Satire: Q & A With the Bookologist

[Dr Charles Ovary is a qualified bookologist from the Hogwarts University of Impotence and Infertility. He specialises in Sexual Disorders among the Hermaphrodites]

I'm a 12-year-old boy and I, along with my girlfriend, secretly read my older sister's forbidden copy of Sidney Sheldon's The Other Side of Midnight. Actually we read only a certain portion of this novel where Larry Douglas is making love to Catherine for the first time. The scene lasts for three pages and by the end of it both of us are left panting and hungry for more. The problem is that since last week my girlfriend is feeling like throwing up. Could she be pregnant?

You haven't specified the age of your girlfriend. If you have not done anything more than just read the scene together, it is unlikely that she is pregnant. However both of you should think whether your behavior will help you in the future. It is best to wait till both of you are adults — 21 years for males and 18 for females - to read such novelists as Sidney Sheldon. Meanwhile concentrate on Enid Blytons.

I am a 27-year-old unmarried man. Until now, I have had no problems related to reading, and faced no hurdles in doing re-readings of all the volumes in my Nancy Drew collection. However, last month I fell ill and used the week-long bed-rest in reading 25 Hardy Boys at one go. Could I be gay? Will this affect my sex life? Am I still eligible for marriage?

Do you mean that you are into novels of the Nancy Drew series? It is very unusual at your age for such acts. According to my experience of 37 years, a man reading Nancy Drew usually happens to be a homosexual. But nothing can be concluded without a personal meeting. You also haven't provided much detail in your query. Did you like Nancy Drew or her fiancé Ned? You also seem to have shifted your interest to Hardy Boys during the course of your illness. What disease was it? You are very quiet about it. Hardy Boys usually has a fan following among straight boys. So you can not be gay. But then what about the Nancy Drew chapter of your life? You are most probably a bisexual. You may still be eligible for marriage but whether you are marrying a woman or a man, it will be ethical to confide into her or him about your confused orientation.

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Article Author: Mayank Austen Soofi

Mayank Austen Soofi owns a private library and four blogs: The Delhi Walla, Pakistan Paindabad, Ruined By Reading, and Mayank Austen Soofi Photos. Contact: mayankaustensoofi@gmail.com

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