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Cable News Executives Lament Early End To “Runaway Bride” Story

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DULUTH, Georgia (THP) — Cable news executives from CNN, FOX and MSNBC are expressing disappointment over the safe return of runaway bride Jennifer Wilbanks over the weekend.

“Just as we were gearing up for another compelling human interest story, to have the rug pulled out from under us like that, that’s hard to take,” said a FOX staffer on condition of anonymity. “I still can’t believe she faked the whole thing. What a disappointing turn of events.”

In fact, the saga ended so quickly the networks were unable to brand it with the special type of graphic or musical “sting” stories of this magnitude are usually given. Although FOX News producers had commissioned a new piece of music, said to have been reminiscent of an Alfred Hitchcock movie, and MSNBC is reported to have been just minutes from revealing a splashy new CG intro built around a “kidnapped bride” theme, both projects have been shelved for the foreseeable future.

CNN is especially disappointed, however, as they’d looked to this story to help them draw closer to FOX in the ratings. “No pun intended, but FOX absolutely killed us on Scott Peterson,” said a CNN staffer. “But this (Duluth) was in our own backyard. There was no way Rupert’s boys were going to beat us on this one.”

“Now the only hope we have is for the authorities to take some sort of legal action against her (Wilbanks),” the staffer continued. “With any luck we should be able to get a couple days out of that before getting back to 24-hour Michael Jackson coverage.”

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  • http://www.roblogpolitics.blogspot.com RJ

    Heh…