After watching the spectacle of James Frey, a man who earned mega-bucks even though he fabricated a significant portion of his memoir, A Million Little Pieces, I'm thinking of writing my own story. It will be all about my unfortunate childhood when, bullied by the gym-teacher's sadistic daughter, I took comfort in food and was compelled to shop in the "chubette" department for several years. Of course, to make my plight sound extra-pathetic, and appeal to Oprah (who we all know, has had her own issues with weight), I may have to resort to a few "embellishments." Like the time I was tossed out of fat camp when I organized a food fight. And the time I scarfed down a dozen cream puffs at one sitting. And that black day when I stole my mother's credit card and ate my way through the neighbourhood deli. Then, at the point when I hit rock bottom, I enroll in a twelve-step program and, slowly, painfully, come to terms with my debilitating addiction--a story I will detail in a "memoir" called A Million Jelly Donuts.
Like James Frey's acclaimed story, it will be sprinkled with lots of four-letter words--to show how impassioned and genuine I am. And like his, it will have a smattering of truth--enough so that I can legitimately call it a memoir. All that's important is that people find my story sufficiently inspiring to prompt them to change their lives, like fans of James's book say his book has inspired them. James, a stubborn individualist who supposedly came through the rigors of therapy by giving practically everyone the finger, even has a two-word motto which his fans have taken to heart: "Hold On."
I, too, have come up with a pithy saying designed to inspire my readers: "Don't Eat."
Article comments
1 - Pat Fish
My God you've got to stop!
"A Million Jelly Donuts"....shut up.
I'm still laughing. I'll be laughing all night. I'll laugh some tomorrow.
You need a collaborater? I could do a whole chapter about the time I was on a diet, had nothing to eat in the house, got the can opener and ate a whole can of tomato paste.
And that would be TRUE.
I almost died that night from the indigestion. We'll add that part just for the drama.
2 - Sam Jack
James, a stubborn individualist who supposedly came through the rigors of therapy by giving practically everyone the finger, even has a two-word motto which his fans have taken to heart: "Hold On."
I, too, have come up with a pithy saying designed to inspire my readers: "Don't Eat."
Great line. Heh heh.
3 - Scott Butki
Nice piece.
I'd love your feedback on a satire piece I wrote, that was just published here
4 - GoHah
"As far as he's concerned, what counts it that it's faithful to the essence of his story."--more scandal: was "A Million Little Pieces" ghostwritteen by Dan Rather?
Funny article.
5 - scaramouche
Thanks for the positive feedback, folks. Looks like I'm on the right track with "A Million Jelly Donuts." I'll send y'all a free copy when it's published.
6 - larry
very funnee . i will buy it