My third book will be published later this year, and I have been thinking a great deal about a strange situation that has developed. Ever since I published my first book back in 2001, it seems that some of my friends just do not want to buy a copy. I've been wondering what has caused this and if there is something I can do differently with the third book coming out.
When I published my first novel, I designed a postcard as an announcement and sent it out to everyone I knew. Many of the people were acquaintances, colleagues from work, fellow writers whom I've supported, and relatives. One of the most definite parts of this equation is the family. Aunts, uncles, and cousins all gleefully ordered the book as did my immediate family.
At work I would run into someone who would point to my book poking out of his briefcase or her bag, and it was a friendly way of telling me they were part of my readership. When a few students showed me a copy of the book I remembered that a colleague said this was done usually for "brownie points," yet I knew these students well enough to think that was not the case. They would ask me to sign the book, and after coming up with nothing profound to say in the pressure of the moment, I'd invariably sign my name and write the date.
Despite all this positive reaction, when it came to a certain group of friends there was more than a hesitancy to discuss the book. These were guys I thought I knew very well, my college buddies; we went through four years at Queens College in Flushing, NY, together and then parted ways as we went off to grad school, careers, and marriage. We still saw each other a few times a year, and it was at one of these occasions that one of my friends said something about my being an author. He said it rather earnestly, and everyone in the group looked at each other until another friend said, "Oh yeah, author of what?"
Article comments
— go to most recent comments1 - DrPat
Why don't you recommend your friends lobby their local libraries to buy a copy so they can all read it?
If they're reluctant because nothing they know of you during college guarantees they'll enjoy your writing, perhaps future publications (after they've read one for "free") will be more inviting.
2 - Victor Plenty
Your friends may find it uncomfortable being viewed as just a small subset of the vast sea of people you hope might become your paying customers.
It's true that you lose a few book sales if your friends borrow copies from you or from each other. However, by doing so, they can become something far more valuable to you than mere customers. They can provide a form of advertising no amount of money can buy: word of mouth endorsement. Each one who can honestly and convincingly say "I read this book and liked it" could lead to dozens, perhaps hundreds of additional sales of each novel.
Lending a copy of your book to a friend may be a "lost sale," but so is giving a review copy to a critic. Your friends can reach people up close and personal, in ways no critic's review will ever reach anyone. Both can play an important role in getting your book to a wider audience.
3 - Eric Berlin
Yes, I agree -- sending out the postcard may well be viewed as a veiled advertisement and, worse, as an infringement on a friendship.
4 - Laura Young
Interesting issue, and I'm wondering what bothers you more, the missed sales or the feedback/reaction void?
I contributed to 3 books this year (2 of which are out). I gave a bunch away for family and friends and a few long standing clients...(I had this feeling that some people in my inner circle shouldn't have to buy my book.)
The funny part for me was that no one in my family ever said A WORD about the books. Not a word.
Did they read it? Love it? Hate it?
Finally, I couldn't take it any longer. I mean, it was kind of a big deal for me...especially when iUniverse chose our book as an Editor's Choice. So, I told my family that my feelings were hurt (for me, it was more about feelings and getting feedback on my writing than making sales...although there is that closet full of books...). Once I let them know I got a flood of responses from everyone saying, "oh my gosh, I've been so busy telling everyone else that I thought these were great that I forgot to tell you!"
For me, it seemed like people in my life are so used to seeing me be confident and trying new things that it never occured to them that sometimes things are a stretch, or an achievement that meant something significant to me. You make it look too easy and people may not even realize that you've been on pins and needles (or just mildly curious) regarding their reaction.
Can you just ask your friends directly what the deal is? And think ahead about what it is that you really want from them...it may not be as simple as a sale. It may be what THEIR particular sales represent to you.
5 - FilteringCraig
Welcome to my world. I play in a band. I have friends in bands. I supported the HELL out of my friends over the past 10 years and sometimes even longer and now that I finally got my project off the ground, I have seen nary a face that I have paid countless times by way of buying CD's and admission to crappy little clubs as the bands were honing their skills and abilities.
I just had to stop thinking about it.
Just because you do unto others, doesn't mean that others will do unto you. Maybe I am being ticky tack.
I like to think maybe not.
6 - Temple Stark
Nice post. I anticipate pretty much the same thing. I hope I have the memory to come back and comment further later tonight.
Remind me if I don't.
PS sounds like it's too late this time but next time - put all their names in the book in various roles. Ego strokin begets ego strokin.
PS congrats on the books.
7 - Victor Lana
Thanks to everyone for the comments thusfar. It's helpful to hear that others have had this happen.
The TRUTH is that I don't care in any way about the $ale of the book or the royalty; it is what Laura and Filtering are referring to. I like the idea of the SUPPORT, for I have been there countless times for others.
The truth is that writers I have supported have in turn supported me, so I can't complain there. But it was that my friends just didn't give a damn about the book. It broke my heart.
No violins necessary, okay.
8 - FilteringCraig
exactly Victor. I don't do what I do in tiny little clubs ($40 - $50 to split with the whole band) to make money. I hope that people dig it, and for people not to even give us a chance to be awesome or crappy is annoying.
Anyway, I figure if I keep it going and eventually gain even the tiniest bit of notoriety, these will be the same people who are like, "Yeah, I have known that guy since 6th grade!"
Life is funny like that, I guess.
9 - Victor Plenty
The truth sometimes matters less than the impression you give.
If a friend wants to borrow a copy of your book from you so he can read it, can you really say he doesn't care about it at all? If you avoid letting him borrow it, he may get the impression you care more about selling him the book than about obtaining his opinion and support.
Even if the truth is exactly the opposite.
In writing, as you've surely learned, what you meant to communicate does not always match what people understand when they read your words. That same gap between the intended meaning and the received meaning can also disrupt your friendships.
So Laura's advice may be the best you've been given here. Directly asking your friends for their feedback and support may be the only way to find out what they really think and how much support they're really willing to give you.
10 - Laura Young
I think Victor is right (no, not about my advice being the best...muwahahaha), but that your not lending the book could contribute to the problem. If you can meet those inquiries with a "heck yeah, I've got a copy...I'm even making a shrine to myself in a hidden room! Want to read it? One condition though...you have to promise to give me your honest feedback about it. I mean, sure I have a shrine to myself but that's because I know I am fabulously talented, but whether other people will pick up on that when they read this particular book, I'm not fully sure yet. Seriously, I'd love to know what you think...
11 - Mark Sahm
Victor L.: The bigger question among all this is a point many writing teachers bring up--- who do you write your books for? Is it for your wife? Kids? Fans of your genre?
Ultimately, unless your friends are that specific audience, I'd just chalk it up to the fact that most people are either (a) too wrapped up in their own little lives to care, and/or (b) too cheap to drop 15 bucks for a paperback.
But always remember the people that do support you. When those folks ask for help moving, buying their own books, etc... that's the ones you care about, not a bunch of old distant friends.
I've become blood brothers with rejection myself since choosing the writing path, and yet the cliché is damn right--- it does make you stronger. Good luck, VL.
12 - Victor Lana
You're all generating some good ideas, and I am glad I posted this BEFORE the new book comes out.
Eric Berlin says that the postcard could seem to be an "infringement" on friendship. You know, I never thought of it that way. But you're making me think now.
When my daughter was born, we sent out a baby announcement. It was basically a much fancier postcard that included her length, weight, date of birth, and name. Did we do this to generate the gifts we received afterwards? I didn't see it that way; we were sharing our happiness with everyone we knew.
I can see that Eric might be right though. That some people might not be interested in literary fiction or any kind of fiction for that matter.
Still, honestly, I have received these kinds of notices from casual acquaintences and went out of my way to get the book.
Thanks again for the insight. It's appreciated.
13 - Nancy
Writers tend to forget that other folks don't quite interpret things the way they do. I have had several writers as friends (*sigh*), and every single one has at one time or another 'hit' on me to buy their book, directly or indirectly. They can't understand why I don't want to fork out $40+ for a gen-u-wine copy; they can't understand that I have less than no interest in the subject they wrote about, & even if it WERE in the library, I wouldn't read it because the subject is more esoteric than I care to get into, or I don't care for British-style murder mysteries & that's all they do, etc. etc. I get pretty pissed off that it's therefore MY sin not to be totally immersed in acquiring, reading, & (by inference) memorizing their damned book. Also, at least one of these opi was pretty bad, IMO: poorly written & in need of an awfully good editor or a few re-writes, & I was astonished it had gotten out the publisher's door in the state it did. This person pushed & needled & pushed for a 'review' on my part, so finally I gave it, as tactfully as I could. Needless to say, we are no longer friends, as this person could not tolerate the "honest" feedback they had requested, when what they apparently had really wanted was unadulterated adulation.
My advice: if you want to keep your friends, MENTION the book, but do not send out cards; I can guarantee cards will be interpreted as a pushy sales device by you to take advantage of their friendship by extorting money from them. Unless the subject of your muse is a mutual rabid enthusiasm, do NOT expect them to acquire a copy of your book, drop everything to read it, memorize favorite passages, etc. & then come wagging to your feet to tell you how great you are. Don't try to corner or embarrass them if they haven't read the book or bought it...unless you do want to get rid of them as friends. Bear in mind perhaps they have read it and don't like it, don't understand it, or think it's boring ('...moi? Boring?! How can that BE?!...') No one is more obnoxious than an author towards those trapped in a relationship with said author when author's book comes out. Yes, this is exciting to YOU, but it's hardly a priority to everybody else. That's the hard, cold facts of it. Sorry.
14 - Rodney Welch
This is an interesting post and it may have effected a certain change in my thinking.
I started out my response by saying "Well, gee, I'd hate it if someone sent me a book, too," because there's always the chance the reader won't like it, which puts a real crimp in the friendship.
I always think of reading as a very solitary sort of pursuit that involves nothing but me and the words on a page. I think of it as a happy but faceless tryst between strangers. I have zero desire to meet any author I like. If I had a friend who was a writer, I doubt seriously I'd read his books; if I ever write a book I don't think I'd want friends to read it.
Anyway, here I am thinking all this, and I suddenly remember that whenever some little scrap of mine gets published I send it out to everyone I know. I'm a total whore for praise and I never really think about the feelings of others in this regard; maybe I sent something to someone and ever since then they've been looking for nice ways not to bring it up.
I think I'll quit the practice altogether.
15 - Dave Nalle
It's strange. My writing has been published in various forms for 30 years and I've never once considered sending a notice to my friends or relatives about it. I figure I'll get the feedback I need from editors and readers who I don't know and that will be a lot more useful, and it seems like an imposition to put friends in a position where they're called upon to buy something I wrote just because I wrote it and not on its own merits. The same applies to the one TV series I scripted for.
I never even told anyone except my immediate family I'd done it until well after the fact. It just never occured to me. The same was true when I was acting. I never encouraged anyone I knew to attend a play or watch something I'd been in.
Does this mean that as a writer all I care about is getting paid? Or is it just because I'm kind of shy or embarassed about my own work? It must have a lot to do with personality type, and mine must be the opposite of Victor's.
Dave
16 - Nancy
Good for you, Dave: a "sane" writer (if there is such a thing ;) Actually, those friends who know will keep posted on their own anyway, if they are interested. If they're not, no amount of 'advertising' will snag their interest.
17 - Victor Lana
Dave,
Thanks for the comments. Perhaps personality type has something to do with it. I don't know anymore. All these posts have me thinking and rethinking how I feel about the situation.
I guess it also has to do with friendship. In my mind friendship includes supporting a person in good and bad times. If Friend A gets a promotion or a new job, he just might call everybody (and then we will all go out for drinks and celebrate). Likewise, if Friend B loses his job, he might call up everyone (and we probably will go out for drinks in that situation too).
Well, I am probably not going to send out the notices anymore.
18 - Rodney Welch
Dave,
You are clearly neither shy nor embarrassed about your three decades of work.
19 - Nancy
Should he be? I'm not saying (above) that any author should keep mum about their work, they just shouldn't shill it to friends using hard sell. If, on the other hand, it's what you do, you shouldn't be shy or embarrassed about it, unless it's sub par work.
20 - Dave Nalle
Nancy: "Good for you, Dave: a "sane" writer (if there is such a thing ;)"
Sane to some, a lunatic to others.
Victor: "I guess it also has to do with friendship. In my mind friendship includes supporting a person in good and bad times."
My feeling about my work and friendships is that I would never ask a friend for money or put them in a situation where they feel obligated to give me money, so advertising something I wrote or designed or a product I profit from to them is like asking them to give me money, and the concept makes me feel very awkward.
Rodney: "You are clearly neither shy nor embarrassed about your three decades of work."
Some things I'm proud of. Others I just choose not to mention. It's also a lot easier to talk about it to relative strangers who won't feel obligated to be interested or spend money on something I did than it is to talk to friends about it.
Dave
21 - Rodney Welch
Well, I disagree. I believe everyone should be shy, embarrassed, and keep mum about their work, regardless of whether or not it is sub par, and if you've been doing it for three decades, then you definitely ought to just zip up your fuck until you're asked.
22 - Nancy
Interesting POV, Rod. Why? I mean, why do you feel this way, & not only about authors & their writing? Most people like to talk about their work, to some degree or other, & most others don't mind hearing about it if it isn't obsessive.
23 - Rodney Welch
Just fucking with ya, Nancy
24 - Dave Nalle
What I don't get is why Rod chooses to spew his venom on me, when all I did was refer to my writing in general terms in response to the original post. I didn't insult him for mentioning his writing.
Dave
25 - Rodney Welch
See previous.