For anyone who's had to write or edit ISO9000 documents, create or review a thesis paper, or wade through technical jargon in an industry magazine, A Stress Analysis of a Strapless Evening Gown is a wonderful relief. Culled from the pages of the notorious 50s underground publication, The Worm-Runner's Digest, this collection has something in it to make you smile.
Start with "Postal System Input Buffer Device" by Joe and Gil Robertson Obsborne. It's a simple action, dropping an envelope into the corner mailbox, right? Not in formal instructionese, which must specify (along with other qualifications and divagations) that to operate such an input device requires
(a) a passenger in normal working condition mounted upright on the front seat or (b) a driver having at least one arm on the right-hand side which is six feet long and double-jointed at the wrist and elbow.Then there's F.E. Warburton's "Terns," which reliably informs us that because terns have webbed feet, they will be found in the same books as albatrosses and other waterfowl; further that they won't eat anything but fish, so "it is no use putting out bits of suet and coconut for them in the winter". Besides,
Baby terns just a few days old are the cutest, fluffiest little things. They will sit on your hand just as friendly as anything, going "chirp, chirp" and looking at you with their big bright eyes and vomiting half-digested fish all over your shirt.Two versions of the 23rd Psalm are included. The first, by Alan Simpson and R.A. Baker, commences: "The Lord is my external-internal integrative mechanism, I shall not be deprived of gratification for my viscerogenic hungers or my need dispositions...". The second, from science fiction writer Lester del Rey starts: "The AEC is my shepherd, I shall not live. It maketh me to lie down in radiant pastures...".
Hugh Sinclair contributed the brilliant "Hiawatha's Lipid," which simply has to be read entire. Sinclair spoofs the classic poem in an effort for which he concedes he "sought inspiration in innumerable manhattans—taken , of course, because they were good for me since the day's immobility of listening to papers on atheroma and serum cholesterol had no doubt silted up my vessels, and alcohol is one of the few effective solvents."
From his briefcase Hiawatha
Took his paper for the meeting...Continued on the next page Page 1 — Page 2
Article comments
1 - maglasa
The spouse and I read stressanalysis decades ago. Even now watching nature programs one, upon seeing some young birds one will catch the eye of the other and say "Chirp, Chirp." The other will laugh, remembering the story of leaving no tern unstoned. A ledgendary book.