Karl Rove, aka Bush’s Brain, has announced that he is leaving the White House at the end of the month. Many Americans are expressing great surprise at the news.
“What? Bush had a brain? I had no idea!” is a typical reaction.
The White House, meanwhile, has been studying options to replace Bush’s brain and announced earlier today that the President will make a trip to Oz to ask the Wizard for a brain. Vice-President Cheney will tag along and ask the Wizard for a heart, while Alberto Gonzales will put in a request for some courage.
A special task force has been formed to oversee the logistical elements of the trip. A special presidential hot-air balloon, Helium One, will be commissioned to transport the VIPs to the colorful land. Secret Service agents will do advance work, running background checks on all the munchkins to make sure they pose no security risks, and any munchkins known to be Democrats will not be allowed to sing and dance when the President lands.
Of course, the biggest security concern is protecting the President from the Wicked Witch of the West, who remains at large despite years of trying to capture her. At one point, she was actually surrounded by U.S. special forces at Flora Pora, but the President, for reasons that remain a mystery, sent in the munchkin army to capture her, and she escaped through the woods.
Other agents will concentrate on searching the yellow brick road for IEDs, as insurgent munchkins are known to be opposed to the visit.
When asked if he puts any stock in the persistent rumors that the Wizard is not real, but merely a man behind a curtain, the President replied, “I am a man of faith. I believe in the Wizard. It was the Wizard who helped me to stop drinking all those years ago. And when I die, I believe I will go to the Emerald City.”
Reporters wanting to know if Bush had a backup plan in case he wasn’t able to get a brain from the Wizard were told that the President had complete faith in his plan and would not change course even if it appeared hopeless.
Bush will be accompanied by his little dog, Barney, over the protestations of Gonzales, who has a deathly fear of all animals.