These Feet Point One Way

I guess it all started with my obsession with ventriloquist dummy feet. I became obsessed about the way both feet point in the same direction. I could actually do this myself with my own pedal extremities and dreamed of making a video of "Puppet Feet On Parade."

Just reading this now makes me realize that I have overstepped the bounds of sanity. Who in their right mind would become obsessed with puppet feet? A lunatic that's who.

Well, my plan is to only tape from the knees down. I would wear a bunch of different shoes and these would become different characters, identified by their shoes. By gosh, the more I think of it the better I like it.

Of course I would have to think up different voices, also. At least I would not have to keep my mouth closed while I talked, thus opening myself up for cries of "Fake, Fake."

"Mr. Gardner, we absolutely cannot, no way, in any way, air such crap as 'Puppet Feet on Parade'."

Thus, spoke the manager of a local cable access show. I guess the material was too edgy, pushed the envelope, etc. Well I would show them. I would take the show on the road, hit the boards, as it were.

It is not as if I had no showbiz blood in me. My mother,the famous Patsy Lucas had once performed for the King of Spain at a local church. She was known for her new shoes, which were made out of wood. Oh, if mother could see me now.

Article Author: Neal Gardner

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