Bill does, though, talk about adults later on, and makes sure to point out that some folks are unlucky enough to be burdened with truly abominable parents.
Still, don't be lying to them, is what. Otherwise I'll turn my back on you, you Taliban hippy freak.
Also on the subject of friends, Bill advises that "If a classmate cheats in school, he or she will cheat you." Bill obviously knows what he's talking about, since look, he's got a book out and everything, so I'll forget all about how not only The Duke, but numerous Acquaintances De Duke copied off one another left and right, and yet they were there through various hardships, and vice versa, which Bill notes as being a trait of a true friend.
It's all very confusing.
But then look how The Duke turned out. A pinko faggot coward. I shoulda got my hands on this earlier.
The thing is, folks, Bill O'Reilly has an agenda, and what The O'Reilly Factor For Kids is about is how young folks should do their damndest to end up like Bill O'Reilly.
For sure, I'd like to be even a third as cool as Bill, but I don't know that I'd want my kids growing up believing that the world is split into two distinct categories, namely Pinheads and Smooth Operators.
Bill makes much of this distinction throughout. There's a few bits devoted to the differences between the two, in fact, related in "Instant Message" speak, meaning that there's a buncha paragraphs of prose with maybe an LOL at the end.
For example; "A pinhead is a kid who gropes or gives wedgies to kids of the same or opposite sex… That includes the dancing called "freaking". Is it macho to grope some pretty girl?"
By way of contrast, "A smart operator is a kid who turns around and heads right out the door when there are no adults at a party."
And so on and so forth.
Sprinkled throughout are some autobiographical passages, slabs of "My Life" that illustrate whatever truth Bill wants to relate. It's all very endearing, is what, a man of such stone cold no-bullshit standing letting the guard down for a moment, even if the antics related therein are far from the sorts you might imagine, given the admission that he "did things I wish I could forget." Turns out he didn't chase the dragon with any hookers or anything, just stuff like arguments with Dad and being foolish enough to hang out with a pinhead or two.
Article comments
1 - Mark Saleski
what we have here is yet more evidence that we need to elect The Duke to the office of president of the united states of america.
can you just imagine the state of the union addresses?
2 - Mark Saleski
oh, and i thought you were makin' that stuff up about "clinton/white house/oral sex"....but then i went on amazon and searched in the book.
and i'll be danged if that aint' a direct quote.
that o'reilly guy. a class act. ;-)
3 - ribbet
holy shit this guy must have goebbles magled hand up his ass with all the sheer bullshit he spews forth from rupert murdocks "WILFRED BRIMLEY XP900 MIND CONTROL SATELLITE" come on him and that one chick that would make the nitch of buchenwald blush have brought the news networks what they want Yellow journalisitic fascist propoganda.... our country is surely going to hell in a giant suv full of discount bibles ... i for one am secretly learning the canadian political system so when they reinstate the draft i can emigrate to canada and use those books for toilet paper... suck it BILDO
4 - Aaman
#3, I for one hope you are secretly learning the English language -and does Bildo refer to the time Bilbo Baggins played for Steely Dan?
5 - Jim Carruthers
So, the lesson we've learned from Bill O'Reilly (who continues to besmirch the name of the finest computer book publisher on the planet right now) is that adults need to lie to kids, and kids, if you go into a party with nothing but adults. that's okay, but you don't get a cut from the video sales. And it's supposed to hurt, goddamn-it, what are you, some little crying pussy?
6 - Aaron, Duke De Mondo
hey folks
wow, Mark, that was just what i was thinking. Mind you, i don't think i have the arse for to take the job. Vice president, though, i could manage. Or maybe foreign secretary or some such. I could ask i suppose. I did phone the white house one time asking if i could arrange a tour for the communist party of Ireland. ah, the joys of youth. Incidentally, the fella who answered (a very droll english gent) didn't understand my accent, so hung up. Motherfucker.
ribbet, i'm guessing you're a fan.
Aaman, who the hell knows what the english language is nowadays. its changing all the time, on account of those damn txt msg and such.
jim, thats about the crux of it all. Although i must admit, there were times when Bill made sense. Hard to get a handle on the steel-eyed motherfucker from the book. Best to watch The Factor for a week or two and you'll know all you need to know.
God bless you Bill O'motherfuckinReilly