Every night, for thousands of years, the Customer Service Fairy has visited business people in the dead of night, and reeducated them on their obligations to their customers.
If you have not heard from her recently, it is because she has spent the last two years with Steven Case, chairman of AOL Time Warner. Case is proving a hard nut to crack.
We transport you there now. Imagine a sprinkling of fairy dust, and feathery playing on a toy piano. Here's the Customer Service Fairy pulling up a chair alongside a sleeping Steve Case, chairman of the board.
"OK, Steve," the fairy says, replacing the batteries in her wand. "One more time, from the top. Why is AOL Time Warner in business?"
Case, being asleep, smacks his lips and buries his face in his pillow.
"No, Steve. The answer can’t be money. The answer has to be, We're in business to delight our customers. Can you say that? Could you just mouth the word delight? Steve?"
Case rolls over on his back and lies with arms outspread.
"All right," she says. "One more time from the top. A company indifferent to how its customers feel about it can’t survive for long. Sure, you make profits in the short term, but sooner or later the bubble bursts and your money is no good anymore. All you can really count on is how customers feel about you. Capisce?"
When Case mutters something about "74% customer satisfaction," the fairy leaps on the remark.
"Aha! Now we're getting somewhere. You conducted a survey and found that 74% of AOL customers are either 'very pleased' or 'reasonably pleased' with the service. And that, of course, benchmarks you with the best. You do realize that if 74% said they are satisfied that means 26% of your current customers hate your guts? And what is your customer retention rate?"
Case frowns in his sleep, comes up with a figure of 80% annually.
The fairy is jubilant. "Eighty percent is terrible. It means you're losing millions of people every year. And there's no way they’re coming back. Don't you see this is why your stock has tanked?"
Case swallows. Only a skilled lip reader with night vision might discern that he is mouthing something about telecommunications recession.
"No. No," the fairy says. "You don’t get off that easy. No one's getting whacked like you are. And it all has to do with this attitude."
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