Satire: The True Story of Johnny and June "Betta Fish" Cash

From The New York Times today:
"In a hotly contested deal, the life story of Dewey, a rescued cat who lived for 19 years in a library in a small town in Iowa, has sold for about $1.25 million to Grand Central Publishing.
With an eye toward creating the feline answer to the best-selling “Marley & Me,” John Grogan’s memoir of his misbehaving yellow Labrador retriever, Grand Central bought the book, currently titled “Dewey, a Small Town, a Library and the World’s Most Beloved Cat,” on Monday by making an offer high enough to pre-emptively shut down an auction."

(The following is an excerpt - leaked to yours truly - of a book available for purchase to the highest bidder. Call 1-800-you're-all-wet. Operators are standing by. Any relation between reality, fiction and anything in between is purely a figment of your overactive imagination.)

Johnny:
I woke up in the middle of a nightmare. Yeah, it's that weird nightmare again about getting flushed down a toilet. I've been having that one a lot ever since Our Evil, Cheap Loving Owner got rid of the stink bugs in his apartment. Or at least he claims to have flushed it away. I can't see outside of this room so for all I know he eats them. All I know is he better not eat of our Betta Bites.

During meditation I had a break-through moment when I realized the genesis for the nightmare. I went to write the following down but realized once again that I still don't have waterproof pens or paper because our owner is a cheap bastard college student.

Anyway... back in the day when I was growing up at PetSmart, I used to hear horror stories that sometimes evil humans would flush away fish... even if the fish were being good.  That usually led to a theological debate about whether there was something A.F. (After Flushing): A fish heaven and hell or if, as some of the fish who were running out of food pellets lamented, the final resting place is just some ol' stinky sewer.

Article Author: Scott Butki

Scott Butki was a newspaper reporter for more than 10 years before making a career change into education... then into special education.

He reads at least 50 books a year and has about the same number of author interviews each year and, …

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