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California Über Alles

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Am I the only one singing “California Über Alles” under my breath? Nah. Too obvious. For those of you who want to have a singalong, here are the words.

“World Marvels at Schwarzenegger Victory”? The Austria Press Agentur is already all over it. I expect “childhood home of Der Governator” signs all over Steiermark by next week.

Der Standard, a Viennese paper, quotes Mr. Total Recall saying “Kalifornien gab mir alles” (California gave me everything). That’s a little too Jello Biafra come-to-life for me, thanks. They’re already asking if he might run for president, too. For a surreal all-Arnie, all-the-time Austrian view of the proceedings, click here.

Damit der “Terminator” auch mächtigster Mann der Welt werden kann, müsste die Verfassung der Vereinigten Staaten geändert werden: Zwar hat es Hollywood-Star Arnold Schwarzenegger mit seiner Wahl zum neuen Gouverneur von Kalifornien seinem Schauspielerkollegen Ronald Reagan gleichgetan; anders als dem früheren Westernhelden ist dem aus Österreich stammenden Ex-Bodybuilder jedoch der Weg ins Weiße Haus versperrt.

or (rough translation by yours truly):

In order for the “Terminator” to also become the most powerful man in the world, the Constitution of the United States would have to be changed. With Hollywood star Arnold Schwarzenegger’s election as new governor of California, he follows in his actor colleague Ronald Reagan’s footsteps. However, in contrast to the former western hero, the way to the White House is blocked for the ex-bodybuilder from Austria.

And don’t you forget it, bub!

Oh wait. Someone doesn’t want to forget it. Some jackass Republican is trying to get that amended. You know it isn’t so someone fresh across the Mexican border can run. The not-so-grand old party must be having serious doubts about its electability next year if Ahnold is the next Great White Hope. And I say “white” for a reason. If he was a bodybuilder from Peru, from Jamaica, from Kenya, would the Republicans be tripping over their own feet to change the Constitution on his behalf?

Not two years ago, the world was fretting over Jörg Haider. (full article here).

“The rise of the far-right Freedom party (FPO) in Austria, under the leadership of the yuppie fascist Jörg Haider, thrust the alpine republic into a limelight it was wholly unused to.”

Get used to it, Austria. From “yuppie fascists” to an Austrian running the world’s fifth-largest economy in less than 2 years. Not bad. Österreich über alles! Tomorrow we take Poland.

Kärnten and Steiermark aren’t too far apart, my dears. I lived there, I know. I’m not saying he won’t be a good governor – who knows? Maybe he will be. But I don’t like the thought of who he now owes political favors, and how they may use that leverage in months to come…

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About Shannon Okey

  • “Some jackass Republican is trying to get that amended.”

    Senator Orrin Hatch of Utah.

    The good news is that a constitutional amendment requires ratification by at least 38 states.

  • JR

    Alarmist much?

  • Eric Olsen

    Also see the remake by Dramarama here.

  • When all else fails, say it with humor: