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Bug bites.

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Whenever you get a bug bite and it itches, they always tell you not to scratch it. “Scratching only makes it worse!” …That just seems to work out so very unfairly. It itches and we aren’t allowed to scratch it… damn… who made up this rule? The mosquito?

I can just imagine the first mosquito finding out about their bite:

“Porcupine… your way of defending yourself is with your mighty quills. Snake… your way of defending yourself is with your poisonous bite. Mosquito, your way of defending yourself also involves biting.” “We bite people too?!? Awesome!! This is great! And then what happens? They die 10 minutes later? Do they go completely numb in the area that we bite them? Do they go blind or maybe gradually lose their hearing??” “Well, actually… it kinda just gives them an itch.” “An itch?” Yeah, ya know, let’s say you bite a person on their arm… within a few hours it will start to itch a little.”

“Uh huh… I see… and then after it itches for a while the poison starts to kick in and they die right?” “Well no… it kinda just keeps itching. Nothing else really happens after that.” “Ok so let me get this straight, we are the size of a pea, people can crush us between their fingers, and our only defense is giving them a slight itch?” “Uh, yes, that is correct.” “Well this certainly sucks.” “Ya know, you’re right, it kinda does suck. I guess I didn’t really think this one through.” “Yeah obviously.”

“Tell ya what… what if we were to make it so that after you bite someone and it starts to itch, they wouldn’t be allowed to scratch it?” “Hmmm. That’s not too bad. People will have this itch, and when they want to scratch it, everyone would be like ‘You can’t scratch that, it will only make it worse!’ Ya know, that’s pretty good. Ok, you got a deal!

…I think it would be interesting if there was a bug that bites you… and it just makes you feel like you don’t want to scratch anything.

What would people say then? That you can’t NOT scratch it? “You better scratch!! Not scratching only makes it worse!”

I think I want to be a comedian.

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  • Oh, but they also carry malaria and West Nile. THAT’S why they agreed to it…