From The New York Times today:
"In a hotly contested deal, the life story of Dewey, a rescued cat who lived for 19 years in a library in a small town in Iowa, has sold for about $1.25 million to Grand Central Publishing.
With an eye toward creating the feline answer to the best-selling “Marley & Me,” John Grogan’s memoir of his misbehaving yellow Labrador retriever, Grand Central bought the book, currently titled “Dewey, a Small Town, a Library and the World’s Most Beloved Cat,” on Monday by making an offer high enough to pre-emptively shut down an auction."
(The following is an excerpt - leaked to yours truly - of a book available for purchase to the highest bidder. Call 1-800-you're-all-wet. Operators are standing by. Any relation between reality, fiction and anything in between is purely a figment of your overactive imagination.)
Diary of Johnny and June Cash (As told to their owner, Scott Butki, who has made a few minor changes, where appropriate):
Subtitle: Mo Betta Blues (with apologies to Spike Lee)
I woke up in the middle of a nightmare. Yeah, it's that weird nightmare again about getting flushed down a toilet. I've been having that one a lot ever since Our Evil, Cheap Loving Owner got rid of the stink bugs in his apartment. Or at least he claims to have flushed it away. I can't see outside of this room so for all I know he eats them. All I know is he better not eat of our Betta Bites.
During meditation I had a break-through moment when I realized the genesis for the nightmare. I went to write the following down but realized once again that I still don't have waterproof pens or paper because our owner is a cheap bastard college student.
Anyway... back in the day when I was growing up at PetSmart, I used to hear horror stories that sometimes evil humans would flush away fish... even if the fish were being good. That usually led to a theological debate about whether there was something A.F. (After Flushing): A fish heaven and hell or if, as some of the fish who were running out of food pellets lamented, the final resting place is just some ol' stinky sewer.