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Calm down and vote, Beavis!

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No matter what, you should go out and vote without fearing the consequences. Contrary to what it sounds like on TV and across the bloggernetisphere, this is not the end of the world. If the Red Sox winning the World Series couldn’t do it, then some silly election isn’t going to trigger Armageddon. Relax.

If John Kerry wins, you should be able to keep your Bibles for at least the first couple of weeks. Your taxes won’t go up for another six months or so. Your mandatory, government-funded abortions won’t be required until 2006. And while your sons will immediately run away to Vegas and get married to some guy from the Village People, your daughters won’t grow up to be cowboys. At first.

If George Bush wins, you won’t be thrown into the gulag on January 20 (the paperwork will take at least until May). You’ll have time to finish reading one more novel before it gets thrown onto the fire with the other books. All radio stations will be immediately forced to play country music, but you can get used to that. And while you won’t have a job much longer… hey! everyone needs some time off!

So, take it easy. Don’t stress. Remember that we are all just human beings trying to get along on this dirtball in space called Earth. We have different opinions, and this is a good thing. It doesn’t make your opponent evil. Just stupid. If he wins, it just means you’ll be ruled by some stupid guy you don’t like.

Why should tomorrow be any different?

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