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Bumper Sticker Insights

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I may be cynical, but it seems to me that if your political philosophy can be summed up in a bumper sticker it might just be a little superficial. Here are some of my favorite examples:

GOP health care cuts are the Axes of Evil

    This refers, of course, to the Republican administration which has done more to gratuitously increase Medicaire funding than any other in history. This is something they should be slammed for, not criticized for doing too little of.

Hate is Not a Moral Value

    You know, no one ever says they hate some group or some action. Yet there are an awful lot of people who are eager to accuse others of being haters just because they don’t believe in the same set of ideologies or the same platform of government programs. I wonder if the people with these bumper stickers have considered that pinning the ‘hater’ label on a broad group of people who as individuals have almost all never done anything hateful to anyone, is an act of hate in and of itself. So while hate may not be a moral value, it is apparently a value of some people with bumper stickers on their cars.

Let Oil Companies Send Their Own Troops

    I actually rather like this one, but the implications are horrendous. The reason we send our troops is because if nations didn’t have armies then corporations very well might have them. And do you really want your safety being defended by the Exxon Army? Can you imagine how the Shell Stormtroopers would treat Iraqi civilians? Of course, this might be a great deal for our trained veterans. I bet the corporate legions would have much better pay and benefits than our current military.

No One Died When Clinton Lied

    Well actually, quite a few people died during Clinton’s two terms, including a lot of soldiers who died mainly because of his unwillingness to handle foreign conflicts in a serious and responsible way, perhaps because of his oval office distractions. The deaths include 53 soldiers in Somalia among others. And as for Bush lying and causing people to die, Clinton actually committed perjury in court, a clear and documented lie. Bush has merely been accused of lying because his predictions of WMDs in Iraq did not bear fruit. To date there is no evidence that any deliberate lie was ever told.

Real Patriots Don’t Take Away Freedom. Reject Radical Republicanism in 2004

    This one is clearly aimed at the Patriot Act. After all, it was all the doing of Republicans, right? In actuality 69% of House Democrats and 96% of Senate Democrats including John Kerry, Nancy Pelosi, Harry Reid and Dick Gephardt voted for the Patriot Act. Those numbers aren’t just in favor of it, they’re high enough to override a presidential veto or pass it on as a Constitutional Amendment. The Democrats apparently just loved the Patriot Act at the time they voted for it. So why doesn’t the sticker say “Deny Disastrous Democrats” instead of or in addition to “Reject Radical Republicans”? The Patriot Act is evil, right? So anyone who voted for it is a bad guy. So I guess the Democrats are going to dump their whole party leadership except for Dennis Kucinich, right? Can you say ‘hypocrisy’?

Not Rich Enough for a Tax Break

    This is the sticker I saw today which actually sent me off on this diatribe. Exactly what kind of person isn’t rich enough for a tax break? It would seem to me that the poorer you are the less you can afford to have the government leeching money out of your paycheck. In fact, the poorest people in America – well into the lower middle class – receive the largest tax break of all, they don’t pay any taxes in the first place. If this refers to Bush’s specific tax breaks it makes even less sense. They took two forms, the tax rebate and the tax rate reduction. The rebate was a flat amount paid directly to taxpayers. Because it they were done as amounts, the two tax rebates benefited poorer taxpayers enormously more than rich ones, because they were a much higher percentage rebate. $600 means very little if you make $200,000 a year, but if you make $35,000 a year it’s most of a mortgage payment and that’s real help. And of course, the rate reduction helped everyone exactly equally. It was the same percentage reduction in the tax rate for every income level, so if Mr. Millionaire saved 2%, well so did Joe Average. The only people it had no impact on were those who were paying no taxes to start with. Though it will eventually benefit even them when their income increases to actually pay taxes.

I guess you can tell me that I shouldn’t look to two lines on the back of a moving vehicle for wisdom, but I do wish I could find something there a bit better than arrant idiocy. These are only a representative sampling of the offensively ill-conceived position papers of the witless you can find pasted on chrome around any city.

Bumper stickers like these make me worry about the decision making abilities of the drivers in the cars that bear them. They wouldn’t put them there if they didn’t believe them, right? If they haven’t got a strong enough grasp on reality to see the fallacies of a bumper sticker, then how do I know they believe in the authority of stoplights or that turning right from the left lane is a bad idea? Actually, based on the way I’ve seen some of these people driving they actually may not be able to grasp the basic rules of the road. They’re worse than the notorios “Old Men in Hats”.


About Dave Nalle

  • Nick Jones

    I haven’t got any bumper stickers on my vehicle, but here are the best ones I’ve seen:

    In Boston once, during my college years: Jesus is Coming, and Boy is He Pissed!

    On my way to work, running late and cranky about it, I’m cursing the old biddy driving under the speed limit in front of me. I look at her sticker, I’m Only Driving This Way To Piss You Off, and I burst into laughter, completely dissolving the bad mood I was in.

  • Mark Saleski

    …nice people swallow

    funny andy, i was going to mention this….one time not too long ago i drove up behind a car that had that very same sticker on it.

    the car was full of very young and very hot girls.

    i thought to myself…..

    “cripes…i’m old”

  • RJ

    “What’s delusional about not being rich enough for a tax break?”

    Uh…because everyone paying federal taxes got a tax break under Bush?

  • RJ

    “cars as sticker farms are different matters and typically on the pre-owned vehicles of the young – sort of like passenger guitar cases. I don’t have a problem with those but be aware you have reduced your resale/trade-in value”

    My car is 11 years old. It’s the only car I’ve ever had.

    When I first got it, and it was in good condition, I NEVER put any bumper stickers on it.

    Now that it’s a complete Piece Of Shit (POS), I just don;t care anymore. So I put stickers all over the rear bumper…

  • Shop Right

    Re: Eric O. / Comment 6 – Funny, I’ve never heard any expectant mother refer to what she’s carrying as a “fetus”.

    As for political bumper stickers, perhaps VISUALIZE WORLD PEACE takes the cake. Visualizing it, OK, not likely, now what?

  • Eric Olsen

    it’s called anthropormorphism and projection: calling a seed a tree doesn’t make it so

  • Denise

    I like anything slamming JANE FONDA.

  • Breanna

    you missed the point of the no one died when clinton lied..

    the point is, they tried to impeach him for lying.. yet no one’s doing shit about bush and thousands of people have died due to his stupidity (dealing with the levees and dikes in NO) or by following in his daddy’s footsteps. IRaq.

    when you look at it that way, it makes all sorts of sense right?

    no one’s calling bush a liar.. just an idiot.

  • JLR

    I like the fruit loop mobile. The bearer of hundreds of stickers. The 19 year old girl with blue hair and multiple metal piercings always driving some tiny (very tiny) econo box in the slow lane. The car is covered with stickers from bands that no recognizes even as a band name, and has so many other crazy fruit loop political and philosophical stickers there is barely any paint showing on the rear of the car.

    The utlimate joke is the the loop has lowered the value of her econo box even more and made her box impossible to sell. Bonus points if she has the little male fruit loop sissy friend in the passenger seat when you pass her.

  • Curt

    Bush Lied and people have died!!! Clinton’s lie didnt get anyone hurt. Bush has to be the stupidist president ever!! We would be better off with Nixon in office lol. Thats not saying much though. Trust me he knew that the information given wasnt accurate and was told so!!! but before he took office his aggenda was clear..invade Iraq at all cost. He even was qouted as saying…”I care nothing of public opinion I am doing what I think is right for the American People” Who the hell is he to tell me what he thinks is right!!!!??? Dont I pay his Salary as do the Majority of Americans that oppose of this war!!!???? If I was a business owner and I told my people to do something and if they said no!! I am going to do what I think is right ofr you, I would fire their ass right off the bat!!!!! We need this man impeached he is a danger to our lives!!! Clinton on the other hand was doing his job throughout the impeachment process and didnt spend most of his time defending himself like BUSH!!! Bush has caused thousands of lives and so much debt has been been built up, 40% of our debt has been through the obsorbtion from foriegn countries!!!! We are selling our fredom to foriegn countries!!! Thats all we are accompishing by this war!!!! Our souls sold to the highestbidder, that being the same ones that are harboring terror!!!!

  • Clavos

    Eric #9:

    Normally, I’d agree with you on that point, but just the other day I saw one that I think both you and bhw #22 would have enjoyed. It was on a late-model BMW 700 series, and said:

    “Was His”

  • Nancy


  • m. a. clark

    I suppose this comment will get deleted right off but it is not intended to be seen by anyone except dave, whoever he is. first off most of your comments/articles should be banned per your own policy, ie. “comments that are some combination of pointlessly vulgar, vile, cruel, without redeeming qualities, and an embarrassment to the site.” the bumper sticker article was exceptionally stupid. who in the hell takes bumper stickers seriously? no one except idiots, and people who just don’t know any better, the latter which includes most of the us population as a result of our fine education system that does not teach kids how to think anymore. it only trains them. of course the us government does not want a thinking population. anyways i take it, out of the two, you are an idiot. bumper stickers are just a humorous way in most cases, serious in a very few, to state your opinion of what is most likely a complicated issue in a few words. your stupid example of the tax sticker was more lame than the sticker. the individual that put the sticker on his vehicle was just stating in a couple words that he did not like the tax system, that it was unfair. and you know very well that there are us companies that do make millions that do not pay a cent of tax. just because they are incorporated in a foreign country does not mean that they are not american companies. i think anyone that is a us citizen should pay income/profits tax regardless of where the money comes from or where the company is registered/incorporated. if it was up to me there would not be any goddamned privately owned companies anyways and every cent of pure profit would go into the country’s’ budget. be no more motherfuckers making several million dollars a year as a child starves to death in atlanta. don’t even try to bring up the tired old lame argument about people needing incentives to create. i owned a company for 20 years with 5 to 18 employees. when a job was completed i took out a certain percentage for reinvestment into the company, (advertising, tools, etc) and all the costs associated with that job down to and including vehicle and equipment depreciation, fuel, insurance, etc. what was left was split up amoung the employees based on seniority. foremen received bonuses. i made about ten percent more than my top man. when i retired my starting painters made about 30 dollars an hour. and because i paid the way i did i had the best, most dependable painting crew in the city. i could have kept around 500 dollars a day more than i was but i didn’t. it was really a lot more complicated that this but in real simple terms so that you can understand, i thought it was more important for my men’s children to be well taken care of than for me to be driving a new lexus every year instead of the new lincoln that i bought every three years. i had a good life and i still did a lot for a lot of people over twenty years. motherfuckers making a lot more than they need should have to pay taxes, and a lot of them. fuck a greedy bitch and anyone who supports them. back to bumper stickers, i have a couple on my truck and they are only meant to let people know in a very generalized way my views on a particular issue. my views on patriotism would probably take up at least 20 8.5 x 11 sheets of paper yet i have a sticker that breaks them down into two words, “fight patriotism”. of course you can’t express a complicated issue in just a few words you moron and anybody that takes a bumper sticker as someones complete view on an issue is a moron. it is impossible to express any idea completely, no matter how simple, in just a couple words, such as a sticker i saw the other day, “somewhere in texas a village has lost its idiot”. that short statement would take volumes to express, but most people would get the general idea, except you it seems. i don’t suppose your parents ever accused you of being too bright did they? i just cannot believe how idiotic people, (americans), are anymore. i am no raving genius that’s for sure, yet i still see the stupidity. how can only a very few others see it. the vast majority don’t see it. you need to find you another job, something that does not require a mind because you certainly are no writer, at lest not one that can be taken seriously

  • Dave Nalle

    Clark. I’m glad we agree that people who put simplistic bumper stickers on their cars without thinking them through are idiotic.

    Now if we could just agree that paragraphs make rantings easier to read we’d be getting along swimmingly.

    i am no raving genius that’s for sure,

    Quoted for truth.

    you need to find you another job, something that does not require a mind because you certainly are no writer, at lest not one that can be taken seriously

    You think this is my job??? You really are clueless. But then you thought an article which is clear and obvious satire was meant to be taken seriously, so there’s probably no hope for you.

    BTW, there’s zero chance your comment will get deleted. It’s going to stay on the internet forever and haunt you with its stupidity for years to come.


  • Christopher Rose

    Now then Dave, don’t be so rude to the guy. Just cos he’s misguided doesn’t justify such ignorance.

    He could easily make the mistake of thinking this was your job, just as you make the mistake of assuming that people are superficial for using bumper sticker slogans. Play nice now.

  • Dave Nalle

    Overkill you may think, but consider that the inability to use paragraphs properly is a sure sign of a dangerously disordered mind. Better to nip the whole thing in the bud, I say.


  • Wayne

    I have a sticker that says:

    Jihadis can’t kill us…If they’re DEAD
    Support the troops!

    and I just ordered a sticker that says:

    The Democrats

    also there’s my other favorite:

    Except for ending slavery, Communism & Nazism…
    War has NEVER solved anything

    So all you idiot Fascist/Progressives can kiss my ASS

  • Mark Saleski

    i have a bumper sticker that says “Kill all Extremists”

  • Andy Marsh

    I have two…one says mean people suck…the other says…nice people swallow!