In the final section of his book Hating Women, Schmuley Boteach suggests that dress codes be reinstated at schools because modest dress conveys that one considers one's primary contribution to be something beyond the sexual. This hit a cord with me because although I am a sexual being, I have many other facets, all of which are worth exploring. What’s more, as a friend of mine involved in the local Rape Victim Advocacy Program so succinctly put it, "The burden of proof still lies with the victim (which is as it should be) and a short skirt is still considered advertising. We have to take responsibility for ourselves."
Boteach points out that, "women are depicted as pieces of meat to be devoured by the hungry eyes of licentious men." And he does so by discussing everything from reality television, to his “musical axis of evil” (Britney, Christina and Madonna), to failing marriages and porn addiction.
Boteach’s book is primarily a discussion of image and perception, which he sums up in eight archetypes, four female and four male. He then gives examples of his stereotypes via the media and through his experiences working as a rabbi and counseling. Anecdotal as some of this stuff may be, it's still powerful. Boteach describes scenarios many of us have been in, like hearing the misogynistic joke you feel you can’t call your boss on, or the thirty emails a day with subject lines like, "She’s waiting..." His discussion spans from feminine energy and its place in our culture, the ideal of ladies and courtship to his daughter’s dELiA*s catalog.
Most of the discussion was interesting, even when it was off-putting. I understand that there is some safety in being perceived as a lady and not being that kind of girl, but all of the images presented were images of women without agency. It seems that even today, you can be the lady worth courting or the gold digger, but ultimately you are still not in control of your fate. If I had any problem with this book it was that. But, then the culture doesn’t just change overnight and we are talking about a serious historical legacy when it comes to imagery.
Article comments
1 - Shark
"...women are depicted as pieces of meat to be devoured by the hungry eyes of licentious men."
And a lot of women participate, depicting themselves as pieces of meat.
Men aren't going to change.
Women had a shot at changing themselves and their progeny with the 'women's movement' back in the 60s & 70s:
SADLY, They [*We!] lost that culture war. Big time.
Gotta run! The "Girls Gone Wild" ad is on TV!
* my 'mature' hippie wife and I
2 - swingingpuss
Not that shitty argument again- "because she was dressed like that she brought it on herself" or "he raped her because she changed her mind last minute.".....a no is a no and no one has the right/excuse to commit sexual violence.
Why should we be asked to curtail our freedom and dress like Taliban women just because there are a few animalistic men?
How you dress and conduct yourself is your business but please don't ask the rest the gender to live as per your life style...freedom is all about choices
3 - sydney
Forget Shark, his misogyny is barely concealable.
It's obvious that simply because I women looks sexually appealing, men haven't got a right to rape them.
Next time shark drives by a public swimming pool, maybe he'll feel he has the right to follow one of the girls home and rape them. His defense: "she was wearing next to nothing, she wanted it"
In any case, I do have a beef against certain behaviors found in women. Mind you I see these behaviors as more of a symptom of a patriarchal society, than a cause of it. I'm referring to women who use their sexuality as passive aggressive means of power. The girls gone wild videos are an example. A lot of women feel this is where their strongest, most immediate, source of power can be found. Using their sexuality, they can get instant praise, instant attention, an instant ego trip, and often more material rewards for showcasing their sexuality. But the cost is enormous. They give men, and worse yet, other young women, a misleading depiction of women as lacking any real substance, and thoughts other than what pertains to sexuality. This is really antithetical to women’s liberation.
Now I'm not sayin women can't use their sexuality, just as men do, but I think there is a difference from using it in conjunction with the rest of your identity, and throwing your body out at hordes of strangers to be objectified.
Women need to start an intelligent dialogue with young women about the consequences of using themselves in that way.
By the same token, men need to talk to young men about the consequences of reducing women to sexual objects.
4 - Nancy
And of course that ad w/Paris Hilton and the hamburger really helps the whole thing.
5 - Katharine Donelson
"Women had a shot at changing themselves and their progeny with the 'women's movement' back in the 60s & 70s"
Shark, Boteach discusses this in the book and he agrees with you. To a certain extent I do, too.
"How you dress and conduct yourself is your business but please don't ask the rest the gender to live as per your life style...freedom is all about choices
if that was directed at how I ended this piece, I am not asking anything of you. I am stating who I am and what I would like. If its directed at the beginning of the piece, you're right, how women dress shouldn't matter, but it does matter and we should keep that in mind. I don't think women should cover everything Taliban style, I think we should consider how are clothing leads others to perceive us and then dress according to the kind of attention we're looking for. Then I think we should all be vocal about how much it sucks that we have to do that in the first place.
Sydney, I agree with you on women using their sexuality (and only their sexuality) for attention. We're taught to do that from when we're young if you look at things like magazines and Bratz dolls. What bothers me most about the culture we've created in which women use their sexuality for attention is that I thought the whole point of sexual liberation was so that females could enjoy their own sexuality. Girls Gone Wild is not about women enjoying their sexuality, its about exploitation. I agree with you that it gives the impression, or feeds it, that women are nothing more their bodies.
Nancy, Boteach addresses Paris Hilton specifically in the book, although it was pre-ad.
6 - Eric Olsen
I was on this guy's radio show several times last year - we had fun although he has a definite agenda, really hates Clinton.
7 - Lisa McKay
I agree entirely with swingingpuss. Frankly, I find it unnerving that an advocate for rape victims would consider a short skirt to be "advertising". What kind of support can she offer to a woman in an emergency room who's just been raped? By the way, this just promotes the fallacy that women are raped because they're attractive and asking for it. Nuns and little old ladies get raped, too - what are they "advertising"?
Ironically, the societies which force women to dress modestly, either by culture or by law, also seem to be the ones that treat women most abominably. I doubt that Boteach, or any other man, for that matter, has anything of value to tell me about being a woman. We fail ourselves and our gender when we allow men to define us - that is part of what the women's movement was all about.
And sydney, I read most of what Shark has to say around here, and while you could accuse him of a good many things, misogyny isn't one of them.
8 - swingingpuss
Two years ago at the Harley Davidson Festival I saw a whole lot of boob flashing and most women did it at the spur of the moment and in fun. The spirit in which it was recieved was also healthy.
Give men some credit for heaven sake.
Men who treat women as sexual objects deserve to be treated as piggy banks ..that has always been my motto.
9 - SFC SKI
Does that mean they shold be smashed open with hammers after being stuffed with coins?
I have lived in countries where the women must be robed and veiled in public if they allowed outside at all, I definitely prefer the Western alternative.
10 - swingingpuss
Heh, nah SKI , there is no need to take such drastic steps, most of these guys already have one foot in the grave, its all about bidding one's time. eg.. Anna Nicole Smith
11 - SFC SKI
oh, NOW I get it? Die filthy rich in the arms of a buxom woman, that's not a bad way to go.
12 - swingingpuss
Er ...the word should have been unlimited bank accounts not piggy banks ;)
13 - swingingpuss
Yeah, such is the luck of rich men like Donald Trump etc ;)
14 - DrPat
the thirty emails a day with subject lines like, "She’s waiting..."
Huh? Is this a sexist code for something? (And if that's the case, I need an updated codebook...)
15 - Victor Plenty
"She's waiting..." may be a porn spam subject line.
16 - SFC SKI
It's also the first line of an Eric Clapton song, but I doubt that is what is being offered.