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Bush Appoints new FEMA director?

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Friday morning, September 7, a leak from the Whitehouse was reportedly quoted as saying that “President Bush is quietly looking for a replacement”
for disgraced FEMA director Michael Brown. Brown was exposed by CNN’s Jack Cafferty, as falsifying his resume. On it, among things Brown claimed:

  1. A PhD from Christian University in Arkansas, when he was actually an assistant janitor.
  2. Listed tenure as a professor at Liberty University, when he actually only cleaned the stables there.
  3. Claimed to be a chief strategist for President Bush in 2000 election, Brown was actually President drinking buddy before President Bush went on the wagon.

Vice President Cheney accidentally started the rumor Thursday. Cheney has been made point man for the President on Hurricane Katrina. An irate man who just lost his entire family and his home was standing near Vice President Dick Cheney when he was giving an interview. The aggrieved man then started shouting at Mr. Cheney:

“Cheney you Dick’, you F**king Dick. F**k you Cheney!”

Understandably, the Vice President was angered and flew off the handle and replied:

“Hey don’t blame me; I didn’t hire that incompetent asshole!”

The Vice President apologized for his outburst and then quickly concluded the interview Q and A. Speculation then arose that President Bush is considering forcing Brown to resign. There is already speculation on who the replacement will be. Here is a possible short list of candidates:

  1. Louis Hoggs- Mr Hoggs has an extinguished career as President Bush’s personal barber for 12 years.
  2. Katie Cracker-Katie is a successful entrepreneur from Texas, who has run the QuickiMart near Crawford for 18 years.
  3. Charles Snotworth 3rd- Mr. Snotworth is member of the Skull and Bones fraternity with President Bush, and is now a successful used car dealer near Kennebunkport, Maine.

The President said in a televised press conference that the response to Hurricane Katrina was lacking in some aspects, and then promised the American people to get to the bottom of it.

Satire by John Bill, Director of the Jmaximus Institute of Freedom.


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