Today on Blogcritics
Home » Bushigan’s Island

Bushigan’s Island

Please Share...Print this pageTweet about this on Twitter0Share on Facebook0Share on Google+0Pin on Pinterest0Share on TumblrShare on StumbleUpon0Share on Reddit0Email this to someone

Just grab your sack and you’ll hear a tale
A tale of a total crock
That started with some yellow cake
And ended with Iraq

The Pres was a mighty drinking man
The Veep was a big fat shit
A hundred million bags of douche
Had voted for this twit … had voted for this twit

The weather started getting rough
And FEMA came up short
Then he tried to put his typist
On the nation’s highest court … the nation’s highest court

The ship sunk ground on a shore of this
Unfriendly mid-east pile

With Bushigan …
Dick Cheney too …
Jack Abramoff …
And Delay
Miss Harriet …
…and Brownie too …
Are here on Bushigan’s Isle

… … … … … …

This is the tale of our country now
We’re fucked for a long, long time
We’ll have to make the best of things
Until two thousand nine

The children of the right-wing nuts
Who watch this and applaud
Will someday clean the toilets
In the fucking House of Saud

No brains, no plans, no Geneva rights
Not a single moral qualm
Like Kissinger and Nixon
They’ll drop some more napalm

So join us here each week my friends
You’re sure to need a smile
With things as badly fucked as this
Here on Bushigan’s Isle

Powered by

About The Fifth Dentist

  • Bennett

    Encore!!!!!!

  • http://www.fifthdentist.blogspot.com The Fifth Dentist

    Thanks Bennett.

  • http://www.nrlc.org/ Anthony Grande

    Good song but it is still bullshit.

  • http://www.fifthdentist.blogspot.com The Fifth Dentist

    It’s not all bullshit. I mean, Cheney really is a fat shit, you’ve got to concede that much.

  • Bennett

    …and GWB is a twit. I mean, thi is basic reporting going down here.

    My favorite “We’re fucked for a long long time.”

    Knowing the song by heart, it totally cracked me up when I got to that line.

    Thanks again.

  • http://biggesttent.blogspot.com/ Silas Kain

    Bravo! 3 Cheers! I nominate this as song of the year!

    And,
    The weather started getting rough
    And FEMA came up short
    Then he tried to put his typist
    On the nation’s highest court

    That’s all quite accurate is it not?

  • http://www.fifthdentist.blogspot.com The Fifth Dentist

    Absolutely. I have a fact checker on my staff that verifies all this stuff.

  • http://paperfrigate.blogspot.com DrPat

    Your dejected feelings
    When the voters boot you,
    When the voters oust you,
    Despite your crying, “doom!”
    And somehow you knew,
    You knew even then
    That Bush would be winning
    Again and again.

    Those rejected feelings
    When you heard them laughing,
    As you hear them laughing
    About your party’s doom
    And night after night,
    As bad as it seems
    The sound of that laughter
    Will sting in your dreams.

    Who can explain it?
    Who can tell you why?
    Polls give you numbers,
    Voters just say “Bye!”

    You’ll repair your feelings
    When you find your spin line,
    With some genius spin line
    You can escape your doom.
    Then try to reclaim
    The seats that were you’s.
    Or just fade away
    Like the Whigs and Bull-Moose.

    Once you have found it,
    Spin it ’til you die.
    Once you have found it,
    Never…
    Mind if…
    You lie!

    [Apologies to Oscar Hammerstein II]

  • http://www.nrlc.org/ Anthony Grande

    I did not enjoy DrPat’s rythm, but is was more factual and believable.

  • http://paperfrigate.blogspot.com DrPat

    My rhythm or my rhyme?

  • http://www.fifthdentist.blogspot.com The Fifth Dentist

    That was the the theme from “Shaft” wasn’t it?

  • Jon Fowler

    I love this, nice work 5th! Too bad most of it is true, it really would be much better if it were a fictional show.

  • Anthony Grande

    We Ain’t gonna eat
    We ain’t gonna sleep
    Ain’t gonna breath till we see
    what we wanna see
    And what we wanna see
    is the DemocRats go to sleep in the dirt
    Permanently…them just being hurt
    This ain’t gonna work for me
    it just wouldn’t be
    Sufficient enough…cuz we…are just going to be…enemies
    As long as we breathe
    I don’t ever see…either of us
    Coming to terms…well we can agree
    There ain’t gonna be
    No reasoning
    speaking with me
    You speak on killing babies
    then me no speak ah Eng-less
    So we going to beef
    and keep on beefing unless
    You gonna agree
    to meet with us in the flesh
    And settle this face to face
    and you going to see
    A deamon unleashed in us,
    that you never seen
    And you going to see this “party for the people” pee on themeselves
    We see you liberatarians, and thanks, but we need no help
    We do this one all by our lonely,
    We don’t need another party
    When we see you,
    We’re seeing you and us and you only
    We never met, but best believe you ‘gon know me
    When I’m this close,
    to see you exposed as phony
    Come on DemocRats show us..defeat us, throw us
    Lift us up, destroy us, just like you told us you was going to do
    That’s what I thought
    Your pitiful,
    We’re rid of you
    All you,
    U.N. You’ll get it too

    Now go to sleep Democrats
    Die, DemocRatic Party, die
    Uh, times up DemocRats, close your eyes
    Go to sleep DemocRats (what!)
    Why are you still alive?
    How many times, we gotta say close your eyes
    And go to sleep Democrats (what!)
    Die, DemocRatic Pary, die…bye, bye DemocRats, bye ahh
    Go to sleep DemocRats (what!)
    Why are you still alive?
    Why? Die DemocRatic Party…haa, haa, haa
    (go to sleep Democrats)

  • Anthony Grande

    Apologies to Eminem

  • http://sussfr.blogspot.com Matthew T. Sussman

    >> Die, DemocRatic Party, die

    That’s German, right?

  • Anthony Grande

    .When it says “a demon unleashed in us, that you have never seen…”

    Change it to “A sweep for us, that you have never seen…”

  • Anthony Grande

    Oh Hell, it bothers me too much. I am just going to rewrite it:

    We Ain’t gonna eat
    We ain’t gonna sleep
    Ain’t gonna breath till we see
    what we wanna see
    And what we wanna see
    is the DemocRats go to sleep in the dirt
    Permanently…them just being hurt
    This ain’t gonna work for me
    it just wouldn’t be
    Sufficient enough…cuz we…are just going to be…enemies
    As long as we breathe
    I don’t ever see…either of us
    Coming to terms…well we can agree
    There ain’t gonna be
    No reasoning
    speaking with me
    You speak on killing babies
    then me no speak ah Eng-less
    So we going to beef
    and keep on beefing unless
    You gonna agree
    to meet with us in the flesh
    And settle this face to face
    and you going to see
    A sweep unleashed for us,
    that you never seen
    And you going to see this “party for the people” pee on themeselves
    We see you liberatarians, and thanks, but we need no help
    We do this one all by our lonely,
    We don’t need another party
    When we see you,
    We’re seeing you and us and you only
    We never met, but best believe you ‘gon know me
    When I’m this close,
    to see you exposed as phony
    Come on DemocRats show us..defeat us, throw us
    Lift us up, destroy us, just like you told us you was going to do
    That’s what I thought
    Your pitiful,
    We’re rid of you
    All you,
    U.N. You’ll get it too

    Now go to sleep Democrats
    Die, DemocRatic Party, die
    Uh, times up DemocRats, close your eyes
    Go to sleep DemocRats (what!)
    Why are you still alive?
    How many times, we gotta say close your eyes
    And go to sleep Democrats (what!)
    Die, DemocRatic Pary, die…bye, bye DemocRats, bye ahh
    Go to sleep DemocRats (what!)
    Why are you still alive?
    Why? Die DemocRatic Party…haa, haa, haa
    (go to sleep Democrats)

  • Bennett

    AG hits a new low.

  • http://www.nrlc.org/ Anthony Grande

    Everyone else was writing political songs. I thought I should join in.

  • http://www.fifthdentist.blogspot.com The Fifth Dentist

    The problem is that republicans are generally not that funny.

  • http://www.futonreport.net/ Matthew T. Sussman

    List of Republican humorists:
    —————————-
    1. P.J. O’Rourke

  • http://w6daily.winn.com/ Phillip Winn

    Technically, Suss, P.J. isn’t a Republican. Was at one point, IIRC, but not any more.

    So there list is even shorter. :-)

  • http://www.fifthdentist.blogspot.com The Fifth Dentist

    I guess it’s just Dennis Miller then.

  • http://www.futonreport.net/ Matthew T. Sussman

    He was on Maher a month or so ago, I swore he said he was a Republican

  • Dave Nalle

    O’Rourke IS a Republican. Miller is a Libertarian last I checked. Most humorous Republicans lean very Libertarian. David Letterman’s pretty conservative politically, but I’m not sure he’d publicly admit to being a Republican.

    Dave

  • Bill B

    Great job 5th! Right on with the melody/beat. As opposed to Dr. Pat and AG. I couldn’t get through their’s and keep it together.

    I suppose the fact that I’m partial to your pov just might be a factor.

  • http://www.fifthdentist.blogspot.com The Fifth Dentist

    Thanks.

  • http://www.fifthdentist.blogspot.com The Fifth Dentist

    Note that lumpy left Dave Nalle’s web site as his URL. You clearly have excellent taste lumpy.

  • Nancy

    5th – Excellent & innovative. Much enjoyed. AG: try to model yourself more on Rogers & Hammerstein if you want to be witty; eminem isn’t much of a librettist. It ain’t necessarily so.

  • http://www.elitistpig.com Dave Nalle

    I thought 5ths lyrics were painful and awkward, but then AG joined in. I’m not sure which is worse, gratuitous lack of punctuation, or pointless use of swear word insults instead of imagination.

    DrPat’s might be good, but I have no idea what Hammerstein tune goes with the lyrics, so I can’t sing it.

    Makes me almost want to write one of my own. Perhaps something to the tune of “Gee, Officer Krupke” from West Side Story. It would start something like this.

    Dear preachy left wing bloggers,
    Can’t you give it a rest.
    You propaganda floggers
    Are tedious at best.
    Our patience is all used up.
    Our boredom is unbound
    Every top-ic runs into the ground.

    Gee, left-blogging wingnuts, we’re kinda amused;
    You’re bitter and angry and oh so confused.
    You have no agenda,
    But partisan cries.
    Deep under all of it is lies!

    There are lies!

    There are lies, there are lies,
    There are lots of lies!
    Deep inside each talking point are lies.

    I’ll get back with the other three verses later, because I just thought of another one…I think you’ll guess the tune on this without hints…

    I feel petty,
    Oh so petty,
    I feel petty with malicious glee!
    And I spit on
    Your impure ideology.

    I feel righteous,
    So self-righteous
    It’s amazing how righteous I feel!
    And so petty
    That I’m full of irrational zeal.

    See the petty lib on the blogosphere:
    Who can that self-righteous twit be?
    Such a petty farce,
    Such a petty lie,
    Such a petty smear,
    Such a petty me!

    I’m a classist
    And elitist,
    I will tell you how you ought to think
    For I’m blogging
    In my pajamas made of mink!

    Dave

  • http://www.futonreport.net/ Matthew T. Sussman

    Clowns to the left of me
    Jokers to the right
    Here I am
    Stuck in the moderate view

  • http://www.fifthdentist.blogspot.com The Fifth Dentist

    Holy shit that sucks.
    To all the kids out there who just read that, my sincere apologies. It is probable that you will now grow up with no sense of humor or at least a very bad one. Dave you really should be more responsible with proliferating anticomedic material of such transcendent power.

  • http://www.fifthdentist.blogspot.com The Fifth Dentist

    My previous post referred of course to Nalle’s assault on Leonard Bernstein (not Sussman’s comment that snuck in the middle.)

  • http://www.elitistpig.com Dave Nalle

    5th, I didn’t laugh at yours either, but I’ve still got mine running through my head and my butthole clenches with laughter every time I go over it – especially “I Feel Petty”. I find that the little nuggets of profound truth are what makes humor works for me. For others it’s the rude language, so I guess they’re your audience. Not a viable substitute for imagination and wit as far as I’m concerned.

    Dave

  • http://www.fifthdentist.blogspot.com The Fifth Dentist

    Dave, you remind me very much of Lt. Hauk so brilliant portrayed by Bruno Kirby in the film Good Morning Vietnam: “In my heart I know I’m funny.”

  • http://www.elitistpig.com Dave Nalle

    The great thing about good humor is that those who are the targets never really ‘get’ the humor or see why they’re such perfect butts for jokes. Maybe you should go back and read ‘I Feel Petty’ again a few times. If you still don’t get it, then I’ll chalk that up as proof.

    Dave

  • http://www.fifthdentist.blogspot.com The Fifth Dentist

    You’re right Dave, your material was over my head. I was too ashamed and embarrassed to admit it. After I had one of the older boys explain some of the big words to me I realized it was truly hilarious.

  • http://www.elitistpig.com Dave Nalle

    I thought so, after all your idea of humor is calling the VP a ‘big fat shit’. Boy, that just brings down the house.

    Dave

  • http://www.fifthdentist.blospot.com The Fifth Dentist

    Well I would have called him an evil, bloated torture proponent but I needed something that rhymed with twit.

  • http://aqualung@bresnan.net MCH

    Re comment #36;

    Right on Fifth. And didn’t he also say to Adrian Cronauer, “What you do is not humor”(?)…which also reminds me of Dave Nalle.

  • http://www.fifthdentist.blogspot.com The Fifth Dentist

    Yes MCH I believe he did. The best definition I could give Dave for what constitutes humor is the marionette sex scene in Team America World Police. In particular, I believe that the moment when the female marionette shits a perfect cylinder of brown playdough onto the face of her sex partner, is the greatest expression of humanity since Jesus walked the earth.

  • http://www.elitistpig.com Dave Nalle

    I think I had fallen asleep by that point in the movie. I find South Park quite humorous, but dragging it out to the length of Team America weakens it too much.

    Oh, and there are a LOT of words other than ‘shit’ that rhyme with ‘twit’. Nitwit, lackwit, git, halfwit, Plus, you don’ t have to go with the twit/shit rhyme at all. The rhyme in the original song is to ‘tour’ so once you’ve left that behind you can go wild and be more creative.

    In fact, I’ll help you out. Here’s a rewrite of that entire verse for you:

    The Pres was a mighty drinking man
    His Veep was a vicious tool
    The duped and sheeplike masses
    Had voted for this fool … had voted for this fool…

    There ya go, no charge.

    Dave

  • http://www.fifthdentist.blogspot.com The Fifth Dentist

    You have to understand that I had to consider numerous alternatives and choose the one that seemed funniest at the time. For example, early on I rejected the following:

    The Pres was a mighty drinking man
    The Veep was a corpulant NAZI
    If your roll all sixes in my favorite game
    Then you get to yell out YAHTZEE!

  • http://www.fifthdentist.blogspot.com The Fifth Dentist

    I suppose you don’t like that one either.

  • http://www.futonreport.net/ Matthew T. Sussman

    Ah, yet another classic and tasteful “my song parody cock is bigger than yours” contest.

  • RogerMDillon

    “I’ve still got mine running through my head and my butthole clenches with laughter every time I go over it”

    well there’s certainly no surprise from your number of comments that you are in love with your own opinion, but you should really see a doctor because you are laughing out the wrong end.

  • http://www.elitistpig.com Dave Nalle

    When the laugh has real power it comes out both ends, Roger – actually all orifices. If you haven’t experience that I pity you.

    And yes, 5th, the yahtzee version is WAY funnier than the original.

    Dave

  • RogerMDillon

    “When the laugh has real power it comes out both ends,”

    Did they tell you that in college or prison?

  • http://www.elitistpig.com Dave Nalle

    Just personal experience, Roger. If you haven’t experienced the ‘full orifice humor blast’ you haven’t lived.

    Dave

  • http://www.fifthdentist.blogspot.com The Fifth Dentist

    I think it’s possible you’re confusing laughing with another bodily function.

  • Dave Nalle

    I’m getting old. I’m just happy to have bodily functions.

    Dave

  • Nancy

    Dave, I don’t agree w/the sentiments, but on the whole, not bad. Matt S. – “Clowns to the left of me, etc.” almost choked to death laughing. Dead on!

    Your (all of you) main problems are that you are allowing extra syllables in here & there – scan is slipping slightly & occasionally a bit labored; but on the whole (w/the exception of AG’s, which I don’t know so can’t judge for scan purposes, but find repulsive for the hate lyrics) pretty good job, all. I’ll have to see what I can come up with.

    This is a good post, & fun responses. Keep it up, guys.

  • Nancy

    Here’s my contribution. Apologies in advance to R&H, or whomever.

    [to tune of “Oklahoma”]

    Poooooool-itians!
    Their hot air keeps rushing o’er the plains.
    They all pose & talk,
    The chicken hawks
    And the spineless liberals all the saaaaame….

    O, pooooooool-iticians
    every night on CNN I try
    to decipher what
    they’re up to but
    everything they spout is full of lies!

    I know they are screwing us all,
    left & right, both parties appall,
    and so I saaaaaay (yeah!)
    let’s vote ’em out todaaaaay (yes!)
    We’ll not be safe til
    we’ve jailed all the politicians
    and we’ve got back
    our say
    today
    in the
    U-S-A
    -polticians!

    Suck city, I’m sure, but it’s early yet. I need coffee….

  • http://biggesttent.blogspot.com/ Silas Kain

    OK, I gotta get on the bandwagon. Sorry, Mr. Buffett, but America needs Margaritaville…

    Nibblin’ on pork rinds
    The taxpayers don’t mind
    Long as they get cash it’s okay
    Pullin’ our purse strings
    They’re leavin’ us nothing
    And you ask, they got nothin’ to say

    Chorus:
    Wastin’ our cash down in the Capitol
    Grabbin’ it all but our last dime
    ‘Publican’s say there’s a lib’ral to blame
    But I know, it’s their fuckin’ fault

    Cheney’s the power
    Man of the hour
    Halliburton’s makin’ the news
    Takin’ our money
    They think it’s funny
    Cause they’re sayin’ we don’t have a clue

    Chorus:
    Losin’ our trust down in the Capitol
    Grabbin’ it all but our last dime
    ‘Publican’s say there’s a Dem’crat to blame
    But I know, it’s both o’ their fault

    We’re goin’ to K Street
    Lobbyists we’ll greet
    Cut them off and send ‘em to jail
    Then demand answers
    No songs and no dancers
    Make ‘em show the whole money trail

    Chorus:
    Wastin’ our cash in the Capitol
    Grabbin’ it all but our last dime
    Congressmen say it’s the Senate to blame
    But I know, it’s all our damn fault!

  • RogerMDillon

    Dime, dime, dime, dime

  • http://www.fifthdentist.blogspot.com The Fifth Dentist

    I like the margaritaville one. The Oklahoma parody is not bad. Anybody else have one?

  • Nancy

    This is great! most fun blog I’ve read for ages! C’mon, Silas, come up with more; you, too, 5th & Nalle!

  • Nancy

    [If I were a rich man…]

    If I were in Congress
    deedle-deedle-didle-deedle-deedle-didle-deedle-doo
    All day long I’d talk & pose & preen,
    If I were a congress-man! Oh!

    Life would be so easy
    deedle-deedle-didle-deedle-deedle-didle-deedle-doo
    I’d get lots of freebies from my “friends”
    If I were a congress – man!

    I’d…have…a…big black car to drive to the Hill
    And one even bigger to go home;
    Both of them with chauffeur & bar of course.
    I’d have a staff to handle all of my whims,
    & one to just take care of the press,
    When I’ve bragged & lied my own voice hoarse!

    The lobbyists from K would race for the privilege
    Of paying all my bills;
    I’d take dough from both sides of every fight.
    And then where ever I go I’d act like I’m special,
    Arrogant & rude to all at will;
    After all, in Congress it’s my right!

    If I were in Congress
    deedle-deedle-didle-deedle-deedle-didle-deedle-doo
    All day long I’d call opponents names …
    Never tire of playing fiscal games …
    And make sure I never took the blame –

    If I were a congress – man!

  • http://www.elitistpig.com Dave Nalle

    OMG we’ve created a monster. Kill it now before it breeds again.

    Silas, yours started out great in that first verse, but as you went along the meter became more and more forced.

    dave

  • Silas Kain

    A monster I am. Aw, Dave, was it because I touched a nerve? Every time I go to give this Administration the benefit of the doubt, they do something else to shoot me down. Very disappointed I am.

  • Nancy

    Dave-! What a way to talk about my artistic efforts! If it all wasn’t in fun, I might have had hurt feelings. Besides, you can always come up with another of your own; I’m interested to see what else you’ve got. Musically, that is.

  • http://biggesttent.blogspot.com/ Silas Kain

    True conservatives won’t rewrite lyrics unless the authors get a royalty.

  • http://www.elitistpig.com Dave Nalle

    Well, I was considering doing something with “A Wandering Minstrel” from The Mikado – perhaps “A Maundering Wastrel” in honor of Teddy Kennedy…

    Dave

  • Nancy

    Maundering Wastrel would be apt only if you include Dubya … altho I think Ted actually is a more fitting subject for any verses regarding drink. Come to think of it, despite party differences, they ARE rather like Tweedle-Dumb & Tweedle-Dumber, aren’t they?