

  • Raju

    Newly i got married. and my wife is studying now. so we are planing for child after three years. in that time my wife age is 21. so i need help that how it will be possible wihout any trouble. and plz reply in my mail id. my mail id is- uma_sagar05@yahoo.com please help me.

  • hem

    I have been concerned with me not getting pregnant, because I am 26 years old almost 27. I have decided not to get pregnant til I am married. Hopefully to a man in his 30’s.

  • Mrs. B.

    WHOA. First of all, the planet is NOT overpopulated – one of THE BIGGEST lies ever!! I have done several research papers on the subject, and each one comes to the sure and confident conclusion that we ARE FINE!!! In fact, the earth’s population could be double what it is now, and we’d still be fine!! We just need to be wiser in how we use our resources, where we choose to live, etc. THE EARTH IS NOWHERE NEAR OVERPOPULATED!!!

    Second, we are NOT “just here”! We each have a purpose. When you see a painting, do you say, “Oh this just appeared out of nowhere.” Or when you see a car, do you assume it just fell out of the sky? No, everything that exists only exists because it has been created. That is the only thing that makes sense!! We have been created by God, each with a specific purpose, and the desire to have babies is also God-given.

    Kate, do NOT listen to people who make such uneducated, ridiculous comments.

  • Glenn Contrarian

    No, Earth is not overpopulated. We’ve just got too many people who think that seven billion people, half a billion cars operating every day, rampant deforestation, and pavement in place of dirt can’t affect the earth’s climate.

    For instance, a gallon of gas weighs a little under 8 pounds…but simple chemistry shows that every gallon of gasoline burned results in twenty pounds of CO2 in the atmosphere – the added weight coming from the combination of the carbon of the gasoline and the oxygen from the air in the combustion of the mixture. Think about that – half a BILLION cars operating every day, and every gallon of gasoline pumps twenty pounds of CO2 into the atmosphere.

    And some people think we can’t be affecting the environment!

    We CAN support our planet’s population and more – but ONLY if we get a clue that yes, green energy and protection of our environment are crucial to our civilization.

  • Confused and sad

    What a releif that I’m not the only person having issues.
    I agree that I get jealous or angry. Its do hard not to. I
    Do my best though to control thoughs feelings.

    Is there any thing in local areas that have a support group?

    TTC with husbsnd for three years. Im Only 21. Have no children but one molar pregnancy when I was 15. I feel hopeless. Less of a woman, angry and oh so confused. My new doctor suggested PCOS but to me that sounds like hell. My whole menes life was normal up until after my life saving d&c. I am scared and feel alone.

    Like no one gets it. I’m 21 and feel like my dreams of a family have been riped from My hands.

  • JJm

    I too am devastated that i cant have a child with my fiance. He already has 3 children of his own but i would like to give him a child. We have tried every day several times a day for a year and nothing. I want to have a child with him so badly.

  • stacy

    I Know how you all feel.I have tried to have a child of my own for about 10yrs. My husband and i have been together for almost 14yrs.He has 2 children of his own.HE had a vasacetomny with his first wife.We fell in love and he had it reversed.We have spent soo much money trying to have a baby that it almost broke us..We adopted our son in jan of 2010. I love him dearly.I still want a child of my own.I get soo tired when someone in my family gets preganet,that i don’t even want to be around that person.I know that’s wrong,but i can’t help it.I don’t even go to baby showers.I love my family,but i wish they understood.

  • swathi

    i came that i have pcos yesterday… feeling so depressed… i was pregnant before my husband dint wanted baby so had abortion… now we want a baby… but i’m not able to get pregnant…

  • Anjali

    Hi Kate. I’m 27, and your story sounds similar to mine. I’ve known the man who is my husband now since I was 15 years old. We have also been trying for a year and have not been able to have a baby. He has low sperm count and so that has made it harder for us. I know this thread is really old, but if you happen to read this, [Personal contact info deleted] I really can use someone to talk to. It’s the worst feeling ever when you finally decide to have a baby and it doesn’t happen.

  • Anjali

    How do you ladies do it? How can you be so strong? Please tell me, so I can do the same. I’ve only been trying a year and I’m already depressed. I want a baby more than anything and it’s so hard to deal with the fact that I may never have one.

  • babyhopes

    I read your blod today and I must say it was exactly what I needed to read today. I thought for sure this month I was pregnant. NOPE this morning, she came. 1.5 years and I feel like less of a women. I have been where you were with the baby shower. My best friend who tried once at 38 and got pregnant. It killed me to go, but I did. I am glad I did. I feel I have a different purpose in life. Maybe being the awesome Aunt that I am, or the awesome mommy to my fabulous golden retriever. I am scared to not have a child and to live my life without that love.

  • sandy

    i have been trying to get pregnant for 8years now but to no avail. its so painful i have tried chlomid no results, i want out of my marriage cause i feel bad when i look at my husband and he so wants a baby. May God grant me thy wish.

  • Maria Nilson

    I believe that anyone who wants a baby as much as you do, will surely be blessed with one! There are thousands of stories of women wanting SO bad to be a mother, and after years og trying, they finally get pregnant. It took me and my husband almost two years to get pregnant the first time, and we had almost given up when finally the test turned positive. It will happen for you – I am sure of it! I send all my love and hope for a baby in your future :-)

  • Alysha Garcia

    Wow! I can’t stop crying reading this article & others comments!!! I have tried for 5 years & nothing. My ob/gyn put me on Provera & nothing has worked…I’m actually considering the fertility blend from GNC that one of the others comments suggested. I too feel resentment towards all my friends…one just had a baby today…I have about 10 pregnant friends & about another 10 who have recently had babies who are 6 months or younger. My husband’s sister never wanted kids & just had hers in Dec…she loves & adores that baby but never wanted or planned on kids. Why is it that so many females get pregnant & either don’t care for them or abort them or give them up but the women who want children & a family of their own don’t get blessed? Today I began to wonder if I’m just not cut out to be a mother! I’m a toddler teacher & am so attached to my kids…but is that my purpose? Is that why I’m a teacher without any children of my own?? Are my students the only kids I’m gonna have??? Idk…but I’m seeking help from God more than ever cuz I’m soooo lost…I just want answers & a blessing my way!!!

    I’m hoping & praying that there will be a day that the undeserving stop having children & the deserving get blessed with their miracles!!!

  • Amber

    I am 22 years old have been with my boyfriend fon thinking about it i want a child so bad or i could at least live with knowing it will happen in due time it seriously crosses my mind everyday e ery time i get my monthly i get angry most the time at god witch isnt right i knowright

  • shani

    HI EVEYRYONE

    IM ACUTUALLY CRYING RIGHT NOW over this pregnancy , i was searching ( why im not gettting pregnant) and took me here , i was feeling so lonely and now by reading these i feel better , 30 years old 8 years been married , we didnt want kid at first , we set time we will start triying by the time im 30 , my husband is 37 , sooo its almost a year now we are trying and nothing happening everytime i see my period i cry sooo hard , honestly all the waiting was we wanted to be in better financial situation and work and this kinda shit , and now its not as we are in better situation it just we felt time is passing and getting old is not funny and al of a sudden i wanted to be pregnant and now for a year of trying nothing i dont know im soo upset everybody in our family is getting pregnant with a 2nd or 3rd child ,as if it just not happening to us ,its the worst feelind waithing every mounth and try and at the end nothing , im sooo sad extremley angry and i keep asking why me why me??? my mom left me when i was 2 :(( i wanted alwasy be 100% be ready for my kid be there for her/him and now i dont even get pregnant .

  • sharon

    @Shani: Hi Shani I share exactly the same problem that u do, even our and our husbands age details are the same. I am also so insecure about my age, his age. Everyone around me just seems to be growing babies while i just look on.At Church I see these beautiful children run around and I pray to God for my kid to join them. I know its hard very hard especially when the Doc says all is good yet u don’t conceive. But remember that God will never let His people down,i agree i get angry with him at times but then I know He will bless us with a kid. Keep the faith :)

  • Lisa N

    Thank you Kate for posting this article. I just wanted to say that you are not alone and I feel your pain and the others pain who have replied. It is tough. My husband and I have done three ICSI cycles without success and each time have been very upset by the outcome. This month we are taking some time out. We have been trying on and off since 2009. I am 40 turning 41 this year and my husband is 51.

    Trying to focus on being healthy and happy. Also stress does terrible things, so trying go somewhere every 12 weeks or so just to break routine. Nothing fancy, just a change of scenery can be good for the soul.

    Thinking and praying for everyone on this journey.

  • Memes

    It has been 6months that I been trying. I wanted a baby so badly that I was stressing out. I got jealous of my friends getting pregnant, but pretended to be happy for them. I felt like I put more effort into having a baby that I follow my schedule days that I’m futile to make sure we will conceive. I crossed my fingers when it gets closer to having my period hoping I will not get my period. Every month negative, negative. Lately, I felt like I’m falling out of love with my bf. I decided I don’t want to have his baby anymore, but I can’t tell him to hurt his feelings. I asked myself, “Why can’t I get pregnant?” Now I feel like there’s a reason for not being able to get pregnant. Maybe God is trying to help me realize that this man isn’t the man I once fell in love with. Maybe God has other plans for me. Do you think that the stresses of not being able to get pregnant causes me to think this way? I guess when TTC turns out negative, it has a big effect on relationships. Anyways, good luck to everyone who is TTC. It’s been very tough when I was rally trying, but I gave up hope. If it’s meant to be, it will happen sooner or later.

  • Anonymous:)

    I really enjoyed reading this article. Even though Im 19 and not financially ready to have a baby. I still want one. I think its because I know its going to be very hard for me to have a baby. Ive been with my boyfriend for 4 years.. we dont use protection. But I also dont have periods, I have to take pills to have a period. Doc. said Ill have to take some sort of pills in order to have kids. It hurts knowing my brothers and sister has kids and i cant. I feel as if im the black sheep. Ive always dreamed about being a mommy. My boyfriends so ready to have one also, but i just fake a smile and say we’re not ready. but deep down… we are. I play it off like pfft. i cant have a baby so what? thats what women are suppose to do? right? be a mommy and a wife? It just hurt knowing I cant have kids. I do indeed really enjoyed reading your article.

  • Lulubelle

    I have seen some of the comments,my husband and i have been trying for a baby for over 15 yrs,4 IVF cycles,6 miscarriages,2 ectopic pregs,lost left tube,right tube rendered blocked!!! Phew…. Okay im now being investigated by specialists… I have never stopped wanting a child,that is my right to want and feel this as well as well as my husband. We have paid over £18,000 pounds on trying… yes we have looked into adoption and fostering as an option.. But any women who is going through this,will tell you they will exhaust every chance to be pregnant. Im 44yrs old and my husband is 48yrs old.. 1lov Blessings to all

  • Memes

    Here’s an update: I been trying for over 5 months and gave up. I decided I don’t want a baby anymore & I felt that my feelings of love for my boyfriend had changed. I thought he couldn’t fathered a child so I let him cum in me even after I gave up hope. It’s ironic how just a few days ago I was reading over everyone’s comment and some said they’d become pregnant when they gave up hope. Anyways, I am late on my period this month, 2 days ago I actually took a nap (which I never do) and woke up with a very sore on my left breast. Today, my days was just so darn tiring I couldn’t do much and my right breast becomes very sore. I noticed the last 3 days, my underarms was very moisty but cool & no oder smell (not hot like sweating). My belly was very mushy soft and pants were tighter than usual. I felt pregnant, but didn’t think I could be since we haven’t had as much sex as usual this month. My bf went & bought 2 boxes of pregnancy tests from the Dollar Tree and both read Positive. We were still in shock so he decided to go Walgreens EPT before he finally believe the results. After 7 months, I finally become pregnant when I gave up. I guess you become pregnant when you least expected. Just enjoy the sex & it’ll happen when it’s meant to be. Good luck to all of you…

  • Deanna

    I connected with all of you commenters as I sat here reading this blog today. I too am added to the list of the unluckies. I have been trying to get pregnant since I was 21. My 29th birthday is in 2 weeks and I feel so sad. I feel like my “motherhood” time is fading away with each passing year. I to attend birthdays, christinings, and baby showers with mixed feelings. I love the children in my life but I want a child I can call my own. My husband and I have been together for 9 years, married for 5. I have went through miscarrage after miscarriage in hopes that one day I will have a child. I don’t know how much longer I can do it. My husband is very supportive and we have looked into adoption but YES is is sooooo expensive. My family is against adoption because they say it won’t be a “blood” relative. How can I look these people in the eyes and tell them how much being a mother would mean to me. I want the waking up at 3 am, the following after the baby as it crawls on the floor, the first day of school, the halloweens and christmases, and the family time. Why can’t I have it?

  • mekia

    im crying with so manny tears reading some of u women post cuzs i no every women wants kids its only normal i have 3 kids i wish i can help some women just by reading some of u guys post makes me wanting to help

  • MEKIA

    hey im trying to help pppl like having a baby for them well im doing some research but i dnt no how go about it i have three kids so i no i can get preg [Edited] im just crying reading some u post [Personal contact info deleted]

  • Carrie

    Please don’t ever listen to people like Dennis. They are so consumed by their own misery that they want to deny others that most basic joy of being a parent- the world isn’t over populated. Adopt because you want to give a loving gift to yourself and someone else, not because you think there are ‘too many people’ out there.

  • Misty

    My husband and I have been trying to have our 2nd child for 16 months. Everyday is agonizing and time has been so slow I don’t even want to do this anymore. Period after period after period, letting my hopes up and then having them crash to the floor. Everyone around me scoffing and rolling their eyes saying “give it time, don’t rush it, it’s not as nice as you think having more than one child” and i want to slap their smug faces. They don’t know the pain. They should be grateful to have a van full of rowdy children. Mine is turning 3 soon. He’s not so attached to Momma anymore. I long for another baby and a sibling for me son. Im too poor to see a doctor about all this. No one around me agrees with what Im doing and they even say “if you’re so stressed out now, imagine a toddler and a baby!” Im like “THAT IS why Im stressed out! I can only imagine!” Selfish, heartless people everywhere. Have some compassion for the rest of us. It’s not easy having kids, but it’s not easy not having them either. Im blessed with one at least, but he just keeps on getting older and older. :(

  • rayan

    i am a male and icant have kids
    and ireally really want a wife that she cant have kids

    cause i think we well fit in

    i cant live with a women that she is capable to have kids but not from me

  • digchild

    I have to sympathize with couples who really want kids,but have difficulty conceiving.They try for years to have kids,but if they cannot have at least one kid,then they typically adopt kids.These couples usually treat their kids well,as they know they worked hard to have them.On the other hand,there are couples who can easily have kids,but who treat their kids very badly and are basically atrocious parents.Life is unfair,but that’s the way it is.

  • Lonely Silver Spring

    I understand your feelings,Kate! I always wanted to be married and have babies. I saw how my younger cousins got pregnant, and I keep wondering “why not me?” I just celebrated my 2nd anniversary with my bf,we have unprotected sex in a regular basis, and I’ve never taken the pill and nothing happened yet…As you wrote, I feel sad sometimes thinking that I might not be able to conceive, and I’ll spend the rest of my days with no husband or children…I’m not getting younger either, I’ll be 35 this year. I’m so afraid… men don’t stick to me that much either. I’d love to have a kid to love and care about for the rest of my life, even if I don’t find a man who loves me. I’m a very caring person,have a decent job and loving parents…but I feel empty sometimes…I don’t know what I’d do the day my parents will be gone, all by myself. Life doesn’t seem fair sometimes…I wish you the best luck to all of you ladies…At least, you were a bride and are wives now. I don’t think that would happen to me…

  • sxien

    ive been married for almost 2 years. and in this country, a woman after married, normally get pregnant about 3-5months later. Iam 29years old now, and iam really really stress because i cant get pregnant, like many of you here, i tried traditional chinese medicine, i tried hormone pills, i drinks lots of pre-pregnant milk,taken lots of vitamins. My menses never regular, i have to rely on hormone pills almost every month, it makes me so sick! & there was many times i cries so hard, i wish i could just bang my car at the road, i wish iam not living. Im getting older, my mother in law always commenting that iam unable to conceive, everyone showing their baby’s picture on their mobile or facebook, everyone ask me “why?”. i’ve lost faith in god, i feel like god never wants me to be happy.

  • Miranda Fabela.

    hi, well I’m Miranda and me and my husband have recently been trying for a baby. its been 5 months of trying so far, and nothing! we’ve tried on ovulation dates, high fertility dates, even during my period although its unlikely! I’m afriad that I might be one of those women who cannot become pregnant, any suggestions of what I should do? I don’t want to wait before its to late, and find out I’m unable to have children..

  • Magreth

    Hi..I’m 20 years old my husband and I have been trying to have a baby for 3years without any success..I feel so angry for not getting pregnant that easily like my friends who have 2-3 kids by now …I get soo depressed most of the time,I wish I’m NORMAL like other women out there…I have no doubt that I’ll have a baby soon I hope..

  • Sadaf

    OMG

    This is exactly my story I am going thru exactly the same pain.
    I had a list of friends and family who are still not parent. but one by one all friends younger older cousin are pregnant. when they tell me their pregnancy issues..feels like they are rubbing on me. I don’t know what have I done wrong? Why me? some of them don’t even know about ovulation they did it first time and it happened for them.
    I dont know…. why cant I?

  • Crissy

    I was in the same situation, I thought I would never get pregnant, I had been trying for 7years. I went to the doctors recently because I was spewing for days on end. They did a blood test that confirmed that I was pregnant. I’m now 14weeks and everything’s going as planned so far. I wish u all the luck just remember don’t give up after all mine took 7 long years..

  • http://whendoyougetmorningsickness.org/ Alexandra

    Hey Alexandra here, for women having trouble getting pregnant, this is a product you might find interesting

  • trylo

    I was barring for 22 years and my husband hadly talk to me because i was unable to conceive and my mother-inlaw was not even talking to me all she was saying is that my husband should drive me out of the house and marry another woman.so i keep on praying and i say this spell caster online and i just say let me contact him and explain my problem to him and he gave me a herbal potion and after i have take it i mate with my husband for 3 night and the next month a great miracle fell on me and i was tested positive that i am pregnant.I am very happy to this man who help me his contact is ultimatespelltemple@gmail.com,i will not stop publishing his name because he is great ultimatespelltemple@gmail.com.

  • Me

    Relieved to see here that I’m not the only one going thru this. I’m 33 , had my son as soon as we started ttc. He’s going on 5 now, and we’ve been trying for over 3yrs to give him a sibling. Everyone around me, both young and old are getting pregnant. Used clomid, hated it so I stopped using it. I strongly believe in God, putting all my trust in him! And I know he will answer us all. I go to http://www.kcm.org, click on prayer, look for those desiring to have children, click on it and there’s a prayer there or you. I pray that when next I come back to this site, i write that God has answered my prayers. It is well!!!

  • Angel

    I really feel for woman who are unable to have children, i am 28 and have 2 boys and just had a baby girl, they are the love of my life, to put the point across i would love to have a child for a couple who arent fortunate enough to fall pregnant, im a very caring person and would do that for anyone, im still very young but to see woman older than me talk to me at the shopping centre talking of their story of not been able to have kids really hurts.

  • Deb

    HI. I’m 40 yrs old and trying to have a baby, one sister has 5 children, her frst at 17 and my other sister four. I have 9 nieces and nephews…I love them all but it was hard to be happy for them over the last 15 yrs. I quit school at 15 yrs old, all i ever wanted to be was a mom, still 40 and nothing. But in reality my bf and I have only been trying for three months, but in my heart I’ve been trying since I was sixteen. I worked in child care I was a foster carer until the children I had 6mths and 18months and were supposed to keep were given back to their mother…within 16 months… I lost my heart and said no more I want my own child who can’t be taken from me, hated looking after someone elses kids. I want to be a mom. I can’t adopt I’m not married, and I’m not a wealthy actress and there’s always a chance of parent changing their mind. I’m done with other peoples children. I want my own. 40 and still trying to be a mom…kinda sad and depressing really…23 yrs I’m still waiting. still hoping..but soon I won’t have any left…40 is pushing it.

  • Begermin

    Dear Prophet Aluta,
    I am writing to offer my thanks and deep gratitude to you to keeping my true love Ben and I together during his time in Iraq. He just never stopped thinking about me, because I got letters almost EVERY DAY, which is very unusual; he is in a high-tactical area. I was so afraid he would stray, being on his second tour, but he has NOT. He has stayed true to me because of the spells I got. you are powerful! Magic Works!!! All my devotion thank you [personal contact info deleted by comments editor] for the good work you have done for me, Leigh Talbott.

  • Miriam

    I am exactly 25 years and we have been trying for about 1 year with no luck! I have been experiencing irregular cycles since we got married and I know the fault is in me.I don’t want to ruin my husband’s life in any way. He is always very nice to me. I am now seriously thinking to leave my husband and ask him to marry someone else who can be productive to him. I really have tears in my eyes writing all this. I dont know why this has happened to me. May be I am the most sinful person on earth. I madly love my husband and its killing me inside to leave him. I dont have the courage to convince him for someone else. and how would I survive without him? How would I face the world?
    I am totally clueless but I will not let my husband suffer!!!

  • Chandra

    Oh yes and I love when Everyone around you is pregnant and keeps asking when your finally gonna have kids!?!? I dreamed of it too, all I wanted as my “career” was to be a mother. After 35 years on this earth and 15 years with my husband I have come to the realization it won’t happen. I guess I’m ok with that. I still get angry at God and the world when I hear the horror stories of some mother or father killing their children. Or a child being taken away because of abuse and I wish I could ask god REALLY??? This is who you would choose to have a child over me???? Seems like unless you were either blessed with fertility or are rich your never going to have a chance or a shot at being a mother. I have come to terms that it will just be my husband and I for the rest of our lives. At least I will have someone to sit next to at all the little kid birthday parties and christenings. Good thing I like him ;)

  • Dave

    Do you not realize that the planet you live on is currently way overpopulated, with no sign of slowing down? Why are you trying to get pregnant in the first place? That’s such a selfish concept.

    Why don’t you adopt a baby?

    WHAT A COCK !!!

  • Joshua

    Man for long i have thought of a son then i realized i was a man

  • jessica

    hi all, i just want to say i am in the same boat as everyone here. im 24 years old, and my partner and i have been trying to fall pregnant for the last year. it has been a very up and down roller coaster for me and my partner. twice now i have missed a period and we thought yes we have finally done it only to go to the doctors and have a test done and it come back negative and then a day later i get my period. last month was the second time this has happened. for 3 days straight i didnt want to talk to anyone including my partner. we were fighting over stupid little things and our friends didnt know what was going on. my partner spoke to his best mate and it made him feel alot better. ive just had one of my best mates give birth to her second daughter another one of my mates is due in may 2013 and my sister in law is due june 2013. a few of my other mates are pregnant as well. it has been really hard to congratulate them as i feel so angry towards them. after speaking to my sister inlaw who had to go on clomid to regulate everything and had success at falling pregnant.

    it got me thinking, since my periods are so irregular and are all over the place i cant determine the exact time that i am ovulating. i went and saw my gp and he is now testing my hormone levels every week on the same day around the same time for the next 8 weeks to see what they are doing and how the react to the cycles of my body. i am also being tested for pcos and my partner is having his sperm count checked.

    what a lot of women dont know is that women actually have 3 cycles a month not 2 like we are all told.

    since we are getting married in september 2013 we are going to wait to see what the doctor comes back with from these tests and go from there. we are going to keep trying no matter what.

    i recommend that both of you get tested for pcos, sperm count and hormone levels before you start trying, that way you wont go on trying and trying only to get heart ache and then find out something is wrong. get tested before you start trying.

    good luck everyone and i hope that all our dreams of becoming a parent come true.

    Jess

  • shani

    i had done one iui and BFN
    today i did my second iui i had two folis one on the left and one on the right diagnosed with unexplained infertility me and my hubby , soo fingers cross this time will do it sperm count 20,000 and motiliti 90% this is post wash sooo i cryed after the procedure it doesnt hurt or anything i just cryed formyself sooooo hard , its really hard want to have a baby and not getting one ;( my age 31 hubby 38

  • shani

    im sorry i meant 20, 000 ,000 m

  • Rochelle

    I just want to share this dream i had a day ago..i was in a black van i dont know why i was in the van but it was six guys in the van with me with guns talking about hiting some place up and the rest of they convo was like blah blah because i was now thinking how the heck im gonna get out the van lol..finally the van stops we jump out all i see is that we are in the ghetto for sure trash on the ground and the smell of trouble in the air we rush through this ally way which was fill with graffitti every where then one of the guys walked to this werid guy that had a boy with him that looked about 7 with a mean frown on his face he look like he played more with guns than toys and they talked to him like he was an adult like yo where the drugs at he like chill follow me b$#@% &im like wth? Lol then the boy said wait a second imma throw it down the steps wait in this hallway soon as he threw it cops came they ran back in the van the boy did too pulled off then one of the guys in the van tells the boy to gtfo he reply back like yo i cant i dont have no where to go the guy says so pointing to his gun the boy rolled his eyes hoped out the van & as soon as he took one step away i said wait! He turnt back around i put my hands around his waist & tickle him he had laughed? I was shocked i thought he’ll push me or somthing worst then i said your coming home with me in my monster voice & he smiled..that was my sign from god to adopt a child that really needs help a child that has the same hope in there heart to h