Here's a brief history of celebrity home video:
1998: Pamela Anderson and Tommy Lee video tape their honeymoon. Much nudity, boat sex and automobile blow jobs ensue.
2004: Paris Hilton and Rick Salomon have a full frontal sexcapade in motel room.
2005: Abi Titmuss finds fame in a ménage à trois with boyfriend John Leslie and an unnamed woman.
2006: Britney Spears clad in ball cap, tank top and sweat pants complains that she’s ugly, eats take-out and belches profusely.
What is wrong with this picture?
All across the Internet rolls a leaked home video from casa de Spears from 2004. In the unscripted slice-o-life video, Spears complains that she is ugly, waxes poetic about the price of fame, and philosophizes about time travel.
Spears' husband Kevin Ferderline consoles poor, ugly Britney by explaining that the fact that her jaw hurts does not, in fact, make her ugly. He then shows his true managerial skills by suggesting they make an entire video of her belching capabilities.
The couple argue over an unnamed movie and Ferderline’s ability to have actually watched said movie. Poor Britney can’t fathom that the picture could have possibly been out long enough for hubbie to have watched it. K-Fed assures her it has and that he possibly has a copy on the bus. The two then have a heart to heart over the trouble with fame and a grueling tour schedule.
"I feel like I've been missing out on life," Spears says while letting out another monster burp. "Like things and things going on. Like I feel like I'm behind or something."
The video concludes with a discussion on the movie Back to the Future.
"Is that possible, to time travel? … Yes, it is, Kevin," she says. "I think people can do that."
Britney appears tired and spaced out throughout the video, causing many to speculate that she may be stoned. The video comes a few months after another controversy surrounding the singer. In early 2006 she was caught driving with her infant child unrestrained and in her lap while zipping past the paparazzi. Since her marriage to dancer Ferderline in 2004, Spears image has taken several nose dives.
Britney, your career is over. The next time you release a video to the Internet, at least have the courtesy to be naked in it.