Satire - Of No Consequence: The Fictional Diary of Margaret B. Jones

2/26/08
Dear Diary,
Call me Margaret.
It took me years but I wrote the book of dreams. For three years, I worked with my editor over the phone, talked to the agent, the PR people and finally... finally my book Love and Consequences is being published!!!  Michiko Kakutani has given me a rave review in the NY Times. She called it "raw and tender."  Of course, this makes me v.v. hot.

Book tour!!  How long can I pass as Margaret B. Jones, raised on the streets of South Central LA? Part white, part native American? Which tribe? I found by picking an obscure one, no one bothers to ask twice. At least, it worked with the lady on NPR.

Am figuring out how long I have to keep the southern accent gleaned from watching reruns of The Jeffersons, Good Times and Sanford and Son.  Listened to my interview on NPR. The longer I talk, the thicker my accent becomes. Would Margaret keep those inflections that long? Or would she sound more like that lady on NPR?  Maybe I'll tone it down. Interview went well. As I told her, I might have combined some people, but everything is true.

2/27/08
Dear Diary,
Must remember to Google the exact location of Leo's Barbecue so that I have some geographic pinpoints to toss off. Have decided to scrap the accent, instead imitate the v.v. hot Halle Berry. It's a softer sound. What if Oprah calls and they want to tour around South Central L.A? Do I rehire Big Mom? Must Google locations around Watts Towers. Watts Towers would make stunning background for my interview with Oprah. Clothes? Should look outstandingly urban and hip. Must Google Sean Jean on eBay. No, Margaret would look more literary. Grungy? Must figure out a literary grunge urban hip MFA outfit. Would look v.v. cool. Will put red bandanna in handbag.

2/29/08 1:36 a.m.

Dear Diary,
A few minutes ago, I surrendered to my state of wakefulness and turned on the light.
I have the book in my hand. Do you know how much I want to call all my friends? Have my photo of me standing next to a display of my books? Do you know how much I want to start a blog? Have blogging buddies? Go to the Maui Writers Conference? But I can't. At least not now. I hope none of my pals pays any attention to Margaret B. Jones. Won't recognize me, I mean, as I stroll the streets as I talk to Oprah with the Watts Towers in the background. Must remember to take friends to lunch the day Oprah airs.

Article Author: Kanani Fong

Kanani Fong is BC's resident literary fashionista, milspouse and book reviewer. Her blogs are The Kitchen Dispatch a Literary Milspouse Blog, Easy-Writer on literature and writing, and The Literary Fashionista looks at fashion.

Visit Kanani Fong's author page — Kanani Fong's Blog