I was with my boyfriend for eight years and devoted myself to him. He moved away to a new city for a job opportunity which I encouraged, and I got a job a couple of months later and moved to be with him. When I moved, I found out he was having an affair with a married woman at his new workplace.
He denied it and only confessed when I had the evidence. She has since left that workplace, and he says it was a mistake and I have to move on. I have tried again with him, but I am so full of sadness and resentful of his actions that I don't know what to do. I feel very lost and alone and I think I am maybe clinging on just because of him being the only familiar thing in this new city, and because I am such a loyal person.
I feel very unattractive due to what he did and he just says it 'happened' and he doesn't know why it happened. He calls it 'just a fling,' but I know they still kept in contact up to three months after the affair ended. I worry they still slept together but he swears they didn't. I do not trust him anymore, but am scared of letting go in case I never meet another guy – especially the way I am feeling now.
I used to be so outgoing and happy and I feel like a shell of a person. What should I do??
Dear Cheated On,
I don’t know what you should do. I can only tell you what I would do and I have a tremendous bias on this issue. I would leave the guy, hands down, but this is because I place such a high value on trust. If I can’t trust a person, I find them worse than useless! Seriously. I am not neutral. I am negative on the individual who betrays me (or others). Once I feel like that, there is really no choice in the matter. I’ve got to cut my losses. I’ve got to walk.
Now specific to your situation, this guy is not showing any sensitivity to you at all. You say you feel like a shell. So would I stay with a man who had me feeling like a shell? No. I would want to live. I would want to thrive. Do you want to live? Do you want to thrive? If you do, I have a map for you.
Number one, you have a Capricorn Moon. You will have to face your fear! You will have to take responsibility for your emotions. You will have to parent yourself!
If you decide to take that challenge, the next step is to develop some faith. You are in a jail, see. You have Venus conjunct Neptune, and you think you are chained to this situation, but this is an error. The idea that the door is locked is an illusion. You are free to go at any time. This is the tack that will get you out of this. Thoughts of freedom, I mean. Thoughts of escape and of being unchained, and free to move about in the world.
So stop with the fear, and focus instead on the truth. The truth is that there are millions of men out there. So what in the world makes you think a kind and loyal person can’t snag one of them, hmmm?