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Britney Bombs at VMA and It’s All Sarah Silverman’s Fault

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Well, MTV, it was a long, hard struggle but you finally did it – you have plumbed the depths of pop culture and won the title of Supreme Trainwreck Transmitter. I don’t know who on earth can top the disaster that was Britney Spears at the VMA this weekend but I’m sure someone out there is already gnashing their teeth in envy and trying hard. However, right at this moment, this instant? You win, MTV, you win.

If any of you've just returned from an extended vacation spent in, I don't know, the Amazon jungle? The Alaskan wilderness? An expedition to the South Pole? Like completely disconnected from the outside world then you might be surprised to know that Britney was the opening act at MTV’s Video Music Awards. Just like a couple of years ago, remember? When she was making hit songs and practiced Kabbalah and Madonna was her make-out partner?

Yeah, this was going to be just like that except she doesn’t have any songs out there, hit or otherwise, she’s divorced, has two kids, there’s no Madonna or Kabbalah in sight and… let’s be real here for a second, shall we? There’s one reason and only one reason why Britney was invited to open the VMA this year and that reason was not to give her a “second chance”. The reason why she opened the show (Kanye “Please Stop Whining” West, kindly pay attention) is because MTV knew people would tune in to watch the latest low in the life of an ex-pop princess. And so they did and the VMA, fighting a ratings slide, won big time.

As a million others have already written in the past few hours, Britney at the VMA was pretty darn awful. Here’s what the Associated Press had to say:

As in most train wrecks, it was hard to focus on just one thing as the Britney Spears disaster unfolded on MTV’s Video Music Awards. There was just so much that went wrong. Out-of-synch lip-synching. Lethargic movements that seemed choreographed by a dance instructor for a nursing home. The paunch in place of Spears’ once-taut belly. At times she just stopped singing, as if even she knew nothing could save her performance.

And that’s one of the kindest reviews out there. I don’t think even Britney bashers, and there are quite a few of those out there, expected things to come to this pass.

Camp Britney was on the defense almost immediately afterwards with fans on Breathheavy and X17 suggesting that she was thrown off her stride when she heard comedian Sarah Silverman (who presented an uncharacteristically boring monologue) riff on her kids during rehearsals. Silverman apparently refused to cut the offending material when she went on air and called the two little boys “the cutest mistakes” she’d ever seen.

What?! Silverman thinks itty bitty babies are legitimate fodder for her comedic mill?

That ferocious roar you hear in the background is the sound of righteous indignation gathering strength as it… rolls right over fact. You see, Silverman wasn't saying she thought the kids were mistakes (or maybe she does, who knows?), she was poking fun at Britney who supposedly once told her kids in a (drunken?) rage that she regretted marrying their dad (Kevin Federline) and that the two of them were mistakes. I don’t know how much of the “insult” the kids understood or cared about either time given that they’re both toddlers, but whatever.

Britney fans can try to spin it all they want but the fact is Britney had to have known she was a prime target for cracks like that. And this isn't the first time she's faced controversy or put herself on a stage. She chose to put herself in that position.

It’s so easy to laugh at this… except it stopped being funny a while back, you know? Now it’s just sad. And I’m not even a Britney fan.

When I was a little kid, I used to think it must be wonderful to be some kind of child prodigy. I guess Britney isn’t exactly a “prodigy” but she did achieve fame at a young age and she did it the old-fashioned way — by working. Let’s give her that much. She isn’t famous for absolutely nothing like some others I could mention and she doesn’t hang out on MySpace all day writing bitchy little notes to other famous people her age. No, she’s too busy having a nervous breakdown in public.

It’s a bit surreal to realize that while she and I are around the same age and she’s achieved considerably more than me in terms of work, recognition, and money, I might still have ended up with the better deal simply because I got to transition from my teens to my twenties the normal way.

I wasn’t some corporate product by the time I was eighteen, portraying myself as the ultimate virginal slut to sell records to the maximum possible demographic. I got to lose my baby fat at my own pace and when I pigged out after my big breakup and gained some unsightly pounds, I had to live with the scrutiny of my mother and friends, not the international media. I sometimes think my emotional baggage could rival Mt. Everest but I don’t think it would ever include reports of a restraining order against my mom, wild speculation about my private life up to and beyond wondering whether my ex-husband and my mother are secretly having an affair, and the lack of any friend at all who’d come drag me off to vegetate a bit in peace if my life got even half as dramatic as hers sounds.

Take Britney out of Hollywood and she’s just another woman going through a difficult patch in her life. She’s in fantastic shape for a normal woman and by that I mean Jane Smith down the road who’s just had two babies in quick succession. But she’s not your average woman. She’s Britney and how dare she not look 16 anymore?

Of course, she does do some pretty weird things, no question. But those seem like acts of opportunity rather than acts of deliberate planning unlike, say, what that other famous weirdo of our time, Michael Jackson, would do.

Listen to me, I sound like a demented Britaloony standing up for her idol no matter what! But that’s how bad I feel for this girl.

Nobody knows what to do with Britney now she’s all grown up and not virgin-slutty anymore. She doesn’t know who she is because she’s never had to bother herself with those questions; someone else always thought it out for her. The corporations don’t know what to do with her because she was so perfect in her original role and now she’s this … thing… and they don’t know how to market it. And we don’t know what to do with her because when pop stars reach the stage she’s reached, they’re supposed to just disappear until 20 years later someone will ask, “Hey, remember Britney? She was hot! I wonder what happened to her?”

Except we live in the world of constant information now and we just aren’t allowed to shut our eyes to what happens in those long years the has-been spends away from us.

Britney Performs…

… And Drives a Fan to Tears

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About Amrita

  • 001

    Ha ha ha! That’s so pathetic, and so sad! Britney’s pathetic and the people like this weirdo that choose to stay by her through all the crap are sad. Retire Brit, and save yourself the hassle.

  • http://www.taylorhickblues.blogspot.com Jewels

    Man, what a find to end your piece, excellent video.

  • Lin

    Sorry, but it is NOT Silverman’s fault that Spears did so badly. It is Spears’ fault herself. Maybe if she had STAYED HOME the night before and not been out partying it up until all hours of the morning, she would have been fine at the VMA. And that getup she was wearing…that is for someone who weighs 110 pounds, and while Britney is not fat, she is far too large for an outfit like that. She should have waited until next year…lost the weight, let her hair grow back, stop partying. If she had done ANY of that, even this year, her night at the MTV would have been a success instead of the debacle it was.

  • Silv

    Everyone needs to leave this girl alone. She has done a lot of mistakes that ordaniry people make. The only problem is that we get to see it.
    One day she will realize what she has done and will come back stronger than ever. As for Silverman’s words at the show, there is no need to mention her kids that was not wrong!!

  • Stephanie

    I seriously believe that Britney performed terrible on purpose. When she does something, she always has an Agenda. Look at majority of her Videos, concerts they are absolutely flawless. Something does not seem up to par and I think I know what it is.
    As for Sarah Silverman, Heaven forebid she spawns any children and actually raise them up to be Refined, Respectful, LAWBIDING, Citizens. If anyone has deep dark secrets, Sarah has the darkest. Ain’t that right Sarah? Hmmm?
    Best wishes Brit, Hang in there and be the best Mom, that’s where you need to prove those critics wrong.

  • jeffrey D

    WHAT A SAD STORY!!! but aww…bless this guy’s cotton socks. that’s what i call a fan…birtney spears you will always be remembered as the virginal slut that all str8 boys fantasized about and as every gay boys icon for being fierce.

    bless…

  • http://indiequill.wordpress.com/ Amrita

    Thanks for reading everybody:

    001 – well, she’s 25… at least she ought to go somewhere before she tries a comeback.

    Jewels – its my current fave :D

    Lin – maybe next time you could read more than the title? Just a suggestion.

    Silv – eh, I don’t really fault Silverman. I do fault whoever handling Britney these days.

    Stephanie – you think this is a sympathy ploy? Coz she genuinely looked pretty out of it to me.

    Jeffrey – I bless his cotton socks too! For putting that thing up on Youtube. :D

  • Sarah

    haha wow… get a life please. Brit’s only done this to herself, all her decisions, she wasn’t forced you retard.

  • http://www.breakingwindows.com Ken Edwards

    Wow that second YouTube video is priceless. Great find.

  • Lelebeauxart

    I’m not a huge fan of Britney Spears. Her music is listenable (is that a word?) and I enjoy watching her videos because I think she’s actually a pretty damn good performer … and she’s hot, even after two kids. But I don’t download her music or own any albums and pop is not my favorite genre. That being said, I have to say that people have blown her off performance at the VMAs WAY out of proportion. Ok. So, she looked a little out of it and appeared to have almost fallen a couple of times, but who wouldn’t on those heels? Especially after two kids. I can’t even wear heels anymore and I only have one child. I mean, this was (what?) her first performance after how many years? I’m sure after all the shit publicity she’s had coupled with the problems in her personal life she’s been working through have made her very nervous. It’s true that she should have been, as a professional performer, more prepared, especially since this was an important event in terms of this performance serving as a sort of come-back, but you know what I like about Britney? Even with all that fame, success, and money, she fucks up just like the rest of us. And THAT’S authentic.

    PS. I read a report somewhere about Britney looking like she had a paunch where her tight belly used to be. Only a dipshit man would say something like that. Her body is in remarkable condition for having had two children in a short period of time coupled with the drinking and drugs. Even if her performance sucked, she looks HOT! and she’s still interesting to watch.

    Oh yeah, and that gay dude Chris? I’ve seen him on youtube. This tube HAS to be a joke.

  • Catey

    Tearless, snotless, and tissueless….ya right, I thought that was a girl anyways…

    But, virginal slut-hasbeen is exactly right. And the powers that be,including her parents, pushed that image at a much too young of an age.

  • http://www.breakingwindows.com/ Ken Edwards

    That is a guy?

  • lele k

    I agree that Britney’s performance blew. I am not a big fan, but I do fell sorry for her. The poparazzi are always up her ass. I have 2 children, it is hard to cope sometimes. What mother hasn’t almost dropped their baby? She is going through a lot right now and everyone knows about it. She looks hot for having 2 kids in what, about 2 years? I wished I looked that good! Who cares, she is human and we all make mistakes. Back off and give her some space.

  • jz

    If you go back in time 2 years, there is no difference in her treatment from then to today. Find any old YouTube videos and and there were those that didn’t like her then. However, I can find the same type comments with Kylie Minouge, Madonna (less), Gwen, TLC… OMG, any body I choose, I can find similar negative comments. The fact is they make albums. Then some of them aren’t so great live. They are what they are. But I’m not like, wow, that person lost their balance on stage and it wasn’t so hot, so I will now burn my Jewel Cd or whoever. THAT would get expensive, LOL. Imagine if every time an artist was less than great on stage I just became an ex-fan? I’d have nothing in my music collection.

    Yet people manage to act like a bad night in a live performance should be the demise of an entire career. Well actually, I don’t really think that’s completely what’s going on here.

    I think it’s more of a case that vocal haters want her to fail. Of course they’d say, “yeah, but she’s sooo bad!” and I’m an idiot to like anything. I’m not an idiot. I have a range of tastes from the Beatles to recent pop. I know who the great performers of yesterday are. However, I like the artist for the art they present. If I chose only the perfect ones, I’d have 5 albums?

    But the point is that it’s not that she did so bad. Granted she messed some things up, but it’s the people in the media that really want her to do badly that are sort of annoying to me. IT’s like they are trying to help it along. It’s not about Britney either. It’s about ALL the artists in the last year that I’ve read stories about. These people hate all of them.

    So, no I don’t there were these adoring fans out there that saw this performance and suddenly decided that she ruined her career. Instead, I think people were waiting and hoping she’d screw something up. It’s hard to prove and be convincing in text, but I’m sure it’s probably for the most part true.

    As for her performance, I can’t give it an A+, and it wasn’t quite as good as old Britney, BUT, looking at it I also can’t say it was as horrifically horrible as people make it out to be. Artists put out albums. IT’s an artform. If you like the art, pop it into your mp3 player and enjoy. If not, then don’t. It’s as simple as that for me. In her 30+ songs, she has some good ones in there.

  • R

    After seeing the taped performance (finally!), I gotta say it wasn’t as big a mess as I thought it would be. The biggest issue I could see? She was going through the motions and seemed bored. I don’t think she was chubby or fat as reported by several media outlets. She still looks attractive to me. Nothing wrong with not looking like a walking stick. She should kiss the music/media good-bye, move to a carribean island and drink mojitos under a palm tree.

  • http://www.breakingwindows.com/ Ken Edwards

    So have you seen all the spoofs of the “leave Britney alone” video?

  • http://www.maskedmoviesnobs.com El Bicho

    wasn’t the “leave Britney alone” video a spoof itself?

  • http://www.robot-of-the-week.com Christopher Rose

    I think it might have been but this remix is fun too.

  • http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gCAEa0wACp8 Casey

    There’s a video on youtube that clearly identifies why she stumbled, if you look up Britney Spears VMA truth (or just have a look at my url), you’ll see photographic and video proof that her shoe heel was broken. Looking bored is a completely different story, but she couldn’t put much omph into dancing with a broken heel.

  • http://www.myspace.com/daveylovesite Davey Love

    Who gives a crap about Britney Spears anymore? She has sucked for a long time now and she deserves what she gets. She wants to be a pop star and be on TV and magazines and so on…then she better deal with the fans as well as those who thinks she sucks. Boo hoo, poor rich girl. Sarah Siverman rocks!