Mr. Darcy and Ms. Bennet Provide Certain Services to Sir William Lucas - Ms. Bennet's Best Friend's Father!
Sir Lucas: "I have been most highly gratified indeed.... It is evident that you [Mr. Darcy] belong to the first circles. Allow me to say, however, that your fair partner [Lizzy] does not disgrace you, and that I must hope to have this pleasure often repeated."
Strip Shows in Jane Austen's England
"You have delighted us long enough. Let the other young ladies have time to exhibit."
(Mr. Bennet preferred ladies than his own daughter, Mary, doing all that striptease.)
To Elizabeth it appeared her family made an agreement to expose themselves as much as they could during the evening.
(The strip show was held at Mr. Bingley's rented establishment in Netherfield.)
The Sophisticated Sex Games of Mr. Collins the Clergyman and Miss Lizzy
"I know it to be the established custom of your sex to reject a man on the first application."
(Mr Collins on Elizabeth's pre-love-making coyness)
"You would have been less amiable in my eyes had there not been this little unwillingness."
(Mr Collins seduced by Lizzie's charming tricks.)
"Lizzy declares she will not have Mr. Collins, and Mr. Collins begins to say that he will not have Lizzy."
(Mrs Bennet, Lizzy's mother, despairs on the breakdown of all sexual contacts between her daughter and the clergyman.)
The Joy of Fingering
"My fingers," said Elizabeth, "do not move over this instrument [Mr. Darcy's] in the masterly manner which I see so many women's do. They have not the same force or rapidity, and do not produce the same expression. But then I have always supposed it to be my own fault - because I would not take the trouble of practising."
You may also like to read Jane Austen's Sex Secrets.
Article comments
1 - mschannon
Great satire. Well done. I gotta get me that book.
In Decaf Veritas
2 - Mayank 'Austen' Singh
Wao! If my articles on Jane Austen's writings can attract more readers to her brilliantly cool novels, I am more than content.
3 - sophie
your an idiot. this isnt satire. this is you destorting normal situations into sexaul ones. you missed all of the REAL satire of the novel.