I was bored out of my mind the other night by the relentless invasion of the Britney Spears/Kevin Federline custody battle into just about every news blurb on every channel. I mean come on, enough is enough. Every report was slanted to focus on Kevin's brave fight to wrestle custody of the couple's two, innocent, helpless children from the clutches of their deranged mother.
Please. Sure Britney has been a little wild lately but if you step back and look at her honestly you see a former child star who evolved into a pop diva (Poptart is a term I always liked) and who now is on the downward side of her career. And it hurts. She is more than likely so used to being the center of attention that she is having trouble adjusting to her role as a "former" superstar. After all, once you are married and getting a little wide in the hip and droopy in the boobs from a couple of pregnancies the old schoolgirl uniform just doesn't seem to fit as well and your 13-year-old market dries right up. That sucks for everyone who has ever experienced it but hey, life goes on.
Kevin on the other hand is simply a poor guy from the wrong side of the tracks who likes to dance and was lucky enough to be in the right place at the right time to score very big in the marriage lottery (Man Ho is a term I always liked). He hooked up with a very rich girl. Of course, she is probably so self-centered and such an attention whore that living with her was a huge bitch for him. So he did what any self-respecting gold-digger would do and dumped her whiny ass almost as soon as the ink was dry on the marriage certificate.
Okay, he took the time to do a little breeding first and that is a good thing for him, really. After all, it won't take him long to burn his way through that 12 million dollar divorce settlement. What then? Where does a guy with very few marketable skills other than Man Ho go to find a six or seven figure income? Nowhere, is the answer to that question. Unless of course you have two little meal tickets in the form of children that you can grab control of and use to extract an amazing monthly child support check.
Aha! Now there is an angle of this story that none of those annoyingly cloned news anchors have explored. How much cold, hard cash will those two beautiful children net Kevin per month in child support if he manages to prove that Britney is an unfit mother because she feeds them Pepsi and Doritos and is a bit wack? Fifty or a hundred thousand a month probably isn't out of the question, is it?
I know you are probably thinking I am some kind of heartless bastard and asking why I don't allow that just maybe Kevin is a very good parent and just wants the best for his children. Okay, maybe that is true. Maybe Kevin is really a devoted family man who divorced Britney to escape the horrors of a relationship gone sour and is a father who will spare no expense to keep his children by his side where he can give them the loving, nurturing family environment that all children deserve.
In rebuttal to that idea let me mention Kevin's "other" children. He seems to have abandoned them and their mother a while back to do the Man Ho thing with Britney. Leaving those kids behind didn't seem to bother him a bit. Of course, I know it doesn't matter that the mother of those other children is not rich, I'm sure that has nothing to do with why he isn't desperate to have those children by his side in the three million dollar mansion that he is currently living in. I know Kevin is thinking of his other children and I am sure he sends them some money when he has it.
So there you go, white daddy makes good and gets rich. He buys a mansion for him and his little white children to live in together. His little black children on the other hand get to live with their mother, wherever. Isn't that the way life always seems to go? Both sets of kids are equally his and he isn't with the mother of either and yet the white kids get to live with him in the mansion and the black kids get whatever…
Reminds me of Gone With The Wind in some weird way. Kinda ironic, dont'cha think?