If my friend in London is telling the truth about having lived much of what she writes, then she's a braver and bolder person than I am, because if I were a woman and had endured even the half of this lot, I think I might be a quivering wreck by now.
My own experiences with women, however, especially in the last decade or so, have unremittingly taught me that I possess virtually none of the requisites to be a 'WM' and have instead almost incessantly erred down the paths of alarmingly predictable reliability, blind loyalty and phenomenal naïvety.
It's no wonder that virtually my every bid to get lovely creatures who drive me half insane with lust to take their clothes off and allow me either to screw them or be laid by them has ended in variations on that balls-breaking theme I will stomach no more:
"Yes, I'll 'go out' with you as long as you just want to be good friends."
Yet any number of the most selfish, ugliest, mentally impoverished and total bastards I know among my own sex seem capable of arousing intense female desire virtually at the drop of a hat.
Sometimes they achieve this and sate their own lust without even the polite prelude of, say, buying dinner first and pretending to be seriously interested in any more than the bits tucked away under their bras, knickers and, occasionally, veils.
Regrettably, I also have a feminine side — a pronounced one according to all those tests you can have fun with on the Internet — and realise that Ms d'Arbeloff's immensely readable account of many things I unconsciously knew perfectly well but am happy to see written down is also of as much interest to women as it is to we men, the weaker sex.
She puts it better herself than I might:
"(The manual) is not suggesting that being a WM is a good thing. It is a very bad thing which, like many bad things, is also a lot of fun. This book reveals why this bad thing is fun and precisely why this fun is bad."
With consummate insight, Natalie sent me this slender but invaluable tome not for review but out of mercy as a New Year's gift in the immediate wake of my last documented disaster, which left dents both in my ego and my intended holiday budget for 2004.
To pretend that I regret any of my extremely unpleasant lessons to date would be as much of a mean-minded insult to the women I have desired — and sometimes still like — as it would be fruitless indulgence in self-pity over wasted years. I should also note that sometimes I have given quite as bad as I've got and proved a uncharitable mirror to some of these women myself, given sufficient provocation.
I haven't resolved with the turn of the year to be "bad", nor will I reveal some conclusions I have drawn with Natalie's helping hand. However, I remain unsure only whether it's still naïf of me or simply fair warning to inform the next gorgeous creature to tell me just what a "wonderfully kind, adorable man" I am that there is a price to be paid for the already tear-drenched shoulder I shall offer them, such being my nature, to weep on.
Article comments
1 - Eric Olsen
Thanks Nick, a little honest nepotism is a very fine thing. And I definitely recognize that drawing style - we would love to see more of it directly. Thanks again!
2 - Eric Olsen
Oh, and to answer your opening question: they don't want to feel left out.
3 - Dwaine AKA Scooter AKA D.J.
Eric, I have a question. Could you ever kick anyone off this website since you're the editor and I presume the founder of this here website?
4 - Nick Barrett
Your second point, Mr Olsen: LOL.
Your first: thanks, though I wouldn't dare speak for Natalie!
5 - Eric Olsen
Dwaine, under very rare circumstances - like a recent commenter ranting repeatedly in a vulgar, threatening and tedious manner for no apparent reason - we do remove them.
6 - Dwaine AKA Scooter AKA D.J.
Was it that guy who kept saying things like: "Get the f*** out of my house"?
7 - Eric Olsen
Yes, which was startling though perhaps amusing once, but not 15 times with increasing derangement culminating in death threats.
We don't want to alarm, the women, children and horses.
8 - Dwaine AKA Scooter AKA D.J.
Hey Eric, I did attempt to silence the guy (I think his name was Jacob or somethin') in "Michael Jackson a Pedopile?" with a few comments. I thought he was going to take my title of "random comments on Blogcritics". But I, Scooter am still king of random comments.
9 - Eric Olsen
Probably because not ALL your comments are random - they are ususally tethered to reality so that when a truly random one comes along, it is shadow against the light rather than an endless hallway of darkness.
10 - Natalie
Just hiding behind the curtains before stepping on stage to take a bow. Lavish thanks to Nick for that terrific review and no, he hasn't been paid for it in *any* way.
BTW, the extra "S" on "Secrets" is an Amazon typo - there's only supposed to be one s.
Eric, thanks for inviting me to return. I just didn't have any reviews of books, films, etc. to post here. I could send a recent "Thoughts: the Kinds We Have" post but it's heavy on graphics so I don't know if it will fit the space.