The blog has refrained from commenting on Prince Albert II of Monaco and the son he finally had the grace to acknowledge as his. This was mainly because everyone knows the Grimaldis have always shagged pretty much anything that moves, and this story seemed designed to take attention away from the Prince’s rumoured homosexuality and taste for unconventional amours in advance of his coronation.
As a German paper commented, the Monagesque people had been “stinksauer” (well pissed off) about the homosexuality rumours, and were relieved dass ihr Fürst endlich seine Manneskraft unter Beweis gestellt hat (that their prince had finally proven his manliness). Well, quite. No use having a pooftah on the throne, is it?
In fact, some of the rumours swirling around the Prince’s head were too disgusting to bear repeating in a family blog. Not for nothing did the EU Commissioner for Goats, Markos Kyprianou, pay especial attention to Monaco when he kicked off his policy of testing 200,000 European goats.
But now that the Monagesque people have rewarded the Prince by acclaiming him as their ruler, the blog feels suddenly guilty and uncomfortable about the matter. Looking at Nicole Coste and her remarkably intelligent looking infant, Eric Alexandre, it is clear that a grave injustice has been perpetrated.
For one thing, there was the ludicrous statement saying that young Eric Alexandre will not be allowed to use his father’s surname. Normally speaking this would not matter in the slightest as the Grimaldis (the divine Princess Caroline apart) are a by-word across Europe for fast living and loose morals, and the surname is so tainted with their moral squalor that even fishwives in Monte Carlo unfortunate enough to bear the Grimaldi moniker usually prefer to change it to something more uplifting, like “Esens” or “Capone.”
But the charming and attractive-looking Eric Alexandre is clearly a special case, and this petty-minded ruling (which is in any case a dead letter as any child is fully allowed to use his father’s family name, should he want to), combined with the equally fatuous decision by Prince Rainier to disbar illegitimate children from the line of succession, has finally tipped the blog over the edge and into a determination to see that justice is done.
Shame on the Princes Rainier and Albert – themselves descendants, through the female line, of an earlier Grimaldi’s illegitimate coupling with a dancing girl! How dare such hypocrites deprive Prince Eric of the inheritance that is rightfully his!
The Curse of Von Esens is hereby invoked on Prince Albert for his meanminded actions, and we vow not to rest until the crown is placed firmly on Prince Eric of Monaco’s head, where it belongs, and the Coste family succeeds to the Grimaldis as rightful rulers in Monte Carlo.
Edited: LIPowered by Sidelines